Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 250 Days and 77185 Haiku later...

We got off topic.
We were on coffee ice cream.
Must be Häagen-Dazs.

Have you tried it yet?
Don't get that cheap Blue Bell shit.
Get the real McCoy!
Haiku # 58421, April 15, 2018 4:28 am ET
by df
I've never been out of control on acid or shrooms.
In fact, I feel strangely in control, which is contrary to what other people say.
Often I have strange experiences that happen to me. Example, I was riding my bike while coming down from a trip and some assholes drove up beside me in a minivan and threw a bottle at me. It broke on my bike frame, but I was completely unharmed and completely unfrightened or even angered. In my normal state I would have probably freaked out and tried to kill them if I could catch their minivan.
Another time on acid I broke up what was about to be a nasty fight between some jock douchbag and a hippie with a broken bottle. Again, the bike... I just rode my bike right between the two and told them to walk away. This was at a college music festival.
I have gone on long swims in the ocean while on shrooms. Deep water. And I sometimes get cramps while swimming, but still, it was a great experience.
I also came up with the idea for my horrible book while tripping.
Sadly, however, I feel that acid (not shrooms so much) diminishes my logical abilities, which I rely on for the work I do... so I cannot trip often. In fact it's probably been about 20 years since I have.
Maybe it's time again.
But then... I'm in a country that has very harsh drug laws, so I probably won't do acid until I get back to the states (if ever). Shrooms however are readily available, and no one seems to much care if you trip on shrooms here, but selling them would be a big no no.
Haiku # 58420, April 15, 2018 4:22 am ET
by df
i do appreciate
the offers you make, just i know
me, my limits and may

be just a parochial hobbit nature
Haiku # 58419, April 14, 2018 11:28 pm ET
by vhs
in real life i lost
a good friend when he was on
mushrooms...he was on

a trip with friends at
the end of winter fell through
the ice whilst high and

drowned. i went to his
funeral and met his mom
and dad, and i cant

have words to say i
know...bummer, some dont get a
chance to fuller life

i said bye too soon...
Haiku # 58418, April 14, 2018 11:20 pm ET
by vhs of farewell t_man
I'm trying to imagine DF having a Psychedelic experience and the first Thing that comes to mind is the scene From the beginning of 2001 with all the Monkey people jumping around
The black obelisk and the weird
Dissonant music playing
But with way more poop being thrown
Haiku # 58417, April 14, 2018 9:41 pm ET
by HAL of Jupiter
Seriously though
Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream
is a drug itself.

Amazing there are
only five ingredients.
Enough! Go get some!
Haiku # 58416, April 14, 2018 7:16 pm ET
by df
If I remember
correctly the drinks they had
in Clockwork Orange were:

Vellocet (meth)
Synthamesc (mescaline)
Drencrom, a.k.a. "knives" (adrenochrome)

Yes, I know that book well.

Mescaline is hard to find these days.
Good luck finding adrenochrome!
and meth.... meh, really who would want to?!
Personally I think a little bit of LSD or shrooms in the coffee ice cream would be awesome. Vhs probably won't do acid, but I bet he'd do shrooms.

Haiku # 58415, April 14, 2018 7:07 pm ET
by df
well there once was a
bar called the korova milk bar
it looked real neat

the bar had drinks they
called molokos, and each had
ice cream...its gone now

dvd, df?any drink ideas for haagen das
coffee ice cream moloko?
Haiku # 58414, April 14, 2018 3:01 pm ET
by vhs de large of behave my droogs
If you've never had
Häagen-Dazs coffee ice cream,
get to the store now!
Haiku # 58413, April 14, 2018 12:01 pm ET
by df
coffee lovers of
the world unite, all we have
to lose is our

lousy politics...
Haiku # 58412, April 14, 2018 10:47 am ET
by vhs
Who the fucks bitching?
Yeah, I bitch about bitches,
But, like, who doesn't?!
Haiku # 58411, April 14, 2018 12:01 am ET
by df
I'd like some ice cream.
But I mean dairy ice cream.
There's none in Asia.

It's all powdered milk
and synthetic chemicals.
I miss Haggendas.

Milk, cream, sugar, egg
and a natural flavor.
My fave is coffee.
Haiku # 58410, April 13, 2018 11:59 pm ET
by df
whats u bitchin 'bout
willis, you made a choice now
live with fucking life
Haiku # 58409, April 13, 2018 11:56 pm ET
by vhs
yes, and that layer
will have your wife with you for
ever, and ever...
Haiku # 58408, April 13, 2018 11:55 pm ET
by vhs of ...john three sixteen hmm?
I flipped through channels.
Now I could use a shower.
Or memory bleach.
Haiku # 58407, April 13, 2018 11:54 pm ET
by df of TV sucks
Satan will construct
a brand new level of hell
for me when I die.
Haiku # 58406, April 13, 2018 6:56 pm ET
by df
I am so good that
I can do two tests at once
and they never know.
Haiku # 58405, April 13, 2018 6:52 pm ET
by df
is easier than your mom.
Did Euler use lube?
Haiku # 58404, April 13, 2018 6:43 pm ET
by df
I am such a whore.
But I like being a whore.
I say it with pride.
Haiku # 58403, April 13, 2018 6:40 pm ET
by df
My cheating clients
can't even copy the math
on tests correctly.

