BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
353 Days
and
68568 Haikus
later...
I went over there
Didn't find any candy
Smashed a YUGE pumpkin
Haiku #68367, by Green Witch of Village
October 17, 2020 2:05 pm ET

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That is an order.

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Haiku #68366, by But Not Darth
October 17, 2020 10:29 am ET

Happy Halloween
The problem with fucking stiffs
Their dinks break right off
Haiku #68365, by Undead of Aubuchon Hardware pitchfork section
October 17, 2020 9:57 am ET

my sphincter's backed up
against a zombie and I
hope he enjoys it
Haiku #68364, by Anonymous Poet
October 17, 2020 7:38 am ET

polyassholeticks
sucking blood from my sphincter
for the greater good
for once in my life
I'd like to vote for someone
instead of against
backs against the wall
firing squad all lined up
blindfolded ka-boom
democratic farce
electric electoral
college keg party
don't forget roofies
we don't want to be awake
when these freaks fuck us
Haiku #68363, by we're all defeated I want to wear a zombie Halloween costume -- return of the living dead
October 17, 2020 7:36 am ET

I get DOWN on CRACK!
Rent me some Russian hotties...
Light my pipe, Olga
Haiku #68362, by Son of Biden on Permanent Vacation
October 17, 2020 5:44 am ET

Independent soul
With complicated software
Can do some damage
Haiku #68361, by Aotocomplete
October 17, 2020 5:10 am ET

close, close to the edge
that political wedge
still the voters veg
Haiku #68360, by ash
October 17, 2020 4:58 am ET

You relived yourself
under an old willow tree?
So that's why it wept.
Haiku #68359, by dw of har de har har har
October 17, 2020 3:29 am ET

My new invention
Romantic Bidet for Two
Sing: "Love stinks, Yeah Yeah"
Haiku #68358, by Relieved of Under old willow
October 16, 2020 9:32 pm ET

You can be the bum.
Refuse to wipe; be stinky!
Loiter in Starbucks.
Haiku #68357, by The retirement plan of Darth Whorrendous.
October 16, 2020 8:44 pm ET

Ass wiping is old.
Spray away the sticky poo.
Bidet all the way!

Much more economical and environmentally friendly. I'm quite serious about that. TP is hell on the sewer systems and takes a lot to break down the fibers. Wipes are even worse. Give the planet a small break and switch to bidet. Just water.
And it's a much better cleaning. Even my old wrinkly distended rectum comes away squeaky clean and smelling fresh.
Haiku #68356, by Darth Whorrendous of Advertising slogan expert.
October 16, 2020 7:34 pm ET

My new invention
Robotic Arm for toilet
It wipes our asses!
Haiku #68355, by Contestant #2 of Shart Tank
October 16, 2020 4:20 pm ET

Horrors! Oh, the shame.
Haiku, Poetry itself,
Lies stricken and mute.
Haiku #68354, by You Have Killed Haiku, You Vile Piece of Garbage
October 16, 2020 12:43 pm ET

I'm an reverse centaur. Rentcaur?
A horses head stuck on a human waist. And no arms. Tiny little dink. Loves apples. Not good for much. Slow runner. Great for side show entertainment. Keyboarding w/ my toes.
Haiku #68353, by Belief in the Queef will end your grief. of Bengal Dairy Pie Factory
October 16, 2020 12:23 pm ET

You wouldn't by chance
happen to be a centaur?
I've got sugar cubes
Haiku #68352, by Haiku Poet of Haiku Central
October 16, 2020 10:59 am ET

Whale farts are large
enough to fit a horse in.
Horses don't like that.
Haiku #68351, by Darth Horse's End (Us).
October 16, 2020 5:04 am ET

Come on, just this once
Photocopy your wide arse
On company time
Haiku #68350, by Devil of Shoulder
October 16, 2020 12:36 am ET

A horse laughs inside
When he farts grass particles
In your sad old face
Haiku #68349, by Chortling Horse of Barn
October 16, 2020 12:25 am ET

Unconditional
That's what kind of love it is
Even floor shitters!
Haiku #68348, by Whole lotta love of Way way down inside
October 16, 2020 12:14 am ET

X
Haiku #68347, by the way, have u ever shat a bathroom floor b/c the toilet's overflowing & u couldn't hold it in. of course, neither have I !!!
October 15, 2020 10:52 pm ET

Scotch tape dispenser.
A stapler that doesn't work.
Lots of stolen pens.
Haiku #68346, by Nuclear-powered Fleshlight
October 15, 2020 10:49 pm ET

Periwinkle blue.
What else might be that color?
My winking wrinkly.

Willy Wonka Wank.
Fudge factory no thank you.
Salmon waterslide.
Haiku #68345, by Send the hit man!
October 15, 2020 8:14 pm ET

Put down the slide rule
and slide on over here Darth
Solve all my problems
Haiku #68344, by Gatita Estrella of Under old willow
October 15, 2020 2:48 am ET

Oscar and Felix
The Cephalopod Couple
That's juicy sushi
Haiku #68343, by Kitten of the Starz of Remote Location
October 15, 2020 2:40 am ET

Japanese saying:
Once you go cephalapod,
you'll always be odd.
Haiku #68342, by Cthulu Cuntinglinguistics of Sticker cups pull you inside out.
October 14, 2020 11:52 pm ET

Then I'll be Billy.
Get laid and slice up my wrists.
Blood every damn where.

