BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
13 Days
68908 Haikus
Mummified Penis
Reminds me of O. Henry
Gift of the Magi

She kept it secret
Had her cunt sewed shut for you
...something's in my eye
Haiku #59585, by Starkitten 2nd box of Kleenex from crying over heartwarming holiday story of Ten Penny Henry on his 4th box of Kleenex for spooge
September 22, 2018 12:48 pm ET

Octopus Garden
Undersea.. um.. " Shrivelry "
To the Bathysphere!!
Haiku #59584, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest
September 22, 2018 12:29 pm ET

Male octopi
will give their penis to their
mate for sex and snack.

I'd like to do that.
Would beat dealing with my wife.
Thinking about it.

Should I mummify
my shlong and present it as
a holiday gift?

And Van Gogh thought he
was so fucking romantic.
I think cocks beat ears.
Haiku #59583, by Darth Figpucker
September 22, 2018 6:06 am ET

Question for the boys
When an Octopus jerks off
Grab dink with 8 arms?
Haiku #59582, by Starkitten of Cloud 9
September 21, 2018 11:45 pm ET

Bring your French Tickler
I'll be waiting at airport
Captain Feathersword
Haiku #59581, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 11:41 pm ET

Henry Octopus
Fruit Salad..Mashed banana
Cephalopod Porn
Haiku #59580, by Starkitten of On top and Down Under
September 21, 2018 11:39 pm ET

The Church, The Wiggles
Two great bands from Down Under
Nudge Nudge and wink wink
Haiku #59579, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 11:37 pm ET

Your Haiku is large
Try low mileage vaginas
Ask for Starkitten
Haiku #59578, by Pacific Northwest Low Mileage Vaginas of Under the Milky Way Tonight
September 21, 2018 11:34 pm ET

Harrumph to you, good sir!
Harrumph, I say!
Haiku #59577, by Darth Figpucker, Esq.
September 21, 2018 11:23 pm ET

You should not sniff ass.
It is disgusting and wrong.
That is what dogs do.
Haiku #59576, by df
September 21, 2018 10:56 pm ET

I must hypothesize that Don Hertzfeldt's spoon and banana were symbols of a penis and vagina. Though no one would typically eat a banana with a spoon unless the banana was in cereal or perhaps mashed into some kind of dessert but I have heard sex referred to as "mashing" that pussy, so maybe the mashed banana was referring to a vagina needing to be mashed by a large penis.

My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big.
You can feel the frustration of having a penis that is too large and no woman would want it.
But then along comes the giant walking banana.
I am a banana.
And everything is set right with the world. The giant walking banana can be mashed and eaten by the giant spoon. Or the enormous gaping snatch finally finds a penis worthy of its incredibly wide diameter.
Haiku #59575, by df
September 21, 2018 10:55 pm ET

Our library card?
Why, yes. It's pink and quite hard
I'll check your pocket
Haiku #59574, by Starkitten Very helpful librarian
September 21, 2018 8:48 pm ET

Starkitten Movie
Starring James Caannilingus
Cumming soon near you!
Haiku #59573, by Starkitten of Director's Chair
September 21, 2018 8:43 pm ET

Once upon a squirt
Cunnilingus in a yurt
A bedtime haiku
Haiku #59572, by Starkitten of Library of Moisture
September 21, 2018 8:25 pm ET

Sun has set here on
Bad Haiku - good night good night
Wake up less evil
Haiku #59571, by Sparklepony, MD
September 21, 2018 6:50 pm ET

Gardening at night
Grab it by the stipe
Phallic Murshroom Hunt
Haiku #59570, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 6:01 pm ET

Babylon a FALL.
Babylon shall not prevail.
JAH Rasta soon come . . .
Haiku #59569, by the rivers of Babylon kiss my ass
September 21, 2018 5:59 pm ET

When my Celia walks
your mama loses her shit.
Celia rules. You lose.
Haiku #59568, by forswearing the beauty of Celia, you seal your doom.
September 21, 2018 5:52 pm ET

Forget libraries.
We're talking about rebirth.
Can't you just wake up?
Haiku #59567, by waking up, you increase the probability of a better future
September 21, 2018 5:46 pm ET

Calling all bookworms
Do-Me Decimal System
Put to good use here
Haiku #59566, by Starkitten Extra Friendly Librarian of No Jacket or pants required
September 21, 2018 5:34 pm ET

Alpha Centauri
Beta masquerading cuck
Cut his balls off. NOW.
Haiku #59565, by calling out the cucks, there is hope of national rebirth
September 21, 2018 5:29 pm ET

Don't you dare touch my
Celia - or I'll have to
Dissolve your ego
Haiku #59564, by Fun Guy of Mush Room
September 21, 2018 5:21 pm ET

Outstanding in field
The centaur of attention
Named to Hall of Oats
Haiku #59563, by Starkitten of Magic Gate
September 21, 2018 5:14 pm ET

Slip it in your slot?
After all, it's overdue.
In library? Fine . . .
Haiku #59562, by the bated breath of a bibliophile
September 21, 2018 4:31 pm ET

