Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 242 Days and 77165 Haiku later...

problem is like a
certain barbarella
how many sex robots

would i break in the
process of being down with
the sex robot gals
Haiku # 58371, April 10, 2018 12:26 pm ET
by vhs
Sexworkers (synthetic and organic) Birth control, homosexuality
Disruption of the reproductive cycle
More for me down the road
Haiku # 58370, April 10, 2018 11:33 am ET
by Optimistic Realist of that strange mystical place known as acceptance of circumstamces
One man's drug is just
Other man's technology
Cyborgs be cyborgs
Haiku # 58369, April 10, 2018 11:25 am ET
by Cyborg
ive always wanted a
good absinthe not
keen on hard drugs here...

my mind is too damn
weird, but i say its your deal, go
for it, let me be

im already within..

i tend to think introverts already
have a sort of connection within
you might say
Haiku # 58368, April 10, 2018 10:37 am ET
by vhs
Breakdown of sensation of LSD:
1 hour in: "this isn't that weird"
2 hours in: "alright this is kinda weird"
? hours in: "there is a swarm of nanobots crawling around on my neural DNA, and it weirds me out that I can actually feel that"
It mechanically alters DNA structure
Haiku # 58367, April 10, 2018 5:33 am ET
by Luke Whystalker of The Death Star (it was an inside job)
Another story, from Jackie Gleason's wife: supposedly Nixon and Gleason were drinking - Nixon was a lightweight
Gleason asked him if aliens were real
So Nixon was like "come on ima show you somethin," took him to a base
Showed him aliens and alien tech
Drunk Nixon showing off some aliens
Haiku # 58366, April 10, 2018 5:28 am ET
by dvd of area 52
Grace Slick allegedly tried to dose
Nixon with LSD in his coffee
I honestly got a massive crush on her after I read that
She would have either saved the world
Or doomed it to annihilation
Nixon on LSD
Could have gone either way, really
Haiku # 58365, April 10, 2018 5:24 am ET
by dvd
I would like to dose
all the politicians and
police where I live.
Haiku # 58364, April 9, 2018 9:38 pm ET
Ever try Absinthe?
I mean, I like it and all,
but it's not acid.
Haiku # 58363, April 9, 2018 9:37 pm ET
by df
I put a shot of
amaretto in my cup
of coffee today.
Haiku # 58362, April 9, 2018 9:34 pm ET
i will surely and
quite approve the gesture herr
pigfucker...for sure
Haiku # 58361, April 9, 2018 9:34 pm ET
by vhs of dangling chads???
I want Zucherberg
to see my dangling privates
so he has nightmares.
Haiku # 58360, April 9, 2018 9:33 pm ET
i wonder what a scrpio is
Haiku # 58359, April 9, 2018 8:25 pm ET
by vhs
it takes three you know
whats weird is i wonder if
anyone has a mark

zuckerberg peeping tom
fetish...would the boy worry
of his own private...

Haiku # 58358, April 9, 2018 8:25 pm ET
by that evil scprio vhs of mark is a taurus...not an exciting one like carlin
um say hi to the
ladies who sell the classic books
they make the world go

round in 80 days
Haiku # 58357, April 9, 2018 8:22 pm ET
by vhs of on vacation with madame bovary
I often joke about eating babies of poor people.
Not Satanic or anything, just, you know, because they look so juicy.
Fat little junk food bellies and rotting teeth.
And it would help the current population problem.
Hail Satan!... oops, it just slipped out, like a fart.

I like the shutdown captcha. Easy!
Haiku # 58356, April 9, 2018 6:48 pm ET
by df
Also there's a song on YouTube
Called "Donald Trump's speeches as an early 2000's emo song" is pretty funny
Almost as funny as the Alex Jones one
Haiku # 58355, April 9, 2018 3:32 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
That last one is for vhs
Haiku # 58354, April 9, 2018 3:25 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I'm angry
I've had enough of these people
They're a bunch of Christian-murdering scum that run giant death factories
Keeping babies alive and selling their body parts
What more do you need to know about these people?
I go out and face these scum
They literally crawl out from under rocks
They have green-looking skin
And they run around screaming "We love Satan, we want to eat babies."
I have them on video

Hillary is into creepy, weird, sick stuff, man
She sleeps in the same room with that creepy weirdo woman whose mother wears a hood over her head. (What the hell?)
That woman, number one, is ugly
Imagine how bad she smells, man
I'm told her and Obama just stink
Obama and Hillary both smell like sulfur

Literal vampire potbelly goblins
Are hobbling around coming after us
My spirit gets close to that evil and I feel it go
Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!

We're such self-centered crap
We don't even notice Hell itself rising up against us
Millions are pouring in people, of the very worst type
And I'm so pissed

We're gonna stab your daughter at the mall
Ahhhh! Ahhhh! Ahhhh!
We're going to stab your wife, your son
We're gonna stab you with a butcher knife
And then the Police Chief is gonna say
"We love our Somalis, we love our Muslims
Oh they're so good, oh they're so sweet."
Haiku # 58353, April 9, 2018 3:25 pm ET
by Alex Jones of Infowars
I've got all the help I need
Who's helping you?
What does it feel like to be living a "life"
That by your own choice is intolerable?
I'm asking for a loved one
Haiku # 58352, April 9, 2018 3:24 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
well it seems the three
amigos are here, sometimes
ash, raising some fine

chaos for springtime
Haiku # 58351, April 9, 2018 11:04 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Pennywise is lame!
Captain Spaulding is the shit!
That's one fucked up clown!
Haiku # 58350, April 9, 2018 10:58 am ET
by df
Oh, Christ this is good.
Taking me seriously.
You should get some help.

