My only Captain
Cap'n Crunch for High
Fructose Goon Syrup
by Supercalifragilisticketoacidosis of Wilfred Brimley's grave
You forgot something.
It needs a splash of vodka.
Or Captain Morgan's.
by It's always better with the Captain.
Pissing in the mist
Dink lemonade with a twist
A flick of the wrist
by Cocktail Server of Piscataway
My incubation.
Pre-natal gender repeal.
Pee.. and have a drink.
Call me pessimist.
I'm sensing a civil war.
See the clone troopers.
That's why I'm not there.
"Execute order six-six."
Even Sith will die.
by Corona is a smoke screen. of Nothing more, nothing less.
By Invitation
Post natal gender reveal
See.. He has a dink
by Some Kardashian of TV Guide
When the eagle shits
Think of the good times we'll have
Let's drink to that!
by Optimist of Drunk Tank
Parents high on crack
That waterskiing baby
Watch this, Balloon Boy!
by Drunk of Barstool
Cephalopod gene splicing.
Cthulu is risen!
Runs for president.
Wins and gets the US
back on track.
Fireside chats with shrimp
gumbo recipes just like
Bubba in Forrest Gump.
by Praise the True Dark Lord and his culinary delights.
"An asteroid the size of a school bus."
Several alien tots on board.
It was a short asteroid.
by Poom went the planet. Sort of like a cross between a poop and a boom. Pirate talk I guess.
When Darth is on fire
Life is almost worth living
C'mon say octopus...
by Darth Lover of Just a syllable away
Extinction ex stink shunned.
And thank God for that!
Stench could corrode a steel wrecking ball. And she likely has a few of those there. Know what I mean, Vern?
by Your favorite dork lard.
10,000 thermonuclear explosions simultaneously induce elation and The Rapture.
by The velociraptor was raptured and became a rap star. of Lil' Claw in da house!
Feces is Feces
Flatulence is flatulence
Haiku is haiku
by esta todo el dia of rascandose los huevos
The new improved Darth
Dr. Seuss meets Bukowski
Green Eggs and Schlong!
by Amigovia of Mulberry Street
That's juicy sushi
You even mentioned gar fish
You know I love you
by Purrmaid of Underwater
Halloween costumes!
What will you go as this year?
Donald Trump's toupee?
by Touche! of Douche!
Tastes like seafood?
Isn't that rude?
You shouldn't brood.
Dip it in lemon butter.
Maybe with a little garlic.
Gar-lick. Licking a gar fish.
Ghetto sushi Suzi.
Please get me a beer.
Something dark and full-bodied.
And a little head.
by Maybe we need to get back to discussing poo. of Hey, it beats politics!!!
So let's talk aobut the clitoris then.
How big is your clitoris?
Is that your favorite stimulation spot?
Gee, I'm just asking, don't get all pissy.
Clitty clit clit, lickity split.
Two for the price of one.
Double slit experiment.
The wave of the motion.
Just like the ocean.
Tastes like seafood!
by Happy now? Hapiness? Happy penis?
I think you are right.
My life will be much better
when you are deceased.
Is that a mushroom
on your grave or maybe you're
happy to see me.
by A fun guy with rigor mortis where it counts.
Penis penis schlong.
They're skinny fat short or long.
They look like a bong.
Penis penis schlong.
I'll use mine to bang a gong.
And then bang your mom.
by :-)
Sometimes you wonder
If the best time in your life
is when you are dead
by GOD of NOT TELLING
Darth: please just STOP it.
Stop mentioning penises.
Damn. It gets old fast.
by Obsessions of Figpucker
Any side that has chicken and watermellon AND has big schlongs has GOT to be the right side!
by Awesome stereotypical stereotypes. of They stole my stereo, so I'll steal their stereotypes.
The United States
Built upon Christ, with help from
The Enlightenment.
by Sorry Marxist, Enemy of What is Good and Right
All transnationals,
All corporate media
Back you. We don't care.
by You on Wrong Side of The Culture War
I'll joing BLM
if there's crispy fried chicken
and watermelon.
And I'd also like
a free penis enlargement.
Just don't arrest me.
by White Flower!
White America
Stolen from the Indians
Built by Africans
by Truth
Blakk Revolushun:
Your incoherent violence
Is useless, bitches.
by Mjinga Mjangu of Screaming at da PO-leese
Better to have loved and lost...
No, that's bullshit. Join the military and kill people. You'll be glad you did.
by dw
Don't have anything
except the haiku you write
At least I have that
by Loser of Lost
The food is much worse
than their atrocious spelling;
cell phones make it worse.
Filipino Philippino Filipina Philippina
Piliffffines Pill-fiends.
Married a whore and moved here to die.
Cheating slut. They all are.
by darth where-did-i-put-my-depends-undergarments
Can't even spell it.
What a ridiculous word:
PHILIPPINES. How dumb.
by Pilipino of Pilipina
So why does Darth live
Over in the Phillipines?
Could it be THAT? Hmmmmmm...
by Exiled of Ex-isled
The Law of Multiple Proportions says that some boobs are big and others are small, some are firm and some droop, and that's just the way it is. They come in all shapes and sizes.
by A++
But I didn't sing.
The birds are responsible.
I'll let them have that.
by Tweet tweet tweet -- just like the orange monkey.
Sorry, that was me.
Don't want birds taking credit.
My new drone drops poop.
by dw of look out below!
The streets are empty
But the birds go on singing
Shitting on statues
by Noticer of Details of Undisclosed View
Bump clump chump dump flump grump Gump hump jump lump pump plump rump slump stump sump Trump thump.
by Get to work!
The rump clump went thump.
Would you hump Trump on a stump?
Orange grump takes a dump.
by dw
Do not get a mop!
Just do the funky sock hop.
Like on Happy Days.
by Heeeeeey!
In the voting booth
Figpucker votes his conscience
Someone get a mop!
by This sticky stuff of Kills the Covid
Ocean confetti
That sea horse ejaculate
In the mood for love?
by Ocean Pearl of Going Down
If voting's private,
how did they know what I did
in the voting booth?
by dw
Voting is pointless.
The decisions have been made
before elections.
by dw
in america
vote early and vote often
don't be a loser
by ash
I think I love you.
Let's hook-up and get married.
I'll have your babies.
by Darth Whorendous of I promise I'll stop whoring.
Let's talk politics.
It can't get much worse than that.
Vomit inducing.
by Just kidding; let's not.
Jesus! I told you
I am NOT a figpucker.
I gave all that up.
I've gone cold turkey.
... hold on! Forget I said that.
Now take a deep breath.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
CUNTFART CUNTFART CUNTFART CUNT!
There, now I'm better.
by Darth Whorendous, a.k.a., The Fartist Formerly Known As Darth Figpucker, The Highly Inappropriate and Maker of Uncalled-For Comments At the Dinner Table
Dear lady has a
vagina like a Big Mac
I'm in the Drive thru
by Fast Food Fucker of McDonald's
I want my freedom
No responsibility
And a lotta guns
by Jesus is lard
