Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 188 Days and 77101 Haiku later...

Haiku # 68302, October 11, 2020 3:35 am ET
by Brad.
Never run from dogs.
Throw them some poisoned lunch meat.
Sit back and enjoy.
Haiku # 68301, October 11, 2020 3:33 am ET
by Cyanide is best.
Phantom flatulence
Dirty Dancing to the can
Ghost left a brown skid
Haiku # 68300, October 11, 2020 2:48 am ET
by Demi Moore TP please of Spindly hand reaching under stall
Everybody knows that the dice are loaded
Everybody rolls with their fingers crossed
Everybody knows the war is over
Everybody knows the good guys lost
Everybody knows the fight was fixed
The poor stay poor, the rich get rich
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that the boat is leaking
Everybody knows that the captain lied
Everybody got this broken feeling
Like their father or their dog just died
Everybody talking to their pockets
Everybody wants a box of chocolates
And a long-stem rose
Everybody knows
Everybody knows that you love me baby
Everybody knows that you really do
Everybody knows that you've been faithful
Ah, give or take a night or two
Everybody knows you've been discreet
But there were so many people you just had to meet
Without your clothes
And everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
And everybody knows that it's now or never
Everybody knows that it's me or you
And everybody knows that you live forever
Ah, when you've done a line or two
Everybody knows the deal is rotten
Old Black Joe's still pickin' cotton
For your ribbons and bows
And everybody knows
And everybody knows that the Plague is coming
Everybody knows that it's moving fast
Everybody knows that the naked man and woman
Are just a shining artifact of the past
Everybody knows the scene is dead
But there's gonna be a meter on your bed
That will disclose
What everybody knows
And everybody knows that you're in trouble
Everybody knows what you've been through
From the bloody cross on top of Calvary
To the beach of Malibu
Everybody knows it's coming apart
Take one last look at this Sacred Heart
Before it blows
And everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows, everybody knows
That's how it goes
Everybody knows
Everybody knows
Haiku # 68299, October 11, 2020 2:23 am ET
by Leonard Nimoy
He doesn't eat pork
That poet formerly known
as Darth Figpucker
Haiku # 68298, October 11, 2020 1:49 am ET
by Sausage dink of Running from dogs
Everybody knows
Chestnut brown rectalplasm
Familiar fragrance
Haiku # 68297, October 10, 2020 11:46 pm ET
by Flatulence Throughout History of A Smelly Timeline
Say, kind of awkward
when they found you in that maze
with a frozen dink
Haiku # 68296, October 10, 2020 11:32 pm ET
by Darthsickle Slurper of Haiku Hotel
Wait just a minute!
One thing I know, ghosts don't fart!
Jesus that's stinky!
Haiku # 68295, October 10, 2020 11:00 pm ET
by Bartender at the Overlook Hotel.
That was just plain rude.
Candy corn?! That's disgusting!
Reeses or die!... Bitch.
Haiku # 68294, October 10, 2020 10:51 pm ET
by Boo. I'm a ghost now. of *chains rattling*
The candy corn trail
leads directly to your dink
Holidays are fun
Haiku # 68293, October 10, 2020 10:30 pm ET
by Punkin Spice of Parking Latte
Going back to sleep.
Because I'm old and I can.
... dammit. Errection.
Haiku # 68292, October 10, 2020 7:49 pm ET
by what now
She was quite proud of
her scary Jack-o-lantern.
And the neighbors knew.
Haiku # 68291, October 10, 2020 7:38 pm ET
by Hell-o-ween blood fest orgy sugar high of ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff
A drawer of old parts.
I could make something with these.
Maybe tomorrow.
Haiku # 68290, October 10, 2020 7:36 pm ET
by dw
Oregon forrests.
Little people and sasquatch.
Mushrooms and chipmonks.
Haiku # 68289, October 10, 2020 7:34 pm ET
by Neck strain from looking up. of Back strain from bending down. Too much to see.
Spicy chicken wings.
Ice cold cerveza negra.
Drunken bike riders.
Haiku # 68288, October 10, 2020 7:14 am ET
by Friendly fuzzies.
BUTT, not but, but you new that.
Haiku # 68287, October 10, 2020 6:56 am ET
by Dont forget the 5 ft bong. of And 2 ft dong.
What's a good costume
to scare rednecks and police?
Armed gay black pothead?

Black leather and lace.
Studded chaps, but cheeks exposed.
Full auto Uzi.

