Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 248 Days and 77180 Haiku later...

Took fifteen minutes
To write three shitty haiku
Still better than you
Haiku # 68036, September 12, 2020 3:04 am ET
by Professor Poopypants of You may thank me now
Grace Slick was a chick
Who got fat and grew a dick
Tom Bosley's penis
Haiku # 68035, September 12, 2020 3:00 am ET
by Made you look of You just got Rick rolled
Spotted and dotted
Also never forgotted
Old tissue snotted
Haiku # 68034, September 12, 2020 2:54 am ET
by Poops on Duck of Chinese blowback
Lamb is delicious
So is owl from time to time
Prefer them spotted
Haiku # 68033, September 12, 2020 2:45 am ET
by Jesus is lard of The dirty boulevard
Surely you have gone TOO FAR.
Surely you are DAMNED.
Haiku # 68032, September 11, 2020 6:24 pm ET
by Loving Grace of God's Spotless Lamb
Wear a condom.
Just wear the Goddamn condom!
You'll thank me.
Haiku # 68031, September 11, 2020 4:12 pm ET
As vulgar, foul, and heinous as I might be, Jesus still loves me more than you. I asked him when he had had a lot of wine. He prefers honesty over lies. An honest fart is more beautiful than a false poem... As long as you don't shart yourself while wearing khaki shorts. That's what Jesus told me. He lives three houses down across the street. Yes, he has a valid green card -- don't you dare call INS!
Haiku # 68030, September 11, 2020 4:08 pm ET
The men stood around
comparing the lengths of their
bad haiku poems
Haiku # 68029, September 11, 2020 9:47 am ET
by Unnoticed Poet of Undisclosed
One two three four five
six seven etcetera
because I'm lazy.
Haiku # 68028, September 11, 2020 5:02 am ET
in bombastic ways
anagrammatic displays
earn fantastic praise
Haiku # 68027, September 11, 2020 4:38 am ET
by ash
rampach cramphar marchap parmach charpam charmap crampah hamparc chamrap archmap harmcap
Haiku # 68026, September 10, 2020 10:09 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
A character map.
That's what he meant. But Darth needs
a character SLAP.
Haiku # 68025, September 10, 2020 8:09 pm ET
by Slap-happy Grandpappy of Dear Little Darth
Your rampach is dicklicksic.
So if I could borrow it some time...

Therapy is overrated and a way to
shovel money into the pockets
of scam artists. Like Freud.

Look Sigmund, if I want to bang
my mom, that's my business
but honestly, I don't want to
have to buy the extra Depends
undergarments that would be

The reason therapy works is
so that we can deny the fact
that we got scammed. It's like
a placebo, really. Give someone
money and you will imagine
that what you gave them money
for is actually working. That way
you won't consider yourself

Example, I bought a whore for
a wife and fooled myself into
thinking she was a good person.
Haiku # 68024, September 10, 2020 7:03 pm ET
by Therapist = The Rapist of Raping your wallet
your champar is dyslexic
and needs therapy
Haiku # 68023, September 10, 2020 6:26 pm ET
by ash
So who here thinks this Corona virus thing is an extremely over-exagerated political/economic fart.
I want everyone to get it b/c the sooner everyone gets it then the sooner I can get on with my life.
Unless, of course, it kills me. But I can live with that.
Haiku # 68022, September 10, 2020 4:59 pm ET
by Nancy w/ a penis.
Champar is not a real thing.
I just made that shit up.
I don't even know what it means.
Kind of like integrity.
Hey, anyone want to buy a soul?
Slightly used and not in good shape.
But in better shape than
my ex's rancid foul twat. :-)
Haiku # 68021, September 10, 2020 4:41 pm ET
by I also have a used Galapagos tortoise for sale. of Just don't ask what it was used for.
charmap is a thing
use the font of all knowledge
google is your friend
Haiku # 68020, September 10, 2020 9:18 am ET
by ash
Y'all are so much fun.
I want you all to get saved.
(Haiku in heaven)
Haiku # 68019, September 10, 2020 8:37 am ET
by Even Darth of Course
What is a a "charmap"?
Some British or Aussie thing?
I've never heard it.
Haiku # 68018, September 10, 2020 7:49 am ET
by Barbaria of Vocabularia
Allahu Akbar!
I shout that before I fart.
Suicide bombing.

Ate some pomelo,
bean chili and deviled eggs,
washed down w/ lager.

