I am so lonely.
Please tell me how wrong I am.
That I need to change.

My inner demon
keeps reminding me of that
but I ignore him.

It's never too late
to heed that rascal's wise words
sharing a crack pipe.

You can't smoke crack here.
Our President will kill you.
You can't debate that!

Don't forget the Pandemic Special of South Park airs tonight. I can hardly wait!

The presidential debates would be better handled as a booger picking contest based on size, color, texture, and how many nostril hairs are in there.
Best three out of five wins. Loser buys the other one a beer.

Come on out, you vigalante poets!
"You complete me," The Joker says to Batman.
"What would I do without you?!"

We get the debate
That we deserve: two old clowns
Out-shout each other.

Where is ev'ryone?
Have you all died of covid?
Life will be empty.

I'm disappointed.
You should display your vomit.
That is my applause.

Captain Queefs-a-Lot
vs. Flatus Maximus!
Live on Pay-Per-View!

He who masturbates
to Yanky Doodle Dandy
eats feather pasta.

I plucked my right nut.
Thought it's a dingleberry.
Oh well, got one more.

You ever think that
Donald Trump's just a muppet?
Just look at his hair!

Jim Henson's not dead.
He's playing us all for fools!
Now we're the puppets.

If corona kills about 1 in 1000 people, or even 1 in 500... or 1 in 100.... or 1 in 50. Is that such a bad thing?!?!

Consider the graph...
... I can't attach my butt-pic?
What a lame website!

Come on, fix this site!
You know you want to see it.
I will show it all!

Ev'ry dangly bit!
Testes and dingleberries.
They look 'bout the same.

Calculate y-prime
at the point of origin.
Concave up or down?

I want a poem
that conjures up Satan
five thousand feet tall

pooping fire balls
belching sulfuric acid
and does my bidding

Walk outside naked.
Smeared with your rancid feces.
Then you'll find freedom.

Well, maybe not in the US, but in other poor countries, they won't touch the crazy people... bad luck and curses and diseases. Being crazy and poor is pure freedom. I've seen it! No corona lock down for those lucky fools.

I have to scream now
but i can't leave the damn house
brl-eee-ARR-FUU-UUH!!!!!!!!

Yom Kippur's about
repentence and atonement.
But I don't need that.

That's 'cuz I'm perfect.
I have never, ever sinned.
No, never, not once!

I thought I did once,
but that was God playing tricks.
Well, at least I tried.

Happy Yom Kippur,
Whatever the hell THAT means
To Gentiles. Oy veh.

In the ass, okay.
Just not in the vagina.
That can cause problems!

Take your vitamins.
Brush your teeth three times a day.
No Pop Rocks in there.

You can trust me, ma'am.
Dr. Whorendous knows best.
That's five hundred dollars.

I do what I want
'Merica is 'bout freedom.
Pop rocks up my ass.

I hate candy corn.
I mean, that's some nasty-ass shit.
Who invented it?!

Be responsible.
Don't give that on Halloween.
Reese's or Snickers.

Or maybe Pop Rocks.
They taste nasty, but they're fun.
Don't put them in there!

Isn't it funny
how we always manage to
say something... not right?

Is it an aardvark?
Or is it an anteater?
Snuffleupagus.

Salvador Dali's
"pet anteater " was just his
uncircumcised dink

Don't you even try
to offer me McDonald's.
I'll use my blow torch.

I'll only kill you
if you post your address here.
How you want it done?

Oh Clem, Clem darlin'
You done buried my pore dad
by the willow tree

How can I improve
the odds I'll be slain by a
serial killer?

Future was sunny
Ten inches....Cher licked her lips
That Greg was All Man

I'll Cher this with you:
Their lawyer worked pro bono
And in chastity.

I got you, babe
Take two Sonny Bonos and
call me in a.m.

Sam, whose mass is 74 kg , takes off across level snow on his jet-powered skis. The skis have a thrust of 230 N and a coefficient of kinetic friction on snow of 0.1. Unfortunately, the skis run out of fuel after only 11 s and Sam jizzes in his pants with a speed of 1.2 m/s when he sees snow bunny Brenda and she notices the wet spot spreading around his crotch. How much will Sam's hospital bill be from his broken leg when he hits that boulder ahead?

You must excuse me.
I have some work to get done.
Chasing that dollar.

why would GOD judge you?
does it say in the fine print
That HE gives a HOOT?

If her FaceBook says
quote, Only God Can Judge Me,
end quote, she's a slut.

They are just whores
doing what their sugar daddy
tells them to do.

Philippine islands:
The Filipino eye lands
on Filipinas

https://youtu.be/ps-axyeKeZQ

Please, someone, clean up
the Haiku smeared on this page.
Quick . . . before it dries.

My only Captain
Cap'n Crunch for High
Fructose Goon Syrup

You forgot something.
It needs a splash of vodka.
Or Captain Morgan's.

Pissing in the mist
Dink lemonade with a twist
A flick of the wrist

My incubation.
Pre-natal gender repeal.
Pee.. and have a drink.

Call me pessimist.
I'm sensing a civil war.
See the clone troopers.

That's why I'm not there.
"Execute order six-six."
Even Sith will die.

By Invitation
Post natal gender reveal
See.. He has a dink

When the eagle shits
Think of the good times we'll have
Let's drink to that!

Parents high on crack
That waterskiing baby
Watch this, Balloon Boy!

Cephalopod gene splicing.
Cthulu is risen!
Runs for president.
Wins and gets the US
back on track.
Fireside chats with shrimp
gumbo recipes just like
Bubba in Forrest Gump.

"An asteroid the size of a school bus."
Several alien tots on board.
It was a short asteroid.

When Darth is on fire
Life is almost worth living
C'mon say octopus...

Extinction ex stink shunned.
And thank God for that!
Stench could corrode a steel wrecking ball. And she likely has a few of those there. Know what I mean, Vern?

10,000 thermonuclear explosions simultaneously induce elation and The Rapture.