Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 152 Days and 77033 Haiku later...

In a perfect world
The haiku would write itself
And then self destruct
Haiku # 68003, September 8, 2020 12:09 pm ET
by Perfectionist of Imperfect World
I'm not just inviting you! But it will be interesting for sure
Haiku # 68002, September 8, 2020 6:43 am ET
by SandraNoitE of Spain
Emerge from rock formations
And shit everywhere
Haiku # 68001, September 8, 2020 2:10 am ET
by Starkitten of Undisclosed
The effect of COVID-19 on atmospheric quality makes me urinate liquified sulfur dioxide in much the same way that I imagine Satan does.
I really wanted to thaw out the frozen dinosaurs and watch them come back to life and I would attach brain chips to them to make them sentient and superior and most importantly under my controld and I would send them to eat vhs and all you other poets!
Haiku # 68000, September 8, 2020 1:33 am ET
by Elon made me say that -- that's not really me. of Secret alien tech lab at SpaceX.
Haiku # 67999, September 8, 2020 1:29 am ET
by *Wroooooong! Do it again!
The fascination with school buses stops when they realize what a horrible place it takes them to.
Haiku # 67998, September 8, 2020 12:55 am ET
by Wtooooong! Do it again! of If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?
Popular Science
Back issues under the bed
Teenage robot life

Pretends she is blind
Your mother cleans around them
But she found your bong
Haiku # 67997, September 7, 2020 10:03 pm ET
by mom of High As Fuck
I'm not a robot.
But I'd like to become one.
Elon Musk might help.

WTF kind name is Elon Musk???
The scent of being elongated,
by either natural or synthetic means,
should not be a person's name.
But if he makes me into a robot,
I'll call him anything he wants.

Yes, Daddy Musk, here's your
Evian spring water and the latest
news from Wall Street.
Would you like some head now?
Haiku # 67996, September 7, 2020 9:33 pm ET
by DW
Like Snap Crackle Pop
But my brand new cereal
Has an orgasm

Free Prize in the box!
13 inch Hot Pink Dildo
Makes you Rise and Shine
Haiku # 67995, September 7, 2020 12:43 am ET
by Molly of Breakfast Club
I've often wondered
After Ozzy ate that bat
Did it plug him up?
Haiku # 67994, September 7, 2020 12:30 am ET
by Al Imentary of Canal
Bring me another bat!
And a vat
Of acid.
Haiku # 67993, September 7, 2020 12:26 am ET
by We'll show those bloody Chinese how to bloody well start a fucking pandemic. of Crazy Traaaaaaiiiin!!!
Roger Waters, David Lee Roth, &
Ozzy Osbourne started their own
band called The Music Fuckers,
and at their shows they don't really
play music, but you get to shove fistfuls of cash up their butts &
watch them squirm in delight.
Haiku # 67992, September 7, 2020 12:22 am ET
by Sharron! Sharron! of Fucking shitehole poets posting shite again
Haiku # 67991, September 6, 2020 6:51 pm ET
by Matthewmit of Cameroon
So I moved out of the shithole of the universe.
Now I live in the taint.
What's worse than flies in your rice bowl?
Realizing those are maggots, not rice.
Imagine a dead fish rotting in the sun.
Hundreds of them.
With flies and maggots.
Disgusting? Oh, no! That's delicacy!
Dry it out and that's food!
Yeah, all these dead little fish.
So the bigger fish got nothing to eat.
That's why there are no sharks --
there's nothing for them to eat.

