Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 198 Days and 77116 Haiku later...

Implored ex-limo.
Defenestrated mustard.
Poupon, but of course.
Haiku # 60297, October 19, 2018 5:39 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Reliving my youth
Standing on top of dresser
Jump off. Land on bed
Haiku # 60296, October 19, 2018 3:02 am ET
by Pantsload
That's not giving up
Giving up is disregard
For true ambitions
Haiku # 60295, October 19, 2018 3:00 am ET
by Wheely Joe of round and round it goes
Fake cough in their hand
While yelling "Blow Job! Blow Job!"
At school assemblies
Haiku # 60294, October 19, 2018 2:57 am ET
by Alumni of Memory Lane
I want to give up.
Buy a farm and plow the earth.
Have a plantation.

Fruits, vegetables,
orchards, apples, peaches, figs.
Especially figs.

Ripe, soft, sweet brown figs.
Sell them in farmer's markets
to discerning chefs.

Dirt on my blue jeans.
Soil under my nails.
Proud and defiant.

They'd see me and say,
"That's one dirty little fig
plucker." Har har har.
Haiku # 60293, October 19, 2018 2:25 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Pig shit smells so bad.
Who the fuck first ate "chitlins"?!?!
Should be called "shitlins".

Cook that shit outside!
Right now you nasty dumb bitch!
Unforgivable!
Haiku # 60292, October 19, 2018 1:07 am ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
*Walton's, not Watson's.
Dammit I suck on keyboards.
Sticky warts be bad.
Haiku # 60291, October 19, 2018 1:01 am ET
by
You should not complain!
I've known many shaving cuts.
Mary Ellen's warts.
Haiku # 60290, October 19, 2018 12:58 am ET
by Mary Ellen Watson's genital warts. of You'll only see me on special director's cuts.
John Boy Walton's mole
"That bastard tried to cut me
Every time he shaved."
Haiku # 60289, October 18, 2018 10:57 pm ET
by Walton's Mountain
Pigfuckery skills
politico manifest
humpability
Haiku # 60288, October 18, 2018 10:52 pm ET
by pooterificus unanimous
Interrupted kiss
Clunk. Cast Iron frying pan
Just desserts tonight
Haiku # 60287, October 18, 2018 9:16 pm ET
by Marriage whisperer of Pacific Northwest
first there is a mount
ain then there is no mountain
then there's krispy kremes
Haiku # 60286, October 18, 2018 7:27 pm ET
by goku of stupid haiku uno
Feeling rather proud.
Just killed a huge mosquito.
May have it mounted.

But then guess what now...
School's playing twerk tunes again.
Vo-Tech stripper jobs.

They might as well just
flat out teach prostitution.
Their best career choice.
Haiku # 60285, October 18, 2018 7:03 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
Let us sing praises.
Contemplate savior Beavis.
He pooped for your sins.
Haiku # 60284, October 18, 2018 6:54 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
You forgot titties,
twat waffles, dog turds, pigs, and
snuffleupagus.
Haiku # 60283, October 18, 2018 6:50 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER is sick of people who are sick of people.
Fart, vomit, penis:
all I read at this website
it's just not worth it
Haiku # 60282, October 18, 2018 6:22 pm ET
by sick of all of you
He was not the man
He had been the night before
He had no penis
Haiku # 60281, October 18, 2018 5:01 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
That fart was my friend
But he had to mosey on
Time to eat more beans
Haiku # 60280, October 18, 2018 4:49 pm ET
by Friendless Friend of Friendly Neighborhood
Used to live there
I thought we smoked it all up
Ate all the Cheezies
Haiku # 60279, October 18, 2018 10:34 am ET
by Thetis Lake Monster of Undisclosed
Laughing at hoofprints
New horse in my living room
Handsome Hawkeye Pierce
Haiku # 60278, October 18, 2018 3:43 am ET
by Starkitten of Living room with new foal
Subdued Excitement
Taming unwanted boner
Live Weather Report
Haiku # 60277, October 18, 2018 3:37 am ET
by Weatherman with unwanted boner of On Air
Medicinal scones
A decidedly High Tea
At 4:20 sharp
Haiku # 60276, October 18, 2018 3:33 am ET
by Herb
Always a challenge
Hopping up on the barstool
Drink til I fall off
Haiku # 60275, October 18, 2018 3:27 am ET
by Drunk of Barstool
Hey man I'm sorry
I didn't mean to flush it
Your prize winning turd
Haiku # 60274, October 18, 2018 3:21 am ET
by Flusher of Terlit
Hard Wood floor perverse
Haiku # 60273, October 18, 2018 12:25 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
message from the floor
I like looking up your dress.
Walk on me... spike heels!
Haiku # 60272, October 18, 2018 12:23 am ET
by Carpet Section of Home Depot
Heated seats and farts
A wet bratwurst sulphur slaw
Tailgating. Go Team!
Haiku # 60271, October 18, 2018 12:16 am ET
by Janitors who hates this life of They don't call them bleachers for nothing
she said people say
things are ironic that aren't
it's quite ironic
Haiku # 60270, October 17, 2018 8:35 pm ET
by goku!
Huge bowel movement.
Dump so big, my soul feels purged.
Flush those sins away.
Haiku # 60269, October 17, 2018 7:39 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
maple leaf you say ?
canada legalises
the world keeps turning
Haiku # 60268, October 17, 2018 7:44 am ET
by ash
Worker bees can leave.
Even drones can fly away.
The queen is their slave.
Haiku # 60267, October 17, 2018 7:37 am ET
by Travis Ruprecht Cornelius
The floor is Lava
Sub par restrooms. Heck, no!
Go outside. Use leaves.
Haiku # 60266, October 17, 2018 3:26 am ET
by Bucket of My Ass
Any country where
public restrooms don't provide
TP... I hate them.

