BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
318 Days
68164 Haikus
Communist sniper
Marxist marksman
Haiku #68043, by Anonymous Poet
September 12, 2020 7:56 pm ET

If I was a black woman,
I'd loot too.
If I was just there I would loot.
And probably shoot some ppl too.
That's my TV mofo! I saw it first!
blam blam.
Look what that cop did!
He shot that defenseless black guy.
Scuse me, have to get this TV home.
Yes, I have 6 already, but one more
can't hurt, can it?
Haiku #68042, by Pasty Priveleged and Proud. of I'm going to loot Melanin pills and become black.
September 12, 2020 7:53 pm ET

Blak Lesbo Marxists.
wait . . . Bitter Loud Matriarchs;
Bad Looting Mothers
Haiku #68041, by Barbaric Lunatic Madwoman of BLM
September 12, 2020 11:33 am ET

But seriously,
My views on that fateful day
Have since changed greatly . . .
Haiku #68040, by Thermite Charges of Planned Destruction
September 12, 2020 9:49 am ET

Trump was made aware
Two years before it happened.
All hail God's prophet!
Haiku #68039, by Dancing Israelis of Jersey City
September 12, 2020 9:47 am ET

read this bad haiku
satisfaction guaranteed
or your money back
Haiku #68038, by ash
September 12, 2020 9:17 am ET

9/11 passed and not one rememberance in the form of a haiku. I guess in the end we did forget.

Two buildings came down.
It was a horrible day.
And keeps getting worse.
Haiku #68037, by The downward spiral collapse of civilization.
September 12, 2020 6:50 am ET

Took fifteen minutes
To write three shitty haiku
Still better than you
Haiku #68036, by Professor Poopypants of You may thank me now
September 12, 2020 3:04 am ET

Grace Slick was a chick
Who got fat and grew a dick
Tom Bosley's penis
Haiku #68035, by Made you look of You just got Rick rolled
September 12, 2020 3:00 am ET

Spotted and dotted
Also never forgotted
Old tissue snotted
Haiku #68034, by Poops on Duck of Chinese blowback
September 12, 2020 2:54 am ET

Lamb is delicious
So is owl from time to time
Prefer them spotted
Haiku #68033, by Jesus is lard of The dirty boulevard
September 12, 2020 2:45 am ET

Surely you have gone TOO FAR.
Surely you are DAMNED.
Haiku #68032, by Loving Grace of God's Spotless Lamb
September 11, 2020 6:24 pm ET

Wear a condom.
Just wear the Goddamn condom!
You'll thank me.
Haiku #68031, by
September 11, 2020 4:12 pm ET

As vulgar, foul, and heinous as I might be, Jesus still loves me more than you. I asked him when he had had a lot of wine. He prefers honesty over lies. An honest fart is more beautiful than a false poem... As long as you don't shart yourself while wearing khaki shorts. That's what Jesus told me. He lives three houses down across the street. Yes, he has a valid green card -- don't you dare call INS!
Haiku #68030, by
September 11, 2020 4:08 pm ET

The men stood around
comparing the lengths of their
bad haiku poems
Haiku #68029, by Unnoticed Poet of Undisclosed
September 11, 2020 9:47 am ET

One two three four five
six seven etcetera
because I'm lazy.
Haiku #68028, by
September 11, 2020 5:02 am ET

in bombastic ways
anagrammatic displays
earn fantastic praise
Haiku #68027, by ash
September 11, 2020 4:38 am ET

rampach cramphar marchap parmach charpam charmap crampah hamparc chamrap archmap harmcap
Haiku #68026, by Anonymous Poet
September 10, 2020 10:09 pm ET

A character map.
That's what he meant. But Darth needs
a character SLAP.
Haiku #68025, by Slap-happy Grandpappy of Dear Little Darth
September 10, 2020 8:09 pm ET

Your rampach is dicklicksic.
So if I could borrow it some time...

Therapy is overrated and a way to
shovel money into the pockets
of scam artists. Like Freud.

Look Sigmund, if I want to bang
my mom, that's my business
but honestly, I don't want to
have to buy the extra Depends
undergarments that would be

The reason therapy works is
so that we can deny the fact
that we got scammed. It's like
a placebo, really. Give someone
money and you will imagine
that what you gave them money
for is actually working. That way
you won't consider yourself

Example, I bought a whore for
a wife and fooled myself into
thinking she was a good person.
Haiku #68024, by Therapist = The Rapist of Raping your wallet
September 10, 2020 7:03 pm ET

your champar is dyslexic
and needs therapy
Haiku #68023, by ash
September 10, 2020 6:26 pm ET

So who here thinks this Corona virus thing is an extremely over-exagerated political/economic fart.
I want everyone to get it b/c the sooner everyone gets it then the sooner I can get on with my life.
Unless, of course, it kills me. But I can live with that.
Haiku #68022, by Nancy w/ a penis.
September 10, 2020 4:59 pm ET

Champar is not a real thing.
I just made that shit up.
I don't even know what it means.
Kind of like integrity.
Hey, anyone want to buy a soul?
Slightly used and not in good shape.
But in better shape than
my ex's rancid foul twat. :-)
Haiku #68021, by I also have a used Galapagos tortoise for sale. of Just don't ask what it was used for.
September 10, 2020 4:41 pm ET

charmap is a thing
use the font of all knowledge
google is your friend
Haiku #68020, by ash
September 10, 2020 9:18 am ET

Y'all are so much fun.
I want you all to get saved.
(Haiku in heaven)
Haiku #68019, by Even Darth of Course
September 10, 2020 8:37 am ET

What is a a "charmap"?
Some British or Aussie thing?
I've never heard it.
Haiku #68018, by Barbaria of Vocabularia
September 10, 2020 7:49 am ET

Allahu Akbar!
I shout that before I fart.
Suicide bombing.

