BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
66 Days
69666 Haikus
I want a poem
that conjures up Satan
five thousand feet tall

pooping fire balls
belching sulfuric acid
and does my bidding
Haiku #68179, by Christ, I said Satan, not Elmo!
September 28, 2020 9:06 pm ET

Walk outside naked.
Smeared with your rancid feces.
Then you'll find freedom.

Well, maybe not in the US, but in other poor countries, they won't touch the crazy people... bad luck and curses and diseases. Being crazy and poor is pure freedom. I've seen it! No corona lock down for those lucky fools.
Haiku #68178, by The virus is coming, the virus is coming! of ... lucky virus
September 28, 2020 7:56 pm ET

I have to scream now
but i can't leave the damn house
Haiku #68177, by scotch of united states of fuck we're on fire
September 28, 2020 7:36 pm ET

Yom Kippur's about
repentence and atonement.
But I don't need that.

That's 'cuz I'm perfect.
I have never, ever sinned.
No, never, not once!

I thought I did once,
but that was God playing tricks.
Well, at least I tried.
Haiku #68176, by There is no try... on the toilet. of Only poo, or poo not.
September 28, 2020 6:55 pm ET

Happy Yom Kippur,
Whatever the hell THAT means
To Gentiles. Oy veh.
Haiku #68175, by The Other Eleven Tribes of the Diaspora
September 28, 2020 6:39 pm ET

In the ass, okay.
Just not in the vagina.
That can cause problems!

Take your vitamins.
Brush your teeth three times a day.
No Pop Rocks in there.

You can trust me, ma'am.
Dr. Whorendous knows best.
That's five hundred dollars.
Haiku #68174, by Please pay at the front desk. of Graceland, Nashville, TN
September 28, 2020 5:27 pm ET

I do what I want
'Merica is 'bout freedom.
Pop rocks up my ass.
Haiku #68173, by Fucky McShootface
September 28, 2020 11:30 am ET

I hate candy corn.
I mean, that's some nasty-ass shit.
Who invented it?!

Be responsible.
Don't give that on Halloween.
Reese's or Snickers.

Or maybe Pop Rocks.
They taste nasty, but they're fun.
Don't put them in there!
Haiku #68172, by Inappropriate use of Pop Rocks has caused many emergency room visits.
September 28, 2020 9:07 am ET

Isn't it funny
how we always manage to
say something... not right?
Haiku #68171, by Poop! of Heh heh heh.
September 28, 2020 6:10 am ET

Is it an aardvark?
Or is it an anteater?
Haiku #68170, by Been a while since I talked about good old Snuffy. of I wonder if Big Bird used his beak to clean Snuffy's bodily orifices, you know how those birds do.
September 28, 2020 6:07 am ET

Salvador Dali's
"pet anteater " was just his
uncircumcised dink
Haiku #68169, by Art Historian of Under old willow
September 28, 2020 12:50 am ET

Don't you even try
to offer me McDonald's.
I'll use my blow torch.
Haiku #68168, by Surreal cereal of Salvador's Dolly Part In, Part Out
September 27, 2020 11:33 pm ET

I'll only kill you
if you post your address here.
How you want it done?
Haiku #68167, by I'll need a plane ticket also. of And 2 nights in a decent hotel. And an Appleby's $150 gift card.
September 27, 2020 11:27 pm ET

Oh Clem, Clem darlin'
You done buried my pore dad
by the willow tree
Haiku #68166, by Appalachian Tragedy of Haiku
September 27, 2020 8:56 pm ET

How can I improve
the odds I'll be slain by a
serial killer?
Haiku #68165, by Hope
September 27, 2020 4:13 pm ET

Future was sunny
Ten inches....Cher licked her lips
That Greg was All Man
Haiku #68164, by change in the forecast of cloudy with a chance of someone else's meatballs
September 27, 2020 9:53 am ET

I'll Cher this with you:
Their lawyer worked pro bono
And in chastity.
Haiku #68163, by Tramps and Thieves of Hollyweird
September 27, 2020 7:49 am ET

I got you, babe
Take two Sonny Bonos and
call me in a.m.
Haiku #68162, by human calculator of Head of the Class
September 26, 2020 10:24 pm ET

Sam, whose mass is 74 kg , takes off across level snow on his jet-powered skis. The skis have a thrust of 230 N and a coefficient of kinetic friction on snow of 0.1. Unfortunately, the skis run out of fuel after only 11 s and Sam jizzes in his pants with a speed of 1.2 m/s when he sees snow bunny Brenda and she notices the wet spot spreading around his crotch. How much will Sam's hospital bill be from his broken leg when he hits that boulder ahead?
Haiku #68161, by Asking for a friend.
September 26, 2020 8:18 pm ET

You must excuse me.
I have some work to get done.
Chasing that dollar.
Haiku #68160, by The root of all evil.
September 26, 2020 6:32 pm ET

why would GOD judge you?
does it say in the fine print
That HE gives a HOOT?
Haiku #68159, by Law Offices of Cunfart Cuntfart and Cunt
September 26, 2020 2:24 pm ET

If her FaceBook says
quote, Only God Can Judge Me,
end quote, she's a slut.
Haiku #68158, by Anonymous Poet
September 26, 2020 1:51 pm ET

They are just whores
doing what their sugar daddy
tells them to do.
Haiku #68157, by Anonymous Poet
September 26, 2020 1:48 pm ET

Philippine islands:
The Filipino eye lands
on Filipinas
Haiku #68156, by Filipinas United Against Drumpf of Fightin' Filipinas
September 26, 2020 11:41 am ET

Please, someone, clean up
the Haiku smeared on this page.
Quick . . . before it dries.
Haiku #68155, by Verses on the Walls of Hell
September 26, 2020 9:47 am ET

My only Captain
Cap'n Crunch for High
Fructose Goon Syrup
Haiku #68154, by Supercalifragilisticketoacidosis of Wilfred Brimley's grave
September 26, 2020 8:38 am ET

You forgot something.
It needs a splash of vodka.
Or Captain Morgan's.
Haiku #68153, by It's always better with the Captain.
September 26, 2020 8:28 am ET

Pissing in the mist
Dink lemonade with a twist
A flick of the wrist
Haiku #68152, by Cocktail Server of Piscataway
September 26, 2020 8:04 am ET

My incubation.
Pre-natal gender repeal.
Pee.. and have a drink.

