I would like a slave.
White or black, I do not care.
Vote for Donald Trump!

So who thinks the US will erupt into another civil war? Of course the far right will win b/c they have had a lot of time to stockpile weapons while the left just whines. Then China will destroy what's left. Doom and gloom, doom and gloom.

Bullies. Loud Maoists.
Belligerent Leftist Mob
Bad Loudmouth Menace

waiting for godot
a great play, but wait there's more!
now it's a board game

Davie504
will break all your spaghetti
unless you slapp like

A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X Y & Z.
Now I know some shit.

Oh, shit, I left off y.
And now balls itch.
So, haiku will have to wait.

A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X & Z.
Now I know some shit.

Call the Haiku Squad.
Too many syllables here.
Law and order NOW.

There's a rabbid squirrel hiding in Donald Trump's hair. It foams at the mouth and tells him what to do. It writes his tweets for him. Obey the squirrel or you will all die! This is not on Fox or CNN, so you know it's real. This is Truth! Everything on Badhaiku.com is Truth. Terrific website. The best poets.

The Mexicans can remain free
as long as they continue to work.
Native Americans and
Eskimoes (Inuits if you prefer)
will be transfered to Detroit
to build cars, because why not.

War with Canada is imminent.
The continent will be called
New Chinese Annex.

China owns the US.
The chinks bought it from Russia.
And one billion jars of beet borscht
as part of the bargain.
I swear it's true! Look it up!

BlakBlakBlakBlakBlak
I'm a shout in your face now:
WhiteWhiteWhiteWhiteWhite

Communist sniper
Marxist marksman

If I was a black woman,
I'd loot too.
If I was just there I would loot.
And probably shoot some ppl too.
That's my TV mofo! I saw it first!
blam blam.
Look what that cop did!
He shot that defenseless black guy.
Scuse me, have to get this TV home.
Yes, I have 6 already, but one more
can't hurt, can it?

Blak Lesbo Marxists.
wait . . . Bitter Loud Matriarchs;
Bad Looting Mothers

But seriously,
My views on that fateful day
Have since changed greatly . . .

Trump was made aware
Two years before it happened.
All hail God's prophet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtRtPjrG4lE&feature=youtu.be

read this bad haiku
satisfaction guaranteed
or your money back

9/11 passed and not one rememberance in the form of a haiku. I guess in the end we did forget.

Two buildings came down.
It was a horrible day.
And keeps getting worse.

Took fifteen minutes
To write three shitty haiku
Still better than you

Grace Slick was a chick
Who got fat and grew a dick
Tom Bosley's penis

Spotted and dotted
Also never forgotted
Old tissue snotted

Lamb is delicious
So is owl from time to time
Prefer them spotted

Oh, such BLASPHEMY.
Surely you have gone TOO FAR.
Surely you are DAMNED.

Wear a condom.
Just wear the Goddamn condom!
You'll thank me.

As vulgar, foul, and heinous as I might be, Jesus still loves me more than you. I asked him when he had had a lot of wine. He prefers honesty over lies. An honest fart is more beautiful than a false poem... As long as you don't shart yourself while wearing khaki shorts. That's what Jesus told me. He lives three houses down across the street. Yes, he has a valid green card -- don't you dare call INS!

The men stood around
comparing the lengths of their
bad haiku poems

One two three four five
six seven etcetera
because I'm lazy.

in bombastic ways
anagrammatic displays
earn fantastic praise

rampach cramphar marchap parmach charpam charmap crampah hamparc chamrap archmap harmcap

A character map.
That's what he meant. But Darth needs
a character SLAP.

Your rampach is dicklicksic.
So if I could borrow it some time...

Therapy is overrated and a way to
shovel money into the pockets
of scam artists. Like Freud.

Look Sigmund, if I want to bang
my mom, that's my business
but honestly, I don't want to
have to buy the extra Depends
undergarments that would be
required.

The reason therapy works is
so that we can deny the fact
that we got scammed. It's like
a placebo, really. Give someone
money and you will imagine
that what you gave them money
for is actually working. That way
you won't consider yourself
stupid.

Example, I bought a whore for
a wife and fooled myself into
thinking she was a good person.

unfortunately
your champar is dyslexic
and needs therapy

So who here thinks this Corona virus thing is an extremely over-exagerated political/economic fart.
I want everyone to get it b/c the sooner everyone gets it then the sooner I can get on with my life.
Unless, of course, it kills me. But I can live with that.

Champar is not a real thing.
I just made that shit up.
I don't even know what it means.
Kind of like integrity.
Hey, anyone want to buy a soul?
Slightly used and not in good shape.
But in better shape than
my ex's rancid foul twat. :-)

charmap is a thing
use the font of all knowledge
google is your friend

Y'all are so much fun.
I want you all to get saved.
(Haiku in heaven)

What is a a "charmap"?
Some British or Aussie thing?
I've never heard it.

Allahu Akbar!
I shout that before I fart.
Suicide bombing.

Ate some pomelo,
bean chili and deviled eggs,
washed down w/ lager.

Any terrorist
acts will be met with speedy
retaliation.

we're all in the wars
growing old is a minefield
for dead men walking

Oh yeah, I did live there.
But only in my mind.
I mean, how twisted is that?!
But how is it I know all the streets?!
Past life memories????
Dear God, help me get through
this terrible psychic affliction.

damn you bad haiku
fuck your lousy charmap fail
omar goodness sakes

the moving finger
writes, and having, writ moves on
khayyám what khayyám

I think I know you
Did you live in New Jersey?
Do you remember?

*Fraiche

I was thinking dog pizza with heirloom sun-dried tomatoes and goat cheese on a thick whole wheat crust and a dash of red pepper.

Just go get pizza
You said you live near a shop
Have you lost your mind?

I'm going to eat that dog across the street. I swear to God, I'll do it!
I'm thinking a nice hearty stew.

He climbed up that tree
Carefully removed his pants
Fucked a bald eagle