Ass wiping is old.
Spray away the sticky poo.
Bidet all the way!

Much more economical and environmentally friendly. I'm quite serious about that. TP is hell on the sewer systems and takes a lot to break down the fibers. Wipes are even worse. Give the planet a small break and switch to bidet. Just water.
And it's a much better cleaning. Even my old wrinkly distended rectum comes away squeaky clean and smelling fresh.

My new invention
Robotic Arm for toilet
It wipes our asses!

Horrors! Oh, the shame.
Haiku, Poetry itself,
Lies stricken and mute.

I'm an reverse centaur. Rentcaur?
A horses head stuck on a human waist. And no arms. Tiny little dink. Loves apples. Not good for much. Slow runner. Great for side show entertainment. Keyboarding w/ my toes.

You wouldn't by chance
happen to be a centaur?
I've got sugar cubes

Whale farts are large
enough to fit a horse in.
Horses don't like that.

Come on, just this once
Photocopy your wide arse
On company time

A horse laughs inside
When he farts grass particles
In your sad old face

Unconditional
That's what kind of love it is
Even floor shitters!

X

Scotch tape dispenser.
A stapler that doesn't work.
Lots of stolen pens.

Periwinkle blue.
What else might be that color?
My winking wrinkly.

Willy Wonka Wank.
Fudge factory no thank you.
Salmon waterslide.

Put down the slide rule
and slide on over here Darth
Solve all my problems

Oscar and Felix
The Cephalopod Couple
That's juicy sushi

Japanese saying:
Once you go cephalapod,
you'll always be odd.

Then I'll be Billy.
Get laid and slice up my wrists.
Blood every damn where.

I put my schlong vid
on YouTube for you to watch.
How you like those warts!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idNJaLp6n0U

I'll be Nurse Ratched
Torn stockings and dirty knees
Your head problem solved

They both have a dink.
Will they fight or fuck, you ask.
The answer is yes.

One Flew Over the
Haiku's Nest. Lobotomies.
Awol fishing trips.

Under old willow
I drain another bottle
Pee stains kimono

Will they fight or fuck?
I'm on the edge of my seat
Which one has the dink?

Who'd win in a fight,
platypus or octopus?
They're both aquatic.

Live on Pay-Per-View!
Ink clouds vs. toxic spurs!
Once in lifetime!

Cephalopod once,
cephalopod twice; I hope
you have a Kleenex.

Say cephalopod
Say it in that whiskey voice
Then say it again

I do NOT hate Trump.
However, his supporters,
that's another thing.

Snort Cheetos powder.
Day-glo daydream holocaust.
Orange Tang enema.

Gordon Ramsey's cat
made great soup for ET Alf.
What a stupid show.

Alf's a stupid show.
Gordon Ramsey cracks me up.
"This is fucking shit!"

You old dinosaurs
Hating on Trump, not sure why,
Will become extinct.

Fried green tomato
Fannie Flagg's vertical smile
Known to wake the dead

jumped up from the grave
Skeleton Dab! Alan Funt!
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt!

Say, bend over now
Make love to the camera
(Wiping lens again)

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To compare Trump and
The Joker is just downright
inappropriate.

When all's said and done,
The Joker isn't that bad.
He's killed less people.

I just realized,
The Joker doesn't wear masks.
Not usually.

Do you expect more
than wobbly cocks here at
BAD haiku dot com???

If you want a firm
hard errection then go to
Boyz Boyz Boyz Club/Pub.

Pattaya Thailand.
Anything you want is there,
you demented perv.

perched on the dais
the ultimate cockwomble
glowing mandarin

immune to covid
immune to criticism
immune to the law

spouting his bullshit
with contagious mania
the joker unmasked

I don't use quill pens.
I use high pressure spray paint.
Paint your face with poo!

Fecal graffiti.
Surrealistic excrement.
Poop filled fireworks!

Rains down on your head.
It fills your mouth and nostrils.
And gets in your eyes.

All you see is shit.
All you hear and taste is shit.
You know where it's made.

Say, if you show your
private parts to everyone
Are they private parts?

Quill pen dipped in poop
Now arrange the syllables
Signed, Darth Figpucker

So what do you think of the DeBeer's diamond monopoly? Think of the industrial possibilities if only diamonds were not monopolized as precious gem-stones. Diamonds have amazing properties. But we enslave people to mine them and fight small wars over them, with "ethnic cleansing". Africa is so brutal, and the diamond trade is a big part of that, but it doesn't have to be that way. Silly humans.

Brazillian fart porn
takes you to a higher plane.
Donald Trump knows this.

It is not carnal.
Flatus is spiritual.
Re-watch Ghostbusters!

Darth: broken record.
Depraved carnal tedium.
Farts. Private parts. Yawn . . . .

I turned down the job.
There are enough sinners here.
How I love their screams.

Rise above the scum.
Listening to Mozart now.
I've no cheese or wine.

Oh how sad it is.
Do not weep one tear for me.
Save it for dinner.

Keyboard is melting.
Holy shit, I'm on fire.
Satan's on the phone.

What does He want now?
Offering me employment.
Reading poetry.

Beer, hotubs, and babes.
The benefits aren't too good.
No 401-K ?!

Illuminaughty.
Free Mason's don't work for free.
Nor are they masons!

Break out the big guns.
Davinci Code's dead fetus.
Talk about karma!

Okay, you are right.
Munched a whole sheet of blotter.
My medication.

When you see the pig,
Please tell the whore high for me.
Abortion pudding.

Devout Catholic.
Or a devout communist.
Lying pretentious...

baby killing whores.
Salem witches weren't so bad.
Is the Pope aware?

Your medication:
Please take it and shut up, Darth.
You truly need it.

She smashed macaroni and cheese in the pages of her leather bound acid-free paper journal.
She told all her friends it was her MacBook.