Bad Haiku
Horrible poetry for the digital age
27 Years, 255 Days and 77188 Haiku later...

Haiku in the car
Haiku while in the bathroom
Haiku everywhere
Haiku # 59442, September 18, 2018 8:36 am ET
by Haiku not tired of winning
Remember the time
Grandfather got all mixed up
Shit in the breadbox

Must be organic
Sprouted Pumpernickel Loaf?
Baked fresh each morning
Haiku # 59441, September 18, 2018 6:31 am ET
by Starkitten of House of the Rising Loaf
We whipped our brassieres
High in leafless tree branches
The cackle of witches
Haiku # 59440, September 18, 2018 6:07 am ET
by Switch Witch Bitch
I am.
You are not.
But this just might be.
I think no one knows for sure.
Here's the point where my dick falls off and I scream.
Holy Mother of God, what the fuck was that bullshit.
If you think about it, this is much better than any old haiku.
Fa-shizzle ma nizzle, not my nipple, snuffleupagus pot pie served hot.
Haiku # 59439, September 18, 2018 5:42 am ET
by df
Mary Lou Retton
Flexible Oompa Loompa
The spawn of Satan
Haiku # 59438, September 18, 2018 3:19 am ET
by Starkitten of Worldwide Haters of Retton, Reagan, and Reeboks
Her ass dribbled like
the pro basketball team that
she just had sex with.
Haiku # 59437, September 18, 2018 2:59 am ET
by df
Pink Floyd at Pompeii.
Sacrifice virgins to gods.
But lava still flows.
Haiku # 59436, September 18, 2018 2:53 am ET
by Anonymous Poet
Just don't kill yourself.
You'll burn in Hell forever!
And I'll be there too.
Haiku # 59435, September 18, 2018 2:47 am ET
by Darth Figpucker
Rolling in feces.
Chef prepared roast beef dinner.
The dreams of all dogs.
Haiku # 59434, September 18, 2018 12:03 am ET
by Starkitten
The tip of your tongue
Haiku: Fun for everyone!
It's Funnilingus!
Haiku # 59433, September 17, 2018 11:58 pm ET
by God
Have a bit of fun
Go up there like Balloon Boy
We'll call Wolf Blitzer
Haiku # 59432, September 17, 2018 10:53 pm ET
by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest Roving Reporter and John Boy Walton's mole Hindenburg episode cranking Led Zep
I used to do drugs
I still do
But I used to, too
Haiku # 59431, September 17, 2018 10:35 pm ET
by Ghost of Mitch of RIP
Breath of a Salesman
A Cunnilingus salesman
At Fisherman's Wharf
Haiku # 59430, September 17, 2018 10:25 pm ET
by Starkitten
I come here for fun
I have no immune system
Don't see anyone
Haiku # 59429, September 17, 2018 10:19 pm ET
by Starkitten of Plastic Travoltaless Bubble
I love all of you
And I love your Bad Haiku
Cunnilingus too!
Haiku # 59428, September 17, 2018 10:16 pm ET
by Starkitten
i want to let it all go
Haiku # 59427, September 17, 2018 10:05 pm ET
by vhs
Cunning Linguistics,
Cunning Linguistics, and more
Cunning Linguistics!
Haiku # 59426, September 17, 2018 9:59 pm ET
by Tsar Shittin'
Leave now, vhs.
Give your Dell to charity.
Go wander the earth.

Write a large book.
Call it, "Haiku hurt my butt"
Learn to play guitar.

