BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
349 Days
and
68522 Haikus
later...
The candy corn trail
leads directly to your dink
Holidays are fun
Haiku #68293, by Punkin Spice of Parking Latte
October 10, 2020 10:30 pm ET

Going back to sleep.
Because I'm old and I can.
... dammit. Errection.
Haiku #68292, by what now
October 10, 2020 7:49 pm ET

She was quite proud of
her scary Jack-o-lantern.
And the neighbors knew.
Haiku #68291, by Hell-o-ween blood fest orgy sugar high of ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
October 10, 2020 7:38 pm ET

A drawer of old parts.
I could make something with these.
Maybe tomorrow.
Haiku #68290, by dw
October 10, 2020 7:36 pm ET

Oregon forrests.
Little people and sasquatch.
Mushrooms and chipmonks.
Haiku #68289, by Neck strain from looking up. of Back strain from bending down. Too much to see.
October 10, 2020 7:34 pm ET

Spicy chicken wings.
Ice cold cerveza negra.
Drunken bike riders.
Haiku #68288, by Friendly fuzzies.
October 10, 2020 7:14 am ET

BUTT, not but, but you new that.
Haiku #68287, by Dont forget the 5 ft bong. of And 2 ft dong.
October 10, 2020 6:56 am ET

What's a good costume
to scare rednecks and police?
Armed gay black pothead?

Black leather and lace.
Studded chaps, but cheeks exposed.
Full auto Uzi.

Wearing MAGA cap,
KKK robe and tattoos.
And a large strap-on.
Haiku #68286, by I wish I was black of For so many reasons.
October 10, 2020 6:53 am ET

Unzipping Darth's fly
Sticky syllables spill out
Baby seahorses!
Haiku #68285, by Who is the real Darth? of Meat section
October 10, 2020 4:58 am ET

Pork is disgusting.
People who eat it, more so.
For they become swine.
Haiku #68284, by dw
October 10, 2020 3:48 am ET

I keep telling you,
It is now Darth Whorendous!
I've given up pork!

There is nothing fun
in my loose fitting khakis.
Scabs, pus, and disease.

But they speak to me.
My bacterial friendships.
They are always there.

Ergot scrotal rot.
I get my hallucinogens
straight from blood to brain.
Haiku #68283, by Holy shit! Look at that dinosaur!
October 10, 2020 3:46 am ET

That Darth Figpucker
The contents of his tight pants
can't be called "fun size"
Haiku #68282, by Noticer of Details of Anywhere
October 10, 2020 12:01 am ET

Halloween safety.
Trick or treating etiquette.
Beyond "please/thank you".
What should you do when
you are given *candy corn*?
Hand grenade or sword?
The old flame thrower?
Die, Granny McFartsalot!
Let me hear you scream!
You want to be safe?
Invest in Reeses and Crunch.
Or maybe Snickers.
Forget the "bite size".
Regular size to be safe.
No year to be cheap.
Extra insurance:
Edibles for mom and dad.
You know what I mean!
Haiku #68281, by Sugar Rush Rebellion of Only in the US
October 9, 2020 5:39 pm ET

What's your favorite
crazy music video?
What What in the Butt?
Haiku #68280, by dw
October 9, 2020 5:22 pm ET

I Fink you Freaky.
What an awesome video.
Everything you want.
Haiku #68279, by the way, you need a vacation.
October 9, 2020 3:20 pm ET

What's he gotten done?
Golfing and pussy grabbing?
A moral vacuum!

Almost anyone could do a better job.
Pee Wee Herman has my vote.
Paris Hilton even. Or the Kardashians.
Jerry Springer? Maybe!
Marilyn Manson. Certainly!
Yolanda from Die Antwoord. Worth a try.
Not the orange ape.
Haiku #68278, by Caligula
October 9, 2020 3:18 pm ET

What does a fly seek?
A stinky pile of shit rot.
Mission accomplished
Haiku #68277, by Jesus is lard
October 9, 2020 11:32 am ET

Let's get serious.
Trump is a money buffoon.
But he gets things done.
Haiku #68276, by And the Alternative Is ?
October 9, 2020 8:19 am ET

