BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
353 Days
and
68568 Haikus
later...
Periwinkle blue.
What else might be that color?
My winking wrinkly.

Willy Wonka Wank.
Fudge factory no thank you.
Salmon waterslide.
Haiku #68345, by Send the hit man!
October 15, 2020 8:14 pm ET

Put down the slide rule
and slide on over here Darth
Solve all my problems
Haiku #68344, by Gatita Estrella of Under old willow
October 15, 2020 2:48 am ET

Oscar and Felix
The Cephalopod Couple
That's juicy sushi
Haiku #68343, by Kitten of the Starz of Remote Location
October 15, 2020 2:40 am ET

Japanese saying:
Once you go cephalapod,
you'll always be odd.
Haiku #68342, by Cthulu Cuntinglinguistics of Sticker cups pull you inside out.
October 14, 2020 11:52 pm ET

Then I'll be Billy.
Get laid and slice up my wrists.
Blood every damn where.

I put my schlong vid
on YouTube for you to watch.
How you like those warts!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idNJaLp6n0U
Haiku #68341, by dw
October 14, 2020 9:37 pm ET

I'll be Nurse Ratched
Torn stockings and dirty knees
Your head problem solved
Haiku #68340, by Gatita Estrella of Pussy Willow
October 14, 2020 7:36 am ET

They both have a dink.
Will they fight or fuck, you ask.
The answer is yes.
Haiku #68339, by And maybe both.
October 14, 2020 6:59 am ET

One Flew Over the
Haiku's Nest. Lobotomies.
Awol fishing trips.
Haiku #68338, by Great fucking book. of As told by cheif.
October 14, 2020 6:57 am ET

Under old willow
I drain another bottle
Pee stains kimono
Haiku #68337, by Drunk of Under old willow
October 14, 2020 5:02 am ET

Will they fight or fuck?
I'm on the edge of my seat
Which one has the dink?
Haiku #68336, by Nacho Wife of Backstreet
October 14, 2020 2:29 am ET

Who'd win in a fight,
platypus or octopus?
They're both aquatic.

Live on Pay-Per-View!
Ink clouds vs. toxic spurs!
Once in lifetime!
Haiku #68335, by queef dink pus schlong pizza of nachos! nachos! nachos!
October 14, 2020 2:03 am ET

Cephalopod once,
cephalopod twice; I hope
you have a Kleenex.
Haiku #68334, by I also like platypusses. of Anything that ends with "puss"
October 14, 2020 1:55 am ET

Say cephalopod
Say it in that whiskey voice
Then say it again
Haiku #68333, by High Koo of High AF
October 13, 2020 11:06 pm ET

I do NOT hate Trump.
However, his supporters,
that's another thing.

Snort Cheetos powder.
Day-glo daydream holocaust.
Orange Tang enema.
Haiku #68332, by dw
October 13, 2020 10:38 pm ET

Gordon Ramsey's cat
made great soup for ET Alf.
What a stupid show.

Alf's a stupid show.
Gordon Ramsey cracks me up.
"This is fucking shit!"
Haiku #68331, by Entered anus entertained us.
October 13, 2020 8:19 pm ET

You old dinosaurs
Hating on Trump, not sure why,
Will become extinct.
Haiku #68330, by Reptilian Die-off of the Cretaceous Period
October 13, 2020 8:14 pm ET

Fried green tomato
Fannie Flagg's vertical smile
Known to wake the dead
Haiku #68329, by Kandy Korn of Haiku Central
October 13, 2020 7:20 pm ET

jumped up from the grave
Skeleton Dab! Alan Funt!
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt!
Haiku #68328, by Kandy Korn of Some place haunted by farts
October 13, 2020 7:16 pm ET

Say, bend over now
Make love to the camera
(Wiping lens again)
Haiku #68327, by Guy Smiley of Darkroom
October 13, 2020 4:34 pm ET

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Haiku #68326, by GabrielKew of Chile
October 13, 2020 2:53 pm ET

To compare Trump and
The Joker is just downright
inappropriate.

