I am so lonely.
Please tell me how wrong I am.
That I need to change.
My inner demon
keeps reminding me of that
but I ignore him.
It's never too late
to heed that rascal's wise words
sharing a crack pipe.
You can't smoke crack here.
Our President will kill you.
You can't debate that!
by
Don't forget the Pandemic Special of South Park airs tonight. I can hardly wait!
by dw
The presidential debates would be better handled as a booger picking contest based on size, color, texture, and how many nostril hairs are in there.
Best three out of five wins. Loser buys the other one a beer.
by the way, I'd really like it if one of you buys me a case of beer. Extra dark. German prefered.
Come on out, you vigalante poets!
"You complete me," The Joker says to Batman.
"What would I do without you?!"
by Snuffleupagus goes to an Asian "massage" parlor. of They cook and eat him. Typical.
We get the debate
That we deserve: two old clowns
Out-shout each other.
by Babylon is Falling but Slowly
Where is ev'ryone?
Have you all died of covid?
Life will be empty.
by of
I'm disappointed.
You should display your vomit.
That is my applause.
by of
Captain Queefs-a-Lot
vs. Flatus Maximus!
Live on Pay-Per-View!
by $79.99
He who masturbates
to Yanky Doodle Dandy
eats feather pasta.
by Handy Dandy of Pandy Bare
I plucked my right nut.
Thought it's a dingleberry.
Oh well, got one more.
by What if muppets get dingleberries?! of Oh, poor Snuffy!
You ever think that
Donald Trump's just a muppet?
Just look at his hair!
Jim Henson's not dead.
He's playing us all for fools!
Now we're the puppets.
by Terrified
If corona kills about 1 in 1000 people, or even 1 in 500... or 1 in 100.... or 1 in 50. Is that such a bad thing?!?!
by Poets Against Humanity!
Consider the graph...
... I can't attach my butt-pic?
What a lame website!
Come on, fix this site!
You know you want to see it.
I will show it all!
Ev'ry dangly bit!
Testes and dingleberries.
They look 'bout the same.
Calculate y-prime
at the point of origin.
Concave up or down?
by Explicit Different Calculust.
I want a poem
that conjures up Satan
five thousand feet tall
pooping fire balls
belching sulfuric acid
and does my bidding
by Christ, I said Satan, not Elmo!
Walk outside naked.
Smeared with your rancid feces.
Then you'll find freedom.
Well, maybe not in the US, but in other poor countries, they won't touch the crazy people... bad luck and curses and diseases. Being crazy and poor is pure freedom. I've seen it! No corona lock down for those lucky fools.
by The virus is coming, the virus is coming! of ... lucky virus
I have to scream now
but i can't leave the damn house
brl-eee-ARR-FUU-UUH!!!!!!!!
by scotch of united states of fuck we're on fire
Yom Kippur's about
repentence and atonement.
But I don't need that.
That's 'cuz I'm perfect.
I have never, ever sinned.
No, never, not once!
I thought I did once,
but that was God playing tricks.
Well, at least I tried.
by There is no try... on the toilet. of Only poo, or poo not.
Happy Yom Kippur,
Whatever the hell THAT means
To Gentiles. Oy veh.
by The Other Eleven Tribes of the Diaspora
In the ass, okay.
Just not in the vagina.
That can cause problems!
Take your vitamins.
Brush your teeth three times a day.
No Pop Rocks in there.
You can trust me, ma'am.
Dr. Whorendous knows best.
That's five hundred dollars.
by Please pay at the front desk. of Graceland, Nashville, TN
I do what I want
'Merica is 'bout freedom.
Pop rocks up my ass.
by Fucky McShootface
I hate candy corn.
I mean, that's some nasty-ass shit.
Who invented it?!
Be responsible.
Don't give that on Halloween.
Reese's or Snickers.
Or maybe Pop Rocks.
They taste nasty, but they're fun.
Don't put them in there!
by Inappropriate use of Pop Rocks has caused many emergency room visits.
Isn't it funny
how we always manage to
say something... not right?
by Poop! of Heh heh heh.
Is it an aardvark?
Or is it an anteater?