Here come the rabbits.
They're the winners in all this.
Elmer Fudd is dead.
Haiku #68275, by Warner Bros., Inc.
October 9, 2020 7:07 am ET

Carrots are crying.
Put your ear down to the ground.
You can hear them sob.
Haiku #68274, by Revererend Maynard
October 9, 2020 7:04 am ET

Cows also don't care.
Until it is way too late.
Then how they complain!
Haiku #68273, by The Farmer in the Dell Computer
October 9, 2020 7:00 am ET

The pigs don't care.
All they want is to eat slop.
They've plenty of that!
Haiku #68272, by Old McD & MSG of 38000 locations worldwide.
October 9, 2020 6:58 am ET

The chickens are sad.
Head tilted, they said, "Bakaaw!"
I can sympathize.
Haiku #68271, by Farmer Brown of Free range eggs for sale.
October 9, 2020 6:51 am ET

It's well known that Trump often scammed the contractors who worked for him. Especially in NYC. Caused many hard working men to go out of business bc he wouldn't pay his bill. That's how he got rich. You want this POS as your leader??? Doesn't say much for you, Hitler boy.
The Nazis were thieves too. Swiss bank account billions. This world needs an asteroid!
Haiku #68270, by The ghost about to dine. of HAMBURGER
October 9, 2020 2:41 am ET

It's well known that Trump often scammed the contractors who worked for him. Especially in NYC. Caused many hard working men to go out of business bc he wouldn't pay his bill. That's how he got rich. You want this POS as your leader??? Doesn't say much for you, Hitler boy.
The Nazis were thieves too. Swiss bank account billions. This world needs an asteroid!
Haiku #68269, by The ghost about to dine.
October 9, 2020 2:19 am ET

I am craving flesh.
Roasted with BBQ sauce.
Or perhaps women.

Conquer and consume.
Devour, fornicate, repeat.
Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat.
Haiku #68268, by Food, glorious food. of Didn't Beethoven write that?
October 9, 2020 2:13 am ET

Banana pancakes
dusted with powdered sugar
and lightly drizzled

with amaretto
liqueur and a line of coke
on the side of course.

Bourbon on the rocks.
A joint, shroom, and peyote.
Seven cheeseburgers.
Haiku #68267, by The ghost of Hunter S Thompson. Still hungry, Goddammit!
October 8, 2020 11:16 pm ET

Get out the big guns!
Gonna take this country back!
Kill the parasites!
Haiku #68266, by God Fearing US Citizen! of And don't forget to support your local NRA chapter.
October 8, 2020 10:25 pm ET

He didn't win the election. The majority didn't want him. The electoral dickwads put him in there. I farted. You are an alien. I mean, just look at yo mamma.
Haiku #68265, by Jerry Springer Show! With a dash of Maurey. No Dr. Phil. Fuck him anyway.
October 8, 2020 10:20 pm ET


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Haiku #68264, by GabrielHep of Malta
October 8, 2020 6:31 pm ET

Well actually, no.
We voted for him. He won.
And we aren't aliens
Haiku #68263, by Just Another Political Circus of Grave Importance
October 8, 2020 6:06 pm ET

Trump plays the right-wing.
He's a greedy con-artist.
Just like the old ex.

The only thing that triggers me about him is that fucking hair and skin tone. He's like a million Avon products sold to 3rd world countries with mismatched skin tone and curtains that don't match the carpets. I be his asshole is as orange as a Cheeto. He's not human. Set up by aliens as the puppet leader. "Fills me with the urge to defecate!" comes to mind. He can suck my distended rectum like a Mexican show girl sucking off a donkey.
Haiku #68262, by
October 8, 2020 5:34 pm ET

Seriously, Trump?
He is not even right wing.
But he triggers you.
Haiku #68261, by He must have Super-Powers
October 8, 2020 9:20 am ET

It appears that he knows he is going to lose and therefore can now do anything that he wants to do; run around without a mask, behave like a child, grab pussy, and ridicule the mentally disabled.
There is no stopping him. The right wing pistol-slinging gun nuts will take over and set him up as the new emperor puppet king of the the Grand Empire or North America (made in China).
This will not be a peaceful November/December.
I, for one, will go shopping. Hoping to buy some sharp cheddar, without all that fake orange color. French wine and brie. Perhaps a hardy swiss.
Call me crazy, but I want to try making pizzza with some more exotic cheeses. Mozzarella is so dull. Know what I mean?
Haiku #68260, by Lox on wheat bagels. of Because!
October 8, 2020 8:44 am ET

Frat brothers have died
ingesting wine anally.
It should have been Trump.

