BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
319 Days
and
68164 Haikus
later...
damn you bad haiku
fuck your lousy charmap fail
omar goodness sakes
Haiku #68014, by ash
September 9, 2020 8:52 am ET

the moving finger
writes, and having, writ moves on
khayyám what khayyám
Haiku #68013, by ash
September 9, 2020 8:49 am ET

I think I know you
Did you live in New Jersey?
Do you remember?
Haiku #68012, by Someone you know of Somewhere you don't know
September 9, 2020 2:25 am ET

*Fraiche
Haiku #68011, by oops
September 9, 2020 2:01 am ET

I was thinking dog pizza with heirloom sun-dried tomatoes and goat cheese on a thick whole wheat crust and a dash of red pepper.
Haiku #68010, by And San Miguel Negra beer. of Creme Fraishe.
September 9, 2020 1:56 am ET

Just go get pizza
You said you live near a shop
Have you lost your mind?
Haiku #68009, by GOD of watching you
September 9, 2020 12:24 am ET

I'm going to eat that dog across the street. I swear to God, I'll do it!
I'm thinking a nice hearty stew.
Haiku #68008, by
September 8, 2020 8:50 pm ET

He climbed up that tree
Carefully removed his pants
Fucked a bald eagle
Haiku #68007, by Birdwatcher of Behind binoculars
September 8, 2020 3:37 pm ET

You know you want it
All of my hot syllables
sitting on your face
Haiku #68006, by All talk of No action
September 8, 2020 3:06 pm ET

Love awake dot ru.
RU STUPID?
Just don't.
Pay your $50. Fuck them, and done.
Don't bring them home!
Haiku #68005, by DW
September 8, 2020 2:26 pm ET

Trump is smarter than me.
He bought a live-in Russian whore.
I got the cheaper version from
the Philippines. :-(
You get what you pay for.
Haiku #68004, by DW
September 8, 2020 2:24 pm ET

In a perfect world
The haiku would write itself
And then self destruct
Haiku #68003, by Perfectionist of Imperfect World
September 8, 2020 12:09 pm ET

I'm not just inviting you! But it will be interesting for sure loveawake.ru
Haiku #68002, by SandraNoitE of Spain
September 8, 2020 6:43 am ET

Tyrannosaurus
Emerge from rock formations
And shit everywhere
Haiku #68001, by Starkitten of Undisclosed
September 8, 2020 2:10 am ET

The effect of COVID-19 on atmospheric quality makes me urinate liquified sulfur dioxide in much the same way that I imagine Satan does.
I really wanted to thaw out the frozen dinosaurs and watch them come back to life and I would attach brain chips to them to make them sentient and superior and most importantly under my controld and I would send them to eat vhs and all you other poets!
Haiku #68000, by Elon made me say that -- that's not really me. of Secret alien tech lab at SpaceX.
September 8, 2020 1:33 am ET

*
Haiku #67999, by *Wroooooong! Do it again!
September 8, 2020 1:29 am ET

The fascination with school buses stops when they realize what a horrible place it takes them to.
Haiku #67998, by Wtooooong! Do it again! of If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?
September 8, 2020 12:55 am ET

Popular Science
Back issues under the bed
Teenage robot life

Pretends she is blind
Your mother cleans around them
But she found your bong
Haiku #67997, by mom of High As Fuck
September 7, 2020 10:03 pm ET

I'm not a robot.
But I'd like to become one.
Elon Musk might help.

WTF kind name is Elon Musk???
The scent of being elongated,
by either natural or synthetic means,
should not be a person's name.
But if he makes me into a robot,
I'll call him anything he wants.

