Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years, 253 Days and 71025 Haikus later...

Jay's ejaculate
consists of matchbox cars and glue
You won't get pregnant
Haiku # 68392, October 19, 2020 7:01 am ET
by Bill Nye of Science Guy
Six old smelly ghosts
Live in the walls of your house
Just deal with it, man
Haiku # 68391, October 19, 2020 6:52 am ET
by Explainer of Unexplained
But have you ever
been driven to dink a car?
Exhaust pipe dripping.
Haiku # 68390, October 19, 2020 6:49 am ET
by Jay Leno, of course. That's no garage - that's my harem!
Nervous passenger
Never seen anyone drive
a car with their dink
Haiku # 68389, October 19, 2020 6:45 am ET
by Nervous passenger of Passenger seat
Covid's getting old.
Ebola -- that's what we need!
Sweeping through the states.

Good excuse to shoot.
Is he drunk or infected?
Shoot him anyway!

"What if he's just drunk?"
"Rookie, can't you see he's black?!
Shoot him regardless!"
Haiku # 68388, October 18, 2020 9:55 pm ET
by Bowel movements fecal matter.
Green zombie bootie
make my boner smell funky.
Jealous vampires.
Haiku # 68387, October 18, 2020 9:45 pm ET
by Do zombies have hollow weenies?
I dreamed of you all
And it became a nightmare.
I never woke up.
Haiku # 68386, October 18, 2020 8:39 pm ET
by Bloodfire of Vampire
When the zombies run
You'll have a hard time cumming
with that big boner
Haiku # 68385, October 18, 2020 6:04 pm ET
by Nostrildammedup of I mean, who didn't see this cumming?
When the zombies come
You'll have a hard time running
with that big boner
Haiku # 68384, October 18, 2020 1:16 am ET
by Nostradongus of Upcoming Events
Somebody's on meth.
And, for once, it isn't me.
Goodnight, vampire.

I cooked my dink once.
The next day it grew right back.
Call me Darth Gecko.
Haiku # 68383, October 18, 2020 12:25 am ET
by Psst, hey, wanna buy some car insurance?
One more before bed.
I climb into my coffin:
Sweet eternity!
Haiku # 68382, October 17, 2020 11:36 pm ET
by Vampire of Bloodfire
Anastasia. Wow.
Last name Dragomirova.
Watch that Greek girl jump!
Haiku # 68381, October 17, 2020 11:29 pm ET
by Pan-Hellenic Games of Blue Sports
Where is Wong Lo Fan?
I hope he is still fighting
For the right (not wrong)
Haiku # 68380, October 17, 2020 11:24 pm ET
by Kalifornia Uber Alles of DKs
I now surpass me.
I now transcend my own verse,
Ascending Godward.
Haiku # 68379, October 17, 2020 11:18 pm ET
by Sighting the Portals of Haiku Heaven
Listen to Salty.
Salty possesses pure truth.
Now let the salt flow.
Haiku # 68378, October 17, 2020 11:14 pm ET
by Sodium Chloride of Sublimity in Salinity
Haiku of haikus:
Your eyes bring this to your brain
Because I own you.
Haiku # 68377, October 17, 2020 11:12 pm ET
by Your Friendly Omnipotent Overlord of Telepathy
Listen to wahmen!
Wahmens has the ovaries.
Mens has no menses.
Haiku # 68376, October 17, 2020 11:08 pm ET
by Moon Has Control of Matriarchy
Ah ain't no ways tired.
Just happen to have hot sauce
Here in my hand-bag
Haiku # 68375, October 17, 2020 11:05 pm ET
by Hillbillary of Hellarious
More gentle verse please.
More mindful centered haiku
About demon food.
Haiku # 68374, October 17, 2020 11:03 pm ET
by Curse Your Name of My Name
Bro! Vindicated.
These psychotics cook their own,
then serve with white wine.
Haiku # 68373, October 17, 2020 10:58 pm ET
by Franky of Human Bratwurst
It's a one time thing
When you deep fry your own dink
Personal Corn Dog
Haiku # 68372, October 17, 2020 10:11 pm ET
by Pesto of Bird Nesto
And the Japanese
"chef" who fried up his own junk
to serve at dinner.

