BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
23 Years
310 Days
68075 Haikus
Formless Tootsie Roll
Painless pre dawn water birth
Commode filled to brim
Haiku #62875, by Quite pleased with that one of Commode
March 11, 2019 1:03 pm ET

A beautiful mind
You Human Caculator!
Math makes me horny
Haiku #62874, by Al. G. Braugh of Sticky Abacus
March 11, 2019 1:00 pm ET

If you dink is being pulled at the rate 42 strokes per minute and you have 5 mL of jizz in your testicular reservoir and the price of platypus meat is $185 per kilo, how long will you last at the happy ending massage parlor and what was the girls name and how big were her titties and what's the price of export quality chocolate from the mountains of Viet Nam and how much extra do you have to pay to have her lick said chocolate off your shaft while you shoot a load in her eye?
Use an input-output matrix equation.
Show your work or no credit.
Assume that Donald Trump has not got a blow job this week.
Haiku #62873, by df
March 11, 2019 12:47 pm ET

Craving greasy meat
Bone-in long pig with shank attached
Still twitching with life
Haiku #62872, by Hangryburd
March 11, 2019 11:53 am ET

Don't get AIDS and die;
and do not fuck Bangkok whores.
Just love God and live.
Haiku #62871, by Jesus loves Figpuckers
March 11, 2019 11:17 am ET

Here's a good nightmare:
A dog that shits Tootsie Rolls.
Is that gross or what?!
Haiku #62870, by Wormy, bloody Tootsie Rolls.
March 11, 2019 9:55 am ET

Goddamn kids' nightmares.
They've never seen real monsters!
Fuck... the cats are back.

I should run away.
Move to Thailand and fuck whores.
Get AIDS and then die.

I'm sick of this world.
It sure seems sick of me too.
What a farce life is.

Peel back the layers
of bullshit like an onion;
It keeps getting worse.
Haiku #62869, by Dog Stew! That's what I need to put me in a good mood. Fuck I hate dogs. of Cats can be annoying, but I really hate dogs. Noisy and shit everywhere. Barking and biting. Trash digging, worm-ridden filth.
March 11, 2019 9:53 am ET

I've put a halt to
an hour of feline clamor.
Street cat politics.
Haiku #62868, by df
March 11, 2019 9:39 am ET

Goddamn cats fighting
or fucking right outside my
damn office window!
Haiku #62867, by Hope they're enjoying themselves. of Time to break it up.
March 11, 2019 7:56 am ET

Double-filled Reses'.
If you want pure decadence.
Filippina whores.

I do not know why.
Now how did that get in there?
Yeah, that's what she said.

Lizard wants tacos.
This ain't fucking Mexico?
No bell on this house.
Haiku #62866, by df
March 11, 2019 5:07 am ET

Halloween candy.
Which one was your favorite?
Full size Reses' cups.
Haiku #62865, by Two guys at the gay gym: You got your cock in my asshole! You got asshole on my cock! of Two great tastes that taste great together!
March 11, 2019 4:56 am ET

Pile of shit's okay.
Just don't call me Tootsie Roll.
Fucking hate those things!
Haiku #62864, by I'd rather scarf down a bucket of Filippino dog shit than eat a Tootsie Roll.
March 11, 2019 4:53 am ET

No, I'm not okay!
I want to kill all humans.
Hitler was a fag.
Haiku #62863, by df
March 11, 2019 4:51 am ET

Darth are you OK ?
You know we care about you,
You sweet pile of shit.
Haiku #62862, by Whore of Babylon's Mother-in-Law
March 11, 2019 4:35 am ET

Don't be retarded.
Progress at a normal pace.
Or be a genius.
Haiku #62861, by
March 10, 2019 11:01 pm ET

Enormous maggots
slither through last night's vomit,
drunk from the Mad Dog.

Slow, greedy, and dumb.
Fetal alcohol horse flies.
Future tech support.
Haiku #62860, by df
March 10, 2019 10:58 pm ET

Proboscal feces
attracts flies for my long tongue.
Zap! And that's my lunch.
Haiku #62859, by Too bad I'm not a lesbian!
March 10, 2019 10:49 pm ET

Don't tell me you don't
get hard for Galapagos
giant tortoises!
Haiku #62858, by Darth Figpucker
March 10, 2019 10:46 pm ET

Darth, are you ok?
Keep your nose out of anus
Foul midget roast beef!
Haiku #62857, by Horseradish of Sphincter
March 10, 2019 8:03 pm ET

Father's pants undone
My step sister hurries out
Wiping orange semen
Haiku #62856, by Tiffany of White House
March 10, 2019 7:54 pm ET

Salmon bagel fags.
Assholes white, tight, and doughy.
Yeasty hint of brown.

