Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
25 Years, 19 Days and 74079 Haikus later...

I must hypothesize that Don Hertzfeldt's spoon and banana were symbols of a penis and vagina. Though no one would typically eat a banana with a spoon unless the banana was in cereal or perhaps mashed into some kind of dessert but I have heard sex referred to as "mashing" that pussy, so maybe the mashed banana was referring to a vagina needing to be mashed by a large penis.

My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big. My spoon is too big.
You can feel the frustration of having a penis that is too large and no woman would want it.
But then along comes the giant walking banana.
I am a banana.
And everything is set right with the world. The giant walking banana can be mashed and eaten by the giant spoon. Or the enormous gaping snatch finally finds a penis worthy of its incredibly wide diameter.
Haiku # 59575, September 21, 2018 10:55 pm ET
by df
Our library card?
Why, yes. It's pink and quite hard
I'll check your pocket
Haiku # 59574, September 21, 2018 8:48 pm ET
by Starkitten Very helpful librarian
Starkitten Movie
Starring James Caannilingus
Cumming soon near you!
Haiku # 59573, September 21, 2018 8:43 pm ET
by Starkitten of Director's Chair
Once upon a squirt
Cunnilingus in a yurt
A bedtime haiku
Haiku # 59572, September 21, 2018 8:25 pm ET
by Starkitten of Library of Moisture
Sun has set here on
Bad Haiku - good night good night
Wake up less evil
Haiku # 59571, September 21, 2018 6:50 pm ET
by Sparklepony, MD
Gardening at night
Grab it by the stipe
Phallic Murshroom Hunt
Haiku # 59570, September 21, 2018 6:01 pm ET
by Starkitten
Babylon a FALL.
Babylon shall not prevail.
JAH Rasta soon come . . .
Haiku # 59569, September 21, 2018 5:59 pm ET
by the rivers of Babylon kiss my ass
When my Celia walks
your mama loses her shit.
Celia rules. You lose.
Haiku # 59568, September 21, 2018 5:52 pm ET
by forswearing the beauty of Celia, you seal your doom.
Forget libraries.
We're talking about rebirth.
Can't you just wake up?
Haiku # 59567, September 21, 2018 5:46 pm ET
by waking up, you increase the probability of a better future
Calling all bookworms
Do-Me Decimal System
Put to good use here
Haiku # 59566, September 21, 2018 5:34 pm ET
by Starkitten Extra Friendly Librarian of No Jacket or pants required
Alpha Centauri
Beta masquerading cuck
Cut his balls off. NOW.
Haiku # 59565, September 21, 2018 5:29 pm ET
by calling out the cucks, there is hope of national rebirth
Don't you dare touch my
Celia - or I'll have to
Dissolve your ego
Haiku # 59564, September 21, 2018 5:21 pm ET
by Fun Guy of Mush Room
Outstanding in field
The centaur of attention
Named to Hall of Oats
Haiku # 59563, September 21, 2018 5:14 pm ET
by Starkitten of Magic Gate
Slip it in your slot?
After all, it's overdue.
In library? Fine . . .
Haiku # 59562, September 21, 2018 4:31 pm ET
by the bated breath of a bibliophile
Wild horse meets tame horse
And notices the rider
Quite an expression
Haiku # 59561, September 21, 2018 4:26 pm ET
by Sign of Sagittarius
Hectic day again
Self employed Librarian
Try my new book slot
Haiku # 59560, September 21, 2018 4:24 pm ET
by Starkitten Order of Moist and Smiling Librarians of Cunnilingus Nook of the Pacific Northwest
Come on, walk right through
Starkitten expecting you
Law of Bad Haiku
Haiku # 59559, September 21, 2018 4:11 pm ET
by Starkitten
Hood of your car, Babe
Drive through a crowd. New Year's Eve.
Show them your Dick Clark
Haiku # 59558, September 21, 2018 2:45 pm ET
by Starkitten
Geriatric stunt
Spelunking in Grandma's Cunt
Fallen. Can't get up.
Haiku # 59557, September 21, 2018 2:10 pm ET
by Staritten of Retirement Home for Aged Haiku Poets
Punch the juke box,Fonz
Happy Days are here again!
Drive In Circle Jerk!!
Haiku # 59556, September 21, 2018 2:07 pm ET
by Starkitten
Ocean Getaway
Buried in sand. Head sticking out.
FREAKING LITTERBOX!!
Haiku # 59555, September 21, 2018 2:01 pm ET
by Starkitten and friends
Don't be embarrassed
Pull your pants down now, my friend
Best haiku is short
Haiku # 59554, September 21, 2018 1:55 pm ET
by CeilingCat of Look up when you're pulling taffy
Submit to me now.
Submit to my bad Haiku.
Go on. Just DO IT
Haiku # 59553, September 21, 2018 12:52 pm ET
by bytes of bituminous binging
Yeah, But HILLARY !
Come on, you know; Dame Clinton.
The one with that . . . thing.
Haiku # 59552, September 21, 2018 12:46 pm ET
by bybybybybybybybyby of bye bye
Pop'n Fresh cutie
Cornered him in the pantry
Hardcore Doughgasm
Haiku # 59551, September 21, 2018 12:39 pm ET
by Starkitten
Starkitten's moist book;
not sure I wanna read it.
Is it legible?
Haiku # 59550, September 21, 2018 12:32 pm ET
by by teasing librarians, we read more of what motivates them
By you reading this
Proof you had sex with him:
John Boy Walton's mole
Haiku # 59549, September 21, 2018 12:27 pm ET
by Earl Hamner of Walton's Mountain
Esteemed Starkitten:
Can you do another one
about Hillary?
Haiku # 59548, September 21, 2018 12:25 pm ET
by by Miss Amerikan Pie of One-World Technocracy
Slept through the orgy
Making up for lost time now
Bad Haikugasm
Haiku # 59547, September 21, 2018 12:23 pm ET
by Starkitten of Order of Mostly Moist Librarians
Compulsive Haiku:
Ephemeral poetry
Tossed into the void
Haiku # 59546, September 21, 2018 12:20 pm ET
by your reading this, I am assured of immortality
Gynecologist
Face Plant. Tuna Casserole.
Worked straight through lunch
Haiku # 59545, September 21, 2018 12:18 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Very Slightly Used Vaginas
Hey, I jacked off, I don't know about the rest of you.... do we need to coordinate it? How about noon tomorrow, EST. Is that good for everyone?
Haiku # 59544, September 21, 2018 12:15 pm ET
by df
Give me more info.
Write a creative by-line.
Then I'll know it's you!
Haiku # 59543, September 21, 2018 12:15 pm ET
by Senryu Seppuku of Nagashima
If you're bored with porn.
Why not try a prostitute?
What is there to lose?

Well, yeah, there's money.
And you could get HIV.
It beats suicide.

Go on, blow some cash.
Go crazy, live a little.
You might just like her.

Read her your poems.
Show her bad haiku dot com.
Go on, we're waiting.
Haiku # 59542, September 21, 2018 12:14 pm ET
by
So . . . that circle jerk;
what happened to it, poets;
Did your muses leave?
Haiku # 59541, September 21, 2018 12:11 pm ET
by the time you realize you are full of shit, it is too late
What's the worse part about safe sex?
Stopping to click the mouse.
...And a sticky keyboard if you're not careful.
Haiku # 59540, September 21, 2018 12:09 pm ET
by
Do not waste your life.
Drive your car into a crowd.
Claim you were possessed.

Seek resolution
on Oprah or some talk show.
You will be famous.
Haiku # 59539, September 21, 2018 12:07 pm ET
by
That craving for porn;
say you don't ever get it
and I say you lie.
Haiku # 59538, September 21, 2018 9:17 am ET
by performing amateur gynecology, the love of porn is not diminished
The Sabaeans or Sabeans (Arabic: اَلـسَّـبَـئِـيُّـون‎, as-Saba
Haiku # 59537, September 21, 2018 9:14 am ET
by Wikipedia, which is full of conjecture
i could off myself
in real life, no more porn or
haiku from me, so

i think ill stick around even though i feel
bad today ive menial work to do
Haiku # 59536, September 21, 2018 9:11 am ET
by vhs of fuck it
The Queen of Sheba
must have had a clitoris.
Or was she Muslim?
Haiku # 59535, September 21, 2018 9:08 am ET
by the dry riverbeds of Southern Yemen
You ever had hope?
I mean... how naive are you?
All species die; ours too.

Extinction is good.
It is all God's perfect plan.
blah blah blah blah blah.
Haiku # 59534, September 21, 2018 9:05 am ET
by
Did Allah tell you
To sew their vaginas shut?
Hell rises with you.
Haiku # 59533, September 21, 2018 9:00 am ET
by informing yourself of the truth, you become no wiser
Nomadic faces:
Somali girls with no clits
infibulated
Haiku # 59532, September 21, 2018 8:36 am ET
by sewing it shut, the risk of later health concerns increases
United States of
brainwashed by MSN News,
Go to hell forthwith.
Haiku # 59531, September 21, 2018 8:27 am ET
by ignoring His law, nations come under the wrath of Almighty God
There are some nations
that seem truly to be cursed.
Can you name any?
Haiku # 59530, September 21, 2018 8:22 am ET
by titling the documentary "A Cursed Land", France 24 made me think of this sad reality.
South Sudan at war:
Cattle rustling, burning huts
Flies on corpses. God.
Haiku # 59529, September 21, 2018 8:17 am ET
by watching documentaries, one loses the hope of progress for mankind
I'll start this one off.
Online poets' circle jerk.
SK can finish.

Let's get those pants down.
We got your back, vhs.
We believe in you.

And... stroke 1, 2, 3.
stroke 1, 2, 3; 1, 2, 3.
Uh, oh. That was fast.

How embarrassing.
Em bare ass ing... or something.
Now where's the Kleenex.
Haiku # 59528, September 21, 2018 7:45 am ET
by df
Just go masturbate.
You'll feel better afterwards.
Beats writing haiku.
Haiku # 59527, September 21, 2018 7:38 am ET
by df
Inherit the wind
A fortune of flatulance
Methane Millionaire

Write bestselling book
Sign autographs with fart stains!
Back End Billionaire
Haiku # 59526, September 21, 2018 2:33 am ET
by Starkitten of On the run
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