Would you care for a
Cheetos Franzia smoothie?
Cheese and wine Frappe!

Maybe not healthy
but it'll sure clean you out.
Cheesey sacrament.

Day glow enema.
Boofing a nuclear rod
for North Korea.
Haiku #68259, by
October 8, 2020 8:31 am ET

taking the blue pills
will help you to keep it up
until we're all fucked
Haiku #68258, by ash
October 8, 2020 8:03 am ET

america's ill douche
benito trumpolini
be afraid of it
Haiku #68257, by ash
October 8, 2020 7:52 am ET

fake news is rampant
used to be trumped up charges
now it's charged up trumps
Haiku #68256, by ash
October 8, 2020 7:38 am ET

What??!
Haiku #68255, by Brad
October 7, 2020 8:27 pm ET

Jesus loves pizza.
Especially with thick crust.
"This is my body."

For he has risen!
Mediteranean style.
Parm, olives, garlic.

Perhaps artichokes.
Chicken w/ some extra parm.
Lots of hot pepper.

A glass of red wine.
This is my blood; opened my heart.
Drunken salvation.
Haiku #68254, by Don't forget to tip the waiter!
October 7, 2020 8:11 pm ET

the first dorito
no longer pasty and pale
he's baked on steroids

and and and... it's so
a side effect of the drugs
echolalia

say what again ?
Haiku #68253, by ash
October 7, 2020 7:23 pm ET

the first dorito
no longer pasty and and pale
he's baked on steroids
Haiku #68252, by ash
October 7, 2020 7:04 pm ET

throw paper airplanes
from the very top bleachers
at a trump rally

laced with ebola
covid is so yesterday
get with the times, dude!

Airborne HIV
would be totally awesome.
Who will invent it?
Haiku #68251, by cross HIV w/ influenza and/or covid of Come on, Bill Gates, you can do it!
October 7, 2020 10:12 am ET

Clouds in the sky
Roaring out loud make me sad
Ah, I want to play.
Haiku #68250, by UM-2020 of Earth
October 7, 2020 6:29 am ET

Trump's neck vagina
Haiku #68249, by Anonymous Poet
October 7, 2020 4:46 am ET

The 2020 election should be handled by the way of a tickling contest. The first one to lose conciousness must step down. The other one must be castrated, blinded, and eardrums removed and a digital simulation of the winner will rule the people... I think at least one movie did that already. Well, maybe not the tickling bit. Okay, I'm out... time to go tickle some bits.
Haiku #68248, by Max Headroom for President! of Giving away my age.
October 6, 2020 11:53 pm ET

Can you imagine
being tickled until dead?
Is that possible?
Haiku #68247, by Beware of strange men buying duct tape and feathers in the express checkout lane of Walmart
October 6, 2020 11:47 pm ET

I've hired a Native American for those of you who prefer bald eagle feathers.
Haiku #68246, by dw
October 6, 2020 7:58 pm ET

God didn't make the virus, the Chinese made the virus. So you know it won't last too long. The Chinese made the virus b/c Bill Gates commissioned a bioweapon that would destroy half the world's population in under a year. Never do business w/ the Chinese. The greed of communism. Power hungry dictators controlling Russia who controls Trump. Bill Gates is under control of the Swiss Banking Mafia and the downloaded consciousness of Timothy Leary....
Where's my coffee?
Haiku #68245, by dw of Got some new ostrich and peacock feathers in.
October 6, 2020 7:43 pm ET

*you'll be glad there's no safe word, trust me!
Haiku #68244, by Anonymous Poet
October 6, 2020 6:53 pm ET