I send them answers
and they put down gibberish.
I'm sure teachers laugh.
Haiku # 58402, April 13, 2018 6:35 pm ET
by df
Can I cook my wife
and sell her in the market
as barbecue pork?
Haiku # 58401, April 13, 2018 6:27 pm ET
by df
You should not complain.
Where I live its the tourists
that do the biting.

The bugs also bite.
But I'm not sure which is worse.
Tourists carry AIDS.
Haiku # 58400, April 13, 2018 6:22 pm ET
by df
it's a sign springtime
has finally shown up,bugs
that bite and tourists
Haiku # 58399, April 13, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by vhs
I know it's wrong but
I park my scabby boogers
on my neighbor's door.
Haiku # 58398, April 13, 2018 10:49 am ET
by df
Joke with the surgeon
about balloon animals.
He will then twist one.
Haiku # 58396, April 13, 2018 10:43 am ET
by df
You know that you're old
when your nostril hairs are white
and often fall out.
Haiku # 58395, April 13, 2018 10:40 am ET
by df
Joke with the balloon
animal twister about
penile implants.
Haiku # 58394, April 13, 2018 10:37 am ET
by df
What Sydney is this?
Has she done any nude scenes?
Well, if not, she should.
Haiku # 58393, April 13, 2018 10:33 am ET
by df
To take ten doses
or spend all day on Farcebook.
Acid is better.

And better for you.
The damage is less severe.
You might learn something.
Haiku # 58392, April 13, 2018 10:31 am ET
by df
so irritating
sydney is hot and smoky
like a leafy spliff
Haiku # 58391, April 13, 2018 10:31 am ET
by ash
I'd rather have a
bottle in front of me than
waste time on Farcebook.

But then we all know
Farcebook is lobotomy.
Yet done without knives.
Haiku # 58390, April 13, 2018 10:29 am ET
by df
We are doomed to fail.
All cancer murders its host.
It's all about greed.
Haiku # 58389, April 13, 2018 10:26 am ET
by df
She sits on the bench
furiously scribbling
her putrid dull verse.
Haiku # 58388, April 13, 2018 10:24 am ET
by df
well as usual
im stumped...ill watch fawlty
towers tomorrow

on vhs ;)
Haiku # 58387, April 12, 2018 11:12 pm ET
by vhs
Do giraffes give head?
Would one blow a blue whale?
Think of this at church.
Haiku # 58386, April 12, 2018 2:33 pm ET
by df of correct spelling this time
Have you ever seen
the youtube vid where chimps rape
frogs -- they know something.
Haiku # 58385, April 12, 2018 2:32 pm ET
by df
Do giraffes give head?
Would one blow a blue whale?
This of this at church.
Haiku # 58384, April 12, 2018 2:28 pm ET
by df
Which is more boring,
calculus or bad haiku?
They both use numbers.
Haiku # 58383, April 12, 2018 2:24 pm ET
by df
Frogs do not want me.
On my wife's that depraved.
I'd rather do frogs.
Haiku # 58382, April 12, 2018 2:20 pm ET
by df
Too much hot pepper
on my parmesan pizza.
Regrets in the end.
Haiku # 58381, April 12, 2018 2:18 pm ET
by df
the norm used to be
people didn't have access
to what kind of cheese

you liked on your burger
now it is on the wiki
page to all be seen
Haiku # 58380, April 12, 2018 12:54 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
would you let a frog
have sex with you then , ever
seen hell comes to frogtown?

rowdy roddy piper...
Haiku # 58379, April 12, 2018 10:31 am ET
by vhs
Frogs have more talent
than karaoke singers
and are sexier.
Haiku # 58378, April 12, 2018 9:26 am ET
by df
Whose head?
What is "it"?
Hawking time
Preparing for female anatomy joke
Haiku # 58377, April 12, 2018 6:18 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
i thought this was it
now that times are coming to
a head...this is it
Haiku # 58376, April 12, 2018 12:52 am ET
by vhs
i'll have one hotdog, please
Haiku # 58375, April 11, 2018 7:56 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of The Wiener's Circle
"The Wieners Circle is a hot dog stand on Clark Street in the Lincoln Park neighborhood of Chicago, Illinois, United States. It is known for its Maxwell Street Polish, Char-dogs, hamburgers, cheese fries, and the mutual verbal abuse between the employees and the customers during the late-weekend hours"
Haiku # 58374, April 11, 2018 5:21 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
meh we all have a
controversial bad guy each
era...then folks get

that person confronted
Haiku # 58373, April 10, 2018 4:50 pm ET
by vhs
they are now setting
up the stake for Zuckerberg
facebook the music
Haiku # 58372, April 10, 2018 4:13 pm ET
by vhs
problem is like a
certain barbarella
how many sex robots

would i break in the
process of being down with
the sex robot gals
Haiku # 58371, April 10, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by vhs
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