BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
69 Days
and
69695 Haikus
later...
Jollibee's pure shit.
If you don't understand that,
you haven't been there.
Haiku #68212, by dw
October 2, 2020 8:03 am ET

Yes, I'm a rude dude.
But I likes me some good food.
Without it I brood.
Haiku #68211, by dw
October 2, 2020 8:02 am ET

It's raining Cheetos.
It should be raining French wine.
Or perhaps live frogs.

But we get Cheetos.
Don't read the ingredients.
They are not wholesome.

If you eat Cheetos
before using the restroom
your junk will turn orange.
Haiku #68210, by
October 2, 2020 7:58 am ET

my smiley face turned into a â
Haiku #68209, by Sad Face of Clown Poet
October 2, 2020 7:55 am ET

Bananas Foster?
On this one I side with Darth...
on hella dessert â
Haiku #68208, by He can't be pure evil if he likes Bananas Foster
October 2, 2020 7:54 am ET

Trump has Covid now...
Lets see what God does for him
to shut you all up.
Haiku #68207, by Take it either way u want
October 2, 2020 7:51 am ET

covid is voting
and it's chosen the donald
a storm is brewing
Haiku #68206, by ash
October 2, 2020 5:29 am ET

Just skip the meal.
Bring the Bananas Foster.
Hold the bananas.

And hold the ice cream.
And serve it in a shot glass.
Yes, that would be rum.
Haiku #68205, by No, don't light it on fire. of Such a waste of alcohol.
October 2, 2020 1:44 am ET

Lobster Thermador.
Asparagus with Stilton.
And Beaujolais wine.
Haiku #68204, by Chocolate mousse or tiramisu? of Or Bananas Foster?
October 2, 2020 1:32 am ET

Biscuits and gravy.
Scramble eggs with chives and ham.
And a hot mocha.
Haiku #68203, by imaqunt
October 1, 2020 8:48 pm ET

Qunt.
Haiku #68202, by Anonymous Poet
October 1, 2020 2:14 pm ET

Quantum quetzal quills
Quixotic qabalas quizzed.
Quadruplicating?
Haiku #68201, by Qonspiracies Quashed of Q
October 1, 2020 9:59 am ET

Q infiltration:
present at all levels now.
the Storm (in haiku)
Haiku #68200, by Quintessential Quackery of Q (Science-Based)
October 1, 2020 9:47 am ET

I also miss me.
I wish that I would come back.
But I can't love me.
Haiku #68199, by
October 1, 2020 3:51 am ET

I miss you.
Haiku #68198, by I miss you. of I miss you.
October 1, 2020 12:25 am ET

*go
Haiku #68197, by Anonymous Poet
September 30, 2020 10:10 pm ET

Here I got again.
Pathetic situation.
Talking to myself.
Haiku #68196, by dw of but at least I'm not you.
September 30, 2020 10:09 pm ET

I never tell lies.
Seriously, I mean it!
Would I lie to you?
Haiku #68195, by dw
September 30, 2020 8:10 pm ET

Cocaine, hand grenades,
and teenage Thai prostitutes.
*Sigh* The good old days.
Haiku #68194, by dw of No exagerations.
September 30, 2020 7:52 pm ET

Watching mantis shimp
destroy invasive crayfish
on YouTube; my life.
Haiku #68193, by dw of bored in da house
September 30, 2020 7:45 pm ET

I am so lonely.
Please tell me how wrong I am.
That I need to change.

My inner demon
keeps reminding me of that
but I ignore him.

It's never too late
to heed that rascal's wise words
sharing a crack pipe.

You can't smoke crack here.
Our President will kill you.
You can't debate that!
Haiku #68192, by
September 30, 2020 5:50 pm ET

Don't forget the Pandemic Special of South Park airs tonight. I can hardly wait!
Haiku #68191, by dw
September 30, 2020 6:33 am ET

The presidential debates would be better handled as a booger picking contest based on size, color, texture, and how many nostril hairs are in there.
Best three out of five wins. Loser buys the other one a beer.
Haiku #68190, by the way, I'd really like it if one of you buys me a case of beer. Extra dark. German prefered.
September 30, 2020 6:32 am ET

Come on out, you vigalante poets!
"You complete me," The Joker says to Batman.
"What would I do without you?!"
Haiku #68189, by Snuffleupagus goes to an Asian "massage" parlor. of They cook and eat him. Typical.
September 29, 2020 10:23 pm ET

We get the debate
That we deserve: two old clowns
Out-shout each other.
Haiku #68188, by Babylon is Falling but Slowly
September 29, 2020 10:16 pm ET

Where is ev'ryone?
Have you all died of covid?
Life will be empty.
Haiku #68187, by of
September 29, 2020 8:24 pm ET

I'm disappointed.
You should display your vomit.
That is my applause.
Haiku #68186, by of
September 29, 2020 8:16 pm ET

Captain Queefs-a-Lot
vs. Flatus Maximus!
Live on Pay-Per-View!
Haiku #68185, by $79.99
September 29, 2020 9:11 am ET

He who masturbates
to Yanky Doodle Dandy
eats feather pasta.
Haiku #68184, by Handy Dandy of Pandy Bare
September 29, 2020 8:52 am ET

I plucked my right nut.
Thought it's a dingleberry.
Oh well, got one more.
Haiku #68183, by What if muppets get dingleberries?! of Oh, poor Snuffy!
September 29, 2020 8:15 am ET

You ever think that
Donald Trump's just a muppet?
Just look at his hair!

