BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
16 Days
and
68939 Haikus
later...
The land of the free.
Pot, fire arms, and nerve gas.
They're all at Walmart.

I can't even find one fucking hit of acid. Should have moved to Amersterdam or maybe San Francisco. Or moved to South America to take yopo up the old Jewish schnoz. Craving new universes to explore and recite bad poetry to.
Haiku #68237, by Darth Whorendous of Vogon fleet poetry reading
October 5, 2020 8:16 pm ET

After the covid,
Trump's porno tape will be leaked.
You can watch him leak.

Five Russian hookers
Three tattooed Thai lady-boys
Twelve jars of mayo.
Haiku #68236, by I think it was Helman's. of Hold the pickle relish, thanks.
October 5, 2020 7:55 pm ET

The Abyss of Filth:
Nurgalshalogurblastkuth
from Whence It Ascends
Haiku #68235, by Home Sweet Home of Darth
October 5, 2020 7:13 pm ET

gatorade replaced
beer and wine, my old age I
will drink mountain dew
Haiku #68234, by vhs
October 5, 2020 2:47 pm ET

Trump will recover,
inspire the nation, and then
win in November.
Haiku #68233, by Just to shut up the Nasty-ass Left
October 5, 2020 12:33 pm ET

Mom asked me if I
sent Grandma a birthday card.
She's been dead for years.

I told her of course.
A card and flowers as well.
And a large dildo.

Still no heart attack.
You can't say I didn't try.
Maybe I'll dose her.

Fifteen hundred "mics".
Possible it might cure her.
Fucking dementia.
Haiku #68232, by What doesn't kill you, makes you smell stronger.
October 5, 2020 8:51 am ET

I cannot decide
what topic to write about.
When's the train coming?
Haiku #68231, by Old-Timer's Disease of When it hits, it hits hard.
October 5, 2020 8:43 am ET

the brand of the knave
is what i should have written
there's no accounting
Haiku #68230, by ash
October 5, 2020 8:10 am ET

the president's taint
makes the whole nation smell foul
brand of the knave
Haiku #68229, by ash
October 5, 2020 8:08 am ET

You get more power
from inhaling his flatus.
Russian whores know this.
Haiku #68228, by Vladamir Puttin' on the strap-on. of Comin' for you, Capitalist Pig-Dog!
October 5, 2020 7:01 am ET

roll out the limo
inhale the president's germs
and feel his power
Haiku #68227, by ash
October 5, 2020 4:39 am ET

While online shopping,
I put a funt in my cart.
But what is a funt?
Haiku #68226, by dw of https://www.amazon.com/What-You-Say-Naked-Lady/dp/B01A6KFGU2/ref=sr_1_1?dchild=1&keywords=funt&qid=1601867770&sr=8-1
October 4, 2020 11:17 pm ET

I bet someone puts edibles in Halloween treats this year so there will be a legalization backlash and the police will crack down on marijuana dispensaries.

Whatchu wanna bet?

Maybe even heavy doses of LSD. The right wing will use this as an excuse to take over. In fact they are probably the ones who will do it.

Trump will form a new Empire of the United States!

Then aliens will land and kill us all.
Haiku #68225, by ashvvhsa of Entertainus entered anus.
October 4, 2020 8:18 pm ET

Speaking of poopies.
Imagine huge Tootsie Rolls
with candy corn bits.

The two worst candies.
Straight to Molotov cocktails.
Screw the rotten eggs.

If we must riot
lets have a good reason to.
Stingy old people.
Haiku #68224, by Better invest in Reese's and Snickers this year.
October 4, 2020 7:10 am ET

Dorris Day made poop.
I'd eat a mile of it
to get to the source.
Haiku #68223, by No, not really. Not into poopies. of Can you believe it?!
October 4, 2020 7:02 am ET

Sitting in IHOP.
Make rude jokes about sausage.
Sausage lies honey.

The police show up.
Shouldn't do that around kids.
They look at least twelve!
Haiku #68222, by Jail food really is pretty bad.
October 4, 2020 6:37 am ET

the president says
masks are a personal choice
unless hypoxic
Haiku #68221, by ash
October 4, 2020 3:59 am ET

Bob Barker made poops
That's easy to imagine
Smeared on his smug face
Haiku #68220, by Drew Carey of My balls is hairy
October 3, 2020 10:59 pm ET

Doris Day made poops
Kind of tough to imagine
But you can get there
Haiku #68219, by And it is so worth it
October 3, 2020 10:38 pm ET

Will there be world war?
It could very well happen.
We have run our course.

Just like a virus.
Earth will never be the same.
The T-cells reboot.

And I need to poo.
Doesn't matter that you know.
Because nothing does.