I put my schlong vid
on YouTube for you to watch.
How you like those warts!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idNJaLp6n0U
Haiku #68341, by dw
October 14, 2020 9:37 pm ET

I'll be Nurse Ratched
Torn stockings and dirty knees
Your head problem solved
Haiku #68340, by Gatita Estrella of Pussy Willow
October 14, 2020 7:36 am ET

They both have a dink.
Will they fight or fuck, you ask.
The answer is yes.
Haiku #68339, by And maybe both.
October 14, 2020 6:59 am ET

One Flew Over the
Haiku's Nest. Lobotomies.
Awol fishing trips.
Haiku #68338, by Great fucking book. of As told by cheif.
October 14, 2020 6:57 am ET

Under old willow
I drain another bottle
Pee stains kimono
Haiku #68337, by Drunk of Under old willow
October 14, 2020 5:02 am ET

Will they fight or fuck?
I'm on the edge of my seat
Which one has the dink?
Haiku #68336, by Nacho Wife of Backstreet
October 14, 2020 2:29 am ET

Who'd win in a fight,
platypus or octopus?
They're both aquatic.

Live on Pay-Per-View!
Ink clouds vs. toxic spurs!
Once in lifetime!
Haiku #68335, by queef dink pus schlong pizza of nachos! nachos! nachos!
October 14, 2020 2:03 am ET

Cephalopod once,
cephalopod twice; I hope
you have a Kleenex.
Haiku #68334, by I also like platypusses. of Anything that ends with "puss"
October 14, 2020 1:55 am ET

Say cephalopod
Say it in that whiskey voice
Then say it again
Haiku #68333, by High Koo of High AF
October 13, 2020 11:06 pm ET

I do NOT hate Trump.
However, his supporters,
that's another thing.

Snort Cheetos powder.
Day-glo daydream holocaust.
Orange Tang enema.
Haiku #68332, by dw
October 13, 2020 10:38 pm ET

Gordon Ramsey's cat
made great soup for ET Alf.
What a stupid show.

Alf's a stupid show.
Gordon Ramsey cracks me up.
"This is fucking shit!"
Haiku #68331, by Entered anus entertained us.
October 13, 2020 8:19 pm ET

You old dinosaurs
Hating on Trump, not sure why,
Will become extinct.
Haiku #68330, by Reptilian Die-off of the Cretaceous Period
October 13, 2020 8:14 pm ET

Fried green tomato
Fannie Flagg's vertical smile
Known to wake the dead
Haiku #68329, by Kandy Korn of Haiku Central
October 13, 2020 7:20 pm ET

jumped up from the grave
Skeleton Dab! Alan Funt!
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt!
Haiku #68328, by Kandy Korn of Some place haunted by farts
October 13, 2020 7:16 pm ET

Say, bend over now
Make love to the camera
(Wiping lens again)
Haiku #68327, by Guy Smiley of Darkroom
October 13, 2020 4:34 pm ET

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Haiku #68326, by GabrielKew of Chile
October 13, 2020 2:53 pm ET

To compare Trump and
The Joker is just downright
inappropriate.

When all's said and done,
The Joker isn't that bad.
He's killed less people.
Haiku #68325, by Batman of The Batcave, of course
October 12, 2020 10:45 pm ET

I just realized,
The Joker doesn't wear masks.
Not usually.
Haiku #68324, by WYSIWYG
October 12, 2020 10:41 pm ET

Do you expect more
than wobbly cocks here at
BAD haiku dot com???

If you want a firm
hard errection then go to
Boyz Boyz Boyz Club/Pub.

Pattaya Thailand.
Anything you want is there,
you demented perv.
Haiku #68323, by Darth Whorrendous of Is that a Pangolin?! Hmm...
October 12, 2020 10:38 pm ET

perched on the dais
the ultimate cockwomble
glowing mandarin
Haiku #68322, by ash
October 12, 2020 9:34 pm ET

immune to covid
immune to criticism
immune to the law

spouting his bullshit
with contagious mania
the joker unmasked
Haiku #68321, by ash
October 12, 2020 9:31 pm ET

I don't use quill pens.
I use high pressure spray paint.
Paint your face with poo!

Fecal graffiti.
Surrealistic excrement.
Poop filled fireworks!

Rains down on your head.
It fills your mouth and nostrils.
And gets in your eyes.

All you see is shit.
All you hear and taste is shit.
You know where it's made.
Haiku #68320, by Iron Maiden China Doll of USA! USA! USA!...
October 12, 2020 6:24 pm ET

Say, if you show your
private parts to everyone
Are they private parts?
Haiku #68319, by Shaggy of Commune
October 12, 2020 5:10 pm ET

Quill pen dipped in poop
Now arrange the syllables
Signed, Darth Figpucker
Haiku #68318, by Darth Figpucker of Man about town
October 12, 2020 5:06 pm ET