Jim Henson's not dead.
He's playing us all for fools!
Now we're the puppets.
Haiku #68182, by Terrified
September 29, 2020 8:12 am ET

If corona kills about 1 in 1000 people, or even 1 in 500... or 1 in 100.... or 1 in 50. Is that such a bad thing?!?!
Haiku #68181, by Poets Against Humanity!
September 28, 2020 10:44 pm ET

Consider the graph...
... I can't attach my butt-pic?
What a lame website!

Come on, fix this site!
You know you want to see it.
I will show it all!

Ev'ry dangly bit!
Testes and dingleberries.
They look 'bout the same.

Calculate y-prime
at the point of origin.
Concave up or down?
Haiku #68180, by Explicit Different Calculust.
September 28, 2020 10:38 pm ET

I want a poem
that conjures up Satan
five thousand feet tall

pooping fire balls
belching sulfuric acid
and does my bidding
Haiku #68179, by Christ, I said Satan, not Elmo!
September 28, 2020 9:06 pm ET

Walk outside naked.
Smeared with your rancid feces.
Then you'll find freedom.

Well, maybe not in the US, but in other poor countries, they won't touch the crazy people... bad luck and curses and diseases. Being crazy and poor is pure freedom. I've seen it! No corona lock down for those lucky fools.
Haiku #68178, by The virus is coming, the virus is coming! of ... lucky virus
September 28, 2020 7:56 pm ET

I have to scream now
but i can't leave the damn house
brl-eee-ARR-FUU-UUH!!!!!!!!
Haiku #68177, by scotch of united states of fuck we're on fire
September 28, 2020 7:36 pm ET

Yom Kippur's about
repentence and atonement.
But I don't need that.

That's 'cuz I'm perfect.
I have never, ever sinned.
No, never, not once!

I thought I did once,
but that was God playing tricks.
Well, at least I tried.
Haiku #68176, by There is no try... on the toilet. of Only poo, or poo not.
September 28, 2020 6:55 pm ET

Happy Yom Kippur,
Whatever the hell THAT means
To Gentiles. Oy veh.
Haiku #68175, by The Other Eleven Tribes of the Diaspora
September 28, 2020 6:39 pm ET

In the ass, okay.
Just not in the vagina.
That can cause problems!

Take your vitamins.
Brush your teeth three times a day.
No Pop Rocks in there.

You can trust me, ma'am.
Dr. Whorendous knows best.
That's five hundred dollars.
Haiku #68174, by Please pay at the front desk. of Graceland, Nashville, TN
September 28, 2020 5:27 pm ET

I do what I want
'Merica is 'bout freedom.
Pop rocks up my ass.
Haiku #68173, by Fucky McShootface
September 28, 2020 11:30 am ET

I hate candy corn.
I mean, that's some nasty-ass shit.
Who invented it?!

Be responsible.
Don't give that on Halloween.
Reese's or Snickers.

Or maybe Pop Rocks.
They taste nasty, but they're fun.
Don't put them in there!
Haiku #68172, by Inappropriate use of Pop Rocks has caused many emergency room visits.
September 28, 2020 9:07 am ET

Isn't it funny
how we always manage to
say something... not right?
Haiku #68171, by Poop! of Heh heh heh.
September 28, 2020 6:10 am ET

Is it an aardvark?
Or is it an anteater?
Snuffleupagus.
Haiku #68170, by Been a while since I talked about good old Snuffy. of I wonder if Big Bird used his beak to clean Snuffy's bodily orifices, you know how those birds do.
September 28, 2020 6:07 am ET

Salvador Dali's
"pet anteater " was just his
uncircumcised dink
Haiku #68169, by Art Historian of Under old willow
September 28, 2020 12:50 am ET

Don't you even try
to offer me McDonald's.
I'll use my blow torch.
Haiku #68168, by Surreal cereal of Salvador's Dolly Part In, Part Out
September 27, 2020 11:33 pm ET

I'll only kill you
if you post your address here.
How you want it done?
Haiku #68167, by I'll need a plane ticket also. of And 2 nights in a decent hotel. And an Appleby's $150 gift card.
September 27, 2020 11:27 pm ET

Oh Clem, Clem darlin'
You done buried my pore dad
by the willow tree
Haiku #68166, by Appalachian Tragedy of Haiku
September 27, 2020 8:56 pm ET

How can I improve
the odds I'll be slain by a
serial killer?
Haiku #68165, by Hope
September 27, 2020 4:13 pm ET

Future was sunny
Ten inches....Cher licked her lips
That Greg was All Man
Haiku #68164, by change in the forecast of cloudy with a chance of someone else's meatballs
September 27, 2020 9:53 am ET

I'll Cher this with you:
Their lawyer worked pro bono
And in chastity.
Haiku #68163, by Tramps and Thieves of Hollyweird
September 27, 2020 7:49 am ET