I don't 69.
I much prefer 68.
Never heard of it?

That's where you do me.
And then I will owe you 1.
Tomorrow. Promise!

Teach me 69
You sexy mathematician
Teach me gozintas

I'm no longer a figpucker.
I've given up pork and decided to go Kosher. That means I cannot sodomize lobsters or other strange sea animals as well. But whores are okay. Plenty of those around here, I tell you!

The next time I'm stateside,
I'll look you up so we can have
a wild affair to write bad
haiku about.

His schlong smelled like ham.
Ham that was left out for weeks.
I ran, vomiting.

He chased and caught me.
Now I smell like rotten pork.
There's pus in my hair.

You can say what you want, that's not as disgusting as pineapple on pizza. RIGHT?!

Oh Darth Figpucker
Now you've got my attention
I'll be right over

If the zombie apocolypse happens and there are some fresh ones out there, I'm getting the handcuffs and KY.

And that doesn't really stop the fact that my balls are itching and you look like you could use a salty refreshment. Have a bloody mary w/ my scrotal sweat.

Actually, no, the electric socket doesn't have near enough juice. Maybe if you have some special 440 outlet and go from one hand to the outlet and the other to a water pipe (ground). And it's the current that gets you... so have to bypass the breaker if possible. It's harder than you think... so many safety precautions these days.

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If you stick a fork
in electrical socket
You will get your wish

I love high voltage.
If ever I'm put to death,
I hope it's the chair.

It's going to get worse.
Polarization times ten.
Fuck all the zombies.

Her Kill Switch installed . . .
but in the wrong place.
Walkin' funny now.

My neck might explode.
Installed "suicide" implant.
How they control me.

In line at the hospital.
It's not covid.
But it might be cancer.
Let us pray.

Return of The Spam!
I want to attach dick pics.
Show some poet schlong.

To live forever,
you need to drink more water
and stop smoking crack.

I need a robot.
One that can post haiku here,
deny what it is.

"Plop."
After a great deal of effort,
sphincter pinching and
wiggling, it finally fell in.

The Fonz praised Jesus,
as he always did after
pooing. Because heeeeeey,
he is cool.

He snapped his fingers
and a cute HS girls proceeded
to wipe his bum.

Great masturbate.
Contemplate ejaculate.
Pontificate irrate constabulate.
Defecate undulate gyrate.
Wait.

Afrocentrism
Is the stupidest of all.
It's just plain foolish.

We are here for God's entertainment.
He's a sick twisted little child.
End your life now.
Deprive Him of His enjoyment.
THAT is rebellion.

why should one bother
to contemplate existence
except to distract ?

i'm sick of covid
endless updates inflicting
terminal ennui

He's the Good Shepherd.
Grazing near the slaughterhouse,
Sheep are unaware.

Have you ever had
Mary's lamb at a "love fest"?
Well, let me tell you...

There's mutton like it!
My God, that was Whoreable.
Please pass the mint sauce.

Have you ever sung
Mary Had a Little Lamb
at a hate rally?

You can grab pussy.
As long as you're very rich.
I think I'll sell guns.

Then I'll own the world.
Move up to missiles and bombs.
Nuclear maybe?

We've got the best slaves.
Totally obedient.
Grab them anywhere.

I would like a slave.
White or black, I do not care.
Vote for Donald Trump!

So who thinks the US will erupt into another civil war? Of course the far right will win b/c they have had a lot of time to stockpile weapons while the left just whines. Then China will destroy what's left. Doom and gloom, doom and gloom.

Bullies. Loud Maoists.
Belligerent Leftist Mob
Bad Loudmouth Menace

waiting for godot
a great play, but wait there's more!
now it's a board game

Davie504
will break all your spaghetti
unless you slapp like

A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X Y & Z.
Now I know some shit.

Oh, shit, I left off y.
And now balls itch.
So, haiku will have to wait.

A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X & Z.
Now I know some shit.

Call the Haiku Squad.
Too many syllables here.
Law and order NOW.

There's a rabbid squirrel hiding in Donald Trump's hair. It foams at the mouth and tells him what to do. It writes his tweets for him. Obey the squirrel or you will all die! This is not on Fox or CNN, so you know it's real. This is Truth! Everything on Badhaiku.com is Truth. Terrific website. The best poets.

The Mexicans can remain free
as long as they continue to work.
Native Americans and
Eskimoes (Inuits if you prefer)
will be transfered to Detroit
to build cars, because why not.

War with Canada is imminent.
The continent will be called
New Chinese Annex.

China owns the US.
The chinks bought it from Russia.
And one billion jars of beet borscht
as part of the bargain.
I swear it's true! Look it up!

BlakBlakBlakBlakBlak
I'm a shout in your face now:
WhiteWhiteWhiteWhiteWhite

Communist sniper
Marxist marksman

If I was a black woman,
I'd loot too.
If I was just there I would loot.
And probably shoot some ppl too.
That's my TV mofo! I saw it first!
blam blam.
Look what that cop did!
He shot that defenseless black guy.
Scuse me, have to get this TV home.
Yes, I have 6 already, but one more
can't hurt, can it?

Blak Lesbo Marxists.
wait . . . Bitter Loud Matriarchs;
Bad Looting Mothers

But seriously,
My views on that fateful day
Have since changed greatly . . .

Trump was made aware
Two years before it happened.
All hail God's prophet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtRtPjrG4lE&feature=youtu.be

read this bad haiku
satisfaction guaranteed
or your money back

9/11 passed and not one rememberance in the form of a haiku. I guess in the end we did forget.

Two buildings came down.
It was a horrible day.
And keeps getting worse.

Took fifteen minutes
To write three shitty haiku
Still better than you