BAD HAIKU - Horrible poetry for the digital age
22 Years
279 Days
and
65603 Haikus
later...
Schwan's man is so hot
His whole truckload defrosted
Showed him my haiku
Haiku #59394, by Starkitten
September 16, 2018 8:34 pm ET

You think my spirit
cannot write a bad haiku?!
I am George Carlin!
Haiku #59393, by George Carlin's Spirit
September 16, 2018 8:33 pm ET

When I poop I say,
"Time to take a Donald Trump."
But that insults poop.

Poop can make things grow.
Trump is just a parasite.
Financial tapeworm.
Haiku #59392, by Alan Greenspan
September 16, 2018 8:31 pm ET

carlin is dead...kay
i saw him in 1995
but he's dead now kay
Haiku #59391, by vhs
September 16, 2018 8:28 pm ET

Cunt shit motherfuck.
Titty ass cock-sucker bitch.
Twat balls Donald Trump.
Haiku #59390, by George Carlin
September 16, 2018 8:23 pm ET

Fuel up. Breakfast shake
High fructose goon syrup
Soar like an eagle!

Aerobic Dancing
Breakdancing on old cardboard!
Bustin' all my moves
Haiku #59389, by Starkitten of Killing it
September 16, 2018 2:04 pm ET

They never tell you
The meat was squirrel or possum
Til dessert arrives
Haiku #59388, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 10:49 pm ET

Fall. Leaves underfoot
Hello dog mess my old friend
Stepped in you again
Haiku #59387, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 10:43 pm ET

Wrinkled Grandfather
Whittling on the front porch
New dildo for Gran

Wilfred Brimleyesque
Werther's candy in pockets
Sticky. Fossilized.
Haiku #59386, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 10:32 pm ET

Leaves crunch underfoot
Bear defecating in woods.
Old question answered
Haiku #59385, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 10:28 pm ET

Cover in silence
Gliding leaf brings joy once more
Mountains reach sudden
Haiku #59384, by MONARCH
September 15, 2018 10:06 pm ET

I think after all
is said and done whatever
we do we're all fucked...
Haiku #59383, by vhs of but live while you still got the gift of life
September 15, 2018 9:06 pm ET

Ass candles galore
Illuminating nada
coal black hole prevails
Haiku #59382, by Lush
September 15, 2018 8:21 pm ET

Can of pink salmon
They kept it as a house pet
At least three decades
Haiku #59381, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 7:24 pm ET

I show up on time
Nose to the haiku grindstone
Big promotion soon
Haiku #59380, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 7:16 pm ET

just play dark side of
the moon while watching said hated
films, fun for all

munchkin suicides
illuminati symbols
and melting witches
Haiku #59379, by vhs
September 15, 2018 5:51 pm ET

Barry Manilow
Can't smile without you, Dude
Turn frown upside down
Haiku #59378, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 2:54 pm ET

Just for the record
I hate The Wizard of Oz
Thank you for your time

I
Haiku #59377, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 1:08 pm ET

i wonder if i
make darth say his name backwards
he goes back to the

fifth dimension for
5 months like that little guy
from the superman
comics
Haiku #59376, by vhs of rewind...nah, so 1980s
September 15, 2018 9:09 am ET

Hey, hold out your arm
I'll give you a free tattoo
Make it: Bad Haiku
Haiku #59375, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 12:43 am ET

I wrote you a check
For one million Bad Haiku
The least I could do
Haiku #59374, by Starkitten
September 15, 2018 12:08 am ET

VHS, confess
You like Starkitten Haiku
Just a little bit
Haiku #59373, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 9:16 pm ET

The age old question
Which part of you is the dink?
I love Aliens!
Haiku #59372, by Starkitten of Pacific Northwest XXX Files
September 14, 2018 9:12 pm ET

Or meet a fun gal
Perhaps her yeast infection
Will raise your spirits
Haiku #59371, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 9:07 pm ET