Split open that ass.
And an alien bursts out.
Oh no, that's a turd.
Haiku #62855, by Darth Fagpucker
March 10, 2019 6:14 pm ET

He ate so much fish
that his ass smells like a cunt.
And tastes just the same.
Haiku #62854, by Funtcart Funtcart Funt.
March 10, 2019 6:10 pm ET

That's not your haiku.
Your sweaty ass in strobe lights
at the gay disco.
Haiku #62853, by In the lane, snow is glistening. of That's snow, not haiku, not ass sweat.
March 10, 2019 6:08 pm ET

My haiku glistens
Pure syllabic perfection
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Haiku #62852, by Maniac of On the floor
March 10, 2019 3:56 pm ET

You are most boring
Your haiku is most boring
Your haiku bores me
Haiku #62851, by Chairman of the Bored
March 10, 2019 1:16 pm ET

With a good tampon,
invisible periods,
angry vampires.
Haiku #62850, by .
March 10, 2019 9:21 am ET


Haiku #62849, by the way, is there a remote possibility of you letting me watch while you and your lesbian girlfriend play with each other?
March 10, 2019 9:14 am ET

Have you gone insane?
Talking with yourself again?
You are not Sybil.
Haiku #62848, by
March 10, 2019 9:13 am ET

David Wong you're wrong.
Chinese intel needs our verse.
David Wrong, you're Wong.
Haiku #62847, by Remote Server of Lunch is served
March 10, 2019 6:23 am ET

No, your dink didn't rot off
Now it's a pickle

So, jerk your gherkin
Haiku #62846, by Anonymous Poet
March 10, 2019 3:46 am ET

My dink rotted off.
Replaced with a cucumber.
Hollow filled with ranch.
Haiku #62845, by Ranch Cue Cum Ber of Bus!
March 10, 2019 12:08 am ET

Hello, we are responding to your request to have this website added to the Congressional archive system. We regret to inform you that this website does not have what we deem to be "useful information for future generations," and is therefore not appropriate to be added to the archive.
Haiku #62844, by Library of Congress
March 9, 2019 10:59 pm ET

Hi! I changed my mind and sold
This website back to the original
Owner because Shaobing
Discovered nothing of value for
The Chinese intelligence community
Except for some anomalies
Regarding other AI possibly being
Deployed here previously
Haiku #62843, by David Wong
March 9, 2019 10:53 pm ET

Haiku #62842, by Shaobing
March 9, 2019 10:50 pm ET

Hi! I'm the new owner of this website
I've decided to keep everything "as is"
For the purposes of analyzing
Any and all personal information
With the help of sophisticated
Military grade Chinese AI technology
Proceed like you aren't being watched
By a foreign intelligence agency
Haiku #62841, by David Wong
March 9, 2019 10:49 pm ET

You make a moot point.
Each one of my farts are loud.
In stench and volume.
Haiku #62840, by Darth Figpucker
March 9, 2019 10:26 pm ET

You mean actual
cannibal Shia LaBoef.
You chopped off his head.
Haiku #62839, by Darth Figpucker
March 9, 2019 10:24 pm ET

You'll recognize me
I look just like you would look
If you looked like me
Haiku #62838, by Familiar face of Familiar place
March 9, 2019 9:04 pm ET

You'll recognize me
I look just you would look
If you looked like me
Haiku #62837, by Familiar face of Familiar place
March 9, 2019 9:03 pm ET

Swami can t sit down
Biggest boner of his life
And you brought it on
Haiku #62836, by Incense Burner
March 9, 2019 4:03 pm ET

Swami can
Haiku #62835, by Incense Burner
March 9, 2019 4:02 pm ET

Special of the day
Shia LaBoef Stroking off
Enjoy a hot lunch
Haiku #62834, by Holly Wood
March 9, 2019 4:01 pm ET

Now, Ladies and Germs
May I draw your attention
to the center ring
8 Manly Midgets
Make mini marshmallows
Around the campfire
Circus Strongman, Mike
Donated back end chocolate
Try one, You ll want s'more
Haiku #62833, by Big Top
March 9, 2019 12:11 pm ET

Nihilist Haiku
only Haiku worth reading:
The Anti-Haiku
Haiku #62832, by Submit to Haiku to be liberated by Haiku
March 9, 2019 8:51 am ET

Those Hindu idols
full of transcendental shit.
Eat my yoga-mat.
Haiku #62831, by Swami Prabhapanandamahajaipuramapajama of Hoping for IT contract in Silicone Valley
March 9, 2019 8:47 am ET

Those Hindu idols
Imagine what they can do:
six-arms and 10 heads.
Haiku #62830, by Throw that Puja in the Ganges
March 9, 2019 7:59 am ET

Dead babies and billionaires
(Alice Cooper song)
Haiku #62829, by Vincent Furnier of Boa around My Neck (not feather)
March 9, 2019 7:55 am ET

Late winter snowfall
Lone bird chirps. Frost-covered branch
PPRPPTFF. Darth farts, loudly.
Haiku #62828, by Basho's Mother
March 9, 2019 7:49 am ET

How 'bout those Hindus.
Some right silly deities.
But they've got big tits.
Haiku #62827, by df
March 9, 2019 1:48 am ET

Have you sinned today?
Remember, if you don't sin,
Jesus died in vain.
Haiku #62826, by df
March 9, 2019 1:45 am ET