Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 136 Days and 76970 Haiku later...

Oscar and Felix
The Cephalopod Couple
That's juicy sushi
Haiku # 68343, October 15, 2020 2:40 am ET
by Kitten of the Starz of Remote Location
Japanese saying:
Once you go cephalapod,
you'll always be odd.
Haiku # 68342, October 14, 2020 11:52 pm ET
by Cthulu Cuntinglinguistics of Sticker cups pull you inside out.
Then I'll be Billy.
Get laid and slice up my wrists.
Blood every damn where.

I put my schlong vid
on YouTube for you to watch.
How you like those warts!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idNJaLp6n0U
Haiku # 68341, October 14, 2020 9:37 pm ET
by dw
I'll be Nurse Ratched
Torn stockings and dirty knees
Your head problem solved
Haiku # 68340, October 14, 2020 7:36 am ET
by Gatita Estrella of Pussy Willow
They both have a dink.
Will they fight or fuck, you ask.
The answer is yes.
Haiku # 68339, October 14, 2020 6:59 am ET
by And maybe both.
One Flew Over the
Haiku's Nest. Lobotomies.
Awol fishing trips.
Haiku # 68338, October 14, 2020 6:57 am ET
by Great fucking book. of As told by cheif.
Under old willow
I drain another bottle
Pee stains kimono
Haiku # 68337, October 14, 2020 5:02 am ET
by Drunk of Under old willow
Will they fight or fuck?
I'm on the edge of my seat
Which one has the dink?
Haiku # 68336, October 14, 2020 2:29 am ET
by Nacho Wife of Backstreet
Who'd win in a fight,
platypus or octopus?
They're both aquatic.

Live on Pay-Per-View!
Ink clouds vs. toxic spurs!
Once in lifetime!
Haiku # 68335, October 14, 2020 2:03 am ET
by queef dink pus schlong pizza of nachos! nachos! nachos!
Cephalopod once,
cephalopod twice; I hope
you have a Kleenex.
Haiku # 68334, October 14, 2020 1:55 am ET
by I also like platypusses. of Anything that ends with "puss"
Say cephalopod
Say it in that whiskey voice
Then say it again
Haiku # 68333, October 13, 2020 11:06 pm ET
by High Koo of High AF
I do NOT hate Trump.
However, his supporters,
that's another thing.

Snort Cheetos powder.
Day-glo daydream holocaust.
Orange Tang enema.
Haiku # 68332, October 13, 2020 10:38 pm ET
by dw
Gordon Ramsey's cat
made great soup for ET Alf.
What a stupid show.

Alf's a stupid show.
Gordon Ramsey cracks me up.
"This is fucking shit!"
Haiku # 68331, October 13, 2020 8:19 pm ET
by Entered anus entertained us.
You old dinosaurs
Hating on Trump, not sure why,
Will become extinct.
Haiku # 68330, October 13, 2020 8:14 pm ET
by Reptilian Die-off of the Cretaceous Period
Fried green tomato
Fannie Flagg's vertical smile
Known to wake the dead
Haiku # 68329, October 13, 2020 7:20 pm ET
by Kandy Korn of Haiku Central
jumped up from the grave
Skeleton Dab! Alan Funt!
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt!
Haiku # 68328, October 13, 2020 7:16 pm ET
by Kandy Korn of Some place haunted by farts
Say, bend over now
Make love to the camera
(Wiping lens again)
Haiku # 68327, October 13, 2020 4:34 pm ET
by Guy Smiley of Darkroom
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Haiku # 68326, October 13, 2020 2:53 pm ET
by GabrielKew of Chile
To compare Trump and
The Joker is just downright
inappropriate.

When all's said and done,
The Joker isn't that bad.
He's killed less people.
Haiku # 68325, October 12, 2020 10:45 pm ET
by Batman of The Batcave, of course
I just realized,
The Joker doesn't wear masks.
Not usually.
Haiku # 68324, October 12, 2020 10:41 pm ET
by WYSIWYG
Do you expect more
than wobbly cocks here at
BAD haiku dot com???

