Identifying
as a black haiku poem.
Count my syllables.

Know what I'm sayin'?
Don't use no enjambment here.
Oh, shit I just did.

I just vomitted
my Wendy's chilliburger
onto a cop's shoes.

Please don't chop me down.
I make oxygen for you.
And give homes to birds.

Cannabalism,
bathroom humor and large dinks.
What more could one want?

Oh, let's write about
vegetable gardening
and doily patterns.

Play Nature's Ring Toss
All you need is a boner
and 12 glazed doughnuts

Can't thank you enough
I enjoy reading your work
Whilst I'm on the can

Bathroom humor is
an ancient and dishonored
poets' tradition.

It is time to start
writing less boring haiku
on usual themes.

Jay's ejaculate
consists of matchbox cars and glue
You won't get pregnant

Six old smelly ghosts
Live in the walls of your house
Just deal with it, man

But have you ever
been driven to dink a car?
Exhaust pipe dripping.

Nervous passenger
Never seen anyone drive
a car with their dink

Covid's getting old.
Ebola -- that's what we need!
Sweeping through the states.

Good excuse to shoot.
Is he drunk or infected?
Shoot him anyway!

"What if he's just drunk?"
"Rookie, can't you see he's black?!
Shoot him regardless!"

Green zombie bootie
make my boner smell funky.
Jealous vampires.

I dreamed of you all
And it became a nightmare.
I never woke up.

When the zombies run
You'll have a hard time cumming
with that big boner

When the zombies come
You'll have a hard time running
with that big boner

Somebody's on meth.
And, for once, it isn't me.
Goodnight, vampire.

I cooked my dink once.
The next day it grew right back.
Call me Darth Gecko.

One more before bed.
I climb into my coffin:
Sweet eternity!

Anastasia. Wow.
Last name Dragomirova.
Watch that Greek girl jump!

Where is Wong Lo Fan?
I hope he is still fighting
For the right (not wrong)

I now surpass me.
I now transcend my own verse,
Ascending Godward.

Listen to Salty.
Salty possesses pure truth.
Now let the salt flow.

Haiku of haikus:
Your eyes bring this to your brain
Because I own you.

Listen to wahmen!
Wahmens has the ovaries.
Mens has no menses.

Ah ain't no ways tired.
Just happen to have hot sauce
Here in my hand-bag

More gentle verse please.
More mindful centered haiku
About demon food.

Bro! Vindicated.
These psychotics cook their own,
then serve with white wine.

It's a one time thing
When you deep fry your own dink
Personal Corn Dog

And the Japanese
"chef" who fried up his own junk
to serve at dinner.

I swear it is true!
Look it up if you think not.
*Godzilla vomits.*

Do you remember
those weird German cannibals
who fried that guy's thing?

You want to skin me?
I think I can live with that.
What wine should I serve?

I will flay you fools
and then drape your bloody skins
on my city walls.

I went over there
Didn't find any candy
Smashed a YUGE pumpkin

Hey brilliant poets:
Go visit my blog RIGHT NOW.
That is an order.

https://connecthook.net/

Happy Halloween
The problem with fucking stiffs
Their dinks break right off

my sphincter's backed up
against a zombie and I
hope he enjoys it

polyassholeticks
sucking blood from my sphincter
for the greater good
for once in my life
I'd like to vote for someone
instead of against
backs against the wall
firing squad all lined up
blindfolded ka-boom
democratic farce
electric electoral
college keg party
don't forget roofies
we don't want to be awake
when these freaks fuck us

I get DOWN on CRACK!
Rent me some Russian hotties...
Light my pipe, Olga

Independent soul
With complicated software
Can do some damage

close, close to the edge
that political wedge
still the voters veg

You relived yourself
under an old willow tree?
So that's why it wept.

My new invention
Romantic Bidet for Two
Sing: "Love stinks, Yeah Yeah"

You can be the bum.
Refuse to wipe; be stinky!
Loiter in Starbucks.

Ass wiping is old.
Spray away the sticky poo.
Bidet all the way!

Much more economical and environmentally friendly. I'm quite serious about that. TP is hell on the sewer systems and takes a lot to break down the fibers. Wipes are even worse. Give the planet a small break and switch to bidet. Just water.
And it's a much better cleaning. Even my old wrinkly distended rectum comes away squeaky clean and smelling fresh.

My new invention
Robotic Arm for toilet
It wipes our asses!

Horrors! Oh, the shame.
Haiku, Poetry itself,
Lies stricken and mute.

I'm an reverse centaur. Rentcaur?
A horses head stuck on a human waist. And no arms. Tiny little dink. Loves apples. Not good for much. Slow runner. Great for side show entertainment. Keyboarding w/ my toes.

You wouldn't by chance
happen to be a centaur?
I've got sugar cubes

Whale farts are large
enough to fit a horse in.
Horses don't like that.