Wild horse meets tame horse
And notices the rider
Quite an expression
Haiku #59561, by Sign of Sagittarius
September 21, 2018 4:26 pm ET

Hectic day again
Self employed Librarian
Try my new book slot
Haiku #59560, by Starkitten Order of Moist and Smiling Librarians of Cunnilingus Nook of the Pacific Northwest
September 21, 2018 4:24 pm ET

Come on, walk right through
Starkitten expecting you
Law of Bad Haiku
Haiku #59559, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 4:11 pm ET

Hood of your car, Babe
Drive through a crowd. New Year's Eve.
Show them your Dick Clark
Haiku #59558, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 2:45 pm ET

Geriatric stunt
Spelunking in Grandma's Cunt
Fallen. Can't get up.
Haiku #59557, by Staritten of Retirement Home for Aged Haiku Poets
September 21, 2018 2:10 pm ET

Punch the juke box,Fonz
Happy Days are here again!
Drive In Circle Jerk!!
Haiku #59556, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 2:07 pm ET

Ocean Getaway
Buried in sand. Head sticking out.
Haiku #59555, by Starkitten and friends
September 21, 2018 2:01 pm ET

Don't be embarrassed
Pull your pants down now, my friend
Best haiku is short
Haiku #59554, by CeilingCat of Look up when you're pulling taffy
September 21, 2018 1:55 pm ET

Submit to me now.
Submit to my bad Haiku.
Go on. Just DO IT
Haiku #59553, by bytes of bituminous binging
September 21, 2018 12:52 pm ET

Yeah, But HILLARY !
Come on, you know; Dame Clinton.
The one with that . . . thing.
Haiku #59552, by bybybybybybybybyby of bye bye
September 21, 2018 12:46 pm ET

Pop'n Fresh cutie
Cornered him in the pantry
Hardcore Doughgasm
Haiku #59551, by Starkitten
September 21, 2018 12:39 pm ET

Starkitten's moist book;
not sure I wanna read it.
Is it legible?
Haiku #59550, by by teasing librarians, we read more of what motivates them
September 21, 2018 12:32 pm ET

By you reading this
Proof you had sex with him:
John Boy Walton's mole
Haiku #59549, by Earl Hamner of Walton's Mountain
September 21, 2018 12:27 pm ET

Esteemed Starkitten:
Can you do another one
about Hillary?
Haiku #59548, by by Miss Amerikan Pie of One-World Technocracy
September 21, 2018 12:25 pm ET

Slept through the orgy
Making up for lost time now
Bad Haikugasm
Haiku #59547, by Starkitten of Order of Mostly Moist Librarians
September 21, 2018 12:23 pm ET

Compulsive Haiku:
Ephemeral poetry
Tossed into the void
Haiku #59546, by your reading this, I am assured of immortality
September 21, 2018 12:20 pm ET

Face Plant. Tuna Casserole.
Worked straight through lunch
Haiku #59545, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Very Slightly Used Vaginas
September 21, 2018 12:18 pm ET

Hey, I jacked off, I don't know about the rest of you.... do we need to coordinate it? How about noon tomorrow, EST. Is that good for everyone?
Haiku #59544, by df
September 21, 2018 12:15 pm ET

Give me more info.
Write a creative by-line.
Then I'll know it's you!
Haiku #59543, by Senryu Seppuku of Nagashima
September 21, 2018 12:15 pm ET

If you're bored with porn.
Why not try a prostitute?
What is there to lose?

Well, yeah, there's money.
And you could get HIV.
It beats suicide.

Go on, blow some cash.
Go crazy, live a little.
You might just like her.

Read her your poems.
Show her bad haiku dot com.
Go on, we're waiting.
Haiku #59542, by
September 21, 2018 12:14 pm ET

So . . . that circle jerk;
what happened to it, poets;
Did your muses leave?
Haiku #59541, by the time you realize you are full of shit, it is too late
September 21, 2018 12:11 pm ET

What's the worse part about safe sex?
Stopping to click the mouse.
...And a sticky keyboard if you're not careful.
Haiku #59540, by
September 21, 2018 12:09 pm ET

Do not waste your life.
Drive your car into a crowd.
Claim you were possessed.

Seek resolution
on Oprah or some talk show.
You will be famous.
Haiku #59539, by
September 21, 2018 12:07 pm ET

That craving for porn;
say you don't ever get it
and I say you lie.
Haiku #59538, by performing amateur gynecology, the love of porn is not diminished
September 21, 2018 9:17 am ET

The Sabaeans or Sabeans (Arabic: اَلـسَّـبَـئِـيُّـون‎, as-Saba
Haiku #59537, by Wikipedia, which is full of conjecture
September 21, 2018 9:14 am ET

i could off myself
in real life, no more porn or
haiku from me, so

i think ill stick around even though i feel
bad today ive menial work to do
Haiku #59536, by vhs of fuck it
September 21, 2018 9:11 am ET