Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 218 Days and 70759 Haikus later...

Can you imagine
being tickled until dead?
Is that possible?
Haiku # 68247, October 6, 2020 11:47 pm ET
by Beware of strange men buying duct tape and feathers in the express checkout lane of Walmart
I've hired a Native American for those of you who prefer bald eagle feathers.
Haiku # 68246, October 6, 2020 7:58 pm ET
by dw
God didn't make the virus, the Chinese made the virus. So you know it won't last too long. The Chinese made the virus b/c Bill Gates commissioned a bioweapon that would destroy half the world's population in under a year. Never do business w/ the Chinese. The greed of communism. Power hungry dictators controlling Russia who controls Trump. Bill Gates is under control of the Swiss Banking Mafia and the downloaded consciousness of Timothy Leary....
Where's my coffee?
Haiku # 68245, October 6, 2020 7:43 pm ET
by dw of Got some new ostrich and peacock feathers in.
*you'll be glad there's no safe word, trust me!
Haiku # 68244, October 6, 2020 6:53 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
My new profession:
Testicular tickler.
No safe words, Elmo.
Haiku # 68243, October 6, 2020 6:47 pm ET
by President Donald Trump. of I know Darth Whorrendous. He's a good personal friend of mine. Uses only the best feathers. You'll be glad there's no safe wor
God made this virus
And it has hurt tRump badly
There's a message there
Haiku # 68242, October 6, 2020 2:34 pm ET
by Jesus is lard
Trump is in your brain
Like memories of girlfriends
And he haunts your dreams
Haiku # 68241, October 6, 2020 11:27 am ET
by Orange Man, the Statesman of Statesmen, Loves You, Ash
Call me old fashioned,
We all need Mr. Rogers
on public TV.

Hello boys and girls.
I'd like to discuss manners.
Can you say "manners".
Haiku # 68240, October 6, 2020 6:06 am ET
by Darth Whorrendous. of I'd like to cut you down with my light saber if you don't mind. Sorry, it might hurt a little, but not for long.
the super spreader
reflects his inner twat
who loves me, baby ?

orange narcissus
go pool your awesome talents
you'll be a legend
Haiku # 68239, October 5, 2020 8:56 pm ET
by ash
fifth of a million
normal fearful humans die
not chief cockwomble
Haiku # 68238, October 5, 2020 8:38 pm ET
by ash
After the covid,
Trump's porno tape will be leaked.
You can watch him leak.

Five Russian hookers
Three tattooed Thai lady-boys
Twelve jars of mayo.
Haiku # 68236, October 5, 2020 7:55 pm ET
by I think it was Helman's. of Hold the pickle relish, thanks.
The Abyss of Filth:
Nurgalshalogurblastkuth
from Whence It Ascends
Haiku # 68235, October 5, 2020 7:13 pm ET
by Home Sweet Home of Darth
gatorade replaced
beer and wine, my old age I
will drink mountain dew
Haiku # 68234, October 5, 2020 2:47 pm ET
by vhs
Trump will recover,
inspire the nation, and then
win in November.
Haiku # 68233, October 5, 2020 12:33 pm ET
by Just to shut up the Nasty-ass Left
Mom asked me if I
sent Grandma a birthday card.
She's been dead for years.

I told her of course.
A card and flowers as well.
And a large dildo.

Still no heart attack.
You can't say I didn't try.
Maybe I'll dose her.

Fifteen hundred "mics".
Possible it might cure her.
Fucking dementia.
Haiku # 68232, October 5, 2020 8:51 am ET
by What doesn't kill you, makes you smell stronger.
I cannot decide
what topic to write about.
When's the train coming?
Haiku # 68231, October 5, 2020 8:43 am ET
by Old-Timer's Disease of When it hits, it hits hard.
the brand of the knave
is what i should have written
there's no accounting
Haiku # 68230, October 5, 2020 8:10 am ET
by ash
the president's taint
makes the whole nation smell foul
brand of the knave
Haiku # 68229, October 5, 2020 8:08 am ET
by ash
You get more power
from inhaling his flatus.
Russian whores know this.
Haiku # 68228, October 5, 2020 7:01 am ET
by Vladamir Puttin' on the strap-on. of Comin' for you, Capitalist Pig-Dog!
roll out the limo
inhale the president's germs
and feel his power
Haiku # 68227, October 5, 2020 4:39 am ET
by ash
While online shopping,
I put a funt in my cart.
But what is a funt?
Haiku # 68226, October 4, 2020 11:17 pm ET
by dw of https://www.amazon.com/What-You-Say-Naked-Lady/dp/B01A6KFGU2/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=funt&qid=1601867770&sr=8-1
I bet someone puts edibles in Halloween treats this year so there will be a legalization backlash and the police will crack down on marijuana dispensaries.

Whatchu wanna bet?

Maybe even heavy doses of LSD. The right wing will use this as an excuse to take over. In fact they are probably the ones who will do it.

Trump will form a new Empire of the United States!

Then aliens will land and kill us all.
Haiku # 68225, October 4, 2020 8:18 pm ET
by ashvvhsa of Entertainus entered anus.
Speaking of poopies.
Imagine huge Tootsie Rolls
with candy corn bits.