Yes, Daddy Musk, here's your
Evian spring water and the latest
news from Wall Street.
Would you like some head now?
Haiku #67996, by DW
September 7, 2020 9:33 pm ET

Like Snap Crackle Pop
But my brand new cereal
Has an orgasm

Free Prize in the box!
13 inch Hot Pink Dildo
Makes you Rise and Shine
Haiku #67995, by Molly of Breakfast Club
September 7, 2020 12:43 am ET

I've often wondered
After Ozzy ate that bat
Did it plug him up?
Haiku #67994, by Al Imentary of Canal
September 7, 2020 12:30 am ET

Bring me another bat!
And a vat
Of acid.
Haiku #67993, by We'll show those bloody Chinese how to bloody well start a fucking pandemic. of Crazy Traaaaaaiiiin!!!
September 7, 2020 12:26 am ET

Roger Waters, David Lee Roth, &
Ozzy Osbourne started their own
band called The Music Fuckers,
and at their shows they don't really
play music, but you get to shove fistfuls of cash up their butts &
watch them squirm in delight.
Haiku #67992, by Sharron! Sharron! of Fucking shitehole poets posting shite again
September 7, 2020 12:22 am ET

Ð
Haiku #67991, by Matthewmit of Cameroon
September 6, 2020 6:51 pm ET

So I moved out of the shithole of the universe.
Now I live in the taint.
What's worse than flies in your rice bowl?
Realizing those are maggots, not rice.
Imagine a dead fish rotting in the sun.
Hundreds of them.
With flies and maggots.
Disgusting? Oh, no! That's delicacy!
Dry it out and that's food!
Yeah, all these dead little fish.
So the bigger fish got nothing to eat.
That's why there are no sharks --
there's nothing for them to eat.

Someone make covid airborne, like a
covid, ebola, H1N1, ergot hybrid.
That causes hallucinations.
Come on, you bioengineers!
Show me what you're worth!
Haiku #67990, by Darth Whorendous will upend us onto our head until dead. of Universe, Taint, 3rd wrinkle, 2nd wart. Appartment #42.
September 6, 2020 5:52 pm ET

email me darthfigpucker2@gmail.com
Haiku #67989, by We can be FB friends!
September 6, 2020 5:42 pm ET

Throughout this horrible ordeal,
I must say that it's not as bad as
poison ivy on the genitals.
The blistering ooze that
sticks to your undies and
you have to soak it in water
just to get it to let go....
It's like an octopus monster
in Japanese animation.
Swollen face continuous
itching. Imagine Jack the
Pumpkin King from Nightmare
Before Christmas masturbating
for 5 days straight b/c his
dick itches, but it feels like
Edward Scissorhands giving
you a happy ending with
steroidal anti-inflamatory
cream.
Haiku #67988, by
September 6, 2020 4:51 pm ET

The question remains
Just who is Darth Figpucker?
And what is that bulge?
Haiku #67987, by Bad Haiku Enquirer of Behind binoculars
September 6, 2020 4:49 pm ET

Sweet! I'll be right over.
Ummm, what's your address?
Might have to wait until quarantine is done. :-(
Haiku #67986, by The Fartist Formerly Known As Figpucker of Or something like that.
September 6, 2020 10:32 am ET

Hey Darth Figpucker
An engraved invitation
Party in my pants
Haiku #67985, by Your secret admirer of Under old willow
September 6, 2020 6:11 am ET

So last week I moved out
of the shithole of the universe.
Transfered to the taint.
Still smells like shit.
But closer to what I need.
And there are some pizza
places close by.
Praise be to Jesus!

So how is quarantine in the US?
Jesus... Here is like you can only go out if
21 or older, but no one obeys that.
Can't travel from one town to the next w/o
government approval and medical certificate.
Just to go shopping you have to hang
a laminated pass around your neck.
It's such a fucking scam of shit here.
The rich get richer, the poor fucking starve.
Haiku #67984, by DW of We need a good world war to set things right.
September 6, 2020 3:59 am ET

You mean you don't want to hook up?
All this remote control penis control is soooo 1990s.
Do it manually, like a stick shift.
Keep the transmission lubricated.
And never buy a Ford Fiesta.
Nor marry a Filippina whore.
Gold-digging, cheating, back-stabbing,
baby-killing sluts.
We should have let Japan have it.
Haiku #67983, by DW
September 6, 2020 3:53 am ET