When all's said and done,
The Joker isn't that bad.
He's killed less people.
Haiku #68325, by Batman of The Batcave, of course
October 12, 2020 10:45 pm ET

I just realized,
The Joker doesn't wear masks.
Not usually.
Haiku #68324, by WYSIWYG
October 12, 2020 10:41 pm ET

Do you expect more
than wobbly cocks here at
BAD haiku dot com???

If you want a firm
hard errection then go to
Boyz Boyz Boyz Club/Pub.

Pattaya Thailand.
Anything you want is there,
you demented perv.
Haiku #68323, by Darth Whorrendous of Is that a Pangolin?! Hmm...
October 12, 2020 10:38 pm ET

perched on the dais
the ultimate cockwomble
glowing mandarin
Haiku #68322, by ash
October 12, 2020 9:34 pm ET

immune to covid
immune to criticism
immune to the law

spouting his bullshit
with contagious mania
the joker unmasked
Haiku #68321, by ash
October 12, 2020 9:31 pm ET

I don't use quill pens.
I use high pressure spray paint.
Paint your face with poo!

Fecal graffiti.
Surrealistic excrement.
Poop filled fireworks!

Rains down on your head.
It fills your mouth and nostrils.
And gets in your eyes.

All you see is shit.
All you hear and taste is shit.
You know where it's made.
Haiku #68320, by Iron Maiden China Doll of USA! USA! USA!...
October 12, 2020 6:24 pm ET

Say, if you show your
private parts to everyone
Are they private parts?
Haiku #68319, by Shaggy of Commune
October 12, 2020 5:10 pm ET

Quill pen dipped in poop
Now arrange the syllables
Signed, Darth Figpucker
Haiku #68318, by Darth Figpucker of Man about town
October 12, 2020 5:06 pm ET

So what do you think of the DeBeer's diamond monopoly? Think of the industrial possibilities if only diamonds were not monopolized as precious gem-stones. Diamonds have amazing properties. But we enslave people to mine them and fight small wars over them, with "ethnic cleansing". Africa is so brutal, and the diamond trade is a big part of that, but it doesn't have to be that way. Silly humans.
Haiku #68317, by the way, would you like to buy my poetry book
October 12, 2020 2:48 pm ET

Brazillian fart porn
takes you to a higher plane.
Donald Trump knows this.
Haiku #68316, by His orange hair symbolizing the orange robes of Thai Monks.
October 12, 2020 2:42 pm ET

It is not carnal.
Flatus is spiritual.
Re-watch Ghostbusters!
Haiku #68315, by Ohmmm. Mani padme *prooooot*. of Temple of The Gaseous Buddha
October 12, 2020 2:36 pm ET

Darth: broken record.
Depraved carnal tedium.
Farts. Private parts. Yawn . . . .
Haiku #68314, by Lard is Good for You of Small Doses
October 12, 2020 2:08 pm ET

I turned down the job.
There are enough sinners here.
How I love their screams.

Rise above the scum.
Listening to Mozart now.
I've no cheese or wine.

Oh how sad it is.
Do not weep one tear for me.
Save it for dinner.
Haiku #68313, by dw
October 12, 2020 7:24 am ET

Keyboard is melting.
Holy shit, I'm on fire.
Satan's on the phone.

What does He want now?
Offering me employment.
Reading poetry.

Beer, hotubs, and babes.
The benefits aren't too good.
No 401-K ?!
Haiku #68312, by Darth Whore-End-Us
October 12, 2020 12:31 am ET

Illuminaughty.
Free Mason's don't work for free.
Nor are they masons!
Haiku #68311, by Master Carravagio of Sex, drugs, rock-n-roll -- no conspiracies here.
October 11, 2020 11:14 pm ET

Break out the big guns.
Davinci Code's dead fetus.
Talk about karma!
Haiku #68310, by Leonardo of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
October 11, 2020 10:21 pm ET

Okay, you are right.
Munched a whole sheet of blotter.
My medication.

