If could crank out
Six bad haikus per second
I sure would do it.

If Lofan turns out
to be Figpucker again
I will have a cow

Can't stop just can't stop
I need more and more RIGHT NOW
Oh God, bring it on

Busty Bus, ye are
nuthin' more than a HARLOT,
you foul Jezebel

Now PREACH IT, sister.
Haiku goin' to bring them down
to the pit of HAIL !

Haiku done bit me!
Oh Lordy I jess caint stop.
Clem, pass that bottle . . .

I remember you
I was hoping you

It was proof of God.
(Just like that Norwegian girl
With the grape lip-gloss)

On that bus to AZ:
Guadalupe Huerta was her name
She sat next to me...

Old Lofan . . . alone.
Contemplating Aztec boobs
from wise mountain-view.

French fried monkey meat
Compliments of the house, sir
World's Oldest Virgin

Lofan tell tall tales
Penis never been unwrapped
Now past Best Buy Date

Young Lofan- happy!
Many fine Chicas like Wong!
to bad Lofan- old...

In past days of yore
Lofan roamed the whole wide world
Chase girls and drink beer!

Now those days are gone
Wong Lofan sad oldster
Living in a hut.

Poet got horny
That's not tits. Those are his balls
You need an eye test

Understandable
Lay off the masturbation
You're losing your sight

That Mexican girl
is MY angel and goddess.
Smile now, cry later...

Haiku dissipates
the one thousand things of beer.
Until they return.

Boob-gazing Lofan:
You have evoked the wrath of
Chalchiuhtlicue

Mictēcacihuātl

She served me coffee
And leaned down low on the bar
Her boobs! Outstanding!

That Mexican girl
Has the Azz of a Goddess
And the soul of a Angel

Curtain of thick fog
Won't be caught wanking today
Blow jizz all over

Cool beans amazeballs
Gwynneth Paltrow's steamed scrod cunt
Indescribable

So lovely her face
Just one look can break your heart
Do not lose your mind.

Drank all of the beer
In Japan and Korea
Now its black coffee

Used to roam the world
Now a beat up old bastard
Never leave the yard

Used to roam the world
Now a best up old bastard
Never leave the yard

Haunted damn condo
Every thing broken
Every fooking day

I hear it a lot
but what does it really mean:
Weaponized Autism?

The same old same old...
Same farts in elevators.
Dude--get over it.

I can see it now
Dinosaurs of the old world
Having relations

Woot woot!

As rare as hens' teeth
Good old fashioned poetry
Every poet stinks

Who runs this web site
Probably old Juggaloes
Ringing Sevice Bell

I'm so excited
I won first place this weekend
Smelly Ass Award

Packed in like sardines
Stench in the elevator
I farted HA HA!

Yanking it so hard
Can

Hansel and Gretel
Left a Diarrhea Trail
Wiped their bums with bread

Follow the doot trail
Stinky long and winding road
Leads me to your door

Your mind. Only that
would I consider as a
primitive toilet.

Primitive toilet
Trusty, well-used guff bucket
My prized possession

Took a flying fuck
There goes that rolling doughnut
You missed it again

My Calvin Klein jeans
How many doughnuts ago?
Think I'll have one more

Hegelian lies:
Education will save us.
We are all born good.

The street was closed off
Running off the Syllables
Like they do in Spain

What's that they all say
Catching more flies with honey?
How 'bout close your legs

Haiku-less weekend?
Get your poetry ON, people.
Verse won't wait for you.

That Rita Hayworth . . .
I am watching her right now:
nineteen forty-six.

The sunlight beam shone.
Window panes allowed it in.
Only dust mites ride.

She swatted the flies,
smashing them between her palms,
admiring death.

Whatever you do
Don't share your big problem here.
We'll just make it verse.