Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 349 Days and 73111 Haikus later...

Watching mantis shimp
destroy invasive crayfish
on YouTube; my life.
Haiku # 68193, September 30, 2020 7:45 pm ET
by dw of bored in da house
I am so lonely.
Please tell me how wrong I am.
That I need to change.

My inner demon
keeps reminding me of that
but I ignore him.

It's never too late
to heed that rascal's wise words
sharing a crack pipe.

You can't smoke crack here.
Our President will kill you.
You can't debate that!
Haiku # 68192, September 30, 2020 5:50 pm ET
by
Don't forget the Pandemic Special of South Park airs tonight. I can hardly wait!
Haiku # 68191, September 30, 2020 6:33 am ET
by dw
The presidential debates would be better handled as a booger picking contest based on size, color, texture, and how many nostril hairs are in there.
Best three out of five wins. Loser buys the other one a beer.
Haiku # 68190, September 30, 2020 6:32 am ET
by the way, I'd really like it if one of you buys me a case of beer. Extra dark. German prefered.
Come on out, you vigalante poets!
"You complete me," The Joker says to Batman.
"What would I do without you?!"
Haiku # 68189, September 29, 2020 10:23 pm ET
by Snuffleupagus goes to an Asian "massage" parlor. of They cook and eat him. Typical.
We get the debate
That we deserve: two old clowns
Out-shout each other.
Haiku # 68188, September 29, 2020 10:16 pm ET
by Babylon is Falling but Slowly
Where is ev'ryone?
Have you all died of covid?
Life will be empty.
Haiku # 68187, September 29, 2020 8:24 pm ET
by of
I'm disappointed.
You should display your vomit.
That is my applause.
Haiku # 68186, September 29, 2020 8:16 pm ET
by of
Captain Queefs-a-Lot
vs. Flatus Maximus!
Live on Pay-Per-View!
Haiku # 68185, September 29, 2020 9:11 am ET
by $79.99
He who masturbates
to Yanky Doodle Dandy
eats feather pasta.
Haiku # 68184, September 29, 2020 8:52 am ET
by Handy Dandy of Pandy Bare
I plucked my right nut.
Thought it's a dingleberry.
Oh well, got one more.
Haiku # 68183, September 29, 2020 8:15 am ET
by What if muppets get dingleberries?! of Oh, poor Snuffy!
You ever think that
Donald Trump's just a muppet?
Just look at his hair!

Jim Henson's not dead.
He's playing us all for fools!
Now we're the puppets.
Haiku # 68182, September 29, 2020 8:12 am ET
by Terrified
If corona kills about 1 in 1000 people, or even 1 in 500... or 1 in 100.... or 1 in 50. Is that such a bad thing?!?!
Haiku # 68181, September 28, 2020 10:44 pm ET
by Poets Against Humanity!
Consider the graph...
... I can't attach my butt-pic?
What a lame website!

Come on, fix this site!
You know you want to see it.
I will show it all!

Ev'ry dangly bit!
Testes and dingleberries.
They look 'bout the same.

Calculate y-prime
at the point of origin.
Concave up or down?
Haiku # 68180, September 28, 2020 10:38 pm ET
by Explicit Different Calculust.
I want a poem
that conjures up Satan
five thousand feet tall

pooping fire balls
belching sulfuric acid
and does my bidding
Haiku # 68179, September 28, 2020 9:06 pm ET
by Christ, I said Satan, not Elmo!
Walk outside naked.
Smeared with your rancid feces.
Then you'll find freedom.

Well, maybe not in the US, but in other poor countries, they won't touch the crazy people... bad luck and curses and diseases. Being crazy and poor is pure freedom. I've seen it! No corona lock down for those lucky fools.
Haiku # 68178, September 28, 2020 7:56 pm ET
by The virus is coming, the virus is coming! of ... lucky virus
I have to scream now
but i can't leave the damn house
brl-eee-ARR-FUU-UUH!!!!!!!!
Haiku # 68177, September 28, 2020 7:36 pm ET
by scotch of united states of fuck we're on fire
Yom Kippur's about
repentence and atonement.
But I don't need that.

That's 'cuz I'm perfect.
I have never, ever sinned.
No, never, not once!

I thought I did once,
but that was God playing tricks.
Well, at least I tried.
Haiku # 68176, September 28, 2020 6:55 pm ET
by There is no try... on the toilet. of Only poo, or poo not.
Happy Yom Kippur,
Whatever the hell THAT means
To Gentiles. Oy veh.
Haiku # 68175, September 28, 2020 6:39 pm ET
by The Other Eleven Tribes of the Diaspora
In the ass, okay.
Just not in the vagina.
That can cause problems!

Take your vitamins.
Brush your teeth three times a day.
No Pop Rocks in there.

You can trust me, ma'am.
Dr. Whorendous knows best.
That's five hundred dollars.
Haiku # 68174, September 28, 2020 5:27 pm ET
by Please pay at the front desk. of Graceland, Nashville, TN
I do what I want
'Merica is 'bout freedom.
Pop rocks up my ass.
Haiku # 68173, September 28, 2020 11:30 am ET
by Fucky McShootface
I hate candy corn.
I mean, that's some nasty-ass shit.
Who invented it?!

Be responsible.
Don't give that on Halloween.
Reese's or Snickers.

