Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 109 Days and 76933 Haiku later...

Under old willow
I drain another bottle
Pee stains kimono
Haiku # 68337, October 14, 2020 5:02 am ET
by Drunk of Under old willow
Will they fight or fuck?
I'm on the edge of my seat
Which one has the dink?
Haiku # 68336, October 14, 2020 2:29 am ET
by Nacho Wife of Backstreet
Who'd win in a fight,
platypus or octopus?
They're both aquatic.

Live on Pay-Per-View!
Ink clouds vs. toxic spurs!
Once in lifetime!
Haiku # 68335, October 14, 2020 2:03 am ET
by queef dink pus schlong pizza of nachos! nachos! nachos!
Cephalopod once,
cephalopod twice; I hope
you have a Kleenex.
Haiku # 68334, October 14, 2020 1:55 am ET
by I also like platypusses. of Anything that ends with "puss"
Say cephalopod
Say it in that whiskey voice
Then say it again
Haiku # 68333, October 13, 2020 11:06 pm ET
by High Koo of High AF
I do NOT hate Trump.
However, his supporters,
that's another thing.

Snort Cheetos powder.
Day-glo daydream holocaust.
Orange Tang enema.
Haiku # 68332, October 13, 2020 10:38 pm ET
by dw
Gordon Ramsey's cat
made great soup for ET Alf.
What a stupid show.

Alf's a stupid show.
Gordon Ramsey cracks me up.
"This is fucking shit!"
Haiku # 68331, October 13, 2020 8:19 pm ET
by Entered anus entertained us.
You old dinosaurs
Hating on Trump, not sure why,
Will become extinct.
Haiku # 68330, October 13, 2020 8:14 pm ET
by Reptilian Die-off of the Cretaceous Period
Fried green tomato
Fannie Flagg's vertical smile
Known to wake the dead
Haiku # 68329, October 13, 2020 7:20 pm ET
by Kandy Korn of Haiku Central
jumped up from the grave
Skeleton Dab! Alan Funt!
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt!
Haiku # 68328, October 13, 2020 7:16 pm ET
by Kandy Korn of Some place haunted by farts
Say, bend over now
Make love to the camera
(Wiping lens again)
Haiku # 68327, October 13, 2020 4:34 pm ET
by Guy Smiley of Darkroom
Video marketing is emerging as one of the best instruments used by organizations to improve income and revenue. This article features a ton of fantastic online video marketing suggestions which you can use to improve your business. By smartly employing the ideal video marketing methods you are sure to enjoy good results.

Do not believe that the sales staff to you organization are the ones that will appear finest before the video camera. Get the individual in the workplace that has the most effective look and also have them end up being the deal with of your company. Nobody has got to realize that your enterprise representative is janitor or secretary.

Once you have picture your online video, range from the Website url at the conclusion of your online video. This will enable other individuals to check out your site to learn more concerning your goods. This may be easily accomplished making use of regular video enhancing computer software. A large number of are available on-line for free or a nominal expense.

Have a screenshot of the website you manage inside your videos. This may allow viewers to see how your website is put in place. Screenshots also do wonderful in how-to video tutorials. Save your valuable screenshot, and with the help of video editing application, it is possible to put into action them in your videos.

When you create a online video for marketing purposes ensure that it stays below 2 minutes. You need your audience to view the whole meaning, and should it be too long you are going to most likely drop viewers as they click off. You could continue a thought or meaning within a followup online video as needed.

Take into account just how quick interest covers are online. You have about 15 moments in your video clip to grab your audience consideration. Make your complete articles below two a few minutes in size to obtain the most feasible impact. If this type of does not appear doable for which you need to go out there, distribute your site content across chapter video clips.

Make use of a constant technique in each of your video tutorials. Are your videos likely to be quirky or severe? Get your target audience plus the goods or services you supply when deciding what type of movie you would like to create. Utilize this to find out what you're going to make your video clips like. They can be more serious, or maybe more fun, dependant upon who you're striving to do business with.

The more video lessons which you make, the more visitors you will definately get. Even though 1 movie does terribly, doesn't imply that they all will. Also through making video tutorials on a regular basis, it can keep audiences interested and they will revisit to find out what new content you need to offer.

Question those who you perspective your video to do one thing. This is certainly normally called a "phone to activity". As an example, if you'd such as your audience to subscribe to a newsletter, allow them to have the option for clicking on a link within your movie outline. You just need to have the approach simple for them.

A major oversight of individuals unfamiliar with video marketing is because they attempt to design and style their videos such as a industrial. This really is a huge shut down. Individuals do not desire to see ads on his or her pcs. Instead, attempt to help make your video clips about events inside your sector or activities in your enterprise.

Consider setting out the path of your video. Fantastic video tutorials make it crystal clear in early stages what will be talked about during the movie. Just plunging in your content is not going to assist the audiences fully grasp the advantages of watching it. Start with an outline such as you would an essay to describe to visitors in the beginning what to anticipate while in the rest of the movie.

