Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 338 Days and 72686 Haikus later...

I've been watching female weightlifters on Youtube.
Now my keyboard's all sticky.
I really need one of those protective covers.
Haiku # 68097, September 22, 2020 6:29 pm ET
by Not exactly a clean jerk.
Overnight dirt mounds
Voles humping under the tiles
Fuck this landscaping
Haiku # 68096, September 22, 2020 12:41 pm ET
by Loser
Mexico City
In the underground labyrinth
Rata Gigante!
Haiku # 68095, September 22, 2020 12:28 pm ET
by Gatita Estrella of Callejon
Japanese taco
made with fresh octopus meat;
a tako taco!
Haiku # 68094, September 21, 2020 6:08 am ET
by Hentai Tex-Mex Cafe. of The outskirts of Dallas.
Did you have to break
up with me when my mouth was
full of your hot cum?
Haiku # 68093, September 20, 2020 3:50 am ET
by asking for a friend of behind the stadium
His schlong smelled like ham
And he wore pants made of bread
Let's do lunch some time
Haiku # 68092, September 20, 2020 3:45 am ET
by Miss Piggy of Hog Heaven
His schlong smelled like ham
And he wore pants made of bread
Let's do lunch some time
Haiku # 68091, September 20, 2020 3:44 am ET
by Miss Piggy of Hog Heaven
That crisp autumn air
Once again I'm on my knees
Blowing the mailman
Haiku # 68090, September 20, 2020 12:47 am ET
by Punkin' Spice of driveway
Nineteen sixty-eight.
That was a year for revolt.
Really helped the Left . . .
Haiku # 68089, September 19, 2020 6:01 pm ET
by Judgement of Paris
You keep talking that
Japanese octopus talk
I'll do anything
Haiku # 68088, September 19, 2020 4:25 pm ET
by Star K. of Undisclosed
I don't 69.
I much prefer 68.
Never heard of it?

That's where you do me.
And then I will owe you 1.
Tomorrow. Promise!
Haiku # 68087, September 19, 2020 3:11 pm ET
by Would I lie?
Teach me 69
You sexy mathematician
Teach me gozintas
Haiku # 68086, September 19, 2020 12:38 pm ET
by Stirred Up of In your dreams
I'm no longer a figpucker.
I've given up pork and decided to go Kosher. That means I cannot sodomize lobsters or other strange sea animals as well. But whores are okay. Plenty of those around here, I tell you!
Haiku # 68085, September 19, 2020 10:41 am ET
by DW
The next time I'm stateside,
I'll look you up so we can have
a wild affair to write bad
haiku about.

His schlong smelled like ham.
Ham that was left out for weeks.
I ran, vomiting.

He chased and caught me.
Now I smell like rotten pork.
There's pus in my hair.

You can say what you want, that's not as disgusting as pineapple on pizza. RIGHT?!
Haiku # 68084, September 19, 2020 10:38 am ET
by The Dork Lard of the Sith, Darth Whorrendous of Doing Whorrible things to Whore's Ends.
Oh Darth Figpucker
Now you've got my attention
I'll be right over
Haiku # 68083, September 19, 2020 7:37 am ET
by lovin pie of Nearby
If the zombie apocolypse happens and there are some fresh ones out there, I'm getting the handcuffs and KY.
Haiku # 68082, September 19, 2020 6:30 am ET
by Go ahead, bite me!
And that doesn't really stop the fact that my balls are itching and you look like you could use a salty refreshment. Have a bloody mary w/ my scrotal sweat.
Haiku # 68081, September 19, 2020 6:28 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Actually, no, the electric socket doesn't have near enough juice. Maybe if you have some special 440 outlet and go from one hand to the outlet and the other to a water pipe (ground). And it's the current that gets you... so have to bypass the breaker if possible. It's harder than you think... so many safety precautions these days.
Haiku # 68080, September 19, 2020 6:26 am ET
by Your welcome.

Sweet blog! I found it while searching on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I've been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thanks stolo.infoforwomen.be/map27.php finja bemix high tech
Haiku # 68079, September 19, 2020 12:14 am ET
by infoforwomen.be of Switzerland
If you stick a fork
in electrical socket
You will get your wish
Haiku # 68078, September 18, 2020 11:49 pm ET
by Drunk of Barstool
I love high voltage.
If ever I'm put to death,
I hope it's the chair.
Haiku # 68077, September 18, 2020 10:44 pm ET
by Force lightening shoots out my ass.
It's going to get worse.
Polarization times ten.
Fuck all the zombies.
Haiku # 68076, September 18, 2020 5:51 pm ET
by The Wrath of the Lord shall be Sweet
Her Kill Switch installed . . .
but in the wrong place.
Walkin' funny now.
Haiku # 68075, September 18, 2020 7:46 am ET
by Homage to Darth, of Course
My neck might explode.
Installed "suicide" implant.
How they control me.
Haiku # 68074, September 18, 2020 3:43 am ET
by Scrotie McBoogerballs
In line at the hospital.
It's not covid.
But it might be cancer.
Let us pray.
Haiku # 68073, September 18, 2020 3:14 am ET
by This world sucks ass anyway.
Return of The Spam!
I want to attach dick pics.
Show some poet schlong.
Haiku # 68072, September 17, 2020 8:50 pm ET
by asdf
To live forever,
you need to drink more water
and stop smoking crack.
Haiku # 68070, September 17, 2020 2:45 am ET
by Dr. Satan's intern
I need a robot.
One that can post haiku here,
deny what it is.
Haiku # 68069, September 16, 2020 10:12 pm ET
by Too lazy to do this.
"Plop."
After a great deal of effort,
sphincter pinching and
wiggling, it finally fell in.