Or maybe Pop Rocks.
They taste nasty, but they're fun.
Don't put them in there!
Haiku # 68172, September 28, 2020 9:07 am ET
by Inappropriate use of Pop Rocks has caused many emergency room visits.
Isn't it funny
how we always manage to
say something... not right?
Haiku # 68171, September 28, 2020 6:10 am ET
by Poop! of Heh heh heh.
Is it an aardvark?
Or is it an anteater?
Snuffleupagus.
Haiku # 68170, September 28, 2020 6:07 am ET
by Been a while since I talked about good old Snuffy. of I wonder if Big Bird used his beak to clean Snuffy's bodily orifices, you know how those birds do.
Salvador Dali's
"pet anteater " was just his
uncircumcised dink
Haiku # 68169, September 28, 2020 12:50 am ET
by Art Historian of Under old willow
Don't you even try
to offer me McDonald's.
I'll use my blow torch.
Haiku # 68168, September 27, 2020 11:33 pm ET
by Surreal cereal of Salvador's Dolly Part In, Part Out
I'll only kill you
if you post your address here.
How you want it done?
Haiku # 68167, September 27, 2020 11:27 pm ET
by I'll need a plane ticket also. of And 2 nights in a decent hotel. And an Appleby's $150 gift card.
Oh Clem, Clem darlin'
You done buried my pore dad
by the willow tree
Haiku # 68166, September 27, 2020 8:56 pm ET
by Appalachian Tragedy of Haiku
How can I improve
the odds I'll be slain by a
serial killer?
Haiku # 68165, September 27, 2020 4:13 pm ET
by Hope
Future was sunny
Ten inches....Cher licked her lips
That Greg was All Man
Haiku # 68164, September 27, 2020 9:53 am ET
by change in the forecast of cloudy with a chance of someone else's meatballs
I'll Cher this with you:
Their lawyer worked pro bono
And in chastity.
Haiku # 68163, September 27, 2020 7:49 am ET
by Tramps and Thieves of Hollyweird
I got you, babe
Take two Sonny Bonos and
call me in a.m.
Haiku # 68162, September 26, 2020 10:24 pm ET
by human calculator of Head of the Class
Sam, whose mass is 74 kg , takes off across level snow on his jet-powered skis. The skis have a thrust of 230 N and a coefficient of kinetic friction on snow of 0.1. Unfortunately, the skis run out of fuel after only 11 s and Sam jizzes in his pants with a speed of 1.2 m/s when he sees snow bunny Brenda and she notices the wet spot spreading around his crotch. How much will Sam's hospital bill be from his broken leg when he hits that boulder ahead?
Haiku # 68161, September 26, 2020 8:18 pm ET
by Asking for a friend.
You must excuse me.
I have some work to get done.
Chasing that dollar.
Haiku # 68160, September 26, 2020 6:32 pm ET
by The root of all evil.
why would GOD judge you?
does it say in the fine print
That HE gives a HOOT?
Haiku # 68159, September 26, 2020 2:24 pm ET
by Law Offices of Cunfart Cuntfart and Cunt
If her FaceBook says
quote, Only God Can Judge Me,
end quote, she's a slut.
Haiku # 68158, September 26, 2020 1:51 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
They are just whores
doing what their sugar daddy
tells them to do.
Haiku # 68157, September 26, 2020 1:48 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Philippine islands:
The Filipino eye lands
on Filipinas

https://youtu.be/ps-axyeKeZQ
Haiku # 68156, September 26, 2020 11:41 am ET
by Filipinas United Against Drumpf of Fightin' Filipinas
Please, someone, clean up
the Haiku smeared on this page.
Quick . . . before it dries.
Haiku # 68155, September 26, 2020 9:47 am ET
by Verses on the Walls of Hell
My only Captain
Cap'n Crunch for High
Fructose Goon Syrup
Haiku # 68154, September 26, 2020 8:38 am ET
by Supercalifragilisticketoacidosis of Wilfred Brimley's grave
You forgot something.
It needs a splash of vodka.
Or Captain Morgan's.
Haiku # 68153, September 26, 2020 8:28 am ET
by It's always better with the Captain.
Pissing in the mist
Dink lemonade with a twist
A flick of the wrist
Haiku # 68152, September 26, 2020 8:04 am ET
by Cocktail Server of Piscataway
My incubation.
Pre-natal gender repeal.
Pee.. and have a drink.

Call me pessimist.
I'm sensing a civil war.
See the clone troopers.

That's why I'm not there.
"Execute order six-six."
Even Sith will die.
Haiku # 68151, September 26, 2020 7:27 am ET
by Corona is a smoke screen. of Nothing more, nothing less.
By Invitation
Post natal gender reveal
See.. He has a dink
Haiku # 68150, September 26, 2020 3:31 am ET
by Some Kardashian of TV Guide
When the eagle shits
Think of the good times we'll have
Let's drink to that!
Haiku # 68149, September 26, 2020 3:20 am ET
by Optimist of Drunk Tank
Parents high on crack
That waterskiing baby
Watch this, Balloon Boy!
Haiku # 68148, September 26, 2020 3:16 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
Cephalopod gene splicing.
Cthulu is risen!
Runs for president.
Wins and gets the US
back on track.
Fireside chats with shrimp
gumbo recipes just like
Bubba in Forrest Gump.
Haiku # 68147, September 26, 2020 3:15 am ET
by Praise the True Dark Lord and his culinary delights.
"An asteroid the size of a school bus."
Several alien tots on board.
It was a short asteroid.
Haiku # 68146, September 26, 2020 3:07 am ET
by Poom went the planet. Sort of like a cross between a poop and a boom. Pirate talk I guess.
When Darth is on fire
Life is almost worth living
C'mon say octopus...
Haiku # 68145, September 26, 2020 3:04 am ET
by Darth Lover of Just a syllable away
Extinction ex stink shunned.
And thank God for that!
Stench could corrode a steel wrecking ball. And she likely has a few of those there. Know what I mean, Vern?
Haiku # 68144, September 26, 2020 2:31 am ET
by Your favorite dork lard.
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