BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
312 Days
and
68093 Haikus
later...
"Plop."
After a great deal of effort,
sphincter pinching and
wiggling, it finally fell in.

The Fonz praised Jesus,
as he always did after
pooing. Because heeeeeey,
he is cool.

He snapped his fingers
and a cute HS girls proceeded
to wipe his bum.
Haiku #68068, by Memoirs of Ron Howard
September 16, 2020 8:11 pm ET

Great masturbate.
Contemplate ejaculate.
Pontificate irrate constabulate.
Defecate undulate gyrate.
Wait.
Haiku #68067, by The squirell.
September 16, 2020 7:56 pm ET

Afrocentrism
Is the stupidest of all.
It's just plain foolish.
Haiku #68066, by Mbengi Mbundu of Great Zimbabwe
September 16, 2020 7:37 pm ET

We are here for God's entertainment.
He's a sick twisted little child.
End your life now.
Deprive Him of His enjoyment.
THAT is rebellion.
Haiku #68065, by Exit existance stage left.
September 16, 2020 5:42 pm ET

why should one bother
to contemplate existence
except to distract ?
Haiku #68064, by ash
September 16, 2020 9:23 am ET

i'm sick of covid
endless updates inflicting
terminal ennui
Haiku #68063, by ash
September 16, 2020 9:12 am ET

He's the Good Shepherd.
Grazing near the slaughterhouse,
Sheep are unaware.
Haiku #68062, by Groovy Shepherd/Carpenter of Cosmic Love
September 16, 2020 9:10 am ET

Have you ever had
Mary's lamb at a "love fest"?
Well, let me tell you...

There's mutton like it!
My God, that was Whoreable.
Please pass the mint sauce.
Haiku #68061, by How many of you have had Covid-19 yet? of I didn't think so.
September 15, 2020 9:05 pm ET

Have you ever sung
Mary Had a Little Lamb
at a hate rally?
Haiku #68060, by Totally worth it.
September 15, 2020 8:08 pm ET

You can grab pussy.
As long as you're very rich.
I think I'll sell guns.

Then I'll own the world.
Move up to missiles and bombs.
Nuclear maybe?
Haiku #68059, by Jesus Christ! I really am thinking like a Sith Lord! of And thank God for that!
September 14, 2020 10:28 pm ET

We've got the best slaves.
Totally obedient.
Grab them anywhere.
Haiku #68058, by I like Donald's hair. of No really, I do!
September 14, 2020 10:25 pm ET

I would like a slave.
White or black, I do not care.
Vote for Donald Trump!
Haiku #68057, by I'm going to come out and identify as a black female. of And hold the party in California
September 14, 2020 10:23 pm ET

So who thinks the US will erupt into another civil war? Of course the far right will win b/c they have had a lot of time to stockpile weapons while the left just whines. Then China will destroy what's left. Doom and gloom, doom and gloom.
Haiku #68056, by I can only hope.
September 14, 2020 10:20 pm ET

Bullies. Loud Maoists.
Belligerent Leftist Mob
Bad Loudmouth Menace
Haiku #68055, by Behaving Like Monkies of Boiling Low Mentality
September 14, 2020 10:04 pm ET

waiting for godot
a great play, but wait there's more!
now it's a board game
Haiku #68054, by scotch of https://multiplayer-game-f788f.web.app
September 14, 2020 9:30 pm ET

Davie504
will break all your spaghetti
unless you slapp like
Haiku #68053, by scotch of hooked on bass
September 14, 2020 9:22 pm ET

A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X Y & Z.
Now I know some shit.
Haiku #68052, by There, I fixed it!
September 14, 2020 7:44 pm ET

Oh, shit, I left off y.
And now balls itch.
So, haiku will have to wait.
Haiku #68051, by nuts
September 14, 2020 2:46 pm ET

A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X & Z.
Now I know some shit.
Haiku #68050, by W is a strange one. of 3 syllables for the price of one.
September 14, 2020 2:45 pm ET

Call the Haiku Squad.
Too many syllables here.
Law and order NOW.
Haiku #68049, by Haiku Purge of National Renewal
September 14, 2020 10:20 am ET

There's a rabbid squirrel hiding in Donald Trump's hair. It foams at the mouth and tells him what to do. It writes his tweets for him. Obey the squirrel or you will all die! This is not on Fox or CNN, so you know it's real. This is Truth! Everything on Badhaiku.com is Truth. Terrific website. The best poets.
Haiku #68048, by The candiru fish in the asshole of Vladamir Putin
September 13, 2020 11:56 pm ET

The Mexicans can remain free
as long as they continue to work.
Native Americans and
Eskimoes (Inuits if you prefer)
will be transfered to Detroit
to build cars, because why not.

War with Canada is imminent.
The continent will be called
New Chinese Annex.
Haiku #68047, by As if it's not already
September 13, 2020 9:55 pm ET

China owns the US.
The chinks bought it from Russia.
And one billion jars of beet borscht
as part of the bargain.
I swear it's true! Look it up!
Haiku #68046, by History is awesome!
September 13, 2020 9:51 pm ET

Send you all to the prison camps.
Blacks, whites, and Jews.
China will own your asses!
Haiku #68045, by Buy more plastic toys.
September 13, 2020 9:48 pm ET

BlakBlakBlakBlakBlak
I'm a shout in your face now:
WhiteWhiteWhiteWhiteWhite
Haiku #68044, by Harmony of These United States
September 13, 2020 6:11 am ET

Communist sniper
Marxist marksman
Haiku #68043, by Anonymous Poet
September 12, 2020 7:56 pm ET