If you want a firm
hard errection then go to
Boyz Boyz Boyz Club/Pub.

Pattaya Thailand.
Anything you want is there,
you demented perv.
Haiku # 68323, October 12, 2020 10:38 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendous of Is that a Pangolin?! Hmm...
perched on the dais
the ultimate cockwomble
glowing mandarin
Haiku # 68322, October 12, 2020 9:34 pm ET
by ash
immune to covid
immune to criticism
immune to the law

spouting his bullshit
with contagious mania
the joker unmasked
Haiku # 68321, October 12, 2020 9:31 pm ET
by ash
I don't use quill pens.
I use high pressure spray paint.
Paint your face with poo!

Fecal graffiti.
Surrealistic excrement.
Poop filled fireworks!

Rains down on your head.
It fills your mouth and nostrils.
And gets in your eyes.

All you see is shit.
All you hear and taste is shit.
You know where it's made.
Haiku # 68320, October 12, 2020 6:24 pm ET
by Iron Maiden China Doll of USA! USA! USA!...
Say, if you show your
private parts to everyone
Are they private parts?
Haiku # 68319, October 12, 2020 5:10 pm ET
by Shaggy of Commune
Quill pen dipped in poop
Now arrange the syllables
Signed, Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 68318, October 12, 2020 5:06 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Man about town
So what do you think of the DeBeer's diamond monopoly? Think of the industrial possibilities if only diamonds were not monopolized as precious gem-stones. Diamonds have amazing properties. But we enslave people to mine them and fight small wars over them, with "ethnic cleansing". Africa is so brutal, and the diamond trade is a big part of that, but it doesn't have to be that way. Silly humans.
Haiku # 68317, October 12, 2020 2:48 pm ET
by the way, would you like to buy my poetry book
Brazillian fart porn
takes you to a higher plane.
Donald Trump knows this.
Haiku # 68316, October 12, 2020 2:42 pm ET
by His orange hair symbolizing the orange robes of Thai Monks.
It is not carnal.
Flatus is spiritual.
Re-watch Ghostbusters!
Haiku # 68315, October 12, 2020 2:36 pm ET
by Ohmmm. Mani padme *prooooot*. of Temple of The Gaseous Buddha
Darth: broken record.
Depraved carnal tedium.
Farts. Private parts. Yawn . . . .
Haiku # 68314, October 12, 2020 2:08 pm ET
by Lard is Good for You of Small Doses
I turned down the job.
There are enough sinners here.
How I love their screams.

Rise above the scum.
Listening to Mozart now.
I've no cheese or wine.

Oh how sad it is.
Do not weep one tear for me.
Save it for dinner.
Haiku # 68313, October 12, 2020 7:24 am ET
by dw
Keyboard is melting.
Holy shit, I'm on fire.
Satan's on the phone.

What does He want now?
Offering me employment.
Reading poetry.

Beer, hotubs, and babes.
The benefits aren't too good.
No 401-K ?!
Haiku # 68312, October 12, 2020 12:31 am ET
by Darth Whore-End-Us
Illuminaughty.
Free Mason's don't work for free.
Nor are they masons!
Haiku # 68311, October 11, 2020 11:14 pm ET
by Master Carravagio of Sex, drugs, rock-n-roll -- no conspiracies here.
Break out the big guns.
Davinci Code's dead fetus.
Talk about karma!
Haiku # 68310, October 11, 2020 10:21 pm ET
by Leonardo of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Okay, you are right.
Munched a whole sheet of blotter.
My medication.

When you see the pig,
Please tell the whore high for me.
Abortion pudding.