Watch for bad mushroom
You might land on a "fungi"
With a bad disease
Haiku #59370, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 9:04 pm ET

Try nude somersaults
In your front yard or a park
Careful after dark
Haiku #59369, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 9:03 pm ET

Yes, Cunnilingus.
Mathematician in the house?
Calories burned/hour
Haiku #59368, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 9:00 pm ET

Fuck Sylvia Plath.
Dig up her bones and fuck them.
Put one up your ass.
Haiku #59367, by Darth Figpucker
September 14, 2018 8:58 pm ET

I would like to lose
about thirty pounds or more
to run marathons.
Haiku #59366, by
September 14, 2018 8:56 pm ET

mmhmm, i don't think
she had that great a deal for
a husband right there
Haiku #59365, by Goku! of the why for sylvia plath
September 14, 2018 8:50 pm ET

Counting syllables
is for samurai who wished
they were bookkeepers.
Haiku #59364, by Darth Figpucker
September 14, 2018 8:42 pm ET

Well, it's obvious
that Starkitten's obsession
is cunnilingus.

Cat that eats pussy.
Surely cannibalism.
But which one comes first?

Simultaneous
cannibalistic feline
ejaculation.
Haiku #59363, by
September 14, 2018 8:38 pm ET

A happy ending
If his name had been Ted Huge
Some Cunning Linguist
Haiku #59362, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 8:34 pm ET

Head in the oven,
Tortured, sefish, bad free verse.
Behold Plath: success !
Haiku #59361, by this time , I'm so sick of modernist poetry
September 14, 2018 7:40 pm ET

Previewing Haiku
Like admiring a fresh turd
Before you flush it
Haiku #59360, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 6:45 pm ET

Please make this happen
Bono Vox and Cher team up
Sing I got You Babe

Kind of a klutz too
Wiped out on bike. Central Park.
Not sure if he skis
Haiku #59359, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 4:32 pm ET

Your private juices
Just a dab behind your ear
That will do the trick
Haiku #59358, by Anonymous Poet of Starkitten
September 14, 2018 2:31 pm ET

Head in the oven.
Taken from behind, again!
Can't get housework done!!
Haiku #59357, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 2:25 pm ET

Fantasy Island
Blind man with no sense of smell
He's perfect for you
Haiku #59356, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 2:23 pm ET

A witchy cauldron
Cunnilingus Corn Maze. Run!
You will burn in Hell!
Haiku #59355, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 2:18 pm ET

Equine Jenga Game
Tower of Copulation
Looks like a hot mess!
Haiku #59354, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 2:16 pm ET

Now watch me neigh neigh
New Horseshoes! Clip Clop Clip Clop!
Road apples for you
Haiku #59353, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 2:09 pm ET

With the new enhanced neurons that Elon Musk is inventing kangaroos can be programmed to deliver packages in their pouches. Look out UPS, FedEx, and USPS!
Doesn't "Elon Musk" sound like a trashy perfume name?
I'm not a robot... yet. But perhaps soon... perhaps.
Haiku #59352, by
September 14, 2018 1:25 pm ET

I will never stop
Tap dancing on your sidewalk
Schizophrenic bitch!
Haiku #59351, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 12:01 pm ET

Northern Exposure
The Farmers Market pervert
Cucumber in hand
Haiku #59350, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 12:00 pm ET

Grey Sky Festival
Fresh Haiku bubbling up
Straight from my gizzards
Haiku #59349, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 11:57 am ET

Stuck in the window
Like Magilla Gorilla
Just might go apeshit!
Haiku #59348, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 11:54 am ET

Tongues are wagging!
Ye Olde Cunnilingus Shoppe
The talk of the town
Haiku #59347, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 11:26 am ET

Rearranging things
Reversed your nose and penis
You're such a dickhead
Haiku #59346, by Starkitten
September 14, 2018 12:48 am ET

Downward facing dong
Hot Yoga happy ending
Pumpkin Spice Latte
Haiku #59345, by Starktten
September 14, 2018 12:39 am ET