Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 27 Days and 76204 Haiku later...

i'm sick of covid
endless updates inflicting
terminal ennui
Haiku # 68063, September 16, 2020 9:12 am ET
by ash
He's the Good Shepherd.
Grazing near the slaughterhouse,
Sheep are unaware.
Haiku # 68062, September 16, 2020 9:10 am ET
by Groovy Shepherd/Carpenter of Cosmic Love
Have you ever had
Mary's lamb at a "love fest"?
Well, let me tell you...

There's mutton like it!
My God, that was Whoreable.
Please pass the mint sauce.
Haiku # 68061, September 15, 2020 9:05 pm ET
by How many of you have had Covid-19 yet? of I didn't think so.
Have you ever sung
Mary Had a Little Lamb
at a hate rally?
Haiku # 68060, September 15, 2020 8:08 pm ET
by Totally worth it.
You can grab pussy.
As long as you're very rich.
I think I'll sell guns.

Then I'll own the world.
Move up to missiles and bombs.
Nuclear maybe?
Haiku # 68059, September 14, 2020 10:28 pm ET
by Jesus Christ! I really am thinking like a Sith Lord! of And thank God for that!
We've got the best slaves.
Totally obedient.
Grab them anywhere.
Haiku # 68058, September 14, 2020 10:25 pm ET
by I like Donald's hair. of No really, I do!
I would like a slave.
White or black, I do not care.
Vote for Donald Trump!
Haiku # 68057, September 14, 2020 10:23 pm ET
by I'm going to come out and identify as a black female. of And hold the party in California
So who thinks the US will erupt into another civil war? Of course the far right will win b/c they have had a lot of time to stockpile weapons while the left just whines. Then China will destroy what's left. Doom and gloom, doom and gloom.
Haiku # 68056, September 14, 2020 10:20 pm ET
by I can only hope.
Bullies. Loud Maoists.
Belligerent Leftist Mob
Bad Loudmouth Menace
Haiku # 68055, September 14, 2020 10:04 pm ET
by Behaving Like Monkies of Boiling Low Mentality
waiting for godot
a great play, but wait there's more!
now it's a board game
Haiku # 68054, September 14, 2020 9:30 pm ET
by scotch of https://multiplayer-game-f788f.web.app
Davie504
will break all your spaghetti
unless you slapp like
Haiku # 68053, September 14, 2020 9:22 pm ET
by scotch of hooked on bass
A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X Y & Z.
Now I know some shit.
Haiku # 68052, September 14, 2020 7:44 pm ET
by There, I fixed it!
Oh, shit, I left off y.
And now balls itch.
So, haiku will have to wait.
Haiku # 68051, September 14, 2020 2:46 pm ET
by nuts
A B C D E
F G H I J K L
M N O P Q

R S T U V
W X & Z.
Now I know some shit.
Haiku # 68050, September 14, 2020 2:45 pm ET
by W is a strange one. of 3 syllables for the price of one.
Call the Haiku Squad.
Too many syllables here.
Law and order NOW.
Haiku # 68049, September 14, 2020 10:20 am ET
by Haiku Purge of National Renewal
There's a rabbid squirrel hiding in Donald Trump's hair. It foams at the mouth and tells him what to do. It writes his tweets for him. Obey the squirrel or you will all die! This is not on Fox or CNN, so you know it's real. This is Truth! Everything on Badhaiku.com is Truth. Terrific website. The best poets.
Haiku # 68048, September 13, 2020 11:56 pm ET
by The candiru fish in the asshole of Vladamir Putin
The Mexicans can remain free
as long as they continue to work.
Native Americans and
Eskimoes (Inuits if you prefer)
will be transfered to Detroit
to build cars, because why not.

War with Canada is imminent.
The continent will be called
New Chinese Annex.
Haiku # 68047, September 13, 2020 9:55 pm ET
by As if it's not already
China owns the US.
The chinks bought it from Russia.
And one billion jars of beet borscht
as part of the bargain.
I swear it's true! Look it up!
Haiku # 68046, September 13, 2020 9:51 pm ET
by History is awesome!
BlakBlakBlakBlakBlak
I'm a shout in your face now:
WhiteWhiteWhiteWhiteWhite
Haiku # 68044, September 13, 2020 6:11 am ET
by Harmony of These United States
Communist sniper
Marxist marksman
Haiku # 68043, September 12, 2020 7:56 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
If I was a black woman,
I'd loot too.
If I was just there I would loot.
And probably shoot some ppl too.
That's my TV mofo! I saw it first!
blam blam.
Look what that cop did!
He shot that defenseless black guy.
Scuse me, have to get this TV home.
Yes, I have 6 already, but one more
can't hurt, can it?
Haiku # 68042, September 12, 2020 7:53 pm ET
by Pasty Priveleged and Proud. of I'm going to loot Melanin pills and become black.
Blak Lesbo Marxists.
wait . . . Bitter Loud Matriarchs;
Bad Looting Mothers
Haiku # 68041, September 12, 2020 11:33 am ET
by Barbaric Lunatic Madwoman of BLM
But seriously,
My views on that fateful day
Have since changed greatly . . .
Haiku # 68040, September 12, 2020 9:49 am ET
by Thermite Charges of Planned Destruction
Trump was made aware
Two years before it happened.
All hail God's prophet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MtRtPjrG4lE&feature=youtu.be
Haiku # 68039, September 12, 2020 9:47 am ET
by Dancing Israelis of Jersey City
read this bad haiku
satisfaction guaranteed
or your money back
Haiku # 68038, September 12, 2020 9:17 am ET
by ash
9/11 passed and not one rememberance in the form of a haiku. I guess in the end we did forget.