When you see the pig,
Please tell the whore high for me.
Abortion pudding.

Devout Catholic.
Or a devout communist.
Lying pretentious...

baby killing whores.
Salem witches weren't so bad.
Is the Pope aware?
Haiku #68309, by Two faces, both hideous. of Ugly soul, straight to hell.
October 11, 2020 9:57 pm ET

Your medication:
Please take it and shut up, Darth.
You truly need it.
Haiku #68308, by Whorrendous Prescription of Pills
October 11, 2020 9:06 pm ET

She smashed macaroni and cheese in the pages of her leather bound acid-free paper journal.
She told all her friends it was her MacBook.
Haiku #68307, by The roaches loved it.
October 11, 2020 8:16 pm ET

Any questions?

Are you a whore's friend?
Not that I would even care.
Shit tick parasites.

Scamming lying theives.
Thou shalt not suffer so that
whores can fart near you.

Hitler's cool, whores no.
Unless they dress like Hitler.
And are from Brazil.
Haiku #68306, by Gotta love that Brazillian fart porn. of How many is a brazillion?
October 11, 2020 8:10 pm ET

I've been comissioned
by Donald Trump to prove this.
Made him pay up front.

Let's review the basics.

Adolph was 56 years old when he died.
Each person makes 0.5 to 1.5 liters of farts per day.
Adolph was a vegetarian (so I've heard) so we can figure at the upper average limit of 1.5 liters per day.
56x365x1.5 = 30660 L of flatus. Mostly nitrogen, methane, and hydrogen, with a few sulfides and amides for that wonderful fart stink.
That's approximately 7.5x10^26 molecules distributed throughout the atmosphere.
The earth's atmosphere has a volume of 1.4x10^21 L.
The # of Hitler fart molecules you breathe in with each breath is...
(0.5 L) / (1.4x10^21 L) *(7.5x10^26) = 270,000 molecules.
Have a nice day!
Haiku #68305, by dw
October 11, 2020 7:39 pm ET

Jesus. Blast from the past.
Warship the ground I poo on.
Or some such nonsense.

I am overwhelmed.
I'm working on a new proof
that all poets suck.
Haiku #68304, by dw
October 11, 2020 7:16 pm ET

In a perfect world
Darth would have reminded us
About Hitler's farts
Haiku #68303, by Darth is Greedy of Too busy doing math
October 11, 2020 5:07 am ET

What?!
Haiku #68302, by Brad.
October 11, 2020 3:35 am ET

Never run from dogs.
Throw them some poisoned lunch meat.
Sit back and enjoy.
Haiku #68301, by Cyanide is best.
October 11, 2020 3:33 am ET

Phantom flatulence
Dirty Dancing to the can
Ghost left a brown skid
Haiku #68300, by Demi Moore TP please of Spindly hand reaching under stall
October 11, 2020 2:48 am ET

Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long-stem rose
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah, give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
And everybody knows that it's now or never
Everybody knows that it's me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah, when you've done a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows
And everybody knows that the Plague is coming
Everybody knows that it's moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows
And everybody knows that you're in trouble
Everybody knows what you've been through
From the bloody cross on top of Calvary
To the beach of Malibu
Everybody knows it's coming apart
Take one last look at this Sacred Heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Haiku #68299, by Leonard Nimoy
October 11, 2020 2:23 am ET

He doesn't eat pork
That poet formerly known
as Darth Figpucker
Haiku #68298, by Sausage dink of Running from dogs
October 11, 2020 1:49 am ET

Everybody knows
Chestnut brown rectalplasm
Familiar fragrance
Haiku #68297, by Flatulence Throughout History of A Smelly Timeline
October 10, 2020 11:46 pm ET

Say, kind of awkward
when they found you in that maze
with a frozen dink
Haiku #68296, by Darthsickle Slurper of Haiku Hotel
October 10, 2020 11:32 pm ET