My fat horny wife is waiting for me to come to be and I'm not in the mood to hump a sack of lard right now so I'm staying up pretending to work but instead really just writing shit on here so I don't have to pound the pig tonight and smell that fat woman sweat and I wish she would get really drunk so I'd just pay someone else to fuck her and she'd think it was me. Starkitten, you want some extra cash? I'd ask Cuntfart Cunt, but Jesus, diseases, you know.

I'd be shit-faced drunk,
Lying in my own vomit.
But no, calculus.

And sadly, of course,
if you read my haiku, then
you can smell my corpse.

What's amazing is
that when I read your haiku,
I can see your corpse.

It is nothing new.
When I look in the mirror
I see my own corpse.

One, two, three, four, five.
Count them! Five. Five Syllables!
MWAH HAH HAH HA HAAAH!

*Boom crackle crash*

Severed limbs still twitch;
Wet blood sprayed on walls,clotting . . .
You see your own corpse

We love Haiku more
than life itself. Look within:
Empty eye sockets

Drink from filthy skull!
Drink fresh blood of bad haiku.
Golden hordes rampant.

I alone remain
Surveying Haiku corpse-mound:
stench of foul verses

Quiet on the front.
Time to reload Haiku guns.
Bad verse: shoot to kill

Stop writing Haiku?
Pry phone from my cold dead hands.
I'll write from the grave.

Did I mention TRUMP?
The greatest statesman ever:
The Orange green light!

Nationalism:
It's the new globalism
So suck it, Lemon

Orange Donald juice
With a big bag of Cheetos:
crunch crunch crunch crunch YES!

Will kill for Orange.
Worse yet: will write bad haiku.
Fear the coming storm!

Orange! Orange or
Plunge into globalist hell...
More Orange please, sir.

Your/my only hope:
Cheeto administration.
Bow to Orange Man!

The syllables count.
That Oriental craftsmanship.
Haiku is SO dull.

You're wrong, vhs.
Since when did anything work?
Entropy is Lord.

Haiku go kaka

I

I

I

I

I

No toilet paper?
No problem. Just use Bad Haiku
5-7-5 ply

My Haiku is hexed

Even my ass crack
It

i feel doomed, nothing
works, want to delete myself
everything is broken

including haiku

Bending over now
Pendulous thang hanging low
Pick up my car keys

Your verse inhabits
your own rectal cavity
its true place of birth

Actor Richard Gere
Is offering a reward
His gerbil went missing

My enormous cock
is too large for your tight ass.
Oh wait, there it goes.

Take that, you gerbil!
I rescued you from my ass
so I can bang yours.

Move to USA
President is a Cheeto
The place has gone nuts

Guess who's on eBay?
Selling stale moon cake doorstops
For the holidays

Considering move.
The slums of Mogadishu?
Perhaps Australia?

Chicken Avenger.
Superhero, pecks out eyes
of chicken fuckers.

A fugitive, no.
Where I am, there are no laws.
I guess it's more fun.

As for VHS,
I'm sure that he's Cuntfart Cunt.
If not, don't tell me.

Incarcerated
VHS' situation
Darth: A fugitive

Sometimes I wonder
Who you two gents really are
Got fuzzy viewer

I thought it was wax lips and malted milk balls in that bucket

Eagle Scout now, sir
I won the Scavenger Hunt
Aced Chicken fucking

Step into my van,
gullible helpful boy scout.
You will make great soup.

The parents were pissed.
My candy bowl had a hole.
Through it I poked, well...

You know.

Mr. Figoucker
You dropped these white underwear
With the big brown stain

Foreskin and foreskin
And foreskin and foreskin and
Foreskin is Twentyskin

John Boy Walton

Yo. Hear Ye Hear Ye
Please disregard my birthmark
Named Richard Thomas

I cannot decide
how many children I'll eat
this fine Halloween.

Teeee Heeee heeee bwah ha
hooo hee hoo mwahhhhhh ha ha ho
heee *snort* *cackle* *fart*.