After all these years
Feels like I hardly know ya
Let's keep it like that
Haiku #67982, by Person of Looking in mirror
September 6, 2020 1:43 am ET

When your only friend
Is the poop stain in your pants
You're shit out of luck
Haiku #67981, by Just a bum of Where the sun don't shine
September 6, 2020 1:35 am ET

Just trust my witchcraft
That pimple on your scrotum
Is yesterday's news

My Magickal Herbs
Will heal your tender vittles
But it will cost you

My witch disclaimer
I now control your penis
'Til further notice
Haiku #67980, by Witch of Witchypoo Park
September 6, 2020 1:12 am ET

No! Nobody asked!
Stop, or I'll go on about.....
Rectal hernias
Haiku #67979, by Dr. Phil
September 6, 2020 12:44 am ET

.
Haiku #67978, by dw of *I think I got all the pus out, thanks for asking.
September 5, 2020 7:00 pm ET

Is it wrong to eat dog?
If so, please don't tell me about it.
It just tastes so damn gooood!
In a spicy stew or roasted.
Maybe I'll try deep fried next.
Haiku #67977, by Darth Whorendous of Going out whoring again as soon as my ingrown hair nut zit shrinks down all the way. I'll keep you posted. I think I got all t
September 5, 2020 6:59 pm ET

The Mackerel of the Cornflake.
It sounds like a good read.
Lots pictures of naked tarts.
Haiku #67976, by of
September 5, 2020 6:06 pm ET

Melted cow poop on
whole wheat toast,
with mushroom/onion
scrambled eggs. My
nut zit is shrinking,
praise be to Jesus.
I can't take much more
of it singing The Ode
to Joy at 3 am.
Haiku #67975, by I mean, I like Beethoven, but enough is enough. of Real butter for a real breakfast.
September 5, 2020 2:00 pm ET

Terrance and Phillip
or the lovely Queef Sisters;
which one is your fave?
Haiku #67974, by Those silly Canadians of With their beady eyes and flappy heads.
September 5, 2020 1:54 pm ET

When you milked the cows
The buckets filled with ice cream
They shit butter sticks
Haiku #67973, by Louis Pasteurized of Just up to my chin
September 5, 2020 1:29 pm ET

The best part of it
When you took me doggie style
Out in the driveway
Haiku #67972, by Confessions of of a satisfied Postal customer
September 5, 2020 1:21 pm ET

Paintball! It's paintball.
Evil fascists use paintball.
Blame Trump for paintball.
Haiku #67971, by Passive-aggressive Soyboy of AK 47
September 5, 2020 9:00 am ET

My pussy tastes sweet
Wilfred Brimley ate me out
Got diabetes
Haiku #67970, by Sugar Pie Honeycunt of Undisclosed
September 5, 2020 7:30 am ET

Synesthesia
Ordering long handled spoons
Taste buds in my arse
Haiku #67969, by Headstander of Empty restaurant (more poutine for me)
September 5, 2020 7:27 am ET

Regularity
Cereal can help with that
Tear you a new one
Haiku #67968, by Ass Tiger of Canada
September 5, 2020 7:21 am ET

You ever wonder if Tony
The Tiger is one of those
man-eaters?
Cat's are not suppoed
to be able to taste "sweet",
So what's up with that?!
Haiku #67967, by A non-e-mouse poet
September 5, 2020 6:18 am ET

Huffing Glade air freshener,
the emergency room staff
complimented me on how
good I smell. And then my
nut zit exploded again.
Haiku #67966, by Don't you hate that.
September 5, 2020 6:14 am ET

Go shunt a stunt truck
De-funk the cunting runts NOW!
Your stank asses stunk.
Haiku #67965, by Factory of Olfactory Factors
September 4, 2020 8:54 pm ET