Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 243 Days and 77168 Haiku later...

The Mexicans can remain free
as long as they continue to work.
Native Americans and
Eskimoes (Inuits if you prefer)
will be transfered to Detroit
to build cars, because why not.

War with Canada is imminent.
The continent will be called
New Chinese Annex.
Haiku # 68047, September 13, 2020 9:55 pm ET
by As if it's not already
China owns the US.
The chinks bought it from Russia.
And one billion jars of beet borscht
as part of the bargain.
I swear it's true! Look it up!
Haiku # 68046, September 13, 2020 9:51 pm ET
by History is awesome!
I'm a shout in your face now:
Haiku # 68044, September 13, 2020 6:11 am ET
by Harmony of These United States
Communist sniper
Marxist marksman
Haiku # 68043, September 12, 2020 7:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
If I was a black woman,
I'd loot too.
If I was just there I would loot.
And probably shoot some ppl too.
That's my TV mofo! I saw it first!
blam blam.
Look what that cop did!
He shot that defenseless black guy.
Scuse me, have to get this TV home.
Yes, I have 6 already, but one more
can't hurt, can it?
Haiku # 68042, September 12, 2020 7:53 pm ET
by Pasty Priveleged and Proud. of I'm going to loot Melanin pills and become black.
Blak Lesbo Marxists.
wait . . . Bitter Loud Matriarchs;
Bad Looting Mothers
Haiku # 68041, September 12, 2020 11:33 am ET
by Barbaric Lunatic Madwoman of BLM
But seriously,
My views on that fateful day
Have since changed greatly . . .
Haiku # 68040, September 12, 2020 9:49 am ET
by Thermite Charges of Planned Destruction
Trump was made aware
Two years before it happened.
All hail God's prophet!
Haiku # 68039, September 12, 2020 9:47 am ET
by Dancing Israelis of Jersey City
read this bad haiku
satisfaction guaranteed
or your money back
Haiku # 68038, September 12, 2020 9:17 am ET
by ash
9/11 passed and not one rememberance in the form of a haiku. I guess in the end we did forget.

Two buildings came down.
It was a horrible day.
And keeps getting worse.
Haiku # 68037, September 12, 2020 6:50 am ET
by The downward spiral collapse of civilization.
Took fifteen minutes
To write three shitty haiku
Still better than you
Haiku # 68036, September 12, 2020 3:04 am ET
by Professor Poopypants of You may thank me now
Grace Slick was a chick
Who got fat and grew a dick
Tom Bosley's penis
Haiku # 68035, September 12, 2020 3:00 am ET
by Made you look of You just got Rick rolled
Spotted and dotted
Also never forgotted
Old tissue snotted
Haiku # 68034, September 12, 2020 2:54 am ET
by Poops on Duck of Chinese blowback
Lamb is delicious
So is owl from time to time
Prefer them spotted
Haiku # 68033, September 12, 2020 2:45 am ET
by Jesus is lard of The dirty boulevard
Surely you have gone TOO FAR.
Surely you are DAMNED.
Haiku # 68032, September 11, 2020 6:24 pm ET
by Loving Grace of God's Spotless Lamb
Wear a condom.
Just wear the Goddamn condom!
You'll thank me.
Haiku # 68031, September 11, 2020 4:12 pm ET
As vulgar, foul, and heinous as I might be, Jesus still loves me more than you. I asked him when he had had a lot of wine. He prefers honesty over lies. An honest fart is more beautiful than a false poem... As long as you don't shart yourself while wearing khaki shorts. That's what Jesus told me. He lives three houses down across the street. Yes, he has a valid green card -- don't you dare call INS!
Haiku # 68030, September 11, 2020 4:08 pm ET
The men stood around
comparing the lengths of their
bad haiku poems
Haiku # 68029, September 11, 2020 9:47 am ET
by Unnoticed Poet of Undisclosed
One two three four five
six seven etcetera
because I'm lazy.
Haiku # 68028, September 11, 2020 5:02 am ET
in bombastic ways
anagrammatic displays
earn fantastic praise
Haiku # 68027, September 11, 2020 4:38 am ET
by ash
rampach cramphar marchap parmach charpam charmap crampah hamparc chamrap archmap harmcap
Haiku # 68026, September 10, 2020 10:09 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
A character map.
That's what he meant. But Darth needs
a character SLAP.
Haiku # 68025, September 10, 2020 8:09 pm ET
by Slap-happy Grandpappy of Dear Little Darth
Your rampach is dicklicksic.
So if I could borrow it some time...

Therapy is overrated and a way to
shovel money into the pockets
of scam artists. Like Freud.