Two buildings came down.
It was a horrible day.
And keeps getting worse.
Haiku # 68037, September 12, 2020 6:50 am ET
by The downward spiral collapse of civilization.
Took fifteen minutes
To write three shitty haiku
Still better than you
Haiku # 68036, September 12, 2020 3:04 am ET
by Professor Poopypants of You may thank me now
Grace Slick was a chick
Who got fat and grew a dick
Tom Bosley's penis
Haiku # 68035, September 12, 2020 3:00 am ET
by Made you look of You just got Rick rolled
Spotted and dotted
Also never forgotted
Old tissue snotted
Haiku # 68034, September 12, 2020 2:54 am ET
by Poops on Duck of Chinese blowback
Lamb is delicious
So is owl from time to time
Prefer them spotted
Haiku # 68033, September 12, 2020 2:45 am ET
by Jesus is lard of The dirty boulevard
Oh, such BLASPHEMY.
Surely you have gone TOO FAR.
Surely you are DAMNED.
Haiku # 68032, September 11, 2020 6:24 pm ET
by Loving Grace of God's Spotless Lamb
Wear a condom.
Just wear the Goddamn condom!
You'll thank me.
Haiku # 68031, September 11, 2020 4:12 pm ET
by
As vulgar, foul, and heinous as I might be, Jesus still loves me more than you. I asked him when he had had a lot of wine. He prefers honesty over lies. An honest fart is more beautiful than a false poem... As long as you don't shart yourself while wearing khaki shorts. That's what Jesus told me. He lives three houses down across the street. Yes, he has a valid green card -- don't you dare call INS!
Haiku # 68030, September 11, 2020 4:08 pm ET
by
The men stood around
comparing the lengths of their
bad haiku poems
Haiku # 68029, September 11, 2020 9:47 am ET
by Unnoticed Poet of Undisclosed
One two three four five
six seven etcetera
because I'm lazy.
Haiku # 68028, September 11, 2020 5:02 am ET
by
in bombastic ways
anagrammatic displays
earn fantastic praise
Haiku # 68027, September 11, 2020 4:38 am ET
by ash
rampach cramphar marchap parmach charpam charmap crampah hamparc chamrap archmap harmcap
Haiku # 68026, September 10, 2020 10:09 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
A character map.
That's what he meant. But Darth needs
a character SLAP.
Haiku # 68025, September 10, 2020 8:09 pm ET
by Slap-happy Grandpappy of Dear Little Darth
Your rampach is dicklicksic.
So if I could borrow it some time...

Therapy is overrated and a way to
shovel money into the pockets
of scam artists. Like Freud.

Look Sigmund, if I want to bang
my mom, that's my business
but honestly, I don't want to
have to buy the extra Depends
undergarments that would be
required.

The reason therapy works is
so that we can deny the fact
that we got scammed. It's like
a placebo, really. Give someone
money and you will imagine
that what you gave them money
for is actually working. That way
you won't consider yourself
stupid.

Example, I bought a whore for
a wife and fooled myself into
thinking she was a good person.
Haiku # 68024, September 10, 2020 7:03 pm ET
by Therapist = The Rapist of Raping your wallet
unfortunately
your champar is dyslexic
and needs therapy
Haiku # 68023, September 10, 2020 6:26 pm ET
by ash
So who here thinks this Corona virus thing is an extremely over-exagerated political/economic fart.
I want everyone to get it b/c the sooner everyone gets it then the sooner I can get on with my life.
Unless, of course, it kills me. But I can live with that.
Haiku # 68022, September 10, 2020 4:59 pm ET
by Nancy w/ a penis.
Champar is not a real thing.
I just made that shit up.
I don't even know what it means.
Kind of like integrity.
Hey, anyone want to buy a soul?
Slightly used and not in good shape.
But in better shape than
my ex's rancid foul twat. :-)
Haiku # 68021, September 10, 2020 4:41 pm ET
by I also have a used Galapagos tortoise for sale. of Just don't ask what it was used for.
charmap is a thing
use the font of all knowledge
google is your friend
Haiku # 68020, September 10, 2020 9:18 am ET
by ash
Y'all are so much fun.
I want you all to get saved.
(Haiku in heaven)
Haiku # 68019, September 10, 2020 8:37 am ET
by Even Darth of Course
What is a a "charmap"?
Some British or Aussie thing?
I've never heard it.
Haiku # 68018, September 10, 2020 7:49 am ET
by Barbaria of Vocabularia
Allahu Akbar!
I shout that before I fart.
Suicide bombing.

Ate some pomelo,
bean chili and deviled eggs,
washed down w/ lager.

Any terrorist
acts will be met with speedy
retaliation.
Haiku # 68017, September 9, 2020 10:54 pm ET
by Peace Be With You.
we're all in the wars
growing old is a minefield
for dead men walking
Haiku # 68016, September 9, 2020 8:02 pm ET
by ash
Oh yeah, I did live there.
But only in my mind.
I mean, how twisted is that?!
But how is it I know all the streets?!
Past life memories????
Dear God, help me get through
this terrible psychic affliction.
Haiku # 68015, September 9, 2020 5:18 pm ET
by dw of I also lived in Abydos a LONG time back. Zaire more recently.
damn you bad haiku
fuck your lousy charmap fail
omar goodness sakes
Haiku # 68014, September 9, 2020 8:52 am ET
by ash
the moving finger
writes, and having, writ moves on
khayyám what khayyám
Haiku # 68013, September 9, 2020 8:49 am ET
by ash
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