Compulsive Haiku:
Ephemeral poetry
Tossed into the void

Gynecologist
Face Plant. Tuna Casserole.
Worked straight through lunch

Hey, I jacked off, I don't know about the rest of you.... do we need to coordinate it? How about noon tomorrow, EST. Is that good for everyone?

Give me more info.
Write a creative by-line.
Then I'll know it's you!

If you're bored with porn.
Why not try a prostitute?
What is there to lose?

Well, yeah, there's money.
And you could get HIV.
It beats suicide.

Go on, blow some cash.
Go crazy, live a little.
You might just like her.

Read her your poems.
Show her bad haiku dot com.
Go on, we're waiting.

So . . . that circle jerk;
what happened to it, poets;
Did your muses leave?

What's the worse part about safe sex?
Stopping to click the mouse.
...And a sticky keyboard if you're not careful.

Do not waste your life.
Drive your car into a crowd.
Claim you were possessed.

Seek resolution
on Oprah or some talk show.
You will be famous.

That craving for porn;
say you don't ever get it
and I say you lie.

The Sabaeans or Sabeans (Arabic: اَلـسَّـبَـئِـيُّـون‎, as-Saba

i could off myself
in real life, no more porn or
haiku from me, so

i think ill stick around even though i feel
bad today ive menial work to do

The Queen of Sheba
must have had a clitoris.
Or was she Muslim?

You ever had hope?
I mean... how naive are you?
All species die; ours too.

Extinction is good.
It is all God's perfect plan.
blah blah blah blah blah.

Did Allah tell you
To sew their vaginas shut?
Hell rises with you.

Nomadic faces:
Somali girls with no clits
infibulated

United States of
brainwashed by MSN News,
Go to hell forthwith.

There are some nations
that seem truly to be cursed.
Can you name any?

South Sudan at war:
Cattle rustling, burning huts
Flies on corpses. God.

I'll start this one off.
Online poets' circle jerk.
SK can finish.

Let's get those pants down.
We got your back, vhs.
We believe in you.

And... stroke 1, 2, 3.
stroke 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3.
Uh, oh. That was fast.

How embarrassing.
Em bare ass ing... or something.
Now where's the Kleenex.

Just go masturbate.
You'll feel better afterwards.
Beats writing haiku.

Inherit the wind
A fortune of flatulance
Methane Millionaire

Write bestselling book
Sign autographs with fart stains!
Back End Billionaire

i wish i were in
the frame of mind to actually
be funny right now

The sex was hot but
Always laying on the couch
Scratching his ink sack

Y'know, I can't name
a single modern poet.
Quite comical, yes?

Oh fucking hell no.
Tell me we're not back to this.
Cephalopod porn.

But considering
that haiku are Japanese,
I guess it makes sense.

Good night vhs
Good night John Boy Walton's mole
Good night James Caan's face

Good old Abel got
A pretty sweet deal - at rest
Under the water

Something something cryptosporidium

They gave Ecstasy
To octopi and didn't
Even invite me

i'm tired, i want to
write more haiku but I am
tired tonight from chats

Be on the Lookout!
Starkitten has escaped cage!
Huge Haiku Reward!

Caress of night wind
A bitchslap to the senses
Kinky Excursion

James and I will help
Hop in. We're driving to town
For notebook paper

The carp-pool's surface
moved by murmurs of night wind...
Hey -- any beer left?

Found a better way
To keep him hobbled in bed
Just sat on his face

Meow James meow Caan meow
Meow Starkitten meow love him
Meow James meow Caan meow

My my, such rancor...
Such peeved ventings of Haiku:
Embittered poets.

Tex-Mex, Chipotle
Diarrhetic poetry
All Trump's fault; who knew?

So I often hear jokes about Taco Bell, Chipoltle and other Tex-Mex food giving people runs... I mean, maybe the bean fiber makes it all come out better, but I wouldn't call that diarrhea, would you? I mean, drinking 3rd world water can give you serious problems, but that's not what we're talking about. I think maybe these white bread and hamburger hillbilly motherfuckers need a serious bout of the runs to clean out their grease trap guts anyway. Fucking Trump supporters. But Trump doesn't need a supporter b/c his penis is too small. Har har har.

I find enjambment
to be quite offensive and
inappropriate.

But to that I say,
"Enjamb your tongue up me arse!"
And your little dog...

too.

what about that nazi
on rowan and matins laugh
in...very inter-

esting, but SCHTOOPID!

Chipotle epics,
doing those girls doggy-style;
bold. But not Haiku!

Blue waffle syrup.
Aunt Jemima free clinic.
I blame Uncle Ben.

He shouldn't have seen
Mrs. Butterworth side chick.
Fucking blue waffles.

The blossom fell down,
slowly spinning like a dance,
never to be fruit.

Danny's small penis
was no match for Jennifer's
gaping vagina.

Comparing her vagina to an over-stuffed Chipoltle burrito, Alex had the car door slammed in his face as his now ex-girlfriend peeled out and left him stranded in the hood. He made some new friends and took them over to his side of town to treat them to some Chipoltle, hand crafted beer, and white girls. The barista at the Insomnia all night coffee shop gave them all extra good blowjobs before they returned to the hood and Alex called up his girlfriend and made up with her, saying that his comparison was meant as a compliment because he likes eating Chipoltle burritos and he really wanted his car back. When she met him he bitch-smacked her and did her doggie style half the night and screwed her like a black man would. She loved it.
It had been a good day.

Let's have a party.
Paul Reubens for president!
A Playhouse Party.

By "party" I mean
a political party.
Chairy for VP.

This is no haiku.
But then what did you expect,
a huge vagina?!

Ex sister in law
Had ass skin grafted to face
I Called her Assface

Sir David Schwimmer
Spanking the monkey on Friends
Thanks a lot, Marcel..

Silly Starkitten
Don't you ever grow tired
Of biology?