Look Sigmund, if I want to bang
my mom, that's my business
but honestly, I don't want to
have to buy the extra Depends
undergarments that would be

The reason therapy works is
so that we can deny the fact
that we got scammed. It's like
a placebo, really. Give someone
money and you will imagine
that what you gave them money
for is actually working. That way
you won't consider yourself

Example, I bought a whore for
a wife and fooled myself into
thinking she was a good person.
Haiku # 68024, September 10, 2020 7:03 pm ET
by Therapist = The Rapist of Raping your wallet
your champar is dyslexic
and needs therapy
Haiku # 68023, September 10, 2020 6:26 pm ET
by ash
So who here thinks this Corona virus thing is an extremely over-exagerated political/economic fart.
I want everyone to get it b/c the sooner everyone gets it then the sooner I can get on with my life.
Unless, of course, it kills me. But I can live with that.
Haiku # 68022, September 10, 2020 4:59 pm ET
by Nancy w/ a penis.
Champar is not a real thing.
I just made that shit up.
I don't even know what it means.
Kind of like integrity.
Hey, anyone want to buy a soul?
Slightly used and not in good shape.
But in better shape than
my ex's rancid foul twat. :-)
Haiku # 68021, September 10, 2020 4:41 pm ET
by I also have a used Galapagos tortoise for sale. of Just don't ask what it was used for.
charmap is a thing
use the font of all knowledge
google is your friend
Haiku # 68020, September 10, 2020 9:18 am ET
by ash
Y'all are so much fun.
I want you all to get saved.
(Haiku in heaven)
Haiku # 68019, September 10, 2020 8:37 am ET
by Even Darth of Course
What is a a "charmap"?
Some British or Aussie thing?
I've never heard it.
Haiku # 68018, September 10, 2020 7:49 am ET
by Barbaria of Vocabularia
Allahu Akbar!
I shout that before I fart.
Suicide bombing.

Ate some pomelo,
bean chili and deviled eggs,
washed down w/ lager.

Any terrorist
acts will be met with speedy
Haiku # 68017, September 9, 2020 10:54 pm ET
by Peace Be With You.
we're all in the wars
growing old is a minefield
for dead men walking
Haiku # 68016, September 9, 2020 8:02 pm ET
by ash
Oh yeah, I did live there.
But only in my mind.
I mean, how twisted is that?!
But how is it I know all the streets?!
Past life memories????
Dear God, help me get through
this terrible psychic affliction.
Haiku # 68015, September 9, 2020 5:18 pm ET
by dw of I also lived in Abydos a LONG time back. Zaire more recently.
damn you bad haiku
fuck your lousy charmap fail
omar goodness sakes
Haiku # 68014, September 9, 2020 8:52 am ET
by ash
the moving finger
writes, and having, writ moves on
khayyám what khayyám
Haiku # 68013, September 9, 2020 8:49 am ET
by ash
I think I know you
Did you live in New Jersey?
Do you remember?
Haiku # 68012, September 9, 2020 2:25 am ET
by Someone you know of Somewhere you don't know
Haiku # 68011, September 9, 2020 2:01 am ET
by oops
I was thinking dog pizza with heirloom sun-dried tomatoes and goat cheese on a thick whole wheat crust and a dash of red pepper.
Haiku # 68010, September 9, 2020 1:56 am ET
by And San Miguel Negra beer. of Creme Fraishe.
Just go get pizza
You said you live near a shop
Have you lost your mind?
Haiku # 68009, September 9, 2020 12:24 am ET
by GOD of watching you
I'm going to eat that dog across the street. I swear to God, I'll do it!
I'm thinking a nice hearty stew.
Haiku # 68008, September 8, 2020 8:50 pm ET
He climbed up that tree
Carefully removed his pants
Fucked a bald eagle
Haiku # 68007, September 8, 2020 3:37 pm ET
by Birdwatcher of Behind binoculars
You know you want it
All of my hot syllables
sitting on your face
Haiku # 68006, September 8, 2020 3:06 pm ET
by All talk of No action
Love awake dot ru.
Just don't.
Pay your $50. Fuck them, and done.
Don't bring them home!
Haiku # 68005, September 8, 2020 2:26 pm ET
by DW
Trump is smarter than me.
He bought a live-in Russian whore.
I got the cheaper version from
the Philippines. :-(
You get what you pay for.
Haiku # 68004, September 8, 2020 2:24 pm ET
by DW
In a perfect world
The haiku would write itself
And then self destruct
Haiku # 68003, September 8, 2020 12:09 pm ET
by Perfectionist of Imperfect World
I'm not just inviting you! But it will be interesting for sure
Haiku # 68002, September 8, 2020 6:43 am ET
by SandraNoitE of Spain
Emerge from rock formations
And shit everywhere
Haiku # 68001, September 8, 2020 2:10 am ET
by Starkitten of Undisclosed
The effect of COVID-19 on atmospheric quality makes me urinate liquified sulfur dioxide in much the same way that I imagine Satan does.
I really wanted to thaw out the frozen dinosaurs and watch them come back to life and I would attach brain chips to them to make them sentient and superior and most importantly under my controld and I would send them to eat vhs and all you other poets!
Haiku # 68000, September 8, 2020 1:33 am ET
by Elon made me say that -- that's not really me. of Secret alien tech lab at SpaceX.
Haiku # 67999, September 8, 2020 1:29 am ET
by *Wroooooong! Do it again!
The fascination with school buses stops when they realize what a horrible place it takes them to.
Haiku # 67998, September 8, 2020 12:55 am ET
by Wtooooong! Do it again! of If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?
Popular Science
Back issues under the bed
Teenage robot life

Pretends she is blind
Your mother cleans around them
But she found your bong
Haiku # 67997, September 7, 2020 10:03 pm ET
by mom of High As Fuck
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >