Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
26 Years, 322 Days and 76717 Haiku later...

Compulsive Haiku:
Ephemeral poetry
Tossed into the void
Haiku # 59546, September 21, 2018 12:20 pm ET
by your reading this, I am assured of immortality
Face Plant. Tuna Casserole.
Worked straight through lunch
Haiku # 59545, September 21, 2018 12:18 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Very Slightly Used Vaginas
Hey, I jacked off, I don't know about the rest of you.... do we need to coordinate it? How about noon tomorrow, EST. Is that good for everyone?
Haiku # 59544, September 21, 2018 12:15 pm ET
by df
Give me more info.
Write a creative by-line.
Then I'll know it's you!
Haiku # 59543, September 21, 2018 12:15 pm ET
by Senryu Seppuku of Nagashima
If you're bored with porn.
Why not try a prostitute?
What is there to lose?

Well, yeah, there's money.
And you could get HIV.
It beats suicide.

Go on, blow some cash.
Go crazy, live a little.
You might just like her.

Read her your poems.
Show her bad haiku dot com.
Go on, we're waiting.
Haiku # 59542, September 21, 2018 12:14 pm ET
So . . . that circle jerk;
what happened to it, poets;
Did your muses leave?
Haiku # 59541, September 21, 2018 12:11 pm ET
by the time you realize you are full of shit, it is too late
What's the worse part about safe sex?
Stopping to click the mouse.
...And a sticky keyboard if you're not careful.
Haiku # 59540, September 21, 2018 12:09 pm ET
Do not waste your life.
Drive your car into a crowd.
Claim you were possessed.

Seek resolution
on Oprah or some talk show.
You will be famous.
Haiku # 59539, September 21, 2018 12:07 pm ET
That craving for porn;
say you don't ever get it
and I say you lie.
Haiku # 59538, September 21, 2018 9:17 am ET
by performing amateur gynecology, the love of porn is not diminished
The Sabaeans or Sabeans (Arabic: اَلـسَّـبَـئِـيُّـون‎, as-Saba
Haiku # 59537, September 21, 2018 9:14 am ET
by Wikipedia, which is full of conjecture
i could off myself
in real life, no more porn or
haiku from me, so

i think ill stick around even though i feel
bad today ive menial work to do
Haiku # 59536, September 21, 2018 9:11 am ET
by vhs of fuck it
The Queen of Sheba
must have had a clitoris.
Or was she Muslim?
Haiku # 59535, September 21, 2018 9:08 am ET
by the dry riverbeds of Southern Yemen
You ever had hope?
I mean... how naive are you?
All species die; ours too.

Extinction is good.
It is all God's perfect plan.
blah blah blah blah blah.
Haiku # 59534, September 21, 2018 9:05 am ET
Did Allah tell you
To sew their vaginas shut?
Hell rises with you.
Haiku # 59533, September 21, 2018 9:00 am ET
by informing yourself of the truth, you become no wiser
Nomadic faces:
Somali girls with no clits
Haiku # 59532, September 21, 2018 8:36 am ET
by sewing it shut, the risk of later health concerns increases
United States of
brainwashed by MSN News,
Go to hell forthwith.
Haiku # 59531, September 21, 2018 8:27 am ET
by ignoring His law, nations come under the wrath of Almighty God
There are some nations
that seem truly to be cursed.
Can you name any?
Haiku # 59530, September 21, 2018 8:22 am ET
by titling the documentary "A Cursed Land", France 24 made me think of this sad reality.
South Sudan at war:
Cattle rustling, burning huts
Flies on corpses. God.
Haiku # 59529, September 21, 2018 8:17 am ET
by watching documentaries, one loses the hope of progress for mankind
I'll start this one off.
Online poets' circle jerk.
SK can finish.

Let's get those pants down.
We got your back, vhs.
We believe in you.

And... stroke 1, 2, 3.
stroke 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3.
Uh, oh. That was fast.

How embarrassing.
Em bare ass ing... or something.
Now where's the Kleenex.
Haiku # 59528, September 21, 2018 7:45 am ET
by df
Just go masturbate.
You'll feel better afterwards.
Beats writing haiku.
Haiku # 59527, September 21, 2018 7:38 am ET
by df
Inherit the wind
A fortune of flatulance
Methane Millionaire

Write bestselling book
Sign autographs with fart stains!
Back End Billionaire
Haiku # 59526, September 21, 2018 2:33 am ET
by Starkitten of On the run
i wish i were in
the frame of mind to actually
be funny right now
Haiku # 59525, September 20, 2018 11:40 pm ET
by vhs
The sex was hot but
Always laying on the couch
Scratching his ink sack
Haiku # 59524, September 20, 2018 11:22 pm ET
by On the one hand it was good but on the other 7.....
Y'know, I can't name
a single modern poet.
Quite comical, yes?
Haiku # 59523, September 20, 2018 10:48 pm ET
Oh fucking hell no.
Tell me we're not back to this.
Cephalopod porn.

