BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
69 Days
69695 Haikus
Cocaine, hand grenades,
and teenage Thai prostitutes.
*Sigh* The good old days.
Haiku #68194, by dw of No exagerations.
September 30, 2020 7:52 pm ET

Watching mantis shimp
destroy invasive crayfish
on YouTube; my life.
Haiku #68193, by dw of bored in da house
September 30, 2020 7:45 pm ET

I am so lonely.
Please tell me how wrong I am.
That I need to change.

My inner demon
keeps reminding me of that
but I ignore him.

It's never too late
to heed that rascal's wise words
sharing a crack pipe.

You can't smoke crack here.
Our President will kill you.
You can't debate that!
Haiku #68192, by
September 30, 2020 5:50 pm ET

Don't forget the Pandemic Special of South Park airs tonight. I can hardly wait!
Haiku #68191, by dw
September 30, 2020 6:33 am ET

The presidential debates would be better handled as a booger picking contest based on size, color, texture, and how many nostril hairs are in there.
Best three out of five wins. Loser buys the other one a beer.
Haiku #68190, by the way, I'd really like it if one of you buys me a case of beer. Extra dark. German prefered.
September 30, 2020 6:32 am ET

Come on out, you vigalante poets!
"You complete me," The Joker says to Batman.
"What would I do without you?!"
Haiku #68189, by Snuffleupagus goes to an Asian "massage" parlor. of They cook and eat him. Typical.
September 29, 2020 10:23 pm ET

We get the debate
That we deserve: two old clowns
Out-shout each other.
Haiku #68188, by Babylon is Falling but Slowly
September 29, 2020 10:16 pm ET

Where is ev'ryone?
Have you all died of covid?
Life will be empty.
Haiku #68187, by of
September 29, 2020 8:24 pm ET

I'm disappointed.
You should display your vomit.
That is my applause.
Haiku #68186, by of
September 29, 2020 8:16 pm ET

Captain Queefs-a-Lot
vs. Flatus Maximus!
Live on Pay-Per-View!
Haiku #68185, by $79.99
September 29, 2020 9:11 am ET

He who masturbates
to Yanky Doodle Dandy
eats feather pasta.
Haiku #68184, by Handy Dandy of Pandy Bare
September 29, 2020 8:52 am ET

I plucked my right nut.
Thought it's a dingleberry.
Oh well, got one more.
Haiku #68183, by What if muppets get dingleberries?! of Oh, poor Snuffy!
September 29, 2020 8:15 am ET

You ever think that
Donald Trump's just a muppet?
Just look at his hair!

Jim Henson's not dead.
He's playing us all for fools!
Now we're the puppets.
Haiku #68182, by Terrified
September 29, 2020 8:12 am ET

If corona kills about 1 in 1000 people, or even 1 in 500... or 1 in 100.... or 1 in 50. Is that such a bad thing?!?!
Haiku #68181, by Poets Against Humanity!
September 28, 2020 10:44 pm ET

Consider the graph...
... I can't attach my butt-pic?
What a lame website!

Come on, fix this site!
You know you want to see it.
I will show it all!

Ev'ry dangly bit!
Testes and dingleberries.
They look 'bout the same.

Calculate y-prime
at the point of origin.
Concave up or down?
Haiku #68180, by Explicit Different Calculust.
September 28, 2020 10:38 pm ET

I want a poem
that conjures up Satan
five thousand feet tall

pooping fire balls
belching sulfuric acid
and does my bidding
Haiku #68179, by Christ, I said Satan, not Elmo!
September 28, 2020 9:06 pm ET

Walk outside naked.
Smeared with your rancid feces.
Then you'll find freedom.

Well, maybe not in the US, but in other poor countries, they won't touch the crazy people... bad luck and curses and diseases. Being crazy and poor is pure freedom. I've seen it! No corona lock down for those lucky fools.
Haiku #68178, by The virus is coming, the virus is coming! of ... lucky virus
September 28, 2020 7:56 pm ET

I have to scream now
but i can't leave the damn house
Haiku #68177, by scotch of united states of fuck we're on fire
September 28, 2020 7:36 pm ET

Yom Kippur's about
repentence and atonement.
But I don't need that.

That's 'cuz I'm perfect.
I have never, ever sinned.
No, never, not once!

I thought I did once,
but that was God playing tricks.
Well, at least I tried.
Haiku #68176, by There is no try... on the toilet. of Only poo, or poo not.
September 28, 2020 6:55 pm ET

Happy Yom Kippur,
Whatever the hell THAT means
To Gentiles. Oy veh.
Haiku #68175, by The Other Eleven Tribes of the Diaspora
September 28, 2020 6:39 pm ET

In the ass, okay.
Just not in the vagina.
That can cause problems!

Take your vitamins.
Brush your teeth three times a day.
No Pop Rocks in there.

You can trust me, ma'am.
Dr. Whorendous knows best.
That's five hundred dollars.
Haiku #68174, by Please pay at the front desk. of Graceland, Nashville, TN
September 28, 2020 5:27 pm ET

I do what I want
'Merica is 'bout freedom.
Pop rocks up my ass.
Haiku #68173, by Fucky McShootface
September 28, 2020 11:30 am ET

I hate candy corn.
I mean, that's some nasty-ass shit.
Who invented it?!

Be responsible.
Don't give that on Halloween.
Reese's or Snickers.

