BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
349 Days
and
68522 Haikus
later...
What's your favorite
crazy music video?
What What in the Butt?
Haiku #68280, by dw
October 9, 2020 5:22 pm ET

I Fink you Freaky.
What an awesome video.
Everything you want.
Haiku #68279, by the way, you need a vacation.
October 9, 2020 3:20 pm ET

What's he gotten done?
Golfing and pussy grabbing?
A moral vacuum!

Almost anyone could do a better job.
Pee Wee Herman has my vote.
Paris Hilton even. Or the Kardashians.
Jerry Springer? Maybe!
Marilyn Manson. Certainly!
Yolanda from Die Antwoord. Worth a try.
Not the orange ape.
Haiku #68278, by Caligula
October 9, 2020 3:18 pm ET

What does a fly seek?
A stinky pile of shit rot.
Mission accomplished
Haiku #68277, by Jesus is lard
October 9, 2020 11:32 am ET

Let's get serious.
Trump is a money buffoon.
But he gets things done.
Haiku #68276, by And the Alternative Is ?
October 9, 2020 8:19 am ET

Here come the rabbits.
They're the winners in all this.
Elmer Fudd is dead.
Haiku #68275, by Warner Bros., Inc.
October 9, 2020 7:07 am ET

Carrots are crying.
Put your ear down to the ground.
You can hear them sob.
Haiku #68274, by Revererend Maynard
October 9, 2020 7:04 am ET

Cows also don't care.
Until it is way too late.
Then how they complain!
Haiku #68273, by The Farmer in the Dell Computer
October 9, 2020 7:00 am ET

The pigs don't care.
All they want is to eat slop.
They've plenty of that!
Haiku #68272, by Old McD & MSG of 38000 locations worldwide.
October 9, 2020 6:58 am ET

The chickens are sad.
Head tilted, they said, "Bakaaw!"
I can sympathize.
Haiku #68271, by Farmer Brown of Free range eggs for sale.
October 9, 2020 6:51 am ET

It's well known that Trump often scammed the contractors who worked for him. Especially in NYC. Caused many hard working men to go out of business bc he wouldn't pay his bill. That's how he got rich. You want this POS as your leader??? Doesn't say much for you, Hitler boy.
The Nazis were thieves too. Swiss bank account billions. This world needs an asteroid!
Haiku #68270, by The ghost about to dine. of HAMBURGER
October 9, 2020 2:41 am ET

It's well known that Trump often scammed the contractors who worked for him. Especially in NYC. Caused many hard working men to go out of business bc he wouldn't pay his bill. That's how he got rich. You want this POS as your leader??? Doesn't say much for you, Hitler boy.
The Nazis were thieves too. Swiss bank account billions. This world needs an asteroid!
Haiku #68269, by The ghost about to dine.
October 9, 2020 2:19 am ET

I am craving flesh.
Roasted with BBQ sauce.
Or perhaps women.

Conquer and consume.
Devour, fornicate, repeat.
Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat.
Haiku #68268, by Food, glorious food. of Didn't Beethoven write that?
October 9, 2020 2:13 am ET

Banana pancakes
dusted with powdered sugar
and lightly drizzled

with amaretto
liqueur and a line of coke
on the side of course.

Bourbon on the rocks.
A joint, shroom, and peyote.
Seven cheeseburgers.
Haiku #68267, by The ghost of Hunter S Thompson. Still hungry, Goddammit!
October 8, 2020 11:16 pm ET

Get out the big guns!
Gonna take this country back!
Kill the parasites!
Haiku #68266, by God Fearing US Citizen! of And don't forget to support your local NRA chapter.
October 8, 2020 10:25 pm ET

He didn't win the election. The majority didn't want him. The electoral dickwads put him in there. I farted. You are an alien. I mean, just look at yo mamma.
Haiku #68265, by Jerry Springer Show! With a dash of Maurey. No Dr. Phil. Fuck him anyway.
October 8, 2020 10:20 pm ET


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Haiku #68264, by GabrielHep of Malta
October 8, 2020 6:31 pm ET

Well actually, no.
We voted for him. He won.
And we aren't aliens
Haiku #68263, by Just Another Political Circus of Grave Importance
October 8, 2020 6:06 pm ET

Trump plays the right-wing.
He's a greedy con-artist.
Just like the old ex.

