What's the longest time
this website has ever gone
sans poop reference?
Bodily functions.
Various sexual acts.
Food, drugs, politics.
Poems of lizards.
The reptile brain keyboarding.
Wanting more and more.
Dog shit taco Trump
fart balloon masturbate pot
magic mushroom twat.
I think I agree.
We need a lower evil.
New depths to sink to.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Eat ten garlic cloves.
Mosquitoes will avoid you.
And so will your wife.
And so kill two birds.
One handle pull flush two turds.
Garlic zest, no pest.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of It's just a myth, doesn't really work.
Artificially
intelligent popcorn droids
powered by methane.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
A Haikulonic
Cleansing Syllabic Tonic
$5.75
by Come on Down! Next Contestant of The Price is Right
A high colonic
Marijuana Enema
Pass the Funyuns, please
by Doc Starkitten of Secret
And I just farted
Your popcorn was outsmarted
Colonel Figpucker
by Pop
Walton's Fan Fiction
Granda dipping his quill pen
Sucking a Werther's
by Spy of Porch
Rocks, Scissors, Paper!
Haiku Sibling Rivalry
VHS likes me best
by The one VHS likes best of Extra syllable approved by V H S
Really mount your spouse
Marital Taxidermy
Conversation Piece
by Trophy Wife of Head of Household
I pissed on your fist
just to prove that I exist
Sorry, couldn't resist
by Mister Sister
I sat on your hat,
and then suddenly I shat .
Sorry about that.
by Mister Sister
Flatulent flautists
flatly flabbergasted flies
flipping flapjack flasks.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER's granda is bored with watching Walton's reruns.
By the way, nice shirt
by Anonymous Poet
i know that you know
I just read popcorn haiku
While eating Smartfood
by Anonymous Poet
The way I smell it
All haiku are Bad Haiku
You're my enema!
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
America's Favorite
White Cheddar Popcorn
No Artificial Colors, Flavor, or Preservatives
Smartfood Popcorn
Best Sold By
End of DLUO
30Sep18
MFG Mar18
4 46 3 081 20
13 01:09
White Cheddar
Cheese
Export
NET WT. 5 1/2 Oz. (155.9 g)
by DARTH FIGPUCKER of Goddamn this shit sticks in between your teeth!
two sets of footprints
Leading to the outhouse door
These footprints smell bad
by Detective Brownshoe of Outhouse
The way I see it
No such thing as Bad Haiku
It's all good, my friend
by Anonymous Poet
Pinching off a loaf
Putting glaze on your donut
Twisting his cruller
by Busy Baker
Sketching your likeness
From afar. Hope you don't mind.
I added a mole
by John Boy Walton's Mole of Mass MoleCA
Aluminum Lids
From your trash cans. CRASH! CRASH!
Learn to play cymbals
by One man nude parade of Police station now
This gozinta that
In and out and in and out
How we multiply
by Blair Warner of Facts of Life
Far Side: Nothing there
Except a McChitterlings.
Go to Jupiter!
It has a red dot
Trying to imitate me
And my handsomeness
by Roving Reporter John Boy Walton's mole of McChitterlings
Hair Stylist Missing
Police combed the area
Searched thick brush for clues
by Drunk on comb fluid of Under the table
Manic depression
Drinking boat load of red wine
I am not naked
by Noah Ben Noah of Somewhere Over The Rainbow
Remote view the moon
Far side in particular
Expecting report
by Sparklepony, MD of happy to not have been turned into glue
Improved reception
When I'm standing by the sink
You are quite handsome
by Anonymous Poet
Endangered Feces
Help Us Save the Chitterlings
And Their Habitat
by Nosy
Remote view R V
Feel hairs on your arm stand up
Got my eye on you
by Anonymous Poet
Trouser Trout again?
Pan fried/glow worm reduction
Button Fly Fishing
by Trouser Trout Fishing with Ted Williams and Richard Brautigan and again and again of In America
Too extreme for you?
"Eat lead" double entendre.
Mining pollution.
Google birth defects
from mercury found in fish.
Mostly Japanese.
by df of mic drop
Oh Farth Digpucker,
I have choice words for your soul--
But I must not speak.
by the banks of that beautiful river, we shall meet one day
Sushi submarine.
No mayo in this sandwich.
Roe and wasabi.
Madder than hatters.
Exceeds daily allowance.
Mercury fish balls.
Deformed, retarded,
Birth defect offspring off chutes.
From yuppies' raw fish.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Lamenting virgin
Every time you enter tight
Proffer ecstasy
by Ledge of Kentucky
Between your wanton
legs lies the truth of my very
indecisive mind
by Ledge of Kentucky
Ordered tuna sub
There's no tuna in this sub
Threw it at your head
by Bullseye. We call it a grinder
One took over line
We smoked salmon for dinner
Hard to keep it lit
by Now hacking cough of Paranoid
Implored ex-limo.
Defenestrated mustard.
Poupon, but of course.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Reliving my youth
Standing on top of dresser
Jump off. Land on bed
by Pantsload
That's not giving up
Giving up is disregard
For true ambitions
by Wheely Joe of round and round it goes
Fake cough in their hand
While yelling "Blow Job! Blow Job!"
At school assemblies
by Alumni of Memory Lane
I want to give up.
Buy a farm and plow the earth.
Have a plantation.
Fruits, vegetables,
orchards, apples, peaches, figs.
Especially figs.
Ripe, soft, sweet brown figs.
Sell them in farmer's markets
to discerning chefs.
Dirt on my blue jeans.
Soil under my nails.
Proud and defiant.
They'd see me and say,
"That's one dirty little fig
plucker." Har har har.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Pig shit smells so bad.
Who the fuck first ate "chitlins"?!?!
Should be called "shitlins".
Cook that shit outside!
Right now you nasty dumb bitch!
Unforgivable!
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
*Walton's, not Watson's.
Dammit I suck on keyboards.
Sticky warts be bad.
by
You should not complain!
I've known many shaving cuts.
Mary Ellen's warts.
by Mary Ellen Watson's genital warts. of You'll only see me on special director's cuts.
John Boy Walton's mole
"That bastard tried to cut me
Every time he shaved."
by Walton's Mountain
Pigfuckery skills
politico manifest
humpability
by pooterificus unanimous
Interrupted kiss
Clunk. Cast Iron frying pan
Just desserts tonight
by Marriage whisperer of Pacific Northwest
first there is a mount
ain then there is no mountain
then there's krispy kremes
by goku of stupid haiku uno
Feeling rather proud.
Just killed a huge mosquito.
May have it mounted.
But then guess what now...
School's playing twerk tunes again.
Vo-Tech stripper jobs.
They might as well just
flat out teach prostitution.
Their best career choice.
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
