Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 135 Days and 76968 Haiku later...

Sci-fi Fleshlight toys.
Dilithium or khyber
power batteries?

No suction exists
That could suck all Bill Shatner's
spooge into a jar.
Haiku # 62896, March 12, 2019 5:20 am ET
by df of Damn it, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a massage parlor girl!
Just a dish sprayer.
Spray it vertically down
the crack of your ass.

Tootsie residue
sprays right off into the john.
And no need to wipe.

Quite sanitary.
Environmentally safe.
And it feels so good!
Haiku # 62895, March 12, 2019 5:14 am ET
by Nothing like a clean Tootsie Roll factory.
I looked on YouTube
Hose looks unsanitary
Just like my asshole
Haiku # 62894, March 12, 2019 5:07 am ET
by Crazy person of Crazy world
That would never work
My arthritis is so bad
And so is my aim
Haiku # 62893, March 12, 2019 5:05 am ET
by Ivana Noe
No need to disrobe.
Just like normal Tootsieing.
Pants around ankles.

Spray down your backside
when done making Tootsie Rolls.
Or wrap and sell them.
Haiku # 62892, March 12, 2019 12:57 am ET
by df
No, no. The sprayer
attaches at the back of
the toilet faucet.

After creating
a Tootsie Roll you just spray
the filth off your ass.

It all goes into
the toilet and saves TP.
Environmental!

And your ass feels fresh!
TP doesn't clean that well.
Bye-bye Tootsie Rolls!
Haiku # 62891, March 12, 2019 12:53 am ET
by Darth Clean Asshole Figpucker
When you roll the tootsie
Do you take off all your clothes?
Then you spray your ass?
Haiku # 62890, March 11, 2019 11:20 pm ET
by Ivana Noe
I don't use TP.
I did not squeeze the Charmin.
I use a sprayer.

Asians use water.
And their bathrooms are filthy.
Tootsie Roll central.

Roaches are well fed.
Tootsie Roll bits on the floor.
Flies enjoy it too.

Sprayers have higher
accuracy; my bathroom's
free of Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62889, March 11, 2019 11:01 pm ET
by I am not guilty this time, your honor.
Tootsie Roll urge
A toilet paper roll purge
BUTTerfingers, now
Haiku # 62888, March 11, 2019 9:51 pm ET
by You can always was your hands
Okay, that's all fine.
Apparently you skipped the
important question:

What's your favorite
All Hallow's Eve candy bar?
Let's put it to vote.

Unlike Trump's game show,
there won't be any losers.
Except Tootsie Rolls.
Haiku # 62887, March 11, 2019 9:27 pm ET
by I will start saying Tootsie Rolls in place of the word shit. "I need to take a Tootsie Roll." "Damnit, I stepped in dog Tootsie Roll." "Your haiku a
Investigators
Tirelessly searching for clues
Who squeezed the Charmin?
Haiku # 62886, March 11, 2019 6:51 pm ET
by Mr. Whipple of Aisle
Ice Bucket Challenge
At least 2 years have passed now
Penis still shriveled
Haiku # 62885, March 11, 2019 4:45 pm ET
by Worried
What good are wizards?
Most are old perverts at best
No argument here
Haiku # 62884, March 11, 2019 4:43 pm ET
by Cookie Jarvis
Please send in the clowns
8 man midget pyramid
Jar of vaseline
Haiku # 62883, March 11, 2019 4:40 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
I bless your low noise.
May you sneeze all your brains out
in vile haiku form.
Haiku # 62882, March 11, 2019 2:52 pm ET
by Ah Tzu of Social Credit Score
Unsolved mystery
Who left you there all alone
In the toilet bowl?
Haiku # 62881, March 11, 2019 2:29 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Catsuit on steroids
On the back of the couch now
Atomic Cruise pounce
Haiku # 62880, March 11, 2019 2:05 pm ET
by Bath Salts Monday
Dangerously close
I'm at the end of my rope
Hanging by a thread
Haiku # 62879, March 11, 2019 2:01 pm ET
by A frayed knot
Low nose!!!!
Haiku # 62878, March 11, 2019 1:47 pm ET
by Go blow
No one says Bless You
When you sneeze out your low noise
I need a hankie
Haiku # 62877, March 11, 2019 1:47 pm ET
by Joe Blow of Job
Quick easy and fun
Pulling down your pants right now
Laughing at your dink
Haiku # 62876, March 11, 2019 1:44 pm ET
by Hahahaha
Formless Tootsie Roll
Painless pre dawn water birth
Commode filled to brim
Haiku # 62875, March 11, 2019 1:03 pm ET
by Quite pleased with that one of Commode
A beautiful mind
You Human Caculator!
Math makes me horny
Haiku # 62874, March 11, 2019 1:00 pm ET
by Al. G. Braugh of Sticky Abacus
If you dink is being pulled at the rate 42 strokes per minute and you have 5 mL of jizz in your testicular reservoir and the price of platypus meat is $185 per kilo, how long will you last at the happy ending massage parlor and what was the girls name and how big were her titties and what's the price of export quality chocolate from the mountains of Viet Nam and how much extra do you have to pay to have her lick said chocolate off your shaft while you shoot a load in her eye?
Use an input-output matrix equation.
Show your work or no credit.
Assume that Donald Trump has not got a blow job this week.
Haiku # 62873, March 11, 2019 12:47 pm ET
by df
Craving greasy meat
Bone-in long pig with shank attached
Still twitching with life
Haiku # 62872, March 11, 2019 11:53 am ET
by Hangryburd
Don't get AIDS and die;
and do not fuck Bangkok whores.
Just love God and live.
Haiku # 62871, March 11, 2019 11:17 am ET
by Jesus loves Figpuckers
Here's a good nightmare:
A dog that shits Tootsie Rolls.
Is that gross or what?!
Haiku # 62870, March 11, 2019 9:55 am ET
by Wormy, bloody Tootsie Rolls.
Goddamn kids' nightmares.
They've never seen real monsters!
Fuck... the cats are back.

