BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
349 Days
68522 Haikus
When the zombies run
You'll have a hard time cumming
with that big boner
Haiku #68385, by Nostrildammedup of I mean, who didn't see this cumming?
October 18, 2020 6:04 pm ET

When the zombies come
You'll have a hard time running
with that big boner
Haiku #68384, by Nostradongus of Upcoming Events
October 18, 2020 1:16 am ET

Somebody's on meth.
And, for once, it isn't me.
Goodnight, vampire.

I cooked my dink once.
The next day it grew right back.
Call me Darth Gecko.
Haiku #68383, by Psst, hey, wanna buy some car insurance?
October 18, 2020 12:25 am ET

One more before bed.
I climb into my coffin:
Sweet eternity!
Haiku #68382, by Vampire of Bloodfire
October 17, 2020 11:36 pm ET

Anastasia. Wow.
Last name Dragomirova.
Watch that Greek girl jump!
Haiku #68381, by Pan-Hellenic Games of Blue Sports
October 17, 2020 11:29 pm ET

Where is Wong Lo Fan?
I hope he is still fighting
For the right (not wrong)
Haiku #68380, by Kalifornia Uber Alles of DKs
October 17, 2020 11:24 pm ET

I now surpass me.
I now transcend my own verse,
Ascending Godward.
Haiku #68379, by Sighting the Portals of Haiku Heaven
October 17, 2020 11:18 pm ET

Listen to Salty.
Salty possesses pure truth.
Now let the salt flow.
Haiku #68378, by Sodium Chloride of Sublimity in Salinity
October 17, 2020 11:14 pm ET

Haiku of haikus:
Your eyes bring this to your brain
Because I own you.
Haiku #68377, by Your Friendly Omnipotent Overlord of Telepathy
October 17, 2020 11:12 pm ET

Listen to wahmen!
Wahmens has the ovaries.
Mens has no menses.
Haiku #68376, by Moon Has Control of Matriarchy
October 17, 2020 11:08 pm ET

Ah ain't no ways tired.
Just happen to have hot sauce
Here in my hand-bag
Haiku #68375, by Hillbillary of Hellarious
October 17, 2020 11:05 pm ET

More gentle verse please.
More mindful centered haiku
About demon food.
Haiku #68374, by Curse Your Name of My Name
October 17, 2020 11:03 pm ET

Bro! Vindicated.
These psychotics cook their own,
then serve with white wine.
Haiku #68373, by Franky of Human Bratwurst
October 17, 2020 10:58 pm ET

It's a one time thing
When you deep fry your own dink
Personal Corn Dog
Haiku #68372, by Pesto of Bird Nesto
October 17, 2020 10:11 pm ET

And the Japanese
"chef" who fried up his own junk
to serve at dinner.

I swear it is true!
Look it up if you think not.
*Godzilla vomits.*
Haiku #68371, by Tetsuo! of Akira test site.
October 17, 2020 9:40 pm ET

Do you remember
those weird German cannibals
who fried that guy's thing?
Haiku #68370, by It Really Happened
October 17, 2020 8:24 pm ET

You want to skin me?
I think I can live with that.
What wine should I serve?
Haiku #68369, by Perhaps chardonnay.
October 17, 2020 7:18 pm ET

I will flay you fools
and then drape your bloody skins
on my city walls.
Haiku #68368, by Ashurbanipal, King of Assyria
October 17, 2020 2:33 pm ET

I went over there
Didn't find any candy
Smashed a YUGE pumpkin
Haiku #68367, by Green Witch of Village
October 17, 2020 2:05 pm ET

Hey brilliant poets:
Go visit my blog RIGHT NOW.
That is an order.
Haiku #68366, by But Not Darth
October 17, 2020 10:29 am ET

Happy Halloween
The problem with fucking stiffs
Their dinks break right off
Haiku #68365, by Undead of Aubuchon Hardware pitchfork section
October 17, 2020 9:57 am ET

my sphincter's backed up
against a zombie and I
hope he enjoys it
Haiku #68364, by Anonymous Poet
October 17, 2020 7:38 am ET

sucking blood from my sphincter
for the greater good
for once in my life
I'd like to vote for someone
instead of against
backs against the wall
firing squad all lined up
blindfolded ka-boom
democratic farce
electric electoral
college keg party
don't forget roofies
we don't want to be awake
when these freaks fuck us
Haiku #68363, by we're all defeated I want to wear a zombie Halloween costume -- return of the living dead
October 17, 2020 7:36 am ET

I get DOWN on CRACK!
Rent me some Russian hotties...
Light my pipe, Olga
Haiku #68362, by Son of Biden on Permanent Vacation
October 17, 2020 5:44 am ET

Independent soul
With complicated software
Can do some damage
Haiku #68361, by Aotocomplete
October 17, 2020 5:10 am ET

close, close to the edge
that political wedge
still the voters veg
Haiku #68360, by ash
October 17, 2020 4:58 am ET

You relived yourself
under an old willow tree?
So that's why it wept.
Haiku #68359, by dw of har de har har har
October 17, 2020 3:29 am ET

My new invention
Romantic Bidet for Two
Sing: "Love stinks, Yeah Yeah"
Haiku #68358, by Relieved of Under old willow
October 16, 2020 9:32 pm ET

You can be the bum.
Refuse to wipe; be stinky!
Loiter in Starbucks.
Haiku #68357, by The retirement plan of Darth Whorrendous.
October 16, 2020 8:44 pm ET

Ass wiping is old.
Spray away the sticky poo.
Bidet all the way!

