BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
319 Days
and
68164 Haikus
later...
I've often wondered
After Ozzy ate that bat
Did it plug him up?
Haiku #67994, by Al Imentary of Canal
September 7, 2020 12:30 am ET

Bring me another bat!
And a vat
Of acid.
Haiku #67993, by We'll show those bloody Chinese how to bloody well start a fucking pandemic. of Crazy Traaaaaaiiiin!!!
September 7, 2020 12:26 am ET

Roger Waters, David Lee Roth, &
Ozzy Osbourne started their own
band called The Music Fuckers,
and at their shows they don't really
play music, but you get to shove fistfuls of cash up their butts &
watch them squirm in delight.
Haiku #67992, by Sharron! Sharron! of Fucking shitehole poets posting shite again
September 7, 2020 12:22 am ET

Ð
Haiku #67991, by Matthewmit of Cameroon
September 6, 2020 6:51 pm ET

So I moved out of the shithole of the universe.
Now I live in the taint.
What's worse than flies in your rice bowl?
Realizing those are maggots, not rice.
Imagine a dead fish rotting in the sun.
Hundreds of them.
With flies and maggots.
Disgusting? Oh, no! That's delicacy!
Dry it out and that's food!
Yeah, all these dead little fish.
So the bigger fish got nothing to eat.
That's why there are no sharks --
there's nothing for them to eat.

Someone make covid airborne, like a
covid, ebola, H1N1, ergot hybrid.
That causes hallucinations.
Come on, you bioengineers!
Show me what you're worth!
Haiku #67990, by Darth Whorendous will upend us onto our head until dead. of Universe, Taint, 3rd wrinkle, 2nd wart. Appartment #42.
September 6, 2020 5:52 pm ET

email me darthfigpucker2@gmail.com
Haiku #67989, by We can be FB friends!
September 6, 2020 5:42 pm ET

Throughout this horrible ordeal,
I must say that it's not as bad as
poison ivy on the genitals.
The blistering ooze that
sticks to your undies and
you have to soak it in water
just to get it to let go....
It's like an octopus monster
in Japanese animation.
Swollen face continuous
itching. Imagine Jack the
Pumpkin King from Nightmare
Before Christmas masturbating
for 5 days straight b/c his
dick itches, but it feels like
Edward Scissorhands giving
you a happy ending with
steroidal anti-inflamatory
cream.
Haiku #67988, by
September 6, 2020 4:51 pm ET

The question remains
Just who is Darth Figpucker?
And what is that bulge?
Haiku #67987, by Bad Haiku Enquirer of Behind binoculars
September 6, 2020 4:49 pm ET

Sweet! I'll be right over.
Ummm, what's your address?
Might have to wait until quarantine is done. :-(
Haiku #67986, by The Fartist Formerly Known As Figpucker of Or something like that.
September 6, 2020 10:32 am ET

Hey Darth Figpucker
An engraved invitation
Party in my pants
Haiku #67985, by Your secret admirer of Under old willow
September 6, 2020 6:11 am ET

So last week I moved out
of the shithole of the universe.
Transfered to the taint.
Still smells like shit.
But closer to what I need.
And there are some pizza
places close by.
Praise be to Jesus!

So how is quarantine in the US?
Jesus... Here is like you can only go out if
21 or older, but no one obeys that.
Can't travel from one town to the next w/o
government approval and medical certificate.
Just to go shopping you have to hang
a laminated pass around your neck.
It's such a fucking scam of shit here.
The rich get richer, the poor fucking starve.
Haiku #67984, by DW of We need a good world war to set things right.
September 6, 2020 3:59 am ET

You mean you don't want to hook up?
All this remote control penis control is soooo 1990s.
Do it manually, like a stick shift.
Keep the transmission lubricated.
And never buy a Ford Fiesta.
Nor marry a Filippina whore.
Gold-digging, cheating, back-stabbing,
baby-killing sluts.
We should have let Japan have it.
Haiku #67983, by DW
September 6, 2020 3:53 am ET

After all these years
Feels like I hardly know ya
Let's keep it like that
Haiku #67982, by Person of Looking in mirror
September 6, 2020 1:43 am ET

When your only friend
Is the poop stain in your pants
You're shit out of luck
Haiku #67981, by Just a bum of Where the sun don't shine
September 6, 2020 1:35 am ET

Just trust my witchcraft
That pimple on your scrotum
Is yesterday's news

My Magickal Herbs
Will heal your tender vittles
But it will cost you

My witch disclaimer
I now control your penis
'Til further notice
Haiku #67980, by Witch of Witchypoo Park
September 6, 2020 1:12 am ET

No! Nobody asked!
Stop, or I'll go on about.....
Rectal hernias
Haiku #67979, by Dr. Phil
September 6, 2020 12:44 am ET

.
Haiku #67978, by dw of *I think I got all the pus out, thanks for asking.
September 5, 2020 7:00 pm ET

Is it wrong to eat dog?
If so, please don't tell me about it.
It just tastes so damn gooood!
In a spicy stew or roasted.
Maybe I'll try deep fried next.
Haiku #67977, by Darth Whorendous of Going out whoring again as soon as my ingrown hair nut zit shrinks down all the way. I'll keep you posted. I think I got all t
September 5, 2020 6:59 pm ET

The Mackerel of the Cornflake.
It sounds like a good read.
Lots pictures of naked tarts.
Haiku #67976, by of
September 5, 2020 6:06 pm ET

Melted cow poop on
whole wheat toast,
with mushroom/onion
scrambled eggs. My
nut zit is shrinking,
praise be to Jesus.
I can't take much more
of it singing The Ode
to Joy at 3 am.
Haiku #67975, by I mean, I like Beethoven, but enough is enough. of Real butter for a real breakfast.
September 5, 2020 2:00 pm ET

