Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 224 Days and 77150 Haiku later...

Do not get a mop!
Just do the funky sock hop.
Like on Happy Days.
Haiku # 68115, September 24, 2020 5:07 am ET
by Heeeeeey!
In the voting booth
Figpucker votes his conscience
Someone get a mop!
Haiku # 68114, September 24, 2020 3:48 am ET
by This sticky stuff of Kills the Covid
Ocean confetti
That sea horse ejaculate
In the mood for love?
Haiku # 68113, September 24, 2020 3:45 am ET
by Ocean Pearl of Going Down
If voting's private,
how did they know what I did
in the voting booth?
Haiku # 68112, September 24, 2020 12:23 am ET
by dw
Voting is pointless.
The decisions have been made
before elections.
Haiku # 68111, September 24, 2020 12:14 am ET
by dw
in america
vote early and vote often
don't be a loser
Haiku # 68110, September 23, 2020 10:42 pm ET
by ash
I think I love you.
Let's hook-up and get married.
I'll have your babies.
Haiku # 68109, September 23, 2020 9:08 pm ET
by Darth Whorendous of I promise I'll stop whoring.
Let's talk politics.
It can't get much worse than that.
Vomit inducing.
Haiku # 68108, September 23, 2020 9:05 pm ET
by Just kidding; let's not.
Jesus! I told you
I am NOT a figpucker.
I gave all that up.

I've gone cold turkey.
... hold on! Forget I said that.
Now take a deep breath.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
There, now I'm better.
Haiku # 68107, September 23, 2020 8:44 pm ET
by Darth Whorendous, a.k.a., The Fartist Formerly Known As Darth Figpucker, The Highly Inappropriate and Maker of Uncalled-For Comments At the Dinner Table
Dear lady has a
vagina like a Big Mac
I'm in the Drive thru
Haiku # 68106, September 23, 2020 5:52 pm ET
by Fast Food Fucker of McDonald's
I want my freedom
No responsibility
And a lotta guns
Haiku # 68105, September 23, 2020 11:11 am ET
by Jesus is lard
Hey: Darth's life matters!
Let's take it to tha streetz NOW.
Darth needs justice, y'all.
Haiku # 68104, September 23, 2020 8:38 am ET
by Figpucker Defense League of Gehenna
Do you care?
Haiku # 68103, September 23, 2020 4:51 am ET
Neighborhood murder
predicted in tarot cards
The Bathrobe Killer
Haiku # 68102, September 23, 2020 4:28 am ET
by Not Safe of Anywhere
Hello citizens.
Please refrain from compliance
With all state commands.
Haiku # 68101, September 23, 2020 2:36 am ET
by New Normal of Lifestyles
That would be enough:
Restoration of all things.
I would be content.
Haiku # 68100, September 23, 2020 2:21 am ET
by Exceeding of Abundantly
Protective cover
Does it go on your penis?
Or on the keyboard?
Haiku # 68099, September 23, 2020 12:27 am ET
by Neat Freak
just letting you know
I put it all together
and came up with this
Haiku # 68098, September 23, 2020 12:22 am ET
by Ask me if I care of Go ahead, ask me
I've been watching female weightlifters on Youtube.
Now my keyboard's all sticky.
I really need one of those protective covers.
Haiku # 68097, September 22, 2020 6:29 pm ET
by Not exactly a clean jerk.
Overnight dirt mounds
Voles humping under the tiles
Fuck this landscaping
Haiku # 68096, September 22, 2020 12:41 pm ET
by Loser
Mexico City
In the underground labyrinth
Rata Gigante!
Haiku # 68095, September 22, 2020 12:28 pm ET
by Gatita Estrella of Callejon
Japanese taco
made with fresh octopus meat;
a tako taco!
Haiku # 68094, September 21, 2020 6:08 am ET
by Hentai Tex-Mex Cafe. of The outskirts of Dallas.
Did you have to break
up with me when my mouth was
full of your hot cum?
Haiku # 68093, September 20, 2020 3:50 am ET
by asking for a friend of behind the stadium
His schlong smelled like ham
And he wore pants made of bread
Let's do lunch some time
Haiku # 68092, September 20, 2020 3:45 am ET
by Miss Piggy of Hog Heaven
His schlong smelled like ham
And he wore pants made of bread
Let's do lunch some time
Haiku # 68091, September 20, 2020 3:44 am ET
by Miss Piggy of Hog Heaven
That crisp autumn air
Once again I'm on my knees
Blowing the mailman
Haiku # 68090, September 20, 2020 12:47 am ET
by Punkin' Spice of driveway
Nineteen sixty-eight.
That was a year for revolt.
Really helped the Left . . .
Haiku # 68089, September 19, 2020 6:01 pm ET
by Judgement of Paris
You keep talking that
Japanese octopus talk
I'll do anything
Haiku # 68088, September 19, 2020 4:25 pm ET
by Star K. of Undisclosed
I don't 69.
I much prefer 68.
Never heard of it?