Wearing MAGA cap,
KKK robe and tattoos.
And a large strap-on.
Haiku # 68286, October 10, 2020 6:53 am ET
by I wish I was black of For so many reasons.
Unzipping Darth's fly
Sticky syllables spill out
Baby seahorses!
Haiku # 68285, October 10, 2020 4:58 am ET
by Who is the real Darth? of Meat section
Pork is disgusting.
People who eat it, more so.
For they become swine.
Haiku # 68284, October 10, 2020 3:48 am ET
by dw
I keep telling you,
It is now Darth Whorendous!
I've given up pork!

There is nothing fun
in my loose fitting khakis.
Scabs, pus, and disease.

But they speak to me.
My bacterial friendships.
They are always there.

Ergot scrotal rot.
I get my hallucinogens
straight from blood to brain.
Haiku # 68283, October 10, 2020 3:46 am ET
by Holy shit! Look at that dinosaur!
That Darth Figpucker
The contents of his tight pants
can't be called "fun size"
Haiku # 68282, October 10, 2020 12:01 am ET
by Noticer of Details of Anywhere
Halloween safety.
Trick or treating etiquette.
Beyond "please/thank you".
What should you do when
you are given *candy corn*?
Hand grenade or sword?
The old flame thrower?
Die, Granny McFartsalot!
Let me hear you scream!
You want to be safe?
Invest in Reeses and Crunch.
Or maybe Snickers.
Forget the "bite size".
Regular size to be safe.
No year to be cheap.
Extra insurance:
Edibles for mom and dad.
You know what I mean!
Haiku # 68281, October 9, 2020 5:39 pm ET
by Sugar Rush Rebellion of Only in the US
What's your favorite
crazy music video?
What What in the Butt?
Haiku # 68280, October 9, 2020 5:22 pm ET
by dw
I Fink you Freaky.
What an awesome video.
Everything you want.
Haiku # 68279, October 9, 2020 3:20 pm ET
by the way, you need a vacation.
What's he gotten done?
Golfing and pussy grabbing?
A moral vacuum!

Almost anyone could do a better job.
Pee Wee Herman has my vote.
Paris Hilton even. Or the Kardashians.
Jerry Springer? Maybe!
Marilyn Manson. Certainly!
Yolanda from Die Antwoord. Worth a try.
Not the orange ape.
Haiku # 68278, October 9, 2020 3:18 pm ET
by Caligula
What does a fly seek?
A stinky pile of shit rot.
Mission accomplished
Haiku # 68277, October 9, 2020 11:32 am ET
by Jesus is lard
Let's get serious.
Trump is a money buffoon.
But he gets things done.
Haiku # 68276, October 9, 2020 8:19 am ET
by And the Alternative Is ?
Here come the rabbits.
They're the winners in all this.
Elmer Fudd is dead.
Haiku # 68275, October 9, 2020 7:07 am ET
by Warner Bros., Inc.
Carrots are crying.
Put your ear down to the ground.
You can hear them sob.
Haiku # 68274, October 9, 2020 7:04 am ET
by Revererend Maynard
Cows also don't care.
Until it is way too late.
Then how they complain!
Haiku # 68273, October 9, 2020 7:00 am ET
by The Farmer in the Dell Computer
The pigs don't care.
All they want is to eat slop.
They've plenty of that!
Haiku # 68272, October 9, 2020 6:58 am ET
by Old McD & MSG of 38000 locations worldwide.
The chickens are sad.
Head tilted, they said, "Bakaaw!"
I can sympathize.
Haiku # 68271, October 9, 2020 6:51 am ET
by Farmer Brown of Free range eggs for sale.
It's well known that Trump often scammed the contractors who worked for him. Especially in NYC. Caused many hard working men to go out of business bc he wouldn't pay his bill. That's how he got rich. You want this POS as your leader??? Doesn't say much for you, Hitler boy.
The Nazis were thieves too. Swiss bank account billions. This world needs an asteroid!
Haiku # 68270, October 9, 2020 2:41 am ET
by The ghost about to dine. of HAMBURGER
It's well known that Trump often scammed the contractors who worked for him. Especially in NYC. Caused many hard working men to go out of business bc he wouldn't pay his bill. That's how he got rich. You want this POS as your leader??? Doesn't say much for you, Hitler boy.
The Nazis were thieves too. Swiss bank account billions. This world needs an asteroid!
Haiku # 68269, October 9, 2020 2:19 am ET
by The ghost about to dine.
I am craving flesh.
Roasted with BBQ sauce.
Or perhaps women.