Or maybe Pop Rocks.
They taste nasty, but they're fun.
Don't put them in there!
Haiku #68172, by Inappropriate use of Pop Rocks has caused many emergency room visits.
September 28, 2020 9:07 am ET

Isn't it funny
how we always manage to
say something... not right?
Haiku #68171, by Poop! of Heh heh heh.
September 28, 2020 6:10 am ET

Is it an aardvark?
Or is it an anteater?
Haiku #68170, by Been a while since I talked about good old Snuffy. of I wonder if Big Bird used his beak to clean Snuffy's bodily orifices, you know how those birds do.
September 28, 2020 6:07 am ET

Salvador Dali's
"pet anteater " was just his
uncircumcised dink
Haiku #68169, by Art Historian of Under old willow
September 28, 2020 12:50 am ET

Don't you even try
to offer me McDonald's.
I'll use my blow torch.
Haiku #68168, by Surreal cereal of Salvador's Dolly Part In, Part Out
September 27, 2020 11:33 pm ET

I'll only kill you
if you post your address here.
How you want it done?
Haiku #68167, by I'll need a plane ticket also. of And 2 nights in a decent hotel. And an Appleby's $150 gift card.
September 27, 2020 11:27 pm ET

Oh Clem, Clem darlin'
You done buried my pore dad
by the willow tree
Haiku #68166, by Appalachian Tragedy of Haiku
September 27, 2020 8:56 pm ET

How can I improve
the odds I'll be slain by a
serial killer?
Haiku #68165, by Hope
September 27, 2020 4:13 pm ET

Future was sunny
Ten inches....Cher licked her lips
That Greg was All Man
Haiku #68164, by change in the forecast of cloudy with a chance of someone else's meatballs
September 27, 2020 9:53 am ET

I'll Cher this with you:
Their lawyer worked pro bono
And in chastity.
Haiku #68163, by Tramps and Thieves of Hollyweird
September 27, 2020 7:49 am ET

I got you, babe
Take two Sonny Bonos and
call me in a.m.
Haiku #68162, by human calculator of Head of the Class
September 26, 2020 10:24 pm ET

Sam, whose mass is 74 kg , takes off across level snow on his jet-powered skis. The skis have a thrust of 230 N and a coefficient of kinetic friction on snow of 0.1. Unfortunately, the skis run out of fuel after only 11 s and Sam jizzes in his pants with a speed of 1.2 m/s when he sees snow bunny Brenda and she notices the wet spot spreading around his crotch. How much will Sam's hospital bill be from his broken leg when he hits that boulder ahead?
Haiku #68161, by Asking for a friend.
September 26, 2020 8:18 pm ET

You must excuse me.
I have some work to get done.
Chasing that dollar.
Haiku #68160, by The root of all evil.
September 26, 2020 6:32 pm ET

why would GOD judge you?
does it say in the fine print
That HE gives a HOOT?
Haiku #68159, by Law Offices of Cunfart Cuntfart and Cunt
September 26, 2020 2:24 pm ET

If her FaceBook says
quote, Only God Can Judge Me,
end quote, she's a slut.
Haiku #68158, by Anonymous Poet
September 26, 2020 1:51 pm ET

They are just whores
doing what their sugar daddy
tells them to do.
Haiku #68157, by Anonymous Poet
September 26, 2020 1:48 pm ET

Philippine islands:
The Filipino eye lands
on Filipinas
Haiku #68156, by Filipinas United Against Drumpf of Fightin' Filipinas
September 26, 2020 11:41 am ET

Please, someone, clean up
the Haiku smeared on this page.
Quick . . . before it dries.
Haiku #68155, by Verses on the Walls of Hell
September 26, 2020 9:47 am ET

My only Captain
Cap'n Crunch for High
Fructose Goon Syrup
Haiku #68154, by Supercalifragilisticketoacidosis of Wilfred Brimley's grave
September 26, 2020 8:38 am ET

You forgot something.
It needs a splash of vodka.
Or Captain Morgan's.
Haiku #68153, by It's always better with the Captain.
September 26, 2020 8:28 am ET

Pissing in the mist
Dink lemonade with a twist
A flick of the wrist
Haiku #68152, by Cocktail Server of Piscataway
September 26, 2020 8:04 am ET

My incubation.
Pre-natal gender repeal.
Pee.. and have a drink.

Call me pessimist.
I'm sensing a civil war.
See the clone troopers.

That's why I'm not there.
"Execute order six-six."
Even Sith will die.
Haiku #68151, by Corona is a smoke screen. of Nothing more, nothing less.
September 26, 2020 7:27 am ET

By Invitation
Post natal gender reveal
See.. He has a dink
Haiku #68150, by Some Kardashian of TV Guide
September 26, 2020 3:31 am ET

When the eagle shits
Think of the good times we'll have
Let's drink to that!
Haiku #68149, by Optimist of Drunk Tank
September 26, 2020 3:20 am ET

Parents high on crack
That waterskiing baby
Watch this, Balloon Boy!
Haiku #68148, by Drunk of Barstool
September 26, 2020 3:16 am ET

Cephalopod gene splicing.
Cthulu is risen!
Runs for president.
Wins and gets the US
back on track.
Fireside chats with shrimp
gumbo recipes just like
Bubba in Forrest Gump.
Haiku #68147, by Praise the True Dark Lord and his culinary delights.
September 26, 2020 3:15 am ET

"An asteroid the size of a school bus."
Several alien tots on board.
It was a short asteroid.
Haiku #68146, by Poom went the planet. Sort of like a cross between a poop and a boom. Pirate talk I guess.
September 26, 2020 3:07 am ET

When Darth is on fire
Life is almost worth living
C'mon say octopus...
Haiku #68145, by Darth Lover of Just a syllable away
September 26, 2020 3:04 am ET