Someone make covid airborne, like a
covid, ebola, H1N1, ergot hybrid.
That causes hallucinations.
Come on, you bioengineers!
Show me what you're worth!
Haiku # 67990, September 6, 2020 5:52 pm ET
by Darth Whorendous will upend us onto our head until dead. of Universe, Taint, 3rd wrinkle, 2nd wart. Appartment #42.
email me
Haiku # 67989, September 6, 2020 5:42 pm ET
by We can be FB friends!
Throughout this horrible ordeal,
I must say that it's not as bad as
poison ivy on the genitals.
The blistering ooze that
sticks to your undies and
you have to soak it in water
just to get it to let go....
It's like an octopus monster
in Japanese animation.
Swollen face continuous
itching. Imagine Jack the
Pumpkin King from Nightmare
Before Christmas masturbating
for 5 days straight b/c his
dick itches, but it feels like
Edward Scissorhands giving
you a happy ending with
steroidal anti-inflamatory
Haiku # 67988, September 6, 2020 4:51 pm ET
The question remains
Just who is Darth Figpucker?
And what is that bulge?
Haiku # 67987, September 6, 2020 4:49 pm ET
by Bad Haiku Enquirer of Behind binoculars
Sweet! I'll be right over.
Ummm, what's your address?
Might have to wait until quarantine is done. :-(
Haiku # 67986, September 6, 2020 10:32 am ET
by The Fartist Formerly Known As Figpucker of Or something like that.
Hey Darth Figpucker
An engraved invitation
Party in my pants
Haiku # 67985, September 6, 2020 6:11 am ET
by Your secret admirer of Under old willow
So last week I moved out
of the shithole of the universe.
Transfered to the taint.
Still smells like shit.
But closer to what I need.
And there are some pizza
places close by.
Praise be to Jesus!

So how is quarantine in the US?
Jesus... Here is like you can only go out if
21 or older, but no one obeys that.
Can't travel from one town to the next w/o
government approval and medical certificate.
Just to go shopping you have to hang
a laminated pass around your neck.
It's such a fucking scam of shit here.
The rich get richer, the poor fucking starve.
Haiku # 67984, September 6, 2020 3:59 am ET
by DW of We need a good world war to set things right.
You mean you don't want to hook up?
All this remote control penis control is soooo 1990s.
Do it manually, like a stick shift.
Keep the transmission lubricated.
And never buy a Ford Fiesta.
Nor marry a Filippina whore.
Gold-digging, cheating, back-stabbing,
baby-killing sluts.
We should have let Japan have it.
Haiku # 67983, September 6, 2020 3:53 am ET
by DW
After all these years
Feels like I hardly know ya
Let's keep it like that
Haiku # 67982, September 6, 2020 1:43 am ET
by Person of Looking in mirror
When your only friend
Is the poop stain in your pants
You're shit out of luck
Haiku # 67981, September 6, 2020 1:35 am ET
by Just a bum of Where the sun don't shine
Just trust my witchcraft
That pimple on your scrotum
Is yesterday's news