Conquer and consume.
Devour, fornicate, repeat.
Eat, eat, eat, eat, eat.
Haiku # 68268, October 9, 2020 2:13 am ET
by Food, glorious food. of Didn't Beethoven write that?
Banana pancakes
dusted with powdered sugar
and lightly drizzled

with amaretto
liqueur and a line of coke
on the side of course.

Bourbon on the rocks.
A joint, shroom, and peyote.
Seven cheeseburgers.
Haiku # 68267, October 8, 2020 11:16 pm ET
by The ghost of Hunter S Thompson. Still hungry, Goddammit!
Get out the big guns!
Gonna take this country back!
Kill the parasites!
Haiku # 68266, October 8, 2020 10:25 pm ET
by God Fearing US Citizen! of And don't forget to support your local NRA chapter.
He didn't win the election. The majority didn't want him. The electoral dickwads put him in there. I farted. You are an alien. I mean, just look at yo mamma.
Haiku # 68265, October 8, 2020 10:20 pm ET
by Jerry Springer Show! With a dash of Maurey. No Dr. Phil. Fuck him anyway.

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Haiku # 68264, October 8, 2020 6:31 pm ET
by GabrielHep of Malta
Well actually, no.
We voted for him. He won.
And we aren't aliens
Haiku # 68263, October 8, 2020 6:06 pm ET
by Just Another Political Circus of Grave Importance
Trump plays the right-wing.
He's a greedy con-artist.
Just like the old ex.

The only thing that triggers me about him is that fucking hair and skin tone. He's like a million Avon products sold to 3rd world countries with mismatched skin tone and curtains that don't match the carpets. I be his asshole is as orange as a Cheeto. He's not human. Set up by aliens as the puppet leader. "Fills me with the urge to defecate!" comes to mind. He can suck my distended rectum like a Mexican show girl sucking off a donkey.
Haiku # 68262, October 8, 2020 5:34 pm ET
Seriously, Trump?
He is not even right wing.
But he triggers you.
Haiku # 68261, October 8, 2020 9:20 am ET
by He must have Super-Powers
It appears that he knows he is going to lose and therefore can now do anything that he wants to do; run around without a mask, behave like a child, grab pussy, and ridicule the mentally disabled.
There is no stopping him. The right wing pistol-slinging gun nuts will take over and set him up as the new emperor puppet king of the the Grand Empire or North America (made in China).
This will not be a peaceful November/December.
I, for one, will go shopping. Hoping to buy some sharp cheddar, without all that fake orange color. French wine and brie. Perhaps a hardy swiss.
Call me crazy, but I want to try making pizzza with some more exotic cheeses. Mozzarella is so dull. Know what I mean?
Haiku # 68260, October 8, 2020 8:44 am ET
by Lox on wheat bagels. of Because!
Frat brothers have died
ingesting wine anally.
It should have been Trump.

Would you care for a
Cheetos Franzia smoothie?
Cheese and wine Frappe!

Maybe not healthy
but it'll sure clean you out.
Cheesey sacrament.

Day glow enema.
Boofing a nuclear rod
for North Korea.
Haiku # 68259, October 8, 2020 8:31 am ET
taking the blue pills
will help you to keep it up
until we're all fucked
Haiku # 68258, October 8, 2020 8:03 am ET
by ash
america's ill douche
benito trumpolini
be afraid of it
Haiku # 68257, October 8, 2020 7:52 am ET
by ash
fake news is rampant
used to be trumped up charges
now it's charged up trumps
Haiku # 68256, October 8, 2020 7:38 am ET
by ash
Haiku # 68255, October 7, 2020 8:27 pm ET
by Brad
Jesus loves pizza.
Especially with thick crust.
"This is my body."

For he has risen!
Mediteranean style.
Parm, olives, garlic.

Perhaps artichokes.
Chicken w/ some extra parm.
Lots of hot pepper.

A glass of red wine.
This is my blood; opened my heart.
Drunken salvation.
Haiku # 68254, October 7, 2020 8:11 pm ET
by Don't forget to tip the waiter!
the first dorito
no longer pasty and pale
he's baked on steroids

and and and... it's so
a side effect of the drugs

say what again ?
Haiku # 68253, October 7, 2020 7:23 pm ET
by ash
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