I just know this much.
We are God's entertainment.
Our sit-com's cancelled.
Haiku #68218, by And it's about time. of Wipe wipe flush.
October 3, 2020 7:07 pm ET

Corona's a beer.
Fun, presents, then even tents.
BWAAACK goes the belchers.
Haiku #68217, by Ass
October 3, 2020 4:00 pm ET

covid is a hoax
unpresidented events
back to the bleachers
Haiku #68216, by ash
October 3, 2020 8:26 am ET

Social media
is neither one of those things.
Because I said so.
Haiku #68215, by Don't argue with a Sith Lord! Heed the wise words of Darth Whorendous and his collection of exotic and sentient STDs.
October 2, 2020 10:12 pm ET

Quadralateral
quadratic quadruped queens
queerly queef quicksand.
Haiku #68214, by And it's good to get all that sand out of that delicate area or it could get infected.
October 2, 2020 10:08 pm ET

well i just called some
agent i didn't know a bad
name, twitters dead
Haiku #68213, by vhs
October 2, 2020 3:58 pm ET

Jollibee's pure shit.
If you don't understand that,
you haven't been there.
Haiku #68212, by dw
October 2, 2020 8:03 am ET

Yes, I'm a rude dude.
But I likes me some good food.
Without it I brood.
Haiku #68211, by dw
October 2, 2020 8:02 am ET

It's raining Cheetos.
It should be raining French wine.
Or perhaps live frogs.

But we get Cheetos.
Don't read the ingredients.
They are not wholesome.

If you eat Cheetos
before using the restroom
your junk will turn orange.
Haiku #68210, by
October 2, 2020 7:58 am ET

my smiley face turned into a â
Haiku #68209, by Sad Face of Clown Poet
October 2, 2020 7:55 am ET

Bananas Foster?
On this one I side with Darth...
on hella dessert â
Haiku #68208, by He can't be pure evil if he likes Bananas Foster
October 2, 2020 7:54 am ET

Trump has Covid now...
Lets see what God does for him
to shut you all up.
Haiku #68207, by Take it either way u want
October 2, 2020 7:51 am ET

covid is voting
and it's chosen the donald
a storm is brewing
Haiku #68206, by ash
October 2, 2020 5:29 am ET

Just skip the meal.
Bring the Bananas Foster.
Hold the bananas.

And hold the ice cream.
And serve it in a shot glass.
Yes, that would be rum.
Haiku #68205, by No, don't light it on fire. of Such a waste of alcohol.
October 2, 2020 1:44 am ET

Lobster Thermador.
Asparagus with Stilton.
And Beaujolais wine.
Haiku #68204, by Chocolate mousse or tiramisu? of Or Bananas Foster?
October 2, 2020 1:32 am ET

Biscuits and gravy.
Scramble eggs with chives and ham.
And a hot mocha.
Haiku #68203, by imaqunt
October 1, 2020 8:48 pm ET

Qunt.
Haiku #68202, by Anonymous Poet
October 1, 2020 2:14 pm ET

Quantum quetzal quills
Quixotic qabalas quizzed.
Quadruplicating?
Haiku #68201, by Qonspiracies Quashed of Q
October 1, 2020 9:59 am ET

Q infiltration:
present at all levels now.
the Storm (in haiku)
Haiku #68200, by Quintessential Quackery of Q (Science-Based)
October 1, 2020 9:47 am ET

I also miss me.
I wish that I would come back.
But I can't love me.
Haiku #68199, by
October 1, 2020 3:51 am ET

I miss you.
Haiku #68198, by I miss you. of I miss you.
October 1, 2020 12:25 am ET

*go
Haiku #68197, by Anonymous Poet
September 30, 2020 10:10 pm ET

Here I got again.
Pathetic situation.
Talking to myself.
Haiku #68196, by dw of but at least I'm not you.
September 30, 2020 10:09 pm ET

I never tell lies.
Seriously, I mean it!
Would I lie to you?
Haiku #68195, by dw
September 30, 2020 8:10 pm ET

Cocaine, hand grenades,
and teenage Thai prostitutes.
*Sigh* The good old days.
Haiku #68194, by dw of No exagerations.
September 30, 2020 7:52 pm ET

Watching mantis shimp
destroy invasive crayfish
on YouTube; my life.
Haiku #68193, by dw of bored in da house
September 30, 2020 7:45 pm ET

I am so lonely.
Please tell me how wrong I am.
That I need to change.

My inner demon
keeps reminding me of that
but I ignore him.

It's never too late
to heed that rascal's wise words
sharing a crack pipe.

You can't smoke crack here.
Our President will kill you.
You can't debate that!
Haiku #68192, by
September 30, 2020 5:50 pm ET

Don't forget the Pandemic Special of South Park airs tonight. I can hardly wait!
Haiku #68191, by dw
September 30, 2020 6:33 am ET

The presidential debates would be better handled as a booger picking contest based on size, color, texture, and how many nostril hairs are in there.
Best three out of five wins. Loser buys the other one a beer.
Haiku #68190, by the way, I'd really like it if one of you buys me a case of beer. Extra dark. German prefered.
September 30, 2020 6:32 am ET

Come on out, you vigalante poets!
"You complete me," The Joker says to Batman.
"What would I do without you?!"
Haiku #68189, by Snuffleupagus goes to an Asian "massage" parlor. of They cook and eat him. Typical.
September 29, 2020 10:23 pm ET

We get the debate
That we deserve: two old clowns
Out-shout each other.
Haiku #68188, by Babylon is Falling but Slowly
September 29, 2020 10:16 pm ET