The two worst candies.
Straight to Molotov cocktails.
Screw the rotten eggs.

If we must riot
lets have a good reason to.
Stingy old people.
Haiku # 68224, October 4, 2020 7:10 am ET
by Better invest in Reese's and Snickers this year.
Dorris Day made poop.
I'd eat a mile of it
to get to the source.
Haiku # 68223, October 4, 2020 7:02 am ET
by No, not really. Not into poopies. of Can you believe it?!
Sitting in IHOP.
Make rude jokes about sausage.
Sausage lies honey.

The police show up.
Shouldn't do that around kids.
They look at least twelve!
Haiku # 68222, October 4, 2020 6:37 am ET
by Jail food really is pretty bad.
the president says
masks are a personal choice
unless hypoxic
Haiku # 68221, October 4, 2020 3:59 am ET
by ash
Bob Barker made poops
That's easy to imagine
Smeared on his smug face
Haiku # 68220, October 3, 2020 10:59 pm ET
by Drew Carey of My balls is hairy
Doris Day made poops
Kind of tough to imagine
But you can get there
Haiku # 68219, October 3, 2020 10:38 pm ET
by And it is so worth it
Will there be world war?
It could very well happen.
We have run our course.

Just like a virus.
Earth will never be the same.
The T-cells reboot.

And I need to poo.
Doesn't matter that you know.
Because nothing does.

I just know this much.
We are God's entertainment.
Our sit-com's cancelled.
Haiku # 68218, October 3, 2020 7:07 pm ET
by And it's about time. of Wipe wipe flush.
Corona's a beer.
Fun, presents, then even tents.
BWAAACK goes the belchers.
Haiku # 68217, October 3, 2020 4:00 pm ET
by Ass
covid is a hoax
unpresidented events
back to the bleachers
Haiku # 68216, October 3, 2020 8:26 am ET
by ash
Social media
is neither one of those things.
Because I said so.
Haiku # 68215, October 2, 2020 10:12 pm ET
by Don't argue with a Sith Lord! Heed the wise words of Darth Whorendous and his collection of exotic and sentient STDs.
Quadralateral
quadratic quadruped queens
queerly queef quicksand.
Haiku # 68214, October 2, 2020 10:08 pm ET
by And it's good to get all that sand out of that delicate area or it could get infected.
well i just called some
agent i didn't know a bad
name, twitters dead
Haiku # 68213, October 2, 2020 3:58 pm ET
by vhs
Jollibee's pure shit.
If you don't understand that,
you haven't been there.
Haiku # 68212, October 2, 2020 8:03 am ET
by dw
Yes, I'm a rude dude.
But I likes me some good food.
Without it I brood.
Haiku # 68211, October 2, 2020 8:02 am ET
by dw
It's raining Cheetos.
It should be raining French wine.
Or perhaps live frogs.

But we get Cheetos.
Don't read the ingredients.
They are not wholesome.

If you eat Cheetos
before using the restroom
your junk will turn orange.
Haiku # 68210, October 2, 2020 7:58 am ET
by
my smiley face turned into a â
Haiku # 68209, October 2, 2020 7:55 am ET
by Sad Face of Clown Poet
Bananas Foster?
On this one I side with Darth...
on hella dessert â
Haiku # 68208, October 2, 2020 7:54 am ET
by He can't be pure evil if he likes Bananas Foster
Trump has Covid now...
Lets see what God does for him
to shut you all up.
Haiku # 68207, October 2, 2020 7:51 am ET
by Take it either way u want
covid is voting
and it's chosen the donald
a storm is brewing
Haiku # 68206, October 2, 2020 5:29 am ET
by ash
Just skip the meal.
Bring the Bananas Foster.
Hold the bananas.

And hold the ice cream.
And serve it in a shot glass.
Yes, that would be rum.
Haiku # 68205, October 2, 2020 1:44 am ET
by No, don't light it on fire. of Such a waste of alcohol.
Lobster Thermador.
Asparagus with Stilton.
And Beaujolais wine.
Haiku # 68204, October 2, 2020 1:32 am ET
by Chocolate mousse or tiramisu? of Or Bananas Foster?
Biscuits and gravy.
Scramble eggs with chives and ham.
And a hot mocha.
Haiku # 68203, October 1, 2020 8:48 pm ET
by imaqunt
Qunt.
Haiku # 68202, October 1, 2020 2:14 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Quantum quetzal quills
Quixotic qabalas quizzed.
Quadruplicating?
Haiku # 68201, October 1, 2020 9:59 am ET
by Qonspiracies Quashed of Q
Q infiltration:
present at all levels now.
the Storm (in haiku)
Haiku # 68200, October 1, 2020 9:47 am ET
by Quintessential Quackery of Q (Science-Based)
I also miss me.
I wish that I would come back.
But I can't love me.
Haiku # 68199, October 1, 2020 3:51 am ET
by
I miss you.
Haiku # 68198, October 1, 2020 12:25 am ET
by I miss you. of I miss you.
*go
Haiku # 68197, September 30, 2020 10:10 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
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