My Magickal Herbs
Will heal your tender vittles
But it will cost you

My witch disclaimer
I now control your penis
'Til further notice
Haiku # 67980, September 6, 2020 1:12 am ET
by Witch of Witchypoo Park
No! Nobody asked!
Stop, or I'll go on about.....
Rectal hernias
Haiku # 67979, September 6, 2020 12:44 am ET
by Dr. Phil
Haiku # 67978, September 5, 2020 7:00 pm ET
by dw of *I think I got all the pus out, thanks for asking.
Is it wrong to eat dog?
If so, please don't tell me about it.
It just tastes so damn gooood!
In a spicy stew or roasted.
Maybe I'll try deep fried next.
Haiku # 67977, September 5, 2020 6:59 pm ET
by Darth Whorendous of Going out whoring again as soon as my ingrown hair nut zit shrinks down all the way. I'll keep you posted. I think I got all t
The Mackerel of the Cornflake.
It sounds like a good read.
Lots pictures of naked tarts.
Haiku # 67976, September 5, 2020 6:06 pm ET
by of
Melted cow poop on
whole wheat toast,
with mushroom/onion
scrambled eggs. My
nut zit is shrinking,
praise be to Jesus.
I can't take much more
of it singing The Ode
to Joy at 3 am.
Haiku # 67975, September 5, 2020 2:00 pm ET
by I mean, I like Beethoven, but enough is enough. of Real butter for a real breakfast.
Terrance and Phillip
or the lovely Queef Sisters;
which one is your fave?
Haiku # 67974, September 5, 2020 1:54 pm ET
by Those silly Canadians of With their beady eyes and flappy heads.
When you milked the cows
The buckets filled with ice cream
They shit butter sticks
Haiku # 67973, September 5, 2020 1:29 pm ET
by Louis Pasteurized of Just up to my chin
The best part of it
When you took me doggie style
Out in the driveway
Haiku # 67972, September 5, 2020 1:21 pm ET
by Confessions of of a satisfied Postal customer
Paintball! It's paintball.
Evil fascists use paintball.
Blame Trump for paintball.
Haiku # 67971, September 5, 2020 9:00 am ET
by Passive-aggressive Soyboy of AK 47
My pussy tastes sweet
Wilfred Brimley ate me out
Got diabetes
Haiku # 67970, September 5, 2020 7:30 am ET
by Sugar Pie Honeycunt of Undisclosed
Ordering long handled spoons
Taste buds in my arse
Haiku # 67969, September 5, 2020 7:27 am ET
by Headstander of Empty restaurant (more poutine for me)
Cereal can help with that
Tear you a new one
Haiku # 67968, September 5, 2020 7:21 am ET
by Ass Tiger of Canada
You ever wonder if Tony
The Tiger is one of those
Cat's are not suppoed
to be able to taste "sweet",
So what's up with that?!
Haiku # 67967, September 5, 2020 6:18 am ET
by A non-e-mouse poet
Huffing Glade air freshener,
the emergency room staff
complimented me on how
good I smell. And then my
nut zit exploded again.
Haiku # 67966, September 5, 2020 6:14 am ET
by Don't you hate that.
Go shunt a stunt truck
De-funk the cunting runts NOW!
Your stank asses stunk.
Haiku # 67965, September 4, 2020 8:54 pm ET
by Factory of Olfactory Factors
infected ingrown hair.
just don't ask where.
pus flew through the air.
now it itches.
Haiku # 67964, September 4, 2020 8:24 pm ET
by Jack Karowacky
I visited
Strangely satisfying to the ear drums.
Next time I will download to play at work.
Haiku # 67963, September 3, 2020 7:34 pm ET
by Thomas shunts trucks. of That almost sounds nasty.
That female train Rebecca in Thomas the Train is fucking sexy.
I'd pull a train on her.
Haiku # 67962, September 3, 2020 7:28 pm ET
by Know what I mean?
Those are my footsteps
Actually those are bootprints
I walked on your face
Haiku # 67961, September 3, 2020 7:19 pm ET
Dear God, get me through this shitty day, and if not, then thanks for nothing (as I expect b/c that's usually the way it is).
Haiku # 67960, September 3, 2020 6:23 pm ET
by What a half-assed prayer is that? of Ha ha ha.
Almost like cunnilingus
without the fish taste
Haiku # 67959, September 3, 2020 7:17 am ET
by James Caan of Under old willow
Biological barricades bounce beautifully but bats bore bumble bees.
Haiku # 67958, September 3, 2020 5:24 am ET
French fries booger.
You might think that's an attempt at humor, but such a profound statement has never been made.
Garbage truck backhoe school bus.
Haiku # 67957, September 3, 2020 4:20 am ET
Bigfoot, we need you
Bring sense to these troubled time's
Give us beef jerky
Haiku # 67956, September 3, 2020 12:17 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
That's when you jumped out
The second story window
Or did I push you?
Haiku # 67955, September 2, 2020 11:31 pm ET
by Forgetful of Lawn
I'm not a robot
But my penis is moving
Like a jackhammer
Haiku # 67954, September 2, 2020 12:08 pm ET
by The Unexplained of Hard to say where
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