But you are correct.
I do worship the Devil.
The South Park Devil.

I'd dare say that He's
funnier than Christmas Poo
by a slim margin.
Haiku # 58349, April 9, 2018 10:56 am ET
by Howdy Ho!
But I suppose we have one
Thing in common (just one)
We know who we belong to
Haiku # 58348, April 9, 2018 7:51 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
I see a strange combination
Of Pennywise the demon clown
And his author the supposed "King"
Clown shoes speckled with a mixture
Of crusted ketchup and semen
Over 1 billion served
They've eaten their fill
But they remain forever hungry
Haiku # 58347, April 9, 2018 5:55 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Somewhere Else
I see a strange combination
Of Pennywise the demon clown
And his author the supposed "King"
Clown shoes speckled with a mixture
Of crusted ketchup and semen
Over 1 billion served
They've eaten their fill
But they remain forever hungry
Haiku # 58346, April 9, 2018 5:55 am ET
by Anonymous Poet of Somewhere Else
Oh look
DF is projecting his vices
And general boring cynicism
On the rest of us
Typical devil worshipper
Haiku # 58345, April 9, 2018 4:23 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
it's probably true
if i went to hell two days
later i would be banned...

"go to heaven, get the fuck
out of here! you can do a better
job than i can oh Lord of Chaos!!"
Haiku # 58344, April 8, 2018 10:39 pm ET
by vhs of The Lord of Chaos
Satan is burned out.
He does not want you to sin.
He has enough work.

Let's be good today.
Satan needs a vacation.
That's what He told me.

He deserves a rest.
All that torture is hard work.
Too many sinners.
Haiku # 58343, April 8, 2018 10:13 pm ET
by df
All purple giraffes
can fly faster than light speed.
This is pure logic.

Satan never lies.
He tells you the evil truth.
And we don't listen.

"Do not screw that whore,"
He says, "you will get VD."
But you still do it.

"Cocaine's addicting,"
He warns, but you still snort a
line off the whore's tits.

Do not blame Satan.
All these sins belong to you.
Man up and own it.
Haiku # 58342, April 8, 2018 10:01 pm ET
by df
the devil is a
liar and his followers
are full of cow shit
Haiku # 58341, April 8, 2018 7:41 pm ET
by vhs
I've said it before.
Writing haiku is a form
of devil worship.
Haiku # 58340, April 8, 2018 7:28 pm ET
This is rather dull.
I could be knitting crochet
or collecting stamps.
Haiku # 58339, April 8, 2018 7:13 pm ET
Wave your erection
at passersby like a flag
of insanity.
Haiku # 58338, April 8, 2018 7:02 pm ET
Pleasures of the flesh.
Carnivorous predator.
Destructive offspring.
Haiku # 58337, April 8, 2018 6:59 pm ET
Downward spiral slide.
More fun than a water park
of KY jelly.
Haiku # 58336, April 8, 2018 6:57 pm ET
Worship sinful vice.
Booze, junk food, television.
Be American!
Haiku # 58335, April 8, 2018 6:55 pm ET
by df
Satan is my Lord.
Or is it that I am His?
Even He can't know.
Haiku # 58334, April 8, 2018 6:53 pm ET
by df
I know what God wants.
He wants you to make me rich.
Give me all your cash.

In Jesus' name,
Send those unclean bills to me
to get in heaven.
Haiku # 58333, April 8, 2018 12:43 pm ET
by Evangelical Figpucker of Praise the Lord!
I hear them coming.
Up the stairs the monsters march.
They are at my door.
Haiku # 58332, April 8, 2018 6:24 am ET
Do not masturbate.
That will make Jesus hate you.
And you'll burn in hell.
Haiku # 58331, April 8, 2018 6:23 am ET
Torture mosquitoes.
Spray them with Off so other
mosquitoes hate them.
Haiku # 58330, April 8, 2018 6:21 am ET
Its a good idea
To make a small investment
Buy an air filter
Haiku # 58329, April 7, 2018 8:29 pm ET
by dvd
you ever seen those dust
bunnies...someone said in her
book theres psychic dust

bunnies of evil
angry energy creeps in
our basements... its like

a blob of psychic
crap one cant see but takes on
a life of its own

its why it seems
so creepy in some basements
in the world today
Haiku # 58328, April 7, 2018 11:08 am ET
by vhs of hail eris!
in scary darkness
if you look under the bed
all your fears are dust
Haiku # 58327, April 7, 2018 9:19 am ET
by ash of twighlight zone
It's almost time when the time is here,
The time that's only once a year.
We can hardly wait, 'cause it's so near.
A Woodland Critter Christmas!
What special time and special day,
It's Woodland Critter Christmas.
Hail Satan!
Haiku # 58326, April 7, 2018 1:03 am ET
by df
trinity broadcast network
Haiku # 58325, April 7, 2018 12:48 am ET
by vhs of im the evangelical, remember??
Tits and Boobs Network?
Trampoline Buttplug Nailing?
Tumble Bugs Nesting?
Haiku # 58324, April 7, 2018 12:38 am ET
by df
Dimming all the lights
I feel so much deeper now
It is pretty chill
Haiku # 58323, April 7, 2018 12:37 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
Doctor, doctor Jeff
Jeff heezy went up and left
Now I am alone
Haiku # 58322, April 7, 2018 12:31 am ET
by Sissy Entropy of Shangri-La
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