Donald Trump was right
when he said "shithole countries".
And only that once.

Toilets typically
don't have a seat, just a bowl.
Flush with a bucket.
Haiku # 60265, October 17, 2018 1:28 am ET
by df
Can't post late at night
The "tablet" is Viagra
Table keeps lifting
Haiku # 60264, October 17, 2018 12:37 am ET
by It's Magic of Electric Light Orchestra Pit
Sometimes Snoopy wins
And he dances on his house
Dog dish on his head
Haiku # 60263, October 17, 2018 12:32 am ET
by C. Ya of In the Funny Pages
Kid hated reading
Gross. Pages stuck together.
Books made Dad horny
Haiku # 60262, October 17, 2018 12:29 am ET
by Concerned Librarian of Library
Ben Denofer (here)
Barb Dwyer (here) Rob Graves (here)
Patty O'Lantern?
Haiku # 60261, October 17, 2018 12:24 am ET
by Canadian of Might as well go for a soda too
Should one move to France?
Brioche, Cats on tables, wine
Bidets, bread, berets
Haiku # 60260, October 17, 2018 12:20 am ET
by Oui of France
Bad music fart flute
Your windsong stays on my mind
Leaves skids on my sheets
Haiku # 60259, October 17, 2018 12:16 am ET
by Avon Lady of Ding Dong ( got something to keep mosquitoes off... oh never mind)
Mosquito bites dink
Dink swells to almost average size
Swat pest? Maybe not...
Haiku # 60258, October 17, 2018 12:13 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
A lamb raised by wolves
Luckily they didn't have
Any teeth or claws
Haiku # 60257, October 16, 2018 11:19 pm ET
by MONARCH of Zoo
VHS, you young
whippersnapper, it's no fad.
All their gens the same.

Craving bad music,
worse food, throw trash to the wind,
and can't stand reading.

I'm not being rude.
Young and old, it's what they do.
Should I move to France?

I hate apathy.
Maybe more than mosquitoes.
They have both in spades.
Haiku # 60256, October 16, 2018 9:21 pm ET
by df
DF old friend, now
history must go on, we
fight incompetence

every few gens you
see, sometimes woodstock wins it
sometimes, World War II
Haiku # 60255, October 16, 2018 8:35 pm ET
by vhs
I'm not able to
post late night, some technical
tablet issues...see
Haiku # 60254, October 16, 2018 8:34 pm ET
by vhs
Is Chivalry dead?
Damn syllables in distress
Jumpstart my haiku?
Haiku # 60253, October 16, 2018 8:12 pm ET
by Starkitten of Haiku Highway Milepost 575
Teach them Haiku moves
You show up. Dance like Tom Cruise
In Fruit of the Loom

VHS will pay
Top dollar. Haiku scholar.
Recruits drink baluts
Haiku # 60252, October 16, 2018 4:27 pm ET
by Secret Assistant to VHS of Voice in his head
I have lost all faith.
Twerking: the new school subject.
Pole dancing is next.

Government sponsored.
They seem to think this is art.
Love the Philippines.

Such a backwards place.
Litter, bad food, pollution,
whores don't use condoms.

If they spent as much money on health care education, and trash pick-up programs and infrastructure as they did on "dancing" in school programs and awards ceremonies for "who has the cleanest fingernails" (or something equally as stupid), it might be a good place to live. Other than that, stay away. Best advice I can give you. Philippines bad. Thailand good. Might pay Korea a visit some day. Korean food kicks ass.

Thailand has come a long way in 20 years. Serious improvements. The Philippines just keeps sinking deeper and deeper into the dark ages. Living there will make you lose all hope in humanity.
Haiku # 60251, October 16, 2018 2:54 pm ET
by df
Carved our initials
Century old Balete Tree
Put up tire swing
Haiku # 60250, October 16, 2018 1:55 pm ET
by Witchy Island
Split. Bite size pieces
Safest way to eat hot dog
(Mega Jumbo size)
Haiku # 60249, October 16, 2018 1:48 pm ET
by Admirer
The Siquijor whores
selling souvenirs to fend
off evil spirits.

I just laugh and say,
"It doesn't work or else I
would be kept away."

Then they tell me where
I can buy some cooked children.
Gotta love witches.

Needs barbecue sauce.
Other than that it's not bad.
Island of devils.
Haiku # 60248, October 16, 2018 1:27 pm ET
by DARTH FIGPUCKER
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