But considering
that haiku are Japanese,
I guess it makes sense.
Haiku # 59522, September 20, 2018 10:44 pm ET
Good night vhs
Good night John Boy Walton's mole
Good night James Caan's face
Haiku # 59521, September 20, 2018 10:44 pm ET
by Nettikrats
Good old Abel got
A pretty sweet deal - at rest
Under the water

Something something cryptosporidium
Haiku # 59520, September 20, 2018 10:41 pm ET
by Adam Ben Adam of nightly burnt offerings
They gave Ecstasy
To octopi and didn't
Even invite me
Haiku # 59519, September 20, 2018 10:33 pm ET
by Sparklepony, MD
i'm tired, i want to
write more haiku but I am
tired tonight from chats
Haiku # 59518, September 20, 2018 9:53 pm ET
by vhs of i wanted better results!
Be on the Lookout!
Starkitten has escaped cage!
Huge Haiku Reward!
Haiku # 59517, September 20, 2018 8:43 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Caress of night wind
A bitchslap to the senses
Kinky Excursion
Haiku # 59516, September 20, 2018 4:37 pm ET
by Starkitten of Kinky Pacific Northwest
James and I will help
Hop in. We're driving to town
For notebook paper
Haiku # 59515, September 20, 2018 4:34 pm ET
by Starkitten Good Samaritan
The carp-pool's surface
moved by murmurs of night wind...
Hey -- any beer left?
Haiku # 59514, September 20, 2018 3:59 pm ET
by the empty case of Kirin Asahi
Found a better way
To keep him hobbled in bed
Just sat on his face
Haiku # 59513, September 20, 2018 3:30 pm ET
by Starkitten of The end of all Misery and Suffering
Meow James meow Caan meow
Meow Starkitten meow love him
Meow James meow Caan meow
Haiku # 59512, September 20, 2018 2:05 pm ET
by Meow Starkitten meow
My my, such rancor...
Such peeved ventings of Haiku:
Embittered poets.
Haiku # 59511, September 20, 2018 12:07 pm ET
by Anonymous Poet
Tex-Mex, Chipotle
Diarrhetic poetry
All Trump's fault; who knew?
Haiku # 59510, September 20, 2018 10:58 am ET
by the verse you write, I know you're a fan of our Triumphant President
So I often hear jokes about Taco Bell, Chipoltle and other Tex-Mex food giving people runs... I mean, maybe the bean fiber makes it all come out better, but I wouldn't call that diarrhea, would you? I mean, drinking 3rd world water can give you serious problems, but that's not what we're talking about. I think maybe these white bread and hamburger hillbilly motherfuckers need a serious bout of the runs to clean out their grease trap guts anyway. Fucking Trump supporters. But Trump doesn't need a supporter b/c his penis is too small. Har har har.
Haiku # 59509, September 20, 2018 10:01 am ET
I find enjambment
to be quite offensive and

But to that I say,
"Enjamb your tongue up me arse!"
And your little dog...

Haiku # 59508, September 20, 2018 9:53 am ET
what about that nazi
on rowan and matins laugh
in...very inter-

esting, but SCHTOOPID!
Haiku # 59507, September 20, 2018 9:01 am ET
by vhs of by the way haiku has its purpose
Chipotle epics,
doing those girls doggy-style;
bold. But not Haiku!
Haiku # 59506, September 20, 2018 7:33 am ET
by the way, this form of poetry is very strict. And stupid.
Blue waffle syrup.
Aunt Jemima free clinic.
I blame Uncle Ben.

He shouldn't have seen
Mrs. Butterworth side chick.
Fucking blue waffles.
Haiku # 59505, September 20, 2018 6:58 am ET
The blossom fell down,
slowly spinning like a dance,
never to be fruit.
Haiku # 59504, September 20, 2018 6:53 am ET
Danny's small penis
was no match for Jennifer's
gaping vagina.
Haiku # 59503, September 20, 2018 6:50 am ET
Comparing her vagina to an over-stuffed Chipoltle burrito, Alex had the car door slammed in his face as his now ex-girlfriend peeled out and left him stranded in the hood. He made some new friends and took them over to his side of town to treat them to some Chipoltle, hand crafted beer, and white girls. The barista at the Insomnia all night coffee shop gave them all extra good blowjobs before they returned to the hood and Alex called up his girlfriend and made up with her, saying that his comparison was meant as a compliment because he likes eating Chipoltle burritos and he really wanted his car back. When she met him he bitch-smacked her and did her doggie style half the night and screwed her like a black man would. She loved it.
It had been a good day.
Haiku # 59502, September 20, 2018 6:40 am ET
Let's have a party.
Paul Reubens for president!
A Playhouse Party.

By "party" I mean
a political party.
Chairy for VP.
Haiku # 59501, September 20, 2018 6:30 am ET
This is no haiku.
But then what did you expect,
a huge vagina?!
Haiku # 59500, September 20, 2018 6:21 am ET
Ex sister in law
Had ass skin grafted to face
I Called her Assface
Haiku # 59499, September 20, 2018 12:53 am ET
by Makes sense
Sir David Schwimmer
Spanking the monkey on Friends
Thanks a lot, Marcel..
Haiku # 59498, September 19, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by Starkitten and Peter Gabriel of We like monkeying around
Silly Starkitten
Don't you ever grow tired
Of biology?
Haiku # 59497, September 19, 2018 8:28 pm ET
by the banks of the Swanee banking cartel
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