I would rob a bank.
Wearing speedos and grease paint.
With a squirt pistol.

LSD squirt gun.
Demand all the lollipops.
Why would I need cash?

And I'd have a tray.
Filled with Triscuits and blue cheese.
All tellers must strip.

Cowboy coffeepot:
Indian subcontinent.
Legal stimulants!

Chile con palta
Palta con aguacate
Con abogado

Avocado toast
Mushy green ejaculate
Of hipster poets

Surveillance System
Like lemongrass bordering
An infant's cradle

What this world needs is
vending machines with blue cheese
and expensive wine.

Free vasectomy
Insert your penis in slot
You'll be shooting blanks

Found a pubic hair
I'm a cold lonely cavern
Where they age blue cheese

I enjoy blue cheese.
I also enjoy eggnog.
They clash horribly.

You could say very
much like your wife and mistress.
Cat fight in the fridge.

The nectar of life?
That would have to be haiku!
... While eating blue cheese.

Who said it's boring?
Haiku is like life itself,
But more exciting.

Favorite zombie?
That would have to be Jesus
If he does come back

Watch it all burn down.
Don't forget the marshmallows.
Melted blue cheese wraps.

Habanero sauce
on top of blue cheese nachos.
Blue corn chips, of course.

Amerexican.
Red white and blue nacho chips.
It's nacho country.

Hey there Hollywood!
Its good you took our money!
Now kiss Chicom Azz.!

The problem by now
is much less Communism
than brain-dead zombies.

Wine and cheese pairings
Blue cheese dingleberry clump
With Menstrual Merlot
and

Politics are strange.
Do communists eat blue cheese?
Or just processed slime?

Remember those jokes?
Lil Johnny Fuckerfaster
Well, they're still funny

Labron James spokesman!
For the Communist killers
Cloaking their actions-

Misinformed idiots
Grovel at the Chicoms feet
Spout their party line!

They will learn later
Chinese Communists- racist
To the ninth power

To late we own you.
Just like brain dead Hollywood
Your @$$ is ours.

Sandy Duncan's corpse
Defiled in a field of wheat
Incoming hard on!

That cocktail party
I saw you unzip your pants
And fuck the warm brie

My God, your cunt's tight.
Oh, sorry, that's your nostril.
Well, I'm not stopping.

Now I need a snack.
Someone pass the blue cheese please.
Triscuits or Wheat Thins?

Ommmm Gorgonzola,
Danish, Roquefort, Cabrales,
and Stilton cheese ommmmm.....

Chop off your penis.
Tie it onto a long string.
Swing it at people.

Grilled blue cheese sandwich.
Blue cheese with an apple slice.
Chocolate blue cheese.

God I love blue cheese.
I'd suck off President Trump
for a quarter pound.

Blue cheese on burgers.
Blue cheese with my spicy wing.
Blue cheese on ice cream.

I can orgasm
just thinking about blue cheese.
Taste my tangy spunk!

I know that I have
a baby carrot penis
and Ranch dressing spooge.

Bite them, Bad Haiku!
Yes, bite and tear with your claws!
Good Haiku. Sit, boy.

Why does God hate me?
Got a baby carrot dick
The sheep laugh at it

God's love for you shows
in how large your penis is.
So he hates poets!

God bless 'Murica!
Dem damn Chinee derkerjer!
(South Park - took our jobs.)

Nationalism.
Nationalism and more
nationalism.

Tinkling midnight stream
Radioactive urine
Fukashima glow

Late at night I rise
and stagger to the bathroom:
pissing bright moonlight.

I am the Devil.
And I'm here to do His work.
--Otis Firefly

Must have been nitrous
That opened your brain portal
To Lucifer's light.

I did much nitrous
When the Dead rolled through Denver
Back in the 90s


Five bucks a balloon
Wonder if I could have died
Oh well, too late now.

From what I recall
Those were super awesome time's
Tough to remember

Love the hippie chicks
But not so much the crab lice
Gotta be careful

Nitrous Oxide bliss:
If I could just remember
What I thought I knew.

Oh, when I saw the dead I was traveling w/a friend selling N2O balloons. Good times. More laughs than The Joker.

Saw the Dead quite a few times from 93 to 95. Wish I'd have caught the last show, but I was doing other hippie stuff. Honestly, the music is dull and uninspiring to me. But the drugs... oh, the drugs. And stinky hairy hippie chicks. The hippie food is pretty good too, but that's just me. Beans and rice and veggies and whole grains and yogurt and crap like that. Oh, I just saw something funny... A T-shirt w/ Kim Kardashian's face on the Human-Centipad. Look for it on Wish.com. Search "Kardashian Centipede". I really need to get one. My testicles are singing again. Hendrix tunes this time. Hard to concentrate on my work when they do that. What's the difference b/w a dead math teacher laying in the road and a dead art teacher laying in the road? There are skid marks in front of the art teacher.

Just a box of rain
You are the eyes of the world
And more trippy thoughts.

I don't tickle pigs.
I brutally rape the swine.
That's what pigs deserve.

So just remember,
if you eat a ham sandwich,
that might be my kid.

Vulgar poetry
will flood your brain, thoughts, and soul.
There's no cure for it.

Found a box of rain.
Had a bunch of mosquitoes.
I dumped it all out.

Jerry Garcia
Played guitar, did lots of drugs
met an early death

Such a sad story
There is a lesson there kids....
Do not play guitar

Hey Darth Pigtickler!
We've got you surrounded - come
Out with your hands up!

Jesus vagina.
It bled 5 days for your sins.
Fish yeast bread wine belch.

Dead-zone poetry.
Sad words from sad lost people.
There's nothing better.

Queue the song "Jumper"
Third Eye Blind - unironic
Still kind of funny

Splendid caretaker
But you took great care of me
Until you didn't