BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
24 Years
63 Days
69621 Haikus
If you're bored with porn.
Why not try a prostitute?
What is there to lose?

Well, yeah, there's money.
And you could get HIV.
It beats suicide.

Go on, blow some cash.
Go crazy, live a little.
You might just like her.

Read her your poems.
Show her bad haiku dot com.
Go on, we're waiting.
Haiku #59542, by
September 21, 2018 12:14 pm ET

So . . . that circle jerk;
what happened to it, poets;
Did your muses leave?
Haiku #59541, by the time you realize you are full of shit, it is too late
September 21, 2018 12:11 pm ET

What's the worse part about safe sex?
Stopping to click the mouse.
...And a sticky keyboard if you're not careful.
Haiku #59540, by
September 21, 2018 12:09 pm ET

Do not waste your life.
Drive your car into a crowd.
Claim you were possessed.

Seek resolution
on Oprah or some talk show.
You will be famous.
Haiku #59539, by
September 21, 2018 12:07 pm ET

That craving for porn;
say you don't ever get it
and I say you lie.
Haiku #59538, by performing amateur gynecology, the love of porn is not diminished
September 21, 2018 9:17 am ET

The Sabaeans or Sabeans (Arabic: اَلـسَّـبَـئِـيُّـون‎, as-Saba
Haiku #59537, by Wikipedia, which is full of conjecture
September 21, 2018 9:14 am ET

i could off myself
in real life, no more porn or
haiku from me, so

i think ill stick around even though i feel
bad today ive menial work to do
Haiku #59536, by vhs of fuck it
September 21, 2018 9:11 am ET

The Queen of Sheba
must have had a clitoris.
Or was she Muslim?
Haiku #59535, by the dry riverbeds of Southern Yemen
September 21, 2018 9:08 am ET

You ever had hope?
I mean... how naive are you?
All species die; ours too.

Extinction is good.
It is all God's perfect plan.
blah blah blah blah blah.
Haiku #59534, by
September 21, 2018 9:05 am ET

Did Allah tell you
To sew their vaginas shut?
Hell rises with you.
Haiku #59533, by informing yourself of the truth, you become no wiser
September 21, 2018 9:00 am ET

Nomadic faces:
Somali girls with no clits
Haiku #59532, by sewing it shut, the risk of later health concerns increases
September 21, 2018 8:36 am ET

United States of
brainwashed by MSN News,
Go to hell forthwith.
Haiku #59531, by ignoring His law, nations come under the wrath of Almighty God
September 21, 2018 8:27 am ET

There are some nations
that seem truly to be cursed.
Can you name any?
Haiku #59530, by titling the documentary "A Cursed Land", France 24 made me think of this sad reality.
September 21, 2018 8:22 am ET

South Sudan at war:
Cattle rustling, burning huts
Flies on corpses. God.
Haiku #59529, by watching documentaries, one loses the hope of progress for mankind
September 21, 2018 8:17 am ET

I'll start this one off.
Online poets' circle jerk.
SK can finish.

Let's get those pants down.
We got your back, vhs.
We believe in you.

And... stroke 1, 2, 3.
stroke 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3.
Uh, oh. That was fast.

How embarrassing.
Em bare ass ing... or something.
Now where's the Kleenex.
Haiku #59528, by df
September 21, 2018 7:45 am ET

Just go masturbate.
You'll feel better afterwards.
Beats writing haiku.
Haiku #59527, by df
September 21, 2018 7:38 am ET

Inherit the wind
A fortune of flatulance
Methane Millionaire

Write bestselling book
Sign autographs with fart stains!
Back End Billionaire
Haiku #59526, by Starkitten of On the run
September 21, 2018 2:33 am ET

i wish i were in
the frame of mind to actually
be funny right now
Haiku #59525, by vhs
September 20, 2018 11:40 pm ET

The sex was hot but
Always laying on the couch
Scratching his ink sack
Haiku #59524, by On the one hand it was good but on the other 7.....
September 20, 2018 11:22 pm ET

Y'know, I can't name
a single modern poet.
Quite comical, yes?
Haiku #59523, by
September 20, 2018 10:48 pm ET

Oh fucking hell no.
Tell me we're not back to this.
Cephalopod porn.

But considering
that haiku are Japanese,
I guess it makes sense.
Haiku #59522, by
September 20, 2018 10:44 pm ET

Good night vhs
Good night John Boy Walton's mole
Good night James Caan's face
Haiku #59521, by Nettikrats
September 20, 2018 10:44 pm ET

Good old Abel got
A pretty sweet deal - at rest
Under the water

Something something cryptosporidium
Haiku #59520, by Adam Ben Adam of nightly burnt offerings
September 20, 2018 10:41 pm ET

They gave Ecstasy
To octopi and didn't
Even invite me
Haiku #59519, by Sparklepony, MD
September 20, 2018 10:33 pm ET

i'm tired, i want to
write more haiku but I am
tired tonight from chats
Haiku #59518, by vhs of i wanted better results!
September 20, 2018 9:53 pm ET

Be on the Lookout!
Starkitten has escaped cage!
Huge Haiku Reward!
Haiku #59517, by Anonymous Poet
September 20, 2018 8:43 pm ET

Caress of night wind
A bitchslap to the senses
Kinky Excursion
Haiku #59516, by Starkitten of Kinky Pacific Northwest
September 20, 2018 4:37 pm ET