Call me pessimist.
I'm sensing a civil war.
See the clone troopers.

That's why I'm not there.
"Execute order six-six."
Even Sith will die.
Haiku #68151, by Corona is a smoke screen. of Nothing more, nothing less.
September 26, 2020 7:27 am ET

By Invitation
Post natal gender reveal
See.. He has a dink
Haiku #68150, by Some Kardashian of TV Guide
September 26, 2020 3:31 am ET

When the eagle shits
Think of the good times we'll have
Let's drink to that!
Haiku #68149, by Optimist of Drunk Tank
September 26, 2020 3:20 am ET

Parents high on crack
That waterskiing baby
Watch this, Balloon Boy!
Haiku #68148, by Drunk of Barstool
September 26, 2020 3:16 am ET

Cephalopod gene splicing.
Cthulu is risen!
Runs for president.
Wins and gets the US
back on track.
Fireside chats with shrimp
gumbo recipes just like
Bubba in Forrest Gump.
Haiku #68147, by Praise the True Dark Lord and his culinary delights.
September 26, 2020 3:15 am ET

"An asteroid the size of a school bus."
Several alien tots on board.
It was a short asteroid.
Haiku #68146, by Poom went the planet. Sort of like a cross between a poop and a boom. Pirate talk I guess.
September 26, 2020 3:07 am ET

When Darth is on fire
Life is almost worth living
C'mon say octopus...
Haiku #68145, by Darth Lover of Just a syllable away
September 26, 2020 3:04 am ET

Extinction ex stink shunned.
And thank God for that!
Stench could corrode a steel wrecking ball. And she likely has a few of those there. Know what I mean, Vern?
Haiku #68144, by Your favorite dork lard.
September 26, 2020 2:31 am ET

10,000 thermonuclear explosions simultaneously induce elation and The Rapture.
Haiku #68143, by The velociraptor was raptured and became a rap star. of Lil' Claw in da house!
September 26, 2020 2:26 am ET

Feces is Feces
Flatulence is flatulence
Haiku is haiku
Haiku #68142, by esta todo el dia of rascandose los huevos
September 26, 2020 12:23 am ET

The new improved Darth
Dr. Seuss meets Bukowski
Green Eggs and Schlong!
Haiku #68141, by Amigovia of Mulberry Street
September 26, 2020 12:08 am ET

That's juicy sushi
You even mentioned gar fish
You know I love you
Haiku #68140, by Purrmaid of Underwater
September 25, 2020 11:56 pm ET

Halloween costumes!
What will you go as this year?
Donald Trump's toupee?
Haiku #68139, by Touche! of Douche!
September 25, 2020 11:29 pm ET

Tastes like seafood?
Isn't that rude?
You shouldn't brood.
Dip it in lemon butter.
Maybe with a little garlic.
Gar-lick. Licking a gar fish.
Ghetto sushi Suzi.

Please get me a beer.
Something dark and full-bodied.
And a little head.
Haiku #68138, by Maybe we need to get back to discussing poo. of Hey, it beats politics!!!
September 25, 2020 11:23 pm ET

So let's talk aobut the clitoris then.
How big is your clitoris?
Is that your favorite stimulation spot?
Gee, I'm just asking, don't get all pissy.

Clitty clit clit, lickity split.
Two for the price of one.
Double slit experiment.
The wave of the motion.
Just like the ocean.
Tastes like seafood!
Haiku #68137, by Happy now? Hapiness? Happy penis?
September 25, 2020 11:16 pm ET

I think you are right.
My life will be much better
when you are deceased.

Is that a mushroom
on your grave or maybe you're
happy to see me.
Haiku #68136, by A fun guy with rigor mortis where it counts.
September 25, 2020 11:11 pm ET

Penis penis schlong.
They're skinny fat short or long.
They look like a bong.

Penis penis schlong.
I'll use mine to bang a gong.
And then bang your mom.
Haiku #68135, by :-)
September 25, 2020 11:07 pm ET

Sometimes you wonder
If the best time in your life
is when you are dead
Haiku #68134, by GOD of NOT TELLING
September 25, 2020 10:50 pm ET

Darth: please just STOP it.
Stop mentioning penises.
Damn. It gets old fast.
Haiku #68133, by Obsessions of Figpucker
September 25, 2020 7:57 pm ET

Any side that has chicken and watermellon AND has big schlongs has GOT to be the right side!
Haiku #68132, by Awesome stereotypical stereotypes. of They stole my stereo, so I'll steal their stereotypes.
September 25, 2020 7:01 pm ET

The United States
Built upon Christ, with help from
The Enlightenment.
Haiku #68131, by Sorry Marxist, Enemy of What is Good and Right
September 25, 2020 1:40 pm ET

All transnationals,
All corporate media
Back you. We don't care.
Haiku #68130, by You on Wrong Side of The Culture War
September 25, 2020 12:52 pm ET