The only thing that triggers me about him is that fucking hair and skin tone. He's like a million Avon products sold to 3rd world countries with mismatched skin tone and curtains that don't match the carpets. I be his asshole is as orange as a Cheeto. He's not human. Set up by aliens as the puppet leader. "Fills me with the urge to defecate!" comes to mind. He can suck my distended rectum like a Mexican show girl sucking off a donkey.
Haiku #68262, by
October 8, 2020 5:34 pm ET

Seriously, Trump?
He is not even right wing.
But he triggers you.
Haiku #68261, by He must have Super-Powers
October 8, 2020 9:20 am ET

It appears that he knows he is going to lose and therefore can now do anything that he wants to do; run around without a mask, behave like a child, grab pussy, and ridicule the mentally disabled.
There is no stopping him. The right wing pistol-slinging gun nuts will take over and set him up as the new emperor puppet king of the the Grand Empire or North America (made in China).
This will not be a peaceful November/December.
I, for one, will go shopping. Hoping to buy some sharp cheddar, without all that fake orange color. French wine and brie. Perhaps a hardy swiss.
Call me crazy, but I want to try making pizzza with some more exotic cheeses. Mozzarella is so dull. Know what I mean?
Haiku #68260, by Lox on wheat bagels. of Because!
October 8, 2020 8:44 am ET

Frat brothers have died
ingesting wine anally.
It should have been Trump.

Would you care for a
Cheetos Franzia smoothie?
Cheese and wine Frappe!

Maybe not healthy
but it'll sure clean you out.
Cheesey sacrament.

Day glow enema.
Boofing a nuclear rod
for North Korea.
Haiku #68259, by
October 8, 2020 8:31 am ET

taking the blue pills
will help you to keep it up
until we're all fucked
Haiku #68258, by ash
October 8, 2020 8:03 am ET

america's ill douche
benito trumpolini
be afraid of it
Haiku #68257, by ash
October 8, 2020 7:52 am ET

fake news is rampant
used to be trumped up charges
now it's charged up trumps
Haiku #68256, by ash
October 8, 2020 7:38 am ET

What??!
Haiku #68255, by Brad
October 7, 2020 8:27 pm ET

Jesus loves pizza.
Especially with thick crust.
"This is my body."

For he has risen!
Mediteranean style.
Parm, olives, garlic.

Perhaps artichokes.
Chicken w/ some extra parm.
Lots of hot pepper.

A glass of red wine.
This is my blood; opened my heart.
Drunken salvation.
Haiku #68254, by Don't forget to tip the waiter!
October 7, 2020 8:11 pm ET

the first dorito
no longer pasty and pale
he's baked on steroids

and and and... it's so
a side effect of the drugs
echolalia

say what again ?
Haiku #68253, by ash
October 7, 2020 7:23 pm ET

the first dorito
no longer pasty and and pale
he's baked on steroids
Haiku #68252, by ash
October 7, 2020 7:04 pm ET

throw paper airplanes
from the very top bleachers
at a trump rally

laced with ebola
covid is so yesterday
get with the times, dude!

Airborne HIV
would be totally awesome.
Who will invent it?
Haiku #68251, by cross HIV w/ influenza and/or covid of Come on, Bill Gates, you can do it!
October 7, 2020 10:12 am ET

Clouds in the sky
Roaring out loud make me sad
Ah, I want to play.
Haiku #68250, by UM-2020 of Earth
October 7, 2020 6:29 am ET

Trump's neck vagina
Haiku #68249, by Anonymous Poet
October 7, 2020 4:46 am ET

The 2020 election should be handled by the way of a tickling contest. The first one to lose conciousness must step down. The other one must be castrated, blinded, and eardrums removed and a digital simulation of the winner will rule the people... I think at least one movie did that already. Well, maybe not the tickling bit. Okay, I'm out... time to go tickle some bits.
Haiku #68248, by Max Headroom for President! of Giving away my age.
October 6, 2020 11:53 pm ET