Snuffleupagus.
by Been a while since I talked about good old Snuffy. of I wonder if Big Bird used his beak to clean Snuffy's bodily orifices, you know how those birds do.
Salvador Dali's
"pet anteater " was just his
uncircumcised dink
by Art Historian of Under old willow
Don't you even try
to offer me McDonald's.
I'll use my blow torch.
by Surreal cereal of Salvador's Dolly Part In, Part Out
I'll only kill you
if you post your address here.
How you want it done?
by I'll need a plane ticket also. of And 2 nights in a decent hotel. And an Appleby's $150 gift card.
Oh Clem, Clem darlin'
You done buried my pore dad
by the willow tree
by Appalachian Tragedy of Haiku
How can I improve
the odds I'll be slain by a
serial killer?
by Hope
Future was sunny
Ten inches....Cher licked her lips
That Greg was All Man
by change in the forecast of cloudy with a chance of someone else's meatballs
I'll Cher this with you:
Their lawyer worked pro bono
And in chastity.
by Tramps and Thieves of Hollyweird
I got you, babe
Take two Sonny Bonos and
call me in a.m.
by human calculator of Head of the Class
Sam, whose mass is 74 kg , takes off across level snow on his jet-powered skis. The skis have a thrust of 230 N and a coefficient of kinetic friction on snow of 0.1. Unfortunately, the skis run out of fuel after only 11 s and Sam jizzes in his pants with a speed of 1.2 m/s when he sees snow bunny Brenda and she notices the wet spot spreading around his crotch. How much will Sam's hospital bill be from his broken leg when he hits that boulder ahead?
by Asking for a friend.
You must excuse me.
I have some work to get done.
Chasing that dollar.
by The root of all evil.
why would GOD judge you?
does it say in the fine print
That HE gives a HOOT?
by Law Offices of Cunfart Cuntfart and Cunt
If her FaceBook says
quote, Only God Can Judge Me,
end quote, she's a slut.
by Anonymous Poet
They are just whores
doing what their sugar daddy
tells them to do.
by Anonymous Poet
Philippine islands:
The Filipino eye lands
on Filipinas
https://youtu.be/ps-axyeKeZQ
by Filipinas United Against Drumpf of Fightin' Filipinas
Please, someone, clean up
the Haiku smeared on this page.
Quick . . . before it dries.
by Verses on the Walls of Hell
My only Captain
Cap'n Crunch for High
Fructose Goon Syrup
by Supercalifragilisticketoacidosis of Wilfred Brimley's grave
You forgot something.
It needs a splash of vodka.
Or Captain Morgan's.
by It's always better with the Captain.
Pissing in the mist
Dink lemonade with a twist
A flick of the wrist
by Cocktail Server of Piscataway
My incubation.
Pre-natal gender repeal.
Pee.. and have a drink.
Call me pessimist.
I'm sensing a civil war.
See the clone troopers.
That's why I'm not there.
"Execute order six-six."
Even Sith will die.
by Corona is a smoke screen. of Nothing more, nothing less.
By Invitation
Post natal gender reveal
See.. He has a dink
by Some Kardashian of TV Guide
When the eagle shits
Think of the good times we'll have
Let's drink to that!
by Optimist of Drunk Tank
Parents high on crack
That waterskiing baby
Watch this, Balloon Boy!
by Drunk of Barstool
Cephalopod gene splicing.
Cthulu is risen!
Runs for president.
Wins and gets the US
back on track.
Fireside chats with shrimp
gumbo recipes just like
Bubba in Forrest Gump.
by Praise the True Dark Lord and his culinary delights.
"An asteroid the size of a school bus."
Several alien tots on board.
It was a short asteroid.
by Poom went the planet. Sort of like a cross between a poop and a boom. Pirate talk I guess.
When Darth is on fire
Life is almost worth living
C'mon say octopus...
by Darth Lover of Just a syllable away
Extinction ex stink shunned.
And thank God for that!
Stench could corrode a steel wrecking ball. And she likely has a few of those there. Know what I mean, Vern?
by Your favorite dork lard.
10,000 thermonuclear explosions simultaneously induce elation and The Rapture.
by The velociraptor was raptured and became a rap star. of Lil' Claw in da house!
