Why the fuck i here
I speak no conjugation
Don't think I china

Most unsettling
Water trickling down bum crack
While you pull up pants

Most unsettling
Water trickling down bum crack
While you pull up pants

Dear Darth Figpucker
When I come to visit you
You can wipe my bum

Great thing about Darth:
at least he doesn't waste time
by not talking shit.

Sci-fi Fleshlight toys.
Dilithium or khyber
power batteries?

No suction exists
That could suck all Bill Shatner's
spooge into a jar.

Just a dish sprayer.
Spray it vertically down
the crack of your ass.

Tootsie residue
sprays right off into the john.
And no need to wipe.

Quite sanitary.
Environmentally safe.
And it feels so good!

I looked on YouTube
Hose looks unsanitary
Just like my asshole

That would never work
My arthritis is so bad
And so is my aim

No need to disrobe.
Just like normal Tootsieing.
Pants around ankles.

Spray down your backside
when done making Tootsie Rolls.
Or wrap and sell them.

No, no. The sprayer
attaches at the back of
the toilet faucet.

After creating
a Tootsie Roll you just spray
the filth off your ass.

It all goes into
the toilet and saves TP.
Environmental!

And your ass feels fresh!
TP doesn't clean that well.
Bye-bye Tootsie Rolls!

When you roll the tootsie
Do you take off all your clothes?
Then you spray your ass?

I don't use TP.
I did not squeeze the Charmin.
I use a sprayer.

Asians use water.
And their bathrooms are filthy.
Tootsie Roll central.

Roaches are well fed.
Tootsie Roll bits on the floor.
Flies enjoy it too.

Sprayers have higher
accuracy; my bathroom's
free of Tootsie Rolls.

Tootsie Roll urge
A toilet paper roll purge
BUTTerfingers, now

Okay, that's all fine.
Apparently you skipped the
important question:

What's your favorite
All Hallow's Eve candy bar?
Let's put it to vote.

Unlike Trump's game show,
there won't be any losers.
Except Tootsie Rolls.

Investigators
Tirelessly searching for clues
Who squeezed the Charmin?

Ice Bucket Challenge
At least 2 years have passed now
Penis still shriveled

What good are wizards?
Most are old perverts at best
No argument here

Please send in the clowns
8 man midget pyramid
Jar of vaseline

I bless your low noise.
May you sneeze all your brains out
in vile haiku form.

Unsolved mystery
Who left you there all alone
In the toilet bowl?

Catsuit on steroids
On the back of the couch now
Atomic Cruise pounce

Dangerously close
I'm at the end of my rope
Hanging by a thread

Low nose!!!!

No one says Bless You
When you sneeze out your low noise
I need a hankie

Quick easy and fun
Pulling down your pants right now
Laughing at your dink

Formless Tootsie Roll
Painless pre dawn water birth
Commode filled to brim

A beautiful mind
You Human Caculator!
Math makes me horny

If you dink is being pulled at the rate 42 strokes per minute and you have 5 mL of jizz in your testicular reservoir and the price of platypus meat is $185 per kilo, how long will you last at the happy ending massage parlor and what was the girls name and how big were her titties and what's the price of export quality chocolate from the mountains of Viet Nam and how much extra do you have to pay to have her lick said chocolate off your shaft while you shoot a load in her eye?
Use an input-output matrix equation.
Show your work or no credit.
Assume that Donald Trump has not got a blow job this week.

Craving greasy meat
Bone-in long pig with shank attached
Still twitching with life

Don't get AIDS and die;
and do not fuck Bangkok whores.
Just love God and live.

Here's a good nightmare:
A dog that shits Tootsie Rolls.
Is that gross or what?!

Goddamn kids' nightmares.
They've never seen real monsters!
Fuck... the cats are back.

I should run away.
Move to Thailand and fuck whores.
Get AIDS and then die.

I'm sick of this world.
It sure seems sick of me too.
What a farce life is.

Peel back the layers
of bullshit like an onion;
It keeps getting worse.

I've put a halt to
an hour of feline clamor.
Street cat politics.

Goddamn cats fighting
or fucking right outside my
damn office window!

Double-filled Reses'.
If you want pure decadence.
Filippina whores.

I do not know why.
Now how did that get in there?
Yeah, that's what she said.

Lizard wants tacos.
This ain't fucking Mexico?
No bell on this house.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a44rInONJRY

Halloween candy.
Which one was your favorite?
Full size Reses' cups.

Pile of shit's okay.
Just don't call me Tootsie Roll.
Fucking hate those things!

Darth are you OK ?
You know we care about you,
You sweet pile of shit.

Don't be retarded.
Progress at a normal pace.
Or be a genius.

Enormous maggots
slither through last night's vomit,
drunk from the Mad Dog.

Slow, greedy, and dumb.
Fetal alcohol horse flies.
Future tech support.

Proboscal feces
attracts flies for my long tongue.
Zap! And that's my lunch.

Don't tell me you don't
get hard for Galapagos
giant tortoises!

Darth, are you ok?
Keep your nose out of anus
Foul midget roast beef!

Father's pants undone
My step sister hurries out
Wiping orange semen

He ate so much fish
that his ass smells like a cunt.
And tastes just the same.

That's not your haiku.
Your sweaty ass in strobe lights
at the gay disco.

My haiku glistens
Pure syllabic perfection
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt

You are most boring
Your haiku is most boring
Your haiku bores me

With a good tampon,
invisible periods,
angry vampires.