Can you imagine
being tickled until dead?
Is that possible?
Haiku #68247, by Beware of strange men buying duct tape and feathers in the express checkout lane of Walmart
October 6, 2020 11:47 pm ET

I've hired a Native American for those of you who prefer bald eagle feathers.
Haiku #68246, by dw
October 6, 2020 7:58 pm ET

God didn't make the virus, the Chinese made the virus. So you know it won't last too long. The Chinese made the virus b/c Bill Gates commissioned a bioweapon that would destroy half the world's population in under a year. Never do business w/ the Chinese. The greed of communism. Power hungry dictators controlling Russia who controls Trump. Bill Gates is under control of the Swiss Banking Mafia and the downloaded consciousness of Timothy Leary....
Where's my coffee?
Haiku #68245, by dw of Got some new ostrich and peacock feathers in.
October 6, 2020 7:43 pm ET

*you'll be glad there's no safe word, trust me!
Haiku #68244, by Anonymous Poet
October 6, 2020 6:53 pm ET

My new profession:
Testicular tickler.
No safe words, Elmo.
Haiku #68243, by President Donald Trump. of I know Darth Whorrendous. He's a good personal friend of mine. Uses only the best feathers. You'll be glad there's no safe wor
October 6, 2020 6:47 pm ET

God made this virus
And it has hurt tRump badly
There's a message there
Haiku #68242, by Jesus is lard
October 6, 2020 2:34 pm ET

Trump is in your brain
Like memories of girlfriends
And he haunts your dreams
Haiku #68241, by Orange Man, the Statesman of Statesmen, Loves You, Ash
October 6, 2020 11:27 am ET

Call me old fashioned,
We all need Mr. Rogers
on public TV.

Hello boys and girls.
I'd like to discuss manners.
Can you say "manners".
Haiku #68240, by Darth Whorrendous. of I'd like to cut you down with my light saber if you don't mind. Sorry, it might hurt a little, but not for long.
October 6, 2020 6:06 am ET

the super spreader
reflects his inner twat
who loves me, baby ?

orange narcissus
go pool your awesome talents
you'll be a legend
Haiku #68239, by ash
October 5, 2020 8:56 pm ET

fifth of a million
normal fearful humans die
not chief cockwomble
Haiku #68238, by ash
October 5, 2020 8:38 pm ET

The land of the free.
Pot, fire arms, and nerve gas.
They're all at Walmart.

I can't even find one fucking hit of acid. Should have moved to Amersterdam or maybe San Francisco. Or moved to South America to take yopo up the old Jewish schnoz. Craving new universes to explore and recite bad poetry to.
Haiku #68237, by Darth Whorendous of Vogon fleet poetry reading
October 5, 2020 8:16 pm ET

After the covid,
Trump's porno tape will be leaked.
You can watch him leak.

Five Russian hookers
Three tattooed Thai lady-boys
Twelve jars of mayo.
Haiku #68236, by I think it was Helman's. of Hold the pickle relish, thanks.
October 5, 2020 7:55 pm ET

The Abyss of Filth:
Nurgalshalogurblastkuth
from Whence It Ascends
Haiku #68235, by Home Sweet Home of Darth
October 5, 2020 7:13 pm ET

gatorade replaced
beer and wine, my old age I
will drink mountain dew
Haiku #68234, by vhs
October 5, 2020 2:47 pm ET

Trump will recover,
inspire the nation, and then
win in November.
Haiku #68233, by Just to shut up the Nasty-ass Left
October 5, 2020 12:33 pm ET

Mom asked me if I
sent Grandma a birthday card.
She's been dead for years.

I told her of course.
A card and flowers as well.
And a large dildo.

Still no heart attack.
You can't say I didn't try.
Maybe I'll dose her.

Fifteen hundred "mics".
Possible it might cure her.
Fucking dementia.
Haiku #68232, by What doesn't kill you, makes you smell stronger.
October 5, 2020 8:51 am ET

I cannot decide
what topic to write about.
When's the train coming?
Haiku #68231, by Old-Timer's Disease of When it hits, it hits hard.
October 5, 2020 8:43 am ET