Ate some pomelo,
bean chili and deviled eggs,
washed down w/ lager.

Any terrorist
acts will be met with speedy
Haiku #68017, by Peace Be With You.
September 9, 2020 10:54 pm ET

we're all in the wars
growing old is a minefield
for dead men walking
Haiku #68016, by ash
September 9, 2020 8:02 pm ET

Oh yeah, I did live there.
But only in my mind.
I mean, how twisted is that?!
But how is it I know all the streets?!
Past life memories????
Dear God, help me get through
this terrible psychic affliction.
Haiku #68015, by dw of I also lived in Abydos a LONG time back. Zaire more recently.
September 9, 2020 5:18 pm ET

damn you bad haiku
fuck your lousy charmap fail
omar goodness sakes
Haiku #68014, by ash
September 9, 2020 8:52 am ET

the moving finger
writes, and having, writ moves on
khayyám what khayyám
Haiku #68013, by ash
September 9, 2020 8:49 am ET

I think I know you
Did you live in New Jersey?
Do you remember?
Haiku #68012, by Someone you know of Somewhere you don't know
September 9, 2020 2:25 am ET

Haiku #68011, by oops
September 9, 2020 2:01 am ET

I was thinking dog pizza with heirloom sun-dried tomatoes and goat cheese on a thick whole wheat crust and a dash of red pepper.
Haiku #68010, by And San Miguel Negra beer. of Creme Fraishe.
September 9, 2020 1:56 am ET

Just go get pizza
You said you live near a shop
Have you lost your mind?
Haiku #68009, by GOD of watching you
September 9, 2020 12:24 am ET

I'm going to eat that dog across the street. I swear to God, I'll do it!
I'm thinking a nice hearty stew.
Haiku #68008, by
September 8, 2020 8:50 pm ET

He climbed up that tree
Carefully removed his pants
Fucked a bald eagle
Haiku #68007, by Birdwatcher of Behind binoculars
September 8, 2020 3:37 pm ET

You know you want it
All of my hot syllables
sitting on your face
Haiku #68006, by All talk of No action
September 8, 2020 3:06 pm ET

Love awake dot ru.
Just don't.
Pay your $50. Fuck them, and done.
Don't bring them home!
Haiku #68005, by DW
September 8, 2020 2:26 pm ET

Trump is smarter than me.
He bought a live-in Russian whore.
I got the cheaper version from
the Philippines. :-(
You get what you pay for.
Haiku #68004, by DW
September 8, 2020 2:24 pm ET

In a perfect world
The haiku would write itself
And then self destruct
Haiku #68003, by Perfectionist of Imperfect World
September 8, 2020 12:09 pm ET

I'm not just inviting you! But it will be interesting for sure
Haiku #68002, by SandraNoitE of Spain
September 8, 2020 6:43 am ET

Emerge from rock formations
And shit everywhere
Haiku #68001, by Starkitten of Undisclosed
September 8, 2020 2:10 am ET

The effect of COVID-19 on atmospheric quality makes me urinate liquified sulfur dioxide in much the same way that I imagine Satan does.
I really wanted to thaw out the frozen dinosaurs and watch them come back to life and I would attach brain chips to them to make them sentient and superior and most importantly under my controld and I would send them to eat vhs and all you other poets!
Haiku #68000, by Elon made me say that -- that's not really me. of Secret alien tech lab at SpaceX.
September 8, 2020 1:33 am ET

Haiku #67999, by *Wroooooong! Do it again!
September 8, 2020 1:29 am ET

The fascination with school buses stops when they realize what a horrible place it takes them to.
Haiku #67998, by Wtooooong! Do it again! of If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?
September 8, 2020 12:55 am ET

Popular Science
Back issues under the bed
Teenage robot life

Pretends she is blind
Your mother cleans around them
But she found your bong
Haiku #67997, by mom of High As Fuck
September 7, 2020 10:03 pm ET

I'm not a robot.
But I'd like to become one.
Elon Musk might help.

WTF kind name is Elon Musk???
The scent of being elongated,
by either natural or synthetic means,
should not be a person's name.
But if he makes me into a robot,
I'll call him anything he wants.

Yes, Daddy Musk, here's your
Evian spring water and the latest
news from Wall Street.
Would you like some head now?
Haiku #67996, by DW
September 7, 2020 9:33 pm ET

Like Snap Crackle Pop
But my brand new cereal
Has an orgasm

Free Prize in the box!
13 inch Hot Pink Dildo
Makes you Rise and Shine
Haiku #67995, by Molly of Breakfast Club
September 7, 2020 12:43 am ET

I've often wondered
After Ozzy ate that bat
Did it plug him up?
Haiku #67994, by Al Imentary of Canal
September 7, 2020 12:30 am ET