Any terrorist
acts will be met with speedy
Haiku # 68017, September 9, 2020 10:54 pm ET
by Peace Be With You.
we're all in the wars
growing old is a minefield
for dead men walking
Haiku # 68016, September 9, 2020 8:02 pm ET
by ash
Oh yeah, I did live there.
But only in my mind.
I mean, how twisted is that?!
But how is it I know all the streets?!
Past life memories????
Dear God, help me get through
this terrible psychic affliction.
Haiku # 68015, September 9, 2020 5:18 pm ET
by dw of I also lived in Abydos a LONG time back. Zaire more recently.
damn you bad haiku
fuck your lousy charmap fail
omar goodness sakes
Haiku # 68014, September 9, 2020 8:52 am ET
by ash
the moving finger
writes, and having, writ moves on
khayyám what khayyám
Haiku # 68013, September 9, 2020 8:49 am ET
by ash
I think I know you
Did you live in New Jersey?
Do you remember?
Haiku # 68012, September 9, 2020 2:25 am ET
by Someone you know of Somewhere you don't know
Haiku # 68011, September 9, 2020 2:01 am ET
by oops
I was thinking dog pizza with heirloom sun-dried tomatoes and goat cheese on a thick whole wheat crust and a dash of red pepper.
Haiku # 68010, September 9, 2020 1:56 am ET
by And San Miguel Negra beer. of Creme Fraishe.
Just go get pizza
You said you live near a shop
Have you lost your mind?
Haiku # 68009, September 9, 2020 12:24 am ET
by GOD of watching you
I'm going to eat that dog across the street. I swear to God, I'll do it!
I'm thinking a nice hearty stew.
Haiku # 68008, September 8, 2020 8:50 pm ET
He climbed up that tree
Carefully removed his pants
Fucked a bald eagle
Haiku # 68007, September 8, 2020 3:37 pm ET
by Birdwatcher of Behind binoculars
You know you want it
All of my hot syllables
sitting on your face
Haiku # 68006, September 8, 2020 3:06 pm ET
by All talk of No action
Love awake dot ru.
Just don't.
Pay your $50. Fuck them, and done.
Don't bring them home!
Haiku # 68005, September 8, 2020 2:26 pm ET
by DW
Trump is smarter than me.
He bought a live-in Russian whore.
I got the cheaper version from
the Philippines. :-(
You get what you pay for.
Haiku # 68004, September 8, 2020 2:24 pm ET
by DW
In a perfect world
The haiku would write itself
And then self destruct
Haiku # 68003, September 8, 2020 12:09 pm ET
by Perfectionist of Imperfect World
I'm not just inviting you! But it will be interesting for sure
Haiku # 68002, September 8, 2020 6:43 am ET
by SandraNoitE of Spain
Emerge from rock formations
And shit everywhere
Haiku # 68001, September 8, 2020 2:10 am ET
by Starkitten of Undisclosed
The effect of COVID-19 on atmospheric quality makes me urinate liquified sulfur dioxide in much the same way that I imagine Satan does.
I really wanted to thaw out the frozen dinosaurs and watch them come back to life and I would attach brain chips to them to make them sentient and superior and most importantly under my controld and I would send them to eat vhs and all you other poets!
Haiku # 68000, September 8, 2020 1:33 am ET
by Elon made me say that -- that's not really me. of Secret alien tech lab at SpaceX.
Haiku # 67999, September 8, 2020 1:29 am ET
by *Wroooooong! Do it again!
The fascination with school buses stops when they realize what a horrible place it takes them to.
Haiku # 67998, September 8, 2020 12:55 am ET
by Wtooooong! Do it again! of If you don't eat your meat, how can you have any pudding?
Popular Science
Back issues under the bed
Teenage robot life

Pretends she is blind
Your mother cleans around them
But she found your bong
Haiku # 67997, September 7, 2020 10:03 pm ET
by mom of High As Fuck
I'm not a robot.
But I'd like to become one.
Elon Musk might help.

WTF kind name is Elon Musk???
The scent of being elongated,
by either natural or synthetic means,
should not be a person's name.
But if he makes me into a robot,
I'll call him anything he wants.

Yes, Daddy Musk, here's your
Evian spring water and the latest
news from Wall Street.
Would you like some head now?
Haiku # 67996, September 7, 2020 9:33 pm ET
by DW
Like Snap Crackle Pop
But my brand new cereal
Has an orgasm

Free Prize in the box!
13 inch Hot Pink Dildo
Makes you Rise and Shine
Haiku # 67995, September 7, 2020 12:43 am ET
by Molly of Breakfast Club
I've often wondered
After Ozzy ate that bat
Did it plug him up?
Haiku # 67994, September 7, 2020 12:30 am ET
by Al Imentary of Canal
Bring me another bat!
And a vat
Of acid.
Haiku # 67993, September 7, 2020 12:26 am ET
by We'll show those bloody Chinese how to bloody well start a fucking pandemic. of Crazy Traaaaaaiiiin!!!
Roger Waters, David Lee Roth, &
Ozzy Osbourne started their own
band called The Music Fuckers,
and at their shows they don't really
play music, but you get to shove fistfuls of cash up their butts &
watch them squirm in delight.
Haiku # 67992, September 7, 2020 12:22 am ET
by Sharron! Sharron! of Fucking shitehole poets posting shite again
Haiku # 67991, September 6, 2020 6:51 pm ET
by Matthewmit of Cameroon
So I moved out of the shithole of the universe.
Now I live in the taint.
What's worse than flies in your rice bowl?
Realizing those are maggots, not rice.
Imagine a dead fish rotting in the sun.
Hundreds of them.
With flies and maggots.
Disgusting? Oh, no! That's delicacy!
Dry it out and that's food!
Yeah, all these dead little fish.
So the bigger fish got nothing to eat.
That's why there are no sharks --
there's nothing for them to eat.

Someone make covid airborne, like a
covid, ebola, H1N1, ergot hybrid.
That causes hallucinations.
Come on, you bioengineers!
Show me what you're worth!
Haiku # 67990, September 6, 2020 5:52 pm ET
by Darth Whorendous will upend us onto our head until dead. of Universe, Taint, 3rd wrinkle, 2nd wart. Appartment #42.
email me
Haiku # 67989, September 6, 2020 5:42 pm ET
by We can be FB friends!
Throughout this horrible ordeal,
I must say that it's not as bad as
poison ivy on the genitals.
The blistering ooze that
sticks to your undies and
you have to soak it in water
just to get it to let go....
It's like an octopus monster
in Japanese animation.
Swollen face continuous
itching. Imagine Jack the
Pumpkin King from Nightmare
Before Christmas masturbating
for 5 days straight b/c his
dick itches, but it feels like
Edward Scissorhands giving
you a happy ending with
steroidal anti-inflamatory
Haiku # 67988, September 6, 2020 4:51 pm ET
The question remains
Just who is Darth Figpucker?
And what is that bulge?
Haiku # 67987, September 6, 2020 4:49 pm ET
by Bad Haiku Enquirer of Behind binoculars
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