Testimonials support visitors understand more about different goods. This sort of movie is definitely the very least used marketing with video device. Usually do not only concentrate on your merchandise, but additionally include critiques about items that accentuate your products or services. For example, if your business concentrates on hair shampoo, do numerous product critiques on hair style goods.

As was mentioned before in this article, implementing an intelligent online video marketing strategy is one of the best ways to boost your company and enhance revenue. By carefully applying all of the fantastic guidance just read you should certainly considerably raise sales. Don't hang on, get moving right now.
Haiku # 68326, October 13, 2020 2:53 pm ET
by GabrielKew of Chile
To compare Trump and
The Joker is just downright

When all's said and done,
The Joker isn't that bad.
He's killed less people.
Haiku # 68325, October 12, 2020 10:45 pm ET
by Batman of The Batcave, of course
I just realized,
The Joker doesn't wear masks.
Not usually.
Haiku # 68324, October 12, 2020 10:41 pm ET
Do you expect more
than wobbly cocks here at
BAD haiku dot com???

If you want a firm
hard errection then go to
Boyz Boyz Boyz Club/Pub.

Pattaya Thailand.
Anything you want is there,
you demented perv.
Haiku # 68323, October 12, 2020 10:38 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendous of Is that a Pangolin?! Hmm...
perched on the dais
the ultimate cockwomble
glowing mandarin
Haiku # 68322, October 12, 2020 9:34 pm ET
by ash
immune to covid
immune to criticism
immune to the law

spouting his bullshit
with contagious mania
the joker unmasked
Haiku # 68321, October 12, 2020 9:31 pm ET
by ash
I don't use quill pens.
I use high pressure spray paint.
Paint your face with poo!

Fecal graffiti.
Surrealistic excrement.
Poop filled fireworks!

Rains down on your head.
It fills your mouth and nostrils.
And gets in your eyes.

All you see is shit.
All you hear and taste is shit.
You know where it's made.
Haiku # 68320, October 12, 2020 6:24 pm ET
by Iron Maiden China Doll of USA! USA! USA!...
Say, if you show your
private parts to everyone
Are they private parts?
Haiku # 68319, October 12, 2020 5:10 pm ET
by Shaggy of Commune
Quill pen dipped in poop
Now arrange the syllables
Signed, Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 68318, October 12, 2020 5:06 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker of Man about town
So what do you think of the DeBeer's diamond monopoly? Think of the industrial possibilities if only diamonds were not monopolized as precious gem-stones. Diamonds have amazing properties. But we enslave people to mine them and fight small wars over them, with "ethnic cleansing". Africa is so brutal, and the diamond trade is a big part of that, but it doesn't have to be that way. Silly humans.
Haiku # 68317, October 12, 2020 2:48 pm ET
by the way, would you like to buy my poetry book
Brazillian fart porn
takes you to a higher plane.
Donald Trump knows this.
Haiku # 68316, October 12, 2020 2:42 pm ET
by His orange hair symbolizing the orange robes of Thai Monks.
It is not carnal.
Flatus is spiritual.
Re-watch Ghostbusters!
Haiku # 68315, October 12, 2020 2:36 pm ET
by Ohmmm. Mani padme *prooooot*. of Temple of The Gaseous Buddha
Darth: broken record.
Depraved carnal tedium.
Farts. Private parts. Yawn . . . .
Haiku # 68314, October 12, 2020 2:08 pm ET
by Lard is Good for You of Small Doses
I turned down the job.
There are enough sinners here.
How I love their screams.

Rise above the scum.
Listening to Mozart now.
I've no cheese or wine.

Oh how sad it is.
Do not weep one tear for me.
Save it for dinner.
Haiku # 68313, October 12, 2020 7:24 am ET
by dw
Keyboard is melting.
Holy shit, I'm on fire.
Satan's on the phone.

What does He want now?
Offering me employment.
Reading poetry.

Beer, hotubs, and babes.
The benefits aren't too good.
No 401-K ?!
Haiku # 68312, October 12, 2020 12:31 am ET
by Darth Whore-End-Us
Free Mason's don't work for free.
Nor are they masons!
Haiku # 68311, October 11, 2020 11:14 pm ET
by Master Carravagio of Sex, drugs, rock-n-roll -- no conspiracies here.
Break out the big guns.
Davinci Code's dead fetus.
Talk about karma!
Haiku # 68310, October 11, 2020 10:21 pm ET
by Leonardo of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Okay, you are right.
Munched a whole sheet of blotter.
My medication.

When you see the pig,
Please tell the whore high for me.
Abortion pudding.

Devout Catholic.
Or a devout communist.
Lying pretentious...

baby killing whores.
Salem witches weren't so bad.
Is the Pope aware?
Haiku # 68309, October 11, 2020 9:57 pm ET
by Two faces, both hideous. of Ugly soul, straight to hell.
Your medication:
Please take it and shut up, Darth.
You truly need it.
Haiku # 68308, October 11, 2020 9:06 pm ET
by Whorrendous Prescription of Pills
She smashed macaroni and cheese in the pages of her leather bound acid-free paper journal.
She told all her friends it was her MacBook.
Haiku # 68307, October 11, 2020 8:16 pm ET
by The roaches loved it.
Any questions?