Devout Catholic.
Or a devout communist.
Lying pretentious...

baby killing whores.
Salem witches weren't so bad.
Is the Pope aware?
Haiku # 68309, October 11, 2020 9:57 pm ET
by Two faces, both hideous. of Ugly soul, straight to hell.
Your medication:
Please take it and shut up, Darth.
You truly need it.
Haiku # 68308, October 11, 2020 9:06 pm ET
by Whorrendous Prescription of Pills
She smashed macaroni and cheese in the pages of her leather bound acid-free paper journal.
She told all her friends it was her MacBook.
Haiku # 68307, October 11, 2020 8:16 pm ET
by The roaches loved it.
Any questions?

Are you a whore's friend?
Not that I would even care.
Shit tick parasites.

Scamming lying theives.
Thou shalt not suffer so that
whores can fart near you.

Hitler's cool, whores no.
Unless they dress like Hitler.
And are from Brazil.
Haiku # 68306, October 11, 2020 8:10 pm ET
by Gotta love that Brazillian fart porn. of How many is a brazillion?
I've been comissioned
by Donald Trump to prove this.
Made him pay up front.

Let's review the basics.

Adolph was 56 years old when he died.
Each person makes 0.5 to 1.5 liters of farts per day.
Adolph was a vegetarian (so I've heard) so we can figure at the upper average limit of 1.5 liters per day.
56x365x1.5 = 30660 L of flatus. Mostly nitrogen, methane, and hydrogen, with a few sulfides and amides for that wonderful fart stink.
That's approximately 7.5x10^26 molecules distributed throughout the atmosphere.
The earth's atmosphere has a volume of 1.4x10^21 L.
The # of Hitler fart molecules you breathe in with each breath is...
(0.5 L) / (1.4x10^21 L) *(7.5x10^26) = 270,000 molecules.
Have a nice day!
Haiku # 68305, October 11, 2020 7:39 pm ET
by dw
Jesus. Blast from the past.
Warship the ground I poo on.
Or some such nonsense.

I am overwhelmed.
I'm working on a new proof
that all poets suck.
Haiku # 68304, October 11, 2020 7:16 pm ET
by dw
In a perfect world
Darth would have reminded us
About Hitler's farts
Haiku # 68303, October 11, 2020 5:07 am ET
by Darth is Greedy of Too busy doing math
What?!
Haiku # 68302, October 11, 2020 3:35 am ET
by Brad.
Never run from dogs.
Throw them some poisoned lunch meat.
Sit back and enjoy.
Haiku # 68301, October 11, 2020 3:33 am ET
by Cyanide is best.
Phantom flatulence
Dirty Dancing to the can
Ghost left a brown skid
Haiku # 68300, October 11, 2020 2:48 am ET
by Demi Moore TP please of Spindly hand reaching under stall
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long-stem rose
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah, give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
And everybody knows that it's now or never
Everybody knows that it's me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah, when you've done a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows
And everybody knows that the Plague is coming
Everybody knows that it's moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows
And everybody knows that you're in trouble
Everybody knows what you've been through
From the bloody cross on top of Calvary
To the beach of Malibu
Everybody knows it's coming apart
Take one last look at this Sacred Heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Haiku # 68299, October 11, 2020 2:23 am ET
by Leonard Nimoy
He doesn't eat pork
That poet formerly known
as Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 68298, October 11, 2020 1:49 am ET
by Sausage dink of Running from dogs
Everybody knows
Chestnut brown rectalplasm
Familiar fragrance
Haiku # 68297, October 10, 2020 11:46 pm ET
by Flatulence Throughout History of A Smelly Timeline
Say, kind of awkward
when they found you in that maze
with a frozen dink
Haiku # 68296, October 10, 2020 11:32 pm ET
by Darthsickle Slurper of Haiku Hotel
Wait just a minute!
One thing I know, ghosts don't fart!
Jesus that's stinky!
Haiku # 68295, October 10, 2020 11:00 pm ET
by Bartender at the Overlook Hotel.
That was just plain rude.
Candy corn?! That's disgusting!
Reeses or die!... Bitch.
Haiku # 68294, October 10, 2020 10:51 pm ET
by Boo. I'm a ghost now. of *chains rattling*
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