Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 259 Days and 71094 Haikus later...

well i just called some
agent i didn't know a bad
name, twitters dead
Haiku # 68213, October 2, 2020 3:58 pm ET
by vhs
Jollibee's pure shit.
If you don't understand that,
you haven't been there.
Haiku # 68212, October 2, 2020 8:03 am ET
by dw
Yes, I'm a rude dude.
But I likes me some good food.
Without it I brood.
Haiku # 68211, October 2, 2020 8:02 am ET
by dw
It's raining Cheetos.
It should be raining French wine.
Or perhaps live frogs.

But we get Cheetos.
Don't read the ingredients.
They are not wholesome.

If you eat Cheetos
before using the restroom
your junk will turn orange.
Haiku # 68210, October 2, 2020 7:58 am ET
by
my smiley face turned into a â
Haiku # 68209, October 2, 2020 7:55 am ET
by Sad Face of Clown Poet
Bananas Foster?
On this one I side with Darth...
on hella dessert â
Haiku # 68208, October 2, 2020 7:54 am ET
by He can't be pure evil if he likes Bananas Foster
Trump has Covid now...
Lets see what God does for him
to shut you all up.
Haiku # 68207, October 2, 2020 7:51 am ET
by Take it either way u want
covid is voting
and it's chosen the donald
a storm is brewing
Haiku # 68206, October 2, 2020 5:29 am ET
by ash
Just skip the meal.
Bring the Bananas Foster.
Hold the bananas.

And hold the ice cream.
And serve it in a shot glass.
Yes, that would be rum.
Haiku # 68205, October 2, 2020 1:44 am ET
by No, don't light it on fire. of Such a waste of alcohol.
Lobster Thermador.
Asparagus with Stilton.
And Beaujolais wine.
Haiku # 68204, October 2, 2020 1:32 am ET
by Chocolate mousse or tiramisu? of Or Bananas Foster?
Biscuits and gravy.
Scramble eggs with chives and ham.
And a hot mocha.
Haiku # 68203, October 1, 2020 8:48 pm ET
by imaqunt
Qunt.
Haiku # 68202, October 1, 2020 2:14 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Quantum quetzal quills
Quixotic qabalas quizzed.
Quadruplicating?
Haiku # 68201, October 1, 2020 9:59 am ET
by Qonspiracies Quashed of Q
Q infiltration:
present at all levels now.
the Storm (in haiku)
Haiku # 68200, October 1, 2020 9:47 am ET
by Quintessential Quackery of Q (Science-Based)
I also miss me.
I wish that I would come back.
But I can't love me.
Haiku # 68199, October 1, 2020 3:51 am ET
by
I miss you.
Haiku # 68198, October 1, 2020 12:25 am ET
by I miss you. of I miss you.
*go
Haiku # 68197, September 30, 2020 10:10 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Here I got again.
Pathetic situation.
Talking to myself.
Haiku # 68196, September 30, 2020 10:09 pm ET
by dw of but at least I'm not you.
I never tell lies.
Seriously, I mean it!
Would I lie to you?
Haiku # 68195, September 30, 2020 8:10 pm ET
by dw
Cocaine, hand grenades,
and teenage Thai prostitutes.
*Sigh* The good old days.
Haiku # 68194, September 30, 2020 7:52 pm ET
by dw of No exagerations.
Watching mantis shimp
destroy invasive crayfish
on YouTube; my life.
Haiku # 68193, September 30, 2020 7:45 pm ET
by dw of bored in da house
I am so lonely.
Please tell me how wrong I am.
That I need to change.

My inner demon
keeps reminding me of that
but I ignore him.

It's never too late
to heed that rascal's wise words
sharing a crack pipe.

You can't smoke crack here.
Our President will kill you.
You can't debate that!
Haiku # 68192, September 30, 2020 5:50 pm ET
by
Don't forget the Pandemic Special of South Park airs tonight. I can hardly wait!
Haiku # 68191, September 30, 2020 6:33 am ET
by dw
The presidential debates would be better handled as a booger picking contest based on size, color, texture, and how many nostril hairs are in there.
Best three out of five wins. Loser buys the other one a beer.
Haiku # 68190, September 30, 2020 6:32 am ET
by the way, I'd really like it if one of you buys me a case of beer. Extra dark. German prefered.
Come on out, you vigalante poets!
"You complete me," The Joker says to Batman.
"What would I do without you?!"
Haiku # 68189, September 29, 2020 10:23 pm ET
by Snuffleupagus goes to an Asian "massage" parlor. of They cook and eat him. Typical.
We get the debate
That we deserve: two old clowns
Out-shout each other.
Haiku # 68188, September 29, 2020 10:16 pm ET
by Babylon is Falling but Slowly
Where is ev'ryone?
Have you all died of covid?
Life will be empty.
Haiku # 68187, September 29, 2020 8:24 pm ET
by of
I'm disappointed.
You should display your vomit.
That is my applause.
Haiku # 68186, September 29, 2020 8:16 pm ET
by of
Captain Queefs-a-Lot
vs. Flatus Maximus!
Live on Pay-Per-View!
Haiku # 68185, September 29, 2020 9:11 am ET
by $79.99
He who masturbates
to Yanky Doodle Dandy
eats feather pasta.
Haiku # 68184, September 29, 2020 8:52 am ET
by Handy Dandy of Pandy Bare
I plucked my right nut.
Thought it's a dingleberry.
Oh well, got one more.
Haiku # 68183, September 29, 2020 8:15 am ET
by What if muppets get dingleberries?! of Oh, poor Snuffy!
You ever think that
Donald Trump's just a muppet?
Just look at his hair!