If I was a black woman,
I'd loot too.
If I was just there I would loot.
And probably shoot some ppl too.
That's my TV mofo! I saw it first!
blam blam.
Look what that cop did!
He shot that defenseless black guy.
Scuse me, have to get this TV home.
Yes, I have 6 already, but one more
can't hurt, can it?
Haiku #68042, by Pasty Priveleged and Proud. of I'm going to loot Melanin pills and become black.
September 12, 2020 7:53 pm ET

Blak Lesbo Marxists.
wait . . . Bitter Loud Matriarchs;
Bad Looting Mothers
Haiku #68041, by Barbaric Lunatic Madwoman of BLM
September 12, 2020 11:33 am ET

But seriously,
My views on that fateful day
Have since changed greatly . . .
Haiku #68040, by Thermite Charges of Planned Destruction
September 12, 2020 9:49 am ET

Trump was made aware
Two years before it happened.
All hail God's prophet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtRtPjrG4lE&feature=youtu.be
Haiku #68039, by Dancing Israelis of Jersey City
September 12, 2020 9:47 am ET

read this bad haiku
satisfaction guaranteed
or your money back
Haiku #68038, by ash
September 12, 2020 9:17 am ET

9/11 passed and not one rememberance in the form of a haiku. I guess in the end we did forget.

Two buildings came down.
It was a horrible day.
And keeps getting worse.
Haiku #68037, by The downward spiral collapse of civilization.
September 12, 2020 6:50 am ET

Took fifteen minutes
To write three shitty haiku
Still better than you
Haiku #68036, by Professor Poopypants of You may thank me now
September 12, 2020 3:04 am ET

Grace Slick was a chick
Who got fat and grew a dick
Tom Bosley's penis
Haiku #68035, by Made you look of You just got Rick rolled
September 12, 2020 3:00 am ET

Spotted and dotted
Also never forgotted
Old tissue snotted
Haiku #68034, by Poops on Duck of Chinese blowback
September 12, 2020 2:54 am ET

Lamb is delicious
So is owl from time to time
Prefer them spotted
Haiku #68033, by Jesus is lard of The dirty boulevard
September 12, 2020 2:45 am ET

Oh, such BLASPHEMY.
Surely you have gone TOO FAR.
Surely you are DAMNED.
Haiku #68032, by Loving Grace of God's Spotless Lamb
September 11, 2020 6:24 pm ET

Wear a condom.
Just wear the Goddamn condom!
You'll thank me.
Haiku #68031, by
September 11, 2020 4:12 pm ET

As vulgar, foul, and heinous as I might be, Jesus still loves me more than you. I asked him when he had had a lot of wine. He prefers honesty over lies. An honest fart is more beautiful than a false poem... As long as you don't shart yourself while wearing khaki shorts. That's what Jesus told me. He lives three houses down across the street. Yes, he has a valid green card -- don't you dare call INS!
Haiku #68030, by
September 11, 2020 4:08 pm ET

The men stood around
comparing the lengths of their
bad haiku poems
Haiku #68029, by Unnoticed Poet of Undisclosed
September 11, 2020 9:47 am ET

One two three four five
six seven etcetera
because I'm lazy.
Haiku #68028, by
September 11, 2020 5:02 am ET

in bombastic ways
anagrammatic displays
earn fantastic praise
Haiku #68027, by ash
September 11, 2020 4:38 am ET

rampach cramphar marchap parmach charpam charmap crampah hamparc chamrap archmap harmcap
Haiku #68026, by Anonymous Poet
September 10, 2020 10:09 pm ET

A character map.
That's what he meant. But Darth needs
a character SLAP.
Haiku #68025, by Slap-happy Grandpappy of Dear Little Darth
September 10, 2020 8:09 pm ET

Your rampach is dicklicksic.
So if I could borrow it some time...

Therapy is overrated and a way to
shovel money into the pockets
of scam artists. Like Freud.

Look Sigmund, if I want to bang
my mom, that's my business
but honestly, I don't want to
have to buy the extra Depends
undergarments that would be
required.

The reason therapy works is
so that we can deny the fact
that we got scammed. It's like
a placebo, really. Give someone
money and you will imagine
that what you gave them money
for is actually working. That way
you won't consider yourself
stupid.

Example, I bought a whore for
a wife and fooled myself into
thinking she was a good person.
Haiku #68024, by Therapist = The Rapist of Raping your wallet
September 10, 2020 7:03 pm ET

unfortunately
your champar is dyslexic
and needs therapy
Haiku #68023, by ash
September 10, 2020 6:26 pm ET

So who here thinks this Corona virus thing is an extremely over-exagerated political/economic fart.
I want everyone to get it b/c the sooner everyone gets it then the sooner I can get on with my life.
Unless, of course, it kills me. But I can live with that.
Haiku #68022, by Nancy w/ a penis.
September 10, 2020 4:59 pm ET

Champar is not a real thing.
I just made that shit up.
I don't even know what it means.
Kind of like integrity.
Hey, anyone want to buy a soul?
Slightly used and not in good shape.
But in better shape than
my ex's rancid foul twat. :-)
Haiku #68021, by I also have a used Galapagos tortoise for sale. of Just don't ask what it was used for.
September 10, 2020 4:41 pm ET

charmap is a thing
use the font of all knowledge
google is your friend
Haiku #68020, by ash
September 10, 2020 9:18 am ET

Y'all are so much fun.
I want you all to get saved.
(Haiku in heaven)
Haiku #68019, by Even Darth of Course
September 10, 2020 8:37 am ET