I swear it is true!
Look it up if you think not.
*Godzilla vomits.*
Haiku # 68371, October 17, 2020 9:40 pm ET
by Tetsuo! of Akira test site.
Do you remember
those weird German cannibals
who fried that guy's thing?
Haiku # 68370, October 17, 2020 8:24 pm ET
by It Really Happened
You want to skin me?
I think I can live with that.
What wine should I serve?
Haiku # 68369, October 17, 2020 7:18 pm ET
by Perhaps chardonnay.
I will flay you fools
and then drape your bloody skins
on my city walls.
Haiku # 68368, October 17, 2020 2:33 pm ET
by Ashurbanipal, King of Assyria
I went over there
Didn't find any candy
Smashed a YUGE pumpkin
Haiku # 68367, October 17, 2020 2:05 pm ET
by Green Witch of Village
Hey brilliant poets:
Go visit my blog RIGHT NOW.
That is an order.
Haiku # 68366, October 17, 2020 10:29 am ET
by But Not Darth
Happy Halloween
The problem with fucking stiffs
Their dinks break right off
Haiku # 68365, October 17, 2020 9:57 am ET
by Undead of Aubuchon Hardware pitchfork section
my sphincter's backed up
against a zombie and I
hope he enjoys it
Haiku # 68364, October 17, 2020 7:38 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
sucking blood from my sphincter
for the greater good
for once in my life
I'd like to vote for someone
instead of against
backs against the wall
firing squad all lined up
blindfolded ka-boom
democratic farce
electric electoral
college keg party
don't forget roofies
we don't want to be awake
when these freaks fuck us
Haiku # 68363, October 17, 2020 7:36 am ET
by we're all defeated I want to wear a zombie Halloween costume -- return of the living dead
I get DOWN on CRACK!
Rent me some Russian hotties...
Light my pipe, Olga
Haiku # 68362, October 17, 2020 5:44 am ET
by Son of Biden on Permanent Vacation
Independent soul
With complicated software
Can do some damage
Haiku # 68361, October 17, 2020 5:10 am ET
by Aotocomplete
close, close to the edge
that political wedge
still the voters veg
Haiku # 68360, October 17, 2020 4:58 am ET
by ash
You relived yourself
under an old willow tree?
So that's why it wept.
Haiku # 68359, October 17, 2020 3:29 am ET
by dw of har de har har har
My new invention
Romantic Bidet for Two
Sing: "Love stinks, Yeah Yeah"
Haiku # 68358, October 16, 2020 9:32 pm ET
by Relieved of Under old willow
You can be the bum.
Refuse to wipe; be stinky!
Loiter in Starbucks.
Haiku # 68357, October 16, 2020 8:44 pm ET
by The retirement plan of Darth Whorrendous.
Ass wiping is old.
Spray away the sticky poo.
Bidet all the way!

Much more economical and environmentally friendly. I'm quite serious about that. TP is hell on the sewer systems and takes a lot to break down the fibers. Wipes are even worse. Give the planet a small break and switch to bidet. Just water.
And it's a much better cleaning. Even my old wrinkly distended rectum comes away squeaky clean and smelling fresh.
Haiku # 68356, October 16, 2020 7:34 pm ET
by Darth Whorrendous of Advertising slogan expert.
My new invention
Robotic Arm for toilet
It wipes our asses!
Haiku # 68355, October 16, 2020 4:20 pm ET
by Contestant #2 of Shart Tank
Horrors! Oh, the shame.
Haiku, Poetry itself,
Lies stricken and mute.
Haiku # 68354, October 16, 2020 12:43 pm ET
by You Have Killed Haiku, You Vile Piece of Garbage
I'm an reverse centaur. Rentcaur?
A horses head stuck on a human waist. And no arms. Tiny little dink. Loves apples. Not good for much. Slow runner. Great for side show entertainment. Keyboarding w/ my toes.
Haiku # 68353, October 16, 2020 12:23 pm ET
by Belief in the Queef will end your grief. of Bengal Dairy Pie Factory
You wouldn't by chance
happen to be a centaur?
I've got sugar cubes
Haiku # 68352, October 16, 2020 10:59 am ET
by Haiku Poet of Haiku Central
Whale farts are large
enough to fit a horse in.
Horses don't like that.
Haiku # 68351, October 16, 2020 5:04 am ET
by Darth Horse's End (Us).
Come on, just this once
Photocopy your wide arse
On company time
Haiku # 68350, October 16, 2020 12:36 am ET
by Devil of Shoulder
A horse laughs inside
When he farts grass particles
In your sad old face
Haiku # 68349, October 16, 2020 12:25 am ET
by Chortling Horse of Barn
That's what kind of love it is
Even floor shitters!
Haiku # 68348, October 16, 2020 12:14 am ET
by Whole lotta love of Way way down inside
Haiku # 68347, October 15, 2020 10:52 pm ET
by the way, have u ever shat a bathroom floor b/c the toilet's overflowing & u couldn't hold it in. of course, neither have I !!!
Scotch tape dispenser.
A stapler that doesn't work.
Lots of stolen pens.
Haiku # 68346, October 15, 2020 10:49 pm ET
by Nuclear-powered Fleshlight
Periwinkle blue.
What else might be that color?
My winking wrinkly.

Willy Wonka Wank.
Fudge factory no thank you.
Salmon waterslide.
Haiku # 68345, October 15, 2020 8:14 pm ET
by Send the hit man!
Put down the slide rule
and slide on over here Darth
Solve all my problems
Haiku # 68344, October 15, 2020 2:48 am ET
by Gatita Estrella of Under old willow
Oscar and Felix
The Cephalopod Couple
That's juicy sushi
Haiku # 68343, October 15, 2020 2:40 am ET
by Kitten of the Starz of Remote Location
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