Jim Henson's not dead.
He's playing us all for fools!
Now we're the puppets.
Haiku # 68182, September 29, 2020 8:12 am ET
by Terrified
If corona kills about 1 in 1000 people, or even 1 in 500... or 1 in 100.... or 1 in 50. Is that such a bad thing?!?!
Haiku # 68181, September 28, 2020 10:44 pm ET
by Poets Against Humanity!
Consider the graph...
... I can't attach my butt-pic?
What a lame website!

Come on, fix this site!
You know you want to see it.
I will show it all!

Ev'ry dangly bit!
Testes and dingleberries.
They look 'bout the same.

Calculate y-prime
at the point of origin.
Concave up or down?
Haiku # 68180, September 28, 2020 10:38 pm ET
by Explicit Different Calculust.
I want a poem
that conjures up Satan
five thousand feet tall

pooping fire balls
belching sulfuric acid
and does my bidding
Haiku # 68179, September 28, 2020 9:06 pm ET
by Christ, I said Satan, not Elmo!
Walk outside naked.
Smeared with your rancid feces.
Then you'll find freedom.

Well, maybe not in the US, but in other poor countries, they won't touch the crazy people... bad luck and curses and diseases. Being crazy and poor is pure freedom. I've seen it! No corona lock down for those lucky fools.
Haiku # 68178, September 28, 2020 7:56 pm ET
by The virus is coming, the virus is coming! of ... lucky virus
I have to scream now
but i can't leave the damn house
brl-eee-ARR-FUU-UUH!!!!!!!!
Haiku # 68177, September 28, 2020 7:36 pm ET
by scotch of united states of fuck we're on fire
Yom Kippur's about
repentence and atonement.
But I don't need that.

That's 'cuz I'm perfect.
I have never, ever sinned.
No, never, not once!

I thought I did once,
but that was God playing tricks.
Well, at least I tried.
Haiku # 68176, September 28, 2020 6:55 pm ET
by There is no try... on the toilet. of Only poo, or poo not.
Happy Yom Kippur,
Whatever the hell THAT means
To Gentiles. Oy veh.
Haiku # 68175, September 28, 2020 6:39 pm ET
by The Other Eleven Tribes of the Diaspora
In the ass, okay.
Just not in the vagina.
That can cause problems!

Take your vitamins.
Brush your teeth three times a day.
No Pop Rocks in there.

You can trust me, ma'am.
Dr. Whorendous knows best.
That's five hundred dollars.
Haiku # 68174, September 28, 2020 5:27 pm ET
by Please pay at the front desk. of Graceland, Nashville, TN
I do what I want
'Merica is 'bout freedom.
Pop rocks up my ass.
Haiku # 68173, September 28, 2020 11:30 am ET
by Fucky McShootface
I hate candy corn.
I mean, that's some nasty-ass shit.
Who invented it?!

Be responsible.
Don't give that on Halloween.
Reese's or Snickers.

Or maybe Pop Rocks.
They taste nasty, but they're fun.
Don't put them in there!
Haiku # 68172, September 28, 2020 9:07 am ET
by Inappropriate use of Pop Rocks has caused many emergency room visits.
Isn't it funny
how we always manage to
say something... not right?
Haiku # 68171, September 28, 2020 6:10 am ET
by Poop! of Heh heh heh.
Is it an aardvark?
Or is it an anteater?
Snuffleupagus.
Haiku # 68170, September 28, 2020 6:07 am ET
by Been a while since I talked about good old Snuffy. of I wonder if Big Bird used his beak to clean Snuffy's bodily orifices, you know how those birds do.
Salvador Dali's
"pet anteater " was just his
uncircumcised dink
Haiku # 68169, September 28, 2020 12:50 am ET
by Art Historian of Under old willow
Don't you even try
to offer me McDonald's.
I'll use my blow torch.
Haiku # 68168, September 27, 2020 11:33 pm ET
by Surreal cereal of Salvador's Dolly Part In, Part Out
I'll only kill you
if you post your address here.
How you want it done?
Haiku # 68167, September 27, 2020 11:27 pm ET
by I'll need a plane ticket also. of And 2 nights in a decent hotel. And an Appleby's $150 gift card.
Oh Clem, Clem darlin'
You done buried my pore dad
by the willow tree
Haiku # 68166, September 27, 2020 8:56 pm ET
by Appalachian Tragedy of Haiku
How can I improve
the odds I'll be slain by a
serial killer?
Haiku # 68165, September 27, 2020 4:13 pm ET
by Hope
Future was sunny
Ten inches....Cher licked her lips
That Greg was All Man
Haiku # 68164, September 27, 2020 9:53 am ET
by change in the forecast of cloudy with a chance of someone else's meatballs
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