The Fonz praised Jesus,
as he always did after
pooing. Because heeeeeey,
he is cool.

He snapped his fingers
and a cute HS girls proceeded
to wipe his bum.
Haiku # 68068, September 16, 2020 8:11 pm ET
by Memoirs of Ron Howard
Great masturbate.
Contemplate ejaculate.
Pontificate irrate constabulate.
Defecate undulate gyrate.
Wait.
Haiku # 68067, September 16, 2020 7:56 pm ET
by The squirell.
Afrocentrism
Is the stupidest of all.
It's just plain foolish.
Haiku # 68066, September 16, 2020 7:37 pm ET
by Mbengi Mbundu of Great Zimbabwe
We are here for God's entertainment.
He's a sick twisted little child.
End your life now.
Deprive Him of His enjoyment.
THAT is rebellion.
Haiku # 68065, September 16, 2020 5:42 pm ET
by Exit existance stage left.
why should one bother
to contemplate existence
except to distract ?
Haiku # 68064, September 16, 2020 9:23 am ET
by ash
i'm sick of covid
endless updates inflicting
terminal ennui
Haiku # 68063, September 16, 2020 9:12 am ET
by ash
He's the Good Shepherd.
Grazing near the slaughterhouse,
Sheep are unaware.
Haiku # 68062, September 16, 2020 9:10 am ET
by Groovy Shepherd/Carpenter of Cosmic Love
Have you ever had
Mary's lamb at a "love fest"?
Well, let me tell you...

There's mutton like it!
My God, that was Whoreable.
Please pass the mint sauce.
Haiku # 68061, September 15, 2020 9:05 pm ET
by How many of you have had Covid-19 yet? of I didn't think so.
Have you ever sung
Mary Had a Little Lamb
at a hate rally?
Haiku # 68060, September 15, 2020 8:08 pm ET
by Totally worth it.
You can grab pussy.
As long as you're very rich.
I think I'll sell guns.

Then I'll own the world.
Move up to missiles and bombs.
Nuclear maybe?
Haiku # 68059, September 14, 2020 10:28 pm ET
by Jesus Christ! I really am thinking like a Sith Lord! of And thank God for that!
We've got the best slaves.
Totally obedient.
Grab them anywhere.
Haiku # 68058, September 14, 2020 10:25 pm ET
by I like Donald's hair. of No really, I do!
I would like a slave.
White or black, I do not care.
Vote for Donald Trump!
Haiku # 68057, September 14, 2020 10:23 pm ET
by I'm going to come out and identify as a black female. of And hold the party in California
So who thinks the US will erupt into another civil war? Of course the far right will win b/c they have had a lot of time to stockpile weapons while the left just whines. Then China will destroy what's left. Doom and gloom, doom and gloom.
Haiku # 68056, September 14, 2020 10:20 pm ET
by I can only hope.
Bullies. Loud Maoists.
Belligerent Leftist Mob
Bad Loudmouth Menace
Haiku # 68055, September 14, 2020 10:04 pm ET
by Behaving Like Monkies of Boiling Low Mentality
waiting for godot
a great play, but wait there's more!
now it's a board game
Haiku # 68054, September 14, 2020 9:30 pm ET
by scotch of https://multiplayer-game-f788f.web.app
Davie504
will break all your spaghetti
unless you slapp like
Haiku # 68053, September 14, 2020 9:22 pm ET
by scotch of hooked on bass
A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X Y & Z.
Now I know some shit.
Haiku # 68052, September 14, 2020 7:44 pm ET
by There, I fixed it!
Oh, shit, I left off y.
And now balls itch.
So, haiku will have to wait.
Haiku # 68051, September 14, 2020 2:46 pm ET
by nuts
A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X & Z.
Now I know some shit.
Haiku # 68050, September 14, 2020 2:45 pm ET
by W is a strange one. of 3 syllables for the price of one.
Call the Haiku Squad.
Too many syllables here.
Law and order NOW.
Haiku # 68049, September 14, 2020 10:20 am ET
by Haiku Purge of National Renewal
There's a rabbid squirrel hiding in Donald Trump's hair. It foams at the mouth and tells him what to do. It writes his tweets for him. Obey the squirrel or you will all die! This is not on Fox or CNN, so you know it's real. This is Truth! Everything on Badhaiku.com is Truth. Terrific website. The best poets.
Haiku # 68048, September 13, 2020 11:56 pm ET
by The candiru fish in the asshole of Vladamir Putin
The Mexicans can remain free
as long as they continue to work.
Native Americans and
Eskimoes (Inuits if you prefer)
will be transfered to Detroit
to build cars, because why not.

War with Canada is imminent.
The continent will be called
New Chinese Annex.
Haiku # 68047, September 13, 2020 9:55 pm ET
by As if it's not already
< 50 Less Recent Haiku 50 More Recent Haiku >