Terrance and Phillip
or the lovely Queef Sisters;
which one is your fave?
Haiku #67974, by Those silly Canadians of With their beady eyes and flappy heads.
September 5, 2020 1:54 pm ET

When you milked the cows
The buckets filled with ice cream
They shit butter sticks
Haiku #67973, by Louis Pasteurized of Just up to my chin
September 5, 2020 1:29 pm ET

The best part of it
When you took me doggie style
Out in the driveway
Haiku #67972, by Confessions of of a satisfied Postal customer
September 5, 2020 1:21 pm ET

Paintball! It's paintball.
Evil fascists use paintball.
Blame Trump for paintball.
Haiku #67971, by Passive-aggressive Soyboy of AK 47
September 5, 2020 9:00 am ET

My pussy tastes sweet
Wilfred Brimley ate me out
Got diabetes
Haiku #67970, by Sugar Pie Honeycunt of Undisclosed
September 5, 2020 7:30 am ET

Synesthesia
Ordering long handled spoons
Taste buds in my arse
Haiku #67969, by Headstander of Empty restaurant (more poutine for me)
September 5, 2020 7:27 am ET

Regularity
Cereal can help with that
Tear you a new one
Haiku #67968, by Ass Tiger of Canada
September 5, 2020 7:21 am ET

You ever wonder if Tony
The Tiger is one of those
man-eaters?
Cat's are not suppoed
to be able to taste "sweet",
So what's up with that?!
Haiku #67967, by A non-e-mouse poet
September 5, 2020 6:18 am ET

Huffing Glade air freshener,
the emergency room staff
complimented me on how
good I smell. And then my
nut zit exploded again.
Haiku #67966, by Don't you hate that.
September 5, 2020 6:14 am ET

Go shunt a stunt truck
De-funk the cunting runts NOW!
Your stank asses stunk.
Haiku #67965, by Factory of Olfactory Factors
September 4, 2020 8:54 pm ET

infected ingrown hair.
just don't ask where.
pus flew through the air.
now it itches.
Haiku #67964, by Jack Karowacky
September 4, 2020 8:24 pm ET

I visited queef.com.
Strangely satisfying to the ear drums.
Next time I will download to play at work.
Haiku #67963, by Thomas shunts trucks. of That almost sounds nasty.
September 3, 2020 7:34 pm ET

That female train Rebecca in Thomas the Train is fucking sexy.
I'd pull a train on her.
Haiku #67962, by Know what I mean?
September 3, 2020 7:28 pm ET

Those are my footsteps
Actually those are bootprints
I walked on your face
Haiku #67961, by GOD of AROUNDETH
September 3, 2020 7:19 pm ET

Dear God, get me through this shitty day, and if not, then thanks for nothing (as I expect b/c that's usually the way it is).
Haiku #67960, by What a half-assed prayer is that? of Ha ha ha.
September 3, 2020 6:23 pm ET

Alliteration
Almost like cunnilingus
without the fish taste
Haiku #67959, by James Caan of Under old willow
September 3, 2020 7:17 am ET

Biological barricades bounce beautifully but bats bore bumble bees.
Haiku #67958, by
September 3, 2020 5:24 am ET

French fries booger.
You might think that's an attempt at humor, but such a profound statement has never been made.
Garbage truck backhoe school bus.
Haiku #67957, by
September 3, 2020 4:20 am ET

Bigfoot, we need you
Bring sense to these troubled time's
Give us beef jerky
Haiku #67956, by Anonymous Poet
September 3, 2020 12:17 am ET

That's when you jumped out
The second story window
Or did I push you?
Haiku #67955, by Forgetful of Lawn
September 2, 2020 11:31 pm ET

I'm not a robot
But my penis is moving
Like a jackhammer
Haiku #67954, by The Unexplained of Hard to say where
September 2, 2020 12:08 pm ET

Velour penis sheath
Relax and put your feet up
Enjoy the high life
Haiku #67953, by Dee Luxx of Haiku Central
September 2, 2020 12:04 pm ET

Experience this:
Life reduced to syllables.
True distillation.
Haiku #67952, by Distillation of Desolation
September 2, 2020 9:39 am ET

You wasted your wish
And it's too late to change it
You wasted your wish
Haiku #67951, by Grimace of Undisclosed
September 2, 2020 9:25 am ET

Received transmission
Standing by the dishwasher
I got the signal
Haiku #67950, by Starkitten of Law offices of Cuntfart Cuntfart and Cunt
September 2, 2020 6:03 am ET

Makes a good doorstop
Neck cradling travel pillow
Pretend pet serpent
Haiku #67949, by Peniszon Prime of Warehouse
September 2, 2020 5:59 am ET

I miss cuntfart.
Let's all send him a psychic message.
Maybe he'll get back on.
Maybe he has tinfoil around his head.
You know, to block us out because he wants some peace and quiet.
We'll have to concentrate really really hard to break through.
Coordinate at 7:42 am EST, Thursday morning.
Send him this message:
Cuntfart cuntfart cunt.
Cuntfart cuntfart cuntfart cunt.
Cuntfart cuntfart cunt.
Haiku #67948, by The weavil in vhs' breakfast cereal
September 2, 2020 5:55 am ET

My enormous penis
does not know how to count syllables.
What a dick!
Haiku #67947, by But it can use an iphone of and enter things here... and there, if you know what I mean. wink wink nudge nudge
September 2, 2020 5:49 am ET

We offer flat rate
We use anal weed whacker
For bush like you got
Haiku #67946, by That Guy of Kiosk
September 1, 2020 9:46 pm ET

A good specialty !
How much for a b-hole trim?
Hate dingleberries
Haiku #67945, by Spazzzzzz
September 1, 2020 5:58 pm ET