Just go masturbate.
You'll feel better afterwards.
Beats writing haiku.

Inherit the wind
A fortune of flatulance
Methane Millionaire

Write bestselling book
Sign autographs with fart stains!
Back End Billionaire

i wish i were in
the frame of mind to actually
be funny right now

The sex was hot but
Always laying on the couch
Scratching his ink sack

Y'know, I can't name
a single modern poet.
Quite comical, yes?

Oh fucking hell no.
Tell me we're not back to this.
Cephalopod porn.

But considering
that haiku are Japanese,
I guess it makes sense.

Good night vhs
Good night John Boy Walton's mole
Good night James Caan's face

Good old Abel got
A pretty sweet deal - at rest
Under the water

Something something cryptosporidium

They gave Ecstasy
To octopi and didn't
Even invite me

i'm tired, i want to
write more haiku but I am
tired tonight from chats

Be on the Lookout!
Starkitten has escaped cage!
Huge Haiku Reward!

Caress of night wind
A bitchslap to the senses
Kinky Excursion

James and I will help
Hop in. We're driving to town
For notebook paper

The carp-pool's surface
moved by murmurs of night wind...
Hey -- any beer left?

Found a better way
To keep him hobbled in bed
Just sat on his face

Meow James meow Caan meow
Meow Starkitten meow love him
Meow James meow Caan meow

My my, such rancor...
Such peeved ventings of Haiku:
Embittered poets.

Tex-Mex, Chipotle
Diarrhetic poetry
All Trump's fault; who knew?

So I often hear jokes about Taco Bell, Chipoltle and other Tex-Mex food giving people runs... I mean, maybe the bean fiber makes it all come out better, but I wouldn't call that diarrhea, would you? I mean, drinking 3rd world water can give you serious problems, but that's not what we're talking about. I think maybe these white bread and hamburger hillbilly motherfuckers need a serious bout of the runs to clean out their grease trap guts anyway. Fucking Trump supporters. But Trump doesn't need a supporter b/c his penis is too small. Har har har.

I find enjambment
to be quite offensive and
inappropriate.

But to that I say,
"Enjamb your tongue up me arse!"
And your little dog...

too.

what about that nazi
on rowan and matins laugh
in...very inter-

esting, but SCHTOOPID!

Chipotle epics,
doing those girls doggy-style;
bold. But not Haiku!

Blue waffle syrup.
Aunt Jemima free clinic.
I blame Uncle Ben.

He shouldn't have seen
Mrs. Butterworth side chick.
Fucking blue waffles.

The blossom fell down,
slowly spinning like a dance,
never to be fruit.

Danny's small penis
was no match for Jennifer's
gaping vagina.

Comparing her vagina to an over-stuffed Chipoltle burrito, Alex had the car door slammed in his face as his now ex-girlfriend peeled out and left him stranded in the hood. He made some new friends and took them over to his side of town to treat them to some Chipoltle, hand crafted beer, and white girls. The barista at the Insomnia all night coffee shop gave them all extra good blowjobs before they returned to the hood and Alex called up his girlfriend and made up with her, saying that his comparison was meant as a compliment because he likes eating Chipoltle burritos and he really wanted his car back. When she met him he bitch-smacked her and did her doggie style half the night and screwed her like a black man would. She loved it.
It had been a good day.

Let's have a party.
Paul Reubens for president!
A Playhouse Party.

By "party" I mean
a political party.
Chairy for VP.

This is no haiku.
But then what did you expect,
a huge vagina?!

Ex sister in law
Had ass skin grafted to face
I Called her Assface

Sir David Schwimmer
Spanking the monkey on Friends
Thanks a lot, Marcel..

Silly Starkitten
Don't you ever grow tired
Of biology?

basically i want
to clone myself and spank the rear
ends of each gen z

sjw and burn
their syllubuses and force them
into boot camp for three

months...I am frustrated
thanks a fucking bunch Marcuse

Class Action Lawsuit
Cunt Muffler faulty product
Slippery when wet

Silence your horrible vagina!
I can hear it from the other
side of the world!

Rugged Pioneers
Used Gran's cunt for a saddle
Made it way out west

Oh, but the horseflies?!
Solution to that popped up.
Grandpa's Fly Swatter

Don't mind me staring
Admiring your geoduck
Pants zipper got stuck?

Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah
Shout out to The Jetson's fans
That means I Love You

He is the Walrus
Baculum Street Boyz are back!
They're bad to the bone!

Kaleidoscope Kunt
David Crosby's baculum
Psychedelic, man!!

Fi re counts as two
Jose Feliciano?
Jim Morrison?

More four-letter words!
Utterances of the Gods
(The Potty-mouth Gods)

Crushin' Illusion;
But they babble on about
Russian Collusion

That Starkitten. . . she
got a TV eye on me
just like Iggy said.

High as fire*
Frolicking atop The flame
Valerie Plame: lame

* 2 syllables in my "fi-re"

Had Enuresis
Refused to wear undies on set
Afraid of horses

Bad Haiku on the Prairie
Michael Landon: Commando
Hunk of burning love

This site's never clean.
For nearly twenty-two years.
Do not rock the boat.

Cunt biscuit cheese farts.
Rhino vomit pizza balls.
Dog penis necklace.

Have you yet pondered
the twats of our grandmothers
riding a saddle?

Maniacal Purr
All seeing cat eye on You!
Ceiling Cat on duty!!

Resolved: no more sleaze.
Haiku will be clean from here,
unlike Starkitten.