Drink instant coffee
Things I never thought I'd do
Nobel Prize: Haiku!!!!!!!

Starry Starry Night
Paint your penis blue and green
Where's the Vaseline?

Hairless Pink Haiku
Still wet. Glistens. Morning dew.
Was it good for you?

Thank Miley Cyrus
For letting me crash Bad Haiku
On her wrecking ball!!

Flew with Aer Lingus
Not as expected. Complained.
Upgrade to cockpit

His Name is Wuji
I know a cat in Burma
Are you familiar?

Annabella Lwin
you great Burmese prophetess
Sing! Bow wow wow wow

Fuck haiku. Kill it.
Leave corpse in the filthy mud.
Well . . . I was upset.

Buy a loaf of bread:
load banknotes in wheelbarrow
Sorry! Out of bread.

Hail Great ZIMBABWE !
Our mother and lioness;
Bread-basket of . . . wait--

In love with strangers...
GOD can make you fall in love
with total strangers.

No, no, not "Euro"--
UROgynecology!
You need to listen.

Starkitten laugh now
Hacking up giant hair ball
Haiku Tumbleweed

No one left standing?
You bitches thought you could write
Haiku. You dead now.

Trump is so punk-rock
(like Iggy and the Stooges)
He kicks Haiku's ass

Dear Alan Greenspan:
Your Trump Derangement Syndrome
leaves a nasty smell.

What do you get when
a poet takes way too much
laxative?... Haiku!

Sexy Starkitten ?
Fat balding hairy old man !
(online persona)

Hey! Too much poop-talk.
Starkitten rub off on you?
She bad example.

Pink Floyd at Pompeii
Virtue-signal to the gods
But music still rocks

Wipe your ass too fast:
You get shit on your fingers.
That's Satori (Zen)

Truth is, Haiku sucks
Lyrically, poetically...
Yeah. Haiku just sucks.

Reactionaries!
Traitors to Revolution!
More vodka please, dear.

Big Hollywood stars
Important ceremony
It's TONIGHT, I think . . .

Evening light falls west
Soft wind stirs the mountain grove
Oh no! Massive fart.

Haiku in the car
Haiku while in the bathroom
Haiku everywhere

Remember the time
Grandfather got all mixed up
Shit in the breadbox

Must be organic
Sprouted Pumpernickel Loaf?
Baked fresh each morning

We whipped our brassieres
High in leafless tree branches
The cackle of witches

I am.
You are not.
But this just might be.
I think no one knows for sure.
Here's the point where my dick falls off and I scream.
Holy Mother of God, what the fuck was that bullshit.
If you think about it, this is much better than any old haiku.
Fa-shizzle ma nizzle, not my nipple, snuffleupagus pot pie served hot.

Mary Lou Retton
Flexible Oompa Loompa
The spawn of Satan

Her ass dribbled like
the pro basketball team that
she just had sex with.

Pink Floyd at Pompeii.
Sacrifice virgins to gods.
But lava still flows.

Just don't kill yourself.
You'll burn in Hell forever!
And I'll be there too.

Rolling in feces.
Chef prepared roast beef dinner.
The dreams of all dogs.

The tip of your tongue
Haiku: Fun for everyone!
It's Funnilingus!

Have a bit of fun
Go up there like Balloon Boy
We'll call Wolf Blitzer

I used to do drugs
I still do
But I used to, too

Breath of a Salesman
A Cunnilingus salesman
At Fisherman's Wharf

I come here for fun
I have no immune system
Don't see anyone

I love all of you
And I love your Bad Haiku
Cunnilingus too!

i want to let it all go

Cunning Linguistics,
Cunning Linguistics, and more
Cunning Linguistics!

Leave now, vhs.
Give your Dell to charity.
Go wander the earth.

Write a large book.
Call it, "Haiku hurt my butt"
Learn to play guitar.

You can be famous.
Women, money, hard drugs, guns,
fast cars, and Jesus.

Got 2 turntables...
You're like a broken record
Akashic Record

Dang, you all so whack
I'm just like: this Haiku shit
Is for reelz, gnome sain?

Wait until Thursday
Thoreauback Thursday, my friend
Return to nature

there's an urge to walk
away from all of this and just
turn all of this off

John Boy Walton's mole
Won five Golden Globe Awards
Got laid all the time

Cleaned grandfather clock
I mean cleaned our Grandpa's cock
Polished Grandpa's knob

12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.