Much more economical and environmentally friendly. I'm quite serious about that. TP is hell on the sewer systems and takes a lot to break down the fibers. Wipes are even worse. Give the planet a small break and switch to bidet. Just water.
And it's a much better cleaning. Even my old wrinkly distended rectum comes away squeaky clean and smelling fresh.
Haiku #68356, by Darth Whorrendous of Advertising slogan expert.
October 16, 2020 7:34 pm ET

My new invention
Robotic Arm for toilet
It wipes our asses!
Haiku #68355, by Contestant #2 of Shart Tank
October 16, 2020 4:20 pm ET

Horrors! Oh, the shame.
Haiku, Poetry itself,
Lies stricken and mute.
Haiku #68354, by You Have Killed Haiku, You Vile Piece of Garbage
October 16, 2020 12:43 pm ET

I'm an reverse centaur. Rentcaur?
A horses head stuck on a human waist. And no arms. Tiny little dink. Loves apples. Not good for much. Slow runner. Great for side show entertainment. Keyboarding w/ my toes.
Haiku #68353, by Belief in the Queef will end your grief. of Bengal Dairy Pie Factory
October 16, 2020 12:23 pm ET

You wouldn't by chance
happen to be a centaur?
I've got sugar cubes
Haiku #68352, by Haiku Poet of Haiku Central
October 16, 2020 10:59 am ET

Whale farts are large
enough to fit a horse in.
Horses don't like that.
Haiku #68351, by Darth Horse's End (Us).
October 16, 2020 5:04 am ET

Come on, just this once
Photocopy your wide arse
On company time
Haiku #68350, by Devil of Shoulder
October 16, 2020 12:36 am ET

A horse laughs inside
When he farts grass particles
In your sad old face
Haiku #68349, by Chortling Horse of Barn
October 16, 2020 12:25 am ET

That's what kind of love it is
Even floor shitters!
Haiku #68348, by Whole lotta love of Way way down inside
October 16, 2020 12:14 am ET

Haiku #68347, by the way, have u ever shat a bathroom floor b/c the toilet's overflowing & u couldn't hold it in. of course, neither have I !!!
October 15, 2020 10:52 pm ET

Scotch tape dispenser.
A stapler that doesn't work.
Lots of stolen pens.
Haiku #68346, by Nuclear-powered Fleshlight
October 15, 2020 10:49 pm ET

Periwinkle blue.
What else might be that color?
My winking wrinkly.

Willy Wonka Wank.
Fudge factory no thank you.
Salmon waterslide.
Haiku #68345, by Send the hit man!
October 15, 2020 8:14 pm ET

Put down the slide rule
and slide on over here Darth
Solve all my problems
Haiku #68344, by Gatita Estrella of Under old willow
October 15, 2020 2:48 am ET

Oscar and Felix
The Cephalopod Couple
That's juicy sushi
Haiku #68343, by Kitten of the Starz of Remote Location
October 15, 2020 2:40 am ET

Japanese saying:
Once you go cephalapod,
you'll always be odd.
Haiku #68342, by Cthulu Cuntinglinguistics of Sticker cups pull you inside out.
October 14, 2020 11:52 pm ET

Then I'll be Billy.
Get laid and slice up my wrists.
Blood every damn where.

I put my schlong vid
on YouTube for you to watch.
How you like those warts!
Haiku #68341, by dw
October 14, 2020 9:37 pm ET

I'll be Nurse Ratched
Torn stockings and dirty knees
Your head problem solved
Haiku #68340, by Gatita Estrella of Pussy Willow
October 14, 2020 7:36 am ET

They both have a dink.
Will they fight or fuck, you ask.
The answer is yes.
Haiku #68339, by And maybe both.
October 14, 2020 6:59 am ET

One Flew Over the
Haiku's Nest. Lobotomies.
Awol fishing trips.
Haiku #68338, by Great fucking book. of As told by cheif.
October 14, 2020 6:57 am ET

Under old willow
I drain another bottle
Pee stains kimono
Haiku #68337, by Drunk of Under old willow
October 14, 2020 5:02 am ET

Will they fight or fuck?
I'm on the edge of my seat
Which one has the dink?
Haiku #68336, by Nacho Wife of Backstreet
October 14, 2020 2:29 am ET