You can be famous.
Women, money, hard drugs, guns,
fast cars, and Jesus.
Haiku # 59425, September 17, 2018 9:55 pm ET
by df of Just kidding, you know we love you!
Got 2 turntables...
You're like a broken record
Akashic Record
Haiku # 59424, September 17, 2018 9:48 pm ET
by Starkitten
Dang, you all so whack
I'm just like: this Haiku shit
Is for reelz, gnome sain?
Haiku # 59422, September 17, 2018 9:32 pm ET
by the Untouchable White Master of Ebonics
Wait until Thursday
Thoreauback Thursday, my friend
Return to nature
Haiku # 59421, September 17, 2018 9:08 pm ET
by Starkitten of Ten Penny Henry David Thoreaully enjoying himself
there's an urge to walk
away from all of this and just
turn all of this off
Haiku # 59420, September 17, 2018 8:57 pm ET
by vhs
John Boy Walton's mole
Won five Golden Globe Awards
Got laid all the time
Haiku # 59419, September 17, 2018 8:43 pm ET
by Starkitten of Walton's Mountain. John Boy Walton's mole's room
Cleaned grandfather clock
I mean cleaned our Grandpa's cock
Polished Grandpa's knob
Haiku # 59418, September 17, 2018 8:40 pm ET
by Starkitten of Walton's Mountain: The Lost Episodes
12For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Haiku # 59417, September 17, 2018 8:06 pm ET
by figures it's vhs
I've gotten so old
that I forgot how to count.
One, two, three, four... then?
Haiku # 59416, September 17, 2018 6:37 pm ET
by df
A cup of coffee.
A good bowel movement.
The morning's complete.
Haiku # 59415, September 17, 2018 6:34 pm ET
by Darth Figpucker, the Highly Inappropriate
Ordering pizza
Having it delivered here
Like Jeff Spicoli
Haiku # 59414, September 17, 2018 6:26 pm ET
by Starkitten of Fast Times at Pacific Northwest High
Furnace repair man
Should have married one. Oily smell!
Haiku # 59413, September 17, 2018 6:00 pm ET
by Starkitten
Wicked Whoopie Pies
Gooey frosting overload
Stephen King's jizzum
Haiku # 59412, September 17, 2018 12:36 pm ET
by Starkitten
Poopie Pants Supreme,
Master of All Toilet Bowls,
Clogger of Sewers!
Haiku # 59411, September 17, 2018 11:29 am ET
Not always, my man.
I wish she would go bye bye.
She's gotten so fat!
Haiku # 59410, September 17, 2018 11:28 am ET
Calling Starkitten:
Hey, how about something new
(like... talk about sex)
Haiku # 59409, September 17, 2018 11:10 am ET
by and by, the peace of pie in the sky
The Way Life Should Be ?
Yet more third-world immigrants;
Vacationland . . . not.
Haiku # 59408, September 17, 2018 11:06 am ET
by the way, I am aware of recent events in Lewiston
Need some more, more, MORE!
Gimme verses, got to score
Rushing, to the core.
Haiku # 59407, September 17, 2018 10:59 am ET
by Haiku is one hell of a drug
Pilipina bride
marry American man.
Get green card. Bye bye!
Haiku # 59406, September 17, 2018 10:56 am ET
by the wave-lapped shores of Paradise
TRUMP still our king.
Left try almost everything.
Now fat lady sing!
Haiku # 59405, September 17, 2018 10:50 am ET
by now you should beware the madness of the Progressive Mind
Them pale, fat Maine girls:
Locked up half year in wintuh.
Ayuh, finest kind . . .
Haiku # 59404, September 17, 2018 10:43 am ET
by Somewhere south of Skowhegan
That Downeast Maine charm:
Blackflies, beanos, snow . . .
It's still wicked good!
Haiku # 59403, September 17, 2018 10:37 am ET
by golly them flatlanduhs is full of their own piss and vineguh
Heaven, without you
would be no Heaven at all.
You better get SAVED !
Haiku # 59402, September 17, 2018 10:33 am ET
by the Glorious Gospel of our Lord and Savior
Twerking in grade school
has replaced mathematics,
writing, and drug use.

I miss shooting up
at kindergarten recess.
Ah, the good old days.

Now it's pole dancing
to pop music like strippers
and I want to puke.
Haiku # 59401, September 17, 2018 8:46 am ET
irony versus
blasphemy, do not tempt me
my cross, torn, rotted
Haiku # 59400, September 17, 2018 8:45 am ET
by vhs
That delicacy
Art Bell mentioned it on air
Coast to Coast program
Haiku # 59399, September 17, 2018 2:37 am ET
by Starkitten of I like cereal
From the Philippines.
Dog stew and chicken fetus.
Google "balut egg".

My wife's drunk brother
ate three of those on fine night.
Made me want to barf.

They eat it at night
so they won't have to see it.
Also they're drunk then.

Virgin prostitutes.
A land of hypocrisy.
Pride and pollution.
Haiku # 59398, September 17, 2018 1:51 am ET
Nana from Rockland
Starkitten from New England
Give me some fried clams
Haiku # 59397, September 16, 2018 9:41 pm ET
by Starkitten
I"m fine here you see
Maine you know Maine? That place
tell everyone else...

out out out!
Haiku # 59396, September 16, 2018 8:54 pm ET
by vhs of apple orchards and lobsters and blueberries
Okay, enough fun.
I have to get back to work.
But first I'll go Trump.
Haiku # 59395, September 16, 2018 8:37 pm ET
by rekcupgiF htraD of 9th Level of Hell. It's nice here. Fishing, nice cheese markets, fresh fruit, clean air. You'd like it here.
Schwan's man is so hot
His whole truckload defrosted
Showed him my haiku
Haiku # 59394, September 16, 2018 8:34 pm ET
by Starkitten
You think my spirit
cannot write a bad haiku?!
I am George Carlin!
Haiku # 59393, September 16, 2018 8:33 pm ET
by George Carlin's Spirit
When I poop I say,
"Time to take a Donald Trump."
But that insults poop.

Poop can make things grow.
Trump is just a parasite.
Financial tapeworm.
Haiku # 59392, September 16, 2018 8:31 pm ET
by Alan Greenspan
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