James and I will help
Hop in. We're driving to town
For notebook paper
Haiku #59515, by Starkitten Good Samaritan
September 20, 2018 4:34 pm ET

The carp-pool's surface
moved by murmurs of night wind...
Hey -- any beer left?
Haiku #59514, by the empty case of Kirin Asahi
September 20, 2018 3:59 pm ET

Found a better way
To keep him hobbled in bed
Just sat on his face
Haiku #59513, by Starkitten of The end of all Misery and Suffering
September 20, 2018 3:30 pm ET

Meow James meow Caan meow
Meow Starkitten meow love him
Meow James meow Caan meow
Haiku #59512, by Meow Starkitten meow
September 20, 2018 2:05 pm ET

My my, such rancor...
Such peeved ventings of Haiku:
Embittered poets.
Haiku #59511, by Anonymous Poet
September 20, 2018 12:07 pm ET

Tex-Mex, Chipotle
Diarrhetic poetry
All Trump's fault; who knew?
Haiku #59510, by the verse you write, I know you're a fan of our Triumphant President
September 20, 2018 10:58 am ET

So I often hear jokes about Taco Bell, Chipoltle and other Tex-Mex food giving people runs... I mean, maybe the bean fiber makes it all come out better, but I wouldn't call that diarrhea, would you? I mean, drinking 3rd world water can give you serious problems, but that's not what we're talking about. I think maybe these white bread and hamburger hillbilly motherfuckers need a serious bout of the runs to clean out their grease trap guts anyway. Fucking Trump supporters. But Trump doesn't need a supporter b/c his penis is too small. Har har har.
Haiku #59509, by
September 20, 2018 10:01 am ET

I find enjambment
to be quite offensive and

But to that I say,
"Enjamb your tongue up me arse!"
And your little dog...

Haiku #59508, by
September 20, 2018 9:53 am ET

what about that nazi
on rowan and matins laugh
in...very inter-

esting, but SCHTOOPID!
Haiku #59507, by vhs of by the way haiku has its purpose
September 20, 2018 9:01 am ET

Chipotle epics,
doing those girls doggy-style;
bold. But not Haiku!
Haiku #59506, by the way, this form of poetry is very strict. And stupid.
September 20, 2018 7:33 am ET

Blue waffle syrup.
Aunt Jemima free clinic.
I blame Uncle Ben.

He shouldn't have seen
Mrs. Butterworth side chick.
Fucking blue waffles.
Haiku #59505, by
September 20, 2018 6:58 am ET

The blossom fell down,
slowly spinning like a dance,
never to be fruit.
Haiku #59504, by
September 20, 2018 6:53 am ET

Danny's small penis
was no match for Jennifer's
gaping vagina.
Haiku #59503, by
September 20, 2018 6:50 am ET

Comparing her vagina to an over-stuffed Chipoltle burrito, Alex had the car door slammed in his face as his now ex-girlfriend peeled out and left him stranded in the hood. He made some new friends and took them over to his side of town to treat them to some Chipoltle, hand crafted beer, and white girls. The barista at the Insomnia all night coffee shop gave them all extra good blowjobs before they returned to the hood and Alex called up his girlfriend and made up with her, saying that his comparison was meant as a compliment because he likes eating Chipoltle burritos and he really wanted his car back. When she met him he bitch-smacked her and did her doggie style half the night and screwed her like a black man would. She loved it.
It had been a good day.
Haiku #59502, by
September 20, 2018 6:40 am ET

Let's have a party.
Paul Reubens for president!
A Playhouse Party.

By "party" I mean
a political party.
Chairy for VP.
Haiku #59501, by
September 20, 2018 6:30 am ET

This is no haiku.
But then what did you expect,
a huge vagina?!
Haiku #59500, by
September 20, 2018 6:21 am ET

Ex sister in law
Had ass skin grafted to face
I Called her Assface
Haiku #59499, by Makes sense
September 20, 2018 12:53 am ET

Sir David Schwimmer
Spanking the monkey on Friends
Thanks a lot, Marcel..
Haiku #59498, by Starkitten and Peter Gabriel of We like monkeying around
September 19, 2018 8:28 pm ET

Silly Starkitten
Don't you ever grow tired
Of biology?
Haiku #59497, by the banks of the Swanee banking cartel
September 19, 2018 8:28 pm ET

basically i want
to clone myself and spank the rear
ends of each gen z

sjw and burn
their syllubuses and force them
into boot camp for three

months...I am frustrated
thanks a fucking bunch Marcuse
Haiku #59496, by vhs
September 19, 2018 8:10 pm ET

Class Action Lawsuit
Cunt Muffler faulty product
Slippery when wet
Haiku #59495, by Starkitten & Starkitten Attorneys at Law
September 19, 2018 7:37 pm ET

Silence your horrible vagina!
I can hear it from the other
side of the world!
Haiku #59494, by df of My new job is a sales rep for Cunt Muffler LTD.
September 19, 2018 7:27 pm ET

Rugged Pioneers
Used Gran's cunt for a saddle
Made it way out west

Oh, but the horseflies?!
Solution to that popped up.
Grandpa's Fly Swatter
Haiku #59493, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Pioneer Museum
September 19, 2018 7:20 pm ET