Are you a whore's friend?
Not that I would even care.
Shit tick parasites.

Scamming lying theives.
Thou shalt not suffer so that
whores can fart near you.

Hitler's cool, whores no.
Unless they dress like Hitler.
And are from Brazil.
Haiku # 68306, October 11, 2020 8:10 pm ET
by Gotta love that Brazillian fart porn. of How many is a brazillion?
I've been comissioned
by Donald Trump to prove this.
Made him pay up front.

Let's review the basics.

Adolph was 56 years old when he died.
Each person makes 0.5 to 1.5 liters of farts per day.
Adolph was a vegetarian (so I've heard) so we can figure at the upper average limit of 1.5 liters per day.
56x365x1.5 = 30660 L of flatus. Mostly nitrogen, methane, and hydrogen, with a few sulfides and amides for that wonderful fart stink.
That's approximately 7.5x10^26 molecules distributed throughout the atmosphere.
The earth's atmosphere has a volume of 1.4x10^21 L.
The # of Hitler fart molecules you breathe in with each breath is...
(0.5 L) / (1.4x10^21 L) *(7.5x10^26) = 270,000 molecules.
Have a nice day!
Haiku # 68305, October 11, 2020 7:39 pm ET
by dw
Jesus. Blast from the past.
Warship the ground I poo on.
Or some such nonsense.

I am overwhelmed.
I'm working on a new proof
that all poets suck.
Haiku # 68304, October 11, 2020 7:16 pm ET
by dw
In a perfect world
Darth would have reminded us
About Hitler's farts
Haiku # 68303, October 11, 2020 5:07 am ET
by Darth is Greedy of Too busy doing math
Haiku # 68302, October 11, 2020 3:35 am ET
by Brad.
Never run from dogs.
Throw them some poisoned lunch meat.
Sit back and enjoy.
Haiku # 68301, October 11, 2020 3:33 am ET
by Cyanide is best.
Phantom flatulence
Dirty Dancing to the can
Ghost left a brown skid
Haiku # 68300, October 11, 2020 2:48 am ET
by Demi Moore TP please of Spindly hand reaching under stall
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long-stem rose
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah, give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
And everybody knows that it's now or never
Everybody knows that it's me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah, when you've done a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows
And everybody knows that the Plague is coming
Everybody knows that it's moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows
And everybody knows that you're in trouble
Everybody knows what you've been through
From the bloody cross on top of Calvary
To the beach of Malibu
Everybody knows it's coming apart
Take one last look at this Sacred Heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Haiku # 68299, October 11, 2020 2:23 am ET
by Leonard Nimoy
He doesn't eat pork
That poet formerly known
as Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 68298, October 11, 2020 1:49 am ET
by Sausage dink of Running from dogs
Everybody knows
Chestnut brown rectalplasm
Familiar fragrance
Haiku # 68297, October 10, 2020 11:46 pm ET
by Flatulence Throughout History of A Smelly Timeline
Say, kind of awkward
when they found you in that maze
with a frozen dink
Haiku # 68296, October 10, 2020 11:32 pm ET
by Darthsickle Slurper of Haiku Hotel
Wait just a minute!
One thing I know, ghosts don't fart!
Jesus that's stinky!
Haiku # 68295, October 10, 2020 11:00 pm ET
by Bartender at the Overlook Hotel.
That was just plain rude.
Candy corn?! That's disgusting!
Reeses or die!... Bitch.
Haiku # 68294, October 10, 2020 10:51 pm ET
by Boo. I'm a ghost now. of *chains rattling*
The candy corn trail
leads directly to your dink
Holidays are fun
Haiku # 68293, October 10, 2020 10:30 pm ET
by Punkin Spice of Parking Latte
Going back to sleep.
Because I'm old and I can.
... dammit. Errection.
Haiku # 68292, October 10, 2020 7:49 pm ET
by what now
She was quite proud of
her scary Jack-o-lantern.
And the neighbors knew.
Haiku # 68291, October 10, 2020 7:38 pm ET
by Hell-o-ween blood fest orgy sugar high of ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
A drawer of old parts.
I could make something with these.
Maybe tomorrow.
Haiku # 68290, October 10, 2020 7:36 pm ET
by dw
Oregon forrests.
Little people and sasquatch.
Mushrooms and chipmonks.
Haiku # 68289, October 10, 2020 7:34 pm ET
by Neck strain from looking up. of Back strain from bending down. Too much to see.
Spicy chicken wings.
Ice cold cerveza negra.
Drunken bike riders.
Haiku # 68288, October 10, 2020 7:14 am ET
by Friendly fuzzies.
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