I should run away.
Move to Thailand and fuck whores.
Get AIDS and then die.

I'm sick of this world.
It sure seems sick of me too.
What a farce life is.

Peel back the layers
of bullshit like an onion;
It keeps getting worse.
Haiku # 62869, March 11, 2019 9:53 am ET
by Dog Stew! That's what I need to put me in a good mood. Fuck I hate dogs. of Cats can be annoying, but I really hate dogs. Noisy and shit everywhere. Barking and biting. Trash digging, worm-ridden filth.
I've put a halt to
an hour of feline clamor.
Street cat politics.
Haiku # 62868, March 11, 2019 9:39 am ET
by df
Goddamn cats fighting
or fucking right outside my
damn office window!
Haiku # 62867, March 11, 2019 7:56 am ET
by Hope they're enjoying themselves. of Time to break it up.
Double-filled Reses'.
If you want pure decadence.
Filippina whores.

I do not know why.
Now how did that get in there?
Yeah, that's what she said.

Lizard wants tacos.
This ain't fucking Mexico?
No bell on this house.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a44rInONJRY
Haiku # 62866, March 11, 2019 5:07 am ET
by df
Halloween candy.
Which one was your favorite?
Full size Reses' cups.
Haiku # 62865, March 11, 2019 4:56 am ET
by Two guys at the gay gym: You got your cock in my asshole! You got asshole on my cock! of Two great tastes that taste great together!
Pile of shit's okay.
Just don't call me Tootsie Roll.
Fucking hate those things!
Haiku # 62864, March 11, 2019 4:53 am ET
by I'd rather scarf down a bucket of Filippino dog shit than eat a Tootsie Roll.
Darth are you OK ?
You know we care about you,
You sweet pile of shit.
Haiku # 62862, March 11, 2019 4:35 am ET
by Whore of Babylon's Mother-in-Law
Don't be retarded.
Progress at a normal pace.
Or be a genius.
Haiku # 62861, March 10, 2019 11:01 pm ET
by
Enormous maggots
slither through last night's vomit,
drunk from the Mad Dog.

Slow, greedy, and dumb.
Fetal alcohol horse flies.
Future tech support.
Haiku # 62860, March 10, 2019 10:58 pm ET
by df
Proboscal feces
attracts flies for my long tongue.
Zap! And that's my lunch.
Haiku # 62859, March 10, 2019 10:49 pm ET
by Too bad I'm not a lesbian!
Don't tell me you don't
get hard for Galapagos
giant tortoises!
Haiku # 62858, March 10, 2019 10:46 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker
Darth, are you ok?
Keep your nose out of anus
Foul midget roast beef!
Haiku # 62857, March 10, 2019 8:03 pm ET
by Horseradish of Sphincter
Father's pants undone
My step sister hurries out
Wiping orange semen
Haiku # 62856, March 10, 2019 7:54 pm ET
by Tiffany of White House
He ate so much fish
that his ass smells like a cunt.
And tastes just the same.
Haiku # 62854, March 10, 2019 6:10 pm ET
by Funtcart Funtcart Funt.
That's not your haiku.
Your sweaty ass in strobe lights
at the gay disco.
Haiku # 62853, March 10, 2019 6:08 pm ET
by In the lane, snow is glistening. of That's snow, not haiku, not ass sweat.
My haiku glistens
Pure syllabic perfection
Cuntfart Cuntfart Cunt
Haiku # 62852, March 10, 2019 3:56 pm ET
by Maniac of On the floor
You are most boring
Your haiku is most boring
Your haiku bores me
Haiku # 62851, March 10, 2019 1:16 pm ET
by Chairman of the Bored
With a good tampon,
invisible periods,
angry vampires.
Haiku # 62850, March 10, 2019 9:21 am ET
by .
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Haiku # 62849, March 10, 2019 9:14 am ET
by the way, is there a remote possibility of you letting me watch while you and your lesbian girlfriend play with each other?
Have you gone insane?
Talking with yourself again?
You are not Sybil.
Haiku # 62848, March 10, 2019 9:13 am ET
by
David Wong you're wrong.
Chinese intel needs our verse.
David Wrong, you're Wong.
Haiku # 62847, March 10, 2019 6:23 am ET
by Remote Server of Lunch is served
Metamorphosis
No, your dink didn't rot off
Now it's a pickle

So, jerk your gherkin
Haiku # 62846, March 10, 2019 3:46 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
My dink rotted off.
Replaced with a cucumber.
Hollow filled with ranch.
Haiku # 62845, March 10, 2019 12:08 am ET
by Ranch Cue Cum Ber of Bus!
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