That's where you do me.
And then I will owe you 1.
Tomorrow. Promise!
Haiku # 68087, September 19, 2020 3:11 pm ET
by Would I lie?
Teach me 69
You sexy mathematician
Teach me gozintas
Haiku # 68086, September 19, 2020 12:38 pm ET
by Stirred Up of In your dreams
I'm no longer a figpucker.
I've given up pork and decided to go Kosher. That means I cannot sodomize lobsters or other strange sea animals as well. But whores are okay. Plenty of those around here, I tell you!
Haiku # 68085, September 19, 2020 10:41 am ET
by DW
The next time I'm stateside,
I'll look you up so we can have
a wild affair to write bad
haiku about.

His schlong smelled like ham.
Ham that was left out for weeks.
I ran, vomiting.

He chased and caught me.
Now I smell like rotten pork.
There's pus in my hair.

You can say what you want, that's not as disgusting as pineapple on pizza. RIGHT?!
Haiku # 68084, September 19, 2020 10:38 am ET
by The Dork Lard of the Sith, Darth Whorrendous of Doing Whorrible things to Whore's Ends.
Oh Darth Figpucker
Now you've got my attention
I'll be right over
Haiku # 68083, September 19, 2020 7:37 am ET
by lovin pie of Nearby
If the zombie apocolypse happens and there are some fresh ones out there, I'm getting the handcuffs and KY.
Haiku # 68082, September 19, 2020 6:30 am ET
by Go ahead, bite me!
And that doesn't really stop the fact that my balls are itching and you look like you could use a salty refreshment. Have a bloody mary w/ my scrotal sweat.
Haiku # 68081, September 19, 2020 6:28 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Actually, no, the electric socket doesn't have near enough juice. Maybe if you have some special 440 outlet and go from one hand to the outlet and the other to a water pipe (ground). And it's the current that gets you... so have to bypass the breaker if possible. It's harder than you think... so many safety precautions these days.
Haiku # 68080, September 19, 2020 6:26 am ET
by Your welcome.

Sweet blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thanks finja bemix high tech
Haiku # 68079, September 19, 2020 12:14 am ET
by of Switzerland
If you stick a fork
in electrical socket
You will get your wish
Haiku # 68078, September 18, 2020 11:49 pm ET
by Drunk of Barstool
I love high voltage.
If ever I'm put to death,
I hope it's the chair.
Haiku # 68077, September 18, 2020 10:44 pm ET
by Force lightening shoots out my ass.
It's going to get worse.
Polarization times ten.
Fuck all the zombies.
Haiku # 68076, September 18, 2020 5:51 pm ET
by The Wrath of the Lord shall be Sweet
Her Kill Switch installed . . .
but in the wrong place.
Walkin' funny now.
Haiku # 68075, September 18, 2020 7:46 am ET
by Homage to Darth, of Course
My neck might explode.
Installed "suicide" implant.
How they control me.
Haiku # 68074, September 18, 2020 3:43 am ET
by Scrotie McBoogerballs
In line at the hospital.
It's not covid.
But it might be cancer.
Let us pray.
Haiku # 68073, September 18, 2020 3:14 am ET
by This world sucks ass anyway.
Return of The Spam!
I want to attach dick pics.
Show some poet schlong.
Haiku # 68072, September 17, 2020 8:50 pm ET
by asdf
To live forever,
you need to drink more water
and stop smoking crack.
Haiku # 68070, September 17, 2020 2:45 am ET
by Dr. Satan's intern
I need a robot.
One that can post haiku here,
deny what it is.
Haiku # 68069, September 16, 2020 10:12 pm ET
by Too lazy to do this.
After a great deal of effort,
sphincter pinching and
wiggling, it finally fell in.

The Fonz praised Jesus,
as he always did after
pooing. Because heeeeeey,
he is cool.

He snapped his fingers
and a cute HS girls proceeded
to wipe his bum.
Haiku # 68068, September 16, 2020 8:11 pm ET
by Memoirs of Ron Howard
Great masturbate.
Contemplate ejaculate.
Pontificate irrate constabulate.
Defecate undulate gyrate.
Haiku # 68067, September 16, 2020 7:56 pm ET
by The squirell.
Is the stupidest of all.
It's just plain foolish.
Haiku # 68066, September 16, 2020 7:37 pm ET
by Mbengi Mbundu of Great Zimbabwe
We are here for God's entertainment.
He's a sick twisted little child.
End your life now.
Deprive Him of His enjoyment.
THAT is rebellion.
Haiku # 68065, September